


i have my moments

by AssumingMinds19



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Do-Over, F/F, Falling In Love, Feelings, Happy Ending, Holidays, Kid Fic, Light Angst, Love Confessions, Original Character(s), Second Chances, The Family Man AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-04-19
Packaged: 2019-10-10 04:33:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 96,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17419196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AssumingMinds19/pseuds/AssumingMinds19
Summary: Lena Luthor is at the top of her professional game with little time for anything else. Lena's lavish, fast-paced lifestyle drastically changes one snowy Christmas night when she unwittingly stumbles into the middle of a grocery store holdup and in a bold display of self-preservation disarms the gunman.The next morning she wakes up in a suburban Midvale bedroom lying next to Kara, her college sweetheart who she left in order to pursue her career, and to the horrifying discovery that her former life no longer exists.As she stumbles through this alternate suburban universe, Lena begins to feel strangely comfortable in this new role of loving wife and mother to two children. Lena finds herself at a crossroad, where she must choose between her high-powered career and the woman she loves.





	1. Thirteen Years Ago

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello readers, I'm back from my holidays and I'm back at the keyboard. All my regular fics are going to be updated ASAP, but I hope you enjoy this Family Man AU. Happy reading!

Lena’s leg bounced nervously as she sat on the hard excuse for a seat the airport waiting terminal had to offer. In her line of sight, the slow crawl of people entering through the security doors and onto customs moved slightly. Mothers hugged their daughters' goodbye and businessmen in expensive suits strolled through with all the ease that comes from repeated air travel. Once upon a time, Lena never would have imagined herself here, clutching an economy ticket to London while all her hopes and fears rattled around in her chest.

 

Her eyes drifted towards her blonde girlfriend, standing by the book rack in the duty-free shop before the customs gate, studiously trying to decide between two, probably overpriced, books in her hands. 

 

It made the brunette feel a pang of sadness, knowing that Kara was no doubt obsessing over the choice for the very same reason that Lena couldn’t take her eyes off the blonde’s back. They were terrified that in five minutes Lena would be boarding a plane for London, making this probably the last time they would see each other for a year, neither having enough money to even afford a to visit the other.

 

Time was, not so long ago, that Lena would have had the palm of the world in her hand and would have been able to afford to fly Kara out to see her every weekend if she chose to. Her families money ranking them as billionaires, she wouldn’t have needed to take this internship at Wayne Enterprises London office, but times change.

 

More specifically, Lena had been thoroughly disinherited and didn’t have a penny to her name. It didn’t matter anyway, considering the family name was in the toilet. Her once inflapable and stoic brother having gotten caught embezzling millions from their companies pension fund. The Luthor name meant little these days unless it was for shouting insults. But Lena had taken it one step further into her own personal hell, by daring to testify against Lex.

 

Lillian would never forgive her for that and had promptly thrown her out on her ass, leaving her with only the clothes on her back. The only thing she had left in her life was her drive, her goals and Kara. Her incredible girlfriend that she had fallen head over heels for the second they had first met in college. The girl who she could see spending the rest of her life with.

 

The same girl that deserved the best kind of life, the one Lena was going to give them both. Because even though she was knocked down in the mud, the brunette had never been more driven to take back and earn all the power she once had an taken for granted.

 

This time, on her own terms. 

 

She could do that, no matter what. For her, and for Kara. 

 

Her thoughts fizzled out when she saw her aforementioned girlfriend walking back towards her, clutching her chosen book. Lena mind stuttered for a moment, taking in the sight of the blonde in all her glory. Looking, as ever, like she had just rolled out of bed and thrown on whatever she could find on the floor. It was one of the things Lena had first falling in love with, Kara’s carefree and optimistic attitude which was at such stark contrast with Lena’s jaded one. 

 

And her smile.

 

Her laugh...

 

And for some insane reason that made no sense at all, Kara loved her back. 

 

“I got you a few necessities,” the blonde said, a vague wobble in her voice even as she tried to give the brunette a brave smile. 

 

Kara held out the book she had bought, Lena taking it gently and trying not to smile when she read the title.

 

“1984,” she chuckled, running her fingers over the paperback cover. “I thought you told me the fact that I liked this book was going to be the biggest hurdle in our relationship. At least it was until you barfed that yogurt down the inside of my car second quarter.”

 

The blonde winced at the memory, taking the seat beside Lena.

 

“Please don’t bring that up,” she murmured out, rubbing her chest. “I can still feel the burn….”  


 

A sad silence descended and Kara bit her lip before reaching out the covering Lena’s fingers, which were still tracing the raised words of the title.

 

“Besides, if you want to love some weird dystopian 'everything is going to hell' book, who am I to stop you? At the very least this way…. I’ll be a part of the memory… and your copy was a mess.”

 

Lena watched the crinkle formed from worry, appear between Kara’s eyes and was unable to take her eyes off it. Thoughts fading to blank white as she tried to string together some semblance of brain activity. Kara swallowed, before reaching into her lumpy and ratty tote bag that she carted everywhere, pulling out her busted up but a well-loved walkman, handing it to Lena to take.

 

The brunette held her hands up, eyes wide with shock.

 

“No way, Kara. I can’t accept this… this was the last present your parents gave you before they passed away!” Lena exclaimed.

 

Kara stoked a finger over it fondly, before pushing it on Lena once more.

 

“It’s ok, I want you to have it,” she whispered out, eyes shimmering slightly. “And I put a CD in it too… Each one of these songs will remind you of me in a slightly different way…”

 

Lena choked up at the genuine kindness and love that seemed to roll off Kara and wondered not for the millionth time how it was she got so lucky.

 

She swallowed the lump in her throat and took the walkman gingerly.

 

“All in one CD?” She asked with an attempt at cheer, through watery eyes.

 

Kara nodded, her own eyes mirroring Lena’s.

 

“I also put my top five N*Sync songs on there….” 

 

She trailed off, before looking sharply at Lena and leaning over to kiss her passionately. It took the brunette by surprise, but she was drawn into it like a starving man to food, only realised she actually needed to breathe once Kara broke it off. The blonde kept their foreheads pressed together, one of her hands curling up next to Lena’s cheek, tracing her ear and tucking her hair gently behind it.

 

“That was not officially the goodbye kiss. It was just an interim kiss…” Kara husked out, sounding like she was trying to convince herself more than anything that Lena leaving wasn’t about to happen.

 

Lena blinked at her, a hairsbreadth apart, before she pulled Kara close once more and kissed her again.

 

This time, it was broken by an airport announcement saying that some random flight had been delayed. Lena looked over once the words penetrated her foggy brain, noting the departure screen and the time, realising she didn’t have any left if she wanted to make it through customs and onto her flight. 

 

Lena swallowed, hard.

 

Kara sighed before they both stood to their feet. Lena shouldered her bag, carefully unzipping and placing the walkman and book inside, before taking her girlfriend’s hand and taking slow steps towards the point where the TSA agent was gatekeeping.

 

The blonde hesitated, before plastering an overly bright smile onto her face.

 

“You have your ticket?” She asked.

 

Lena nodded, looking down at it and the passport she held in her free hand. A pregnant silence descended, demanding to be filled with that unsaid things that they hadn’t talked about the entire time they had discussed Lena taking this internship.

 

That had all been about future’s and planning and dreams, not about sentimentality. 

 

Lena didn’t know how she would react if it occurred now when she was balancing on a knife’s edge of reason. Instead, she took a strong breath, before eyeing Kara firmly and cupping her cheek. 

 

“I’m not even gonna say it, Kara,” she whispered, lingering. “Then maybe it’ll be like I never left…”

 

The blonde didn’t reply, but Lena could see the resignation. Kara understood what this internship meant to Lena. A chance stop the fall from grace. A chance at redemption and an opportunity to regain control over her life and destiny, earning back everything she had lost ten-fold.

 

And newfound respect that was entirely her own. 

 

Nobody would ever be able to say she rode her family’s coattails to get her this. A path laid out before her, a future ahead of the perfect life she could create for herself and for Kara.

 

On that thought, Lena took one last look at her girlfriend before turning to head for the doors, fighting against a flood of tears.

 

She had only taken a few steps when she heard Kara call out behind her.

 

“Wait.”

 

Lena closed her eyes, pained and praying that Kara wouldn’t do what Lena thought she was going to do next. She turned around still, watching as her emotional girlfriend approached her.

 

“I have a bad feeling about this," the blonde said with wide eyes.

 

“About the plane? What do you think it’s gonna crash?” Lena asked. “Don’t say that…"

 

Kara shook her head, before seemingly mustering her resolve and giving Lena a fiery look that blazed in her blue eyes.

 

“I know we’ve talked about this a thousand times and we both agree that going to London is the right thing to do,” the blonde said lowly, reaching out to take Lena’s hand. “But in my heart... this feels wrong.”

 

Kara looked over at the line of people, churning through the door and all onto unknown journeys, before looking back into Lena’s eyes.

 

“Don’t go, Lena.”

 

“You mean don’t go at all?” The brunette asked. “What about my internship?

 

Kara shook her head, fraught. 

 

“Believe me, I know what an incredible opportunity this is for you-"

 

Lena cut her off.

 

“For us, Kara.”

 

The other woman nodded, clearly fighting back tears.

 

“Right, for us. But…I’m afraid that if you get on that plane…"

 

Lena felt a cold shudder or premonition roll down her spine, mirroring the uncertainty and fear, so unusual, that was dancing in Kara’s eyes.

 

“What?” She whispered out in question, searching Kara’s face for the words.

 

Her girlfriend kept staring at her, clearly looking for something too, but she couldn’t seem to get the words out to voice what she wanted either.

 

Instead, even though she seemed torn in two, she stepped back.

 

“Go. I’m sorry, you should just go…”

 

At that moment, Lena felt a surge of protectiveness over Kara at her words, a desire to throw everything away and just hold her love for as long as it could sustain her.

 

“No, you’re right. What are we doing?” Lena asked.

 

Kara gave her a firm look, before straightening the jacket on the brunette’s shoulders.

 

“We're being responsible,” she said with a sniff. “Go. Get on the plane.”

 

Lena’s momentary waver dissipated, reality crashing back, but she still watched Kara for half a second with worry.

 

The blonde noticed her stare and half pushed Lena away.

 

“Get the hell outta my sight. You bother me.”

 

Lena laughed at that, noting Kara’s now calm face and encouraging nod, but she still wasn’t convinced at its sincerity.

 

Still… she needed to do this and Lena knew that Kara had to know that too.

 

“Okay,” she said resolutely. “I'm going…”

 

Lena gave Kara one last tight hug, before looking at the crawling line once more while the blonde grasped the front of her shirt tightly.

 

“I can't seem to let go of you…”

 

Lena chuckled at the whispered confession.

 

“You hear me complaining about that?” She teased with an arched eyebrow, before sobering once she realised that Kara looked on the verge of collapsing.

 

“Look, we're at the airport and no one ever thinks clearly at the airport so we should just trust the decision we already made,” Lena said softly, but firmly. “You've been accepted to one of the best grad schools in the country, I've got this internship at Wayne Enterprises. We have a great plan, darling.”

 

Kara’s lip wobbled, but she got a wild look in her eye.

 

“You want to do something great, Lena?” She said with passion. “Let's flush the plan...start our lives right now, today...I don't know what this life's gonna look like but I do know it has both of us in it.And I choose us…”

 

She smiled broadly, excitement and joy growing in her face along with emotional tears. Lena was jolted by her words.

 

“The plan doesn't make us great, Lena,” Kara continued. “What we have together, that's what makes us great.”

 

Lena stared at Kara, the blonde’s words so strong and raw that they painted the picture in the brunette’s mind as clear as day. The words sunk into her mind, and then there was a long moment of heavy decision, Lena looking at the door, before back at Kara who was imploring her with her eyes. Finally, she pulled the blonde in for a deep kiss. Kara moaned into it, her body practically vibrating. The second they stopped, they both kept each other in a tight hug.

 

“I love you, Kara,” Lena whispered into the blonde’s ear.

 

The taller woman nuzzled her nose into the side of the brunette’s neck.

 

“I love you too.”

 

Lena bit her lip, before pulling back and taking Kara’s overjoyed face in her hands.

 

“...and a year in London's not gonna change that.”

 

Lena watched as the joy collapsed from Kara’s eyes and morphed into despair and heartbreak, but the brunette knew that she had to be the strong one at this moment.

 

For both of them.

 

She rubbed her thumbs over Kara’s cheeks.

 

“A hundred years couldn't change that…”

 

Lena held her tongue as the blonde’s tears began to fall down her face and she tightened her spine, giving Kara’s forehead a final kiss before turning pensively and walking towards the line and through the doors.

 

Determined not to turn or look back, for both their sakes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did we think? Let me know in the comments below, I love to read them and respond to them all.


	2. Lena the Businesswoman

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, a new chapter for you readers! Hope you enjoy :)

_Thirteen Years Later_

 

The penthouse apartment was huge and modern, with gleaming hardwood floors, delicate features and a panoramic view of the bay. The whole city looked like Christmas had omitted on it, but not a single holiday decoration sat inside the expensive and tastefully decorated home. Everything was meticulously maintained and of the highest quality. The kitchen appliances alone cost a small fortune, but only the coffee machine had been used.

 

A smattering of huge abstract art canvas’ lined the floor to ceiling white walls, following along the corridor and opening up to a massive master bedroom with a raised king sized bed sitting in the centre of the obsessively neat room.

 

Lena shifted underneath her satin sheets contentedly, blinking open her eyes as the filter of light cascaded through the windows and onto her face, warming her awake. She opened her eyes slowly, watching the dart of movement at the bare shoulders of a black-haired woman, wrapped in a towel.

 

The green-eyed businesswoman sat up slowly, watching the woman’s movement with a sly grin as her eyes traced the curves slightly hidden by the towel.

 

The woman turned to face her, seeming to sense her eyes, holding a toothbrush.

 

“I hope you don't mind,” the woman husked out, a voice that sent a spike of pleasure in memory of last night through Lena’s mind. “There were like ten new ones in the cabinet.

 

She smiled coyly, and Lena amusedly realised that she didn’t even remember the woman’s name. Only, that they had met last night at a bar, had a fascinating conversation and proceeded to have marathon sex well into the small hours of the morning.

 

"It's not what you think,” Lena answered. “I lost a bet to a friend who helped take a toothpaste company public.”

 

The younger woman smiled, before dropping her toothbrush in the waste backed and walking towards the wing-backed armchair in the corner of the room, grabbing the sleek black dress draped over it. She dropped the towel and stepped into it, zipping it up slowly while Lena followed every movement. 

 

“Did you mean what you said about Tuscany?” The woman asked.

 

Lena recalled that she had whispered promises of things she would do to her in Italy with a spoonful of gelato in the New Year.

 

“Of course I did,” Lena replied, envisioning the sure to be fun trip already.

 

The other woman hummed, reading for her shoes.

“Last night was great…”

 

Lena gave her a smug grin, noticing the raised hickey she had left on the younger woman’s tanned shoulder.

 

“You are an amazing lover,” the brunette said in a happy voice. “You should be giving motivational seminars.”

 

The other woman laughed.

“Thanks. You're not bad yourself…”

 

Lena smiled, reaching for her gold inlaid watch on the nightstand, slipping it on and closing the clasp.

 

“I want to see you again,” she hummed out.

 

“I'd like that, too,” the woman answered.

 

Lena jutted her chin forward.

 

“Tonight.”

 

She let out a light scoff.

 

“It's Christmas Eve, Lena.”

 

The brunette shrugged.

 

“So I’ll pour egg nog over you.”

 

The other woman laughed once more, and Lena felt a curl of satisfaction in her chest.

 

“I have to go to my parent's house out in Midvale. Would you like to come?” She teased.

 

At the name of the sleepy town, Lena’s lip curled slightly. A long forgotten memory of visiting the boring place with Kara scrambled to the front of her mind, something she brushed off with ease.

 

“Midvale? You know what the traffic's gonna be like?” Lena said dryly, disdain dripping from her voice.

 

“I'm taking the train,” the woman replied, before walking towards Lena, leaning over her, pressing a kiss to her lips and letting her long hair hang over Lena’s chest before pulling away.

 

“Don't you have anywhere to go?”

 

Lena felt a ruffle of uncomfortableness but waved it off with a sultry smile as she grabbed at the retreating woman’s arm, tracing her fingers over it lightly enough for the hairs to raise in her wake.

 

“I've got plenty of places to go….” She purred out confidently.

 

The other woman rolled her eyes and laughed.

 

“Maybe I can try and sneak away some time tomorrow morning…” She answered instead, kissing her once more before pulling away.

 

“Okay?”

 

Lena shrugged casually.

 

“If it's something you feel strongly about.”

 

The other woman walked away and towards the door, opening it before turning back to face Lena.

 

“It was nice meeting you, Lena,” she said finally before the door closed behind her with a click.

 

Lena laughed and fell back on the bed.

 

Life was good.

 

* * *

 

A few minutes later, Lena had finished her first cup of coffee and walked over to her apartment’s surround sound system, pressing her selection for the day and feeling a wave of happiness as the penthouse began to hum with the sound of Bach. The keys to music making her come to life as she began to vibrate.

 

She went through the rest of her morning routine, the same every day, while the music swelled to full orchestra. She opened the door to her walk-in closet, which was the size of a small house, long rows of designer clothes and shoes, tailored gowns and a case of jewellery so expensive, Lena had a separate insurance policy for it alone. She could easily get lost in this space if the time warranted. 

Lena smiled, still humming along as she picked out what to wear, dressing in front of the mirror.

 

She was still playing the music over in her mind by the time she was ready for work and in the elevator, fingers playing an imaginary piano in the air as the level numbers descended. It was only when the elevator stopped at floor forty-two, that her humming subsided. The doors opened onto an immaculately dressed middle-aged woman, wearing sunglasses and smirking at Lena, clearly overhearing her.

 

Lena gave her a charming smile, and a nod as the woman stepped on.

 

“Ms Grant.”

 

The shorter blonde woman smirked at her.

 

“Hello, Lena. You don’t have to stop singing on my account,” she teased, giving her a side-eyed look.

 

The brunette grinned.

“It’s because I’m shy, Cat,” she answered, an injection of flirtation entering her voice. “So, when are you going to leave that media empire of yours, and run away with me?”

 

Cat gave her a sultry smile.

 

“You know you could never satisfy me the way it does…”

 

Lena held back an amused laugh. The doors opened to the lobby and Cat walked out ahead of her. The doorman held open the door for them both, nodding to the brunette and giving her a grin.

 

“Merry Christmas, Ms Luthor.”

 

“How’d you do this year, Hector?” She asked.

“About four grand,” the man replied. “And a bottle of twenty-five-year-old scotch from Mrs Johnson in 9D.I’m putting it all in commercial paper as you said.”

 

Lena clicked in response.

 

“Good, but just until the Euro falls.”

 

The man nodded his thanks, and the brunette entered out and onto the street, taking in a breath of air and staring up at the clear sky, satisfied.

 

Today was a good day.

 

It didn’t take long to roar herself to work in her Ferrari, an indulgence purchase that she had no regrets for, blasting Bach once more over the sound system. She screeched to a halt in front of a tall office building, the sign above the glass doors reading

‘Spheerical Industries.”

 

Lena had been head of mergers and acquisitions for the company for the past five years, having met Jack Spheer, the CEO, thirteen years ago while they were both working for Wayne Enterprises. Things had been so fast-paced and intense back then, but Jack and Lena had instantly clicked. The bearded man had wanted to branch away from his father’s shadow and start his own company with Lena, but unfortunately, she didn’t have the capital. Still, it didn't deter her from working her way up to be one of the highest paid Presidents in the country.

 

Originally, Lena had wanted to enter into a more science-based role with her career. At least, that was always the plan back when Luthor Corp existed, but losing everything she had changed her priorities and it turned out she had a knack for arbitrage and hostile takeovers.

 

It shouldn’t make her feel as good as it did.

 

She had everything she had worked for in the palm of her hand and was now on the verge of the biggest deal of her career, and nothing and nobody was going to mess it up.

 

Lena stepped out of the car, throwing her keys at the nearby security guard.

 

Life was good.

 

* * *

 

Twelve hours into Lena’s strategy meeting with her team, people were looking a bit worse for wear. All her executives were sitting around the huge oak table, littered with coffee cups and lunch waste. At the end of the table, sat Eve Teschmacher with a faraway look in her eyes, enough to make Lena grit her teeth.

 

She clicked over to her next stock chart, displaying the figures of the company they were brokering a merger with.

 

“If Queen Consolidated’s shares sink any lower than…”

 

She clicked again.

 

“... forty-three, we're in trouble with the stock valuation.So for god's sake watch what you say to the girls you chat up at the bar tonight.”

 

A ripple of laughter rocked the table, everyone except Eve who was still sitting, looking lost and poking a small gold cherub dangling from a small, plastic Christmas tree that was relaxing as decoration in the middle of the table.

 

Lena began to saunter towards Eve, continuing to speak as the younger woman failed to notice her.

 

“...we still have almost a full day of trading before zero hours, and I don't want any trouble…”

 

Lena trailed off, standing next to the distracted woman’s shoulder.

 

“...penny for your thoughts, Eve?”

 

The other woman looked up with a start, the bauble violently swinging as she gave Lena a mortified look.

 

“Sorry, Lena,” she mumbled out, shuffling papers aimlessly. “I told Dan and the kids I'd be home by dinner.You know, it being Christmas Eve and all.”

 

Lena bit her cheek and nodded pensively.

 

“Oh, is that tonight?”

 

A laugh rippled around the group, and Lena held her hands behind her back.

 

“You think I like being here on Christmas Eve?” She asked the younger woman.

 

The woman laughed nervously.

 

“I don't know.Maybe?”

 

There was another laugh, and even Lena participated this time, giving the woman a conceding nod.

 

“Okay, maybe I do have a touch of tunnel vision this holiday season,” she admitted, her tone becoming slightly steely and her eyes flinty. “But in two days we’re going to announce one of the largest mergers in U.S. corporate history.One hundred and forty billion dollars.”

 

She tapped the hard copy stop charts in front of her, basking in the glory and her voice turned hard.

 

“When this kind of deal turns up, you get on, and you ride it `till it's over. You don’t ask it for a vacation.”

 

The room was becoming more energised, but Eve seemed to deflate slightly in her seat.

 

“December twenty-sixth,” Lena continued. “After that, there'll be so much money floating around here it'll be like Christmas every day.”

 

She turned to speak directly to a blushing Eve, smiling.

 

“December twenty-sixth, people.If you'd like to celebrate that day, you all have my blessing.”

 

There were enthusiastic nods and words of agreement from the suits around the table.

 

“You're right, Lena,” Eve murmured. “I’m sorry.”

Lena huffed and pointed to her.

 

“I don't want you to be sorry; Eve, I want you to be excited.I want my gift to be the first one you open this year.You know why?”

 

The woman stuttered.

 

“Why Lena?”

 

The brunette grinned widely.

 

“Because my gift comes with ten zeroes at the end.”

 

There was a murmur of excitement in the room, and even Eve cracked a smile. Lena puts a hand on her shoulder.

 

“You’re right, I’m focused,” the blonde said firmly.

 

Lena felt a stab of satisfaction.

 

“Good woman.”

 

Today was a good day.

 

* * *

 

Later that night, when the conference room door opened the group of suits were met in a flurry of activity, hurrying home and being met by assistants handing them messages.

 

Lena was the last one out, met in her stride by her assistant Jess, tapping away on her smart pad, before handing it to Lena. The brunette took it in her stride, looking over the numbers as the pair strode down the corridor.

 

“Only eight thirty?” Jess asked with a tease. “What's the matter, had some last minute shopping to do?”

 

Lena had worked with Jess long enough to tolerate the efficient woman’s poking jabs and sarcastic mentions of Lena’s total lack of a life outside of her job. At this point, Jess was the closest thing she had to a best friend.

 

“This holiday's about giving, Jess,” she said smugly. “And I’m giving everything I've got to this deal, so in a way, I'm more Christmassy than anyone.”

 

Jess grinned.

 

“You're my role model, Lena.”

 

They approached Lena’s corner office, her name a title stencilled on the glass. The brunette opened the door, looking out over the nighttime skyline. The office mimicked the style of her apartment, modern and expensive. High tech fixtures and a TV with the company logo rotating on it. A full bar, pristine white sofa and an entire wall painting she had bought for fifteen thousand dollars at an auction last year.

 

Lena walked towards her huge desk and sat down in her high ergonomic chair.

 

“Oh, and Oxford called,” Jess said.

 

“Ooh, my dress is ready,” Lena replied, ticking that off her list for the upcoming Mayor’s Ball she was attending.

 

She kept clicking through the messages Jess had typed down, halting with a start over the final name.

 

She reeled back in her chair.

 

“Kara Danvers…”

 

“Her assistant said you could call her at home after eight,” Jess replied oblivious to Lena’s sharp mood change and that the brunette was staring at the message like she had seen a ghost.

 

“Her assistant?” Lena said blankly.

 

Jess frowned at her.

“Yeah Lena, her assistant.”

 

A memory bubbled up to the front of Lena’s mind, the last phone call between her and the blonde woman bringing a sharp stab of pain to her chest.

 

“Kara Danvers was my girlfriend in college,” she said whimsically, lost. “I almost married her…”

 

Jess gave a hearty laugh.

 

“You? Married?” She said incredulously.

 

Lena snapped out of her thoughts, looking up at Jess with annoyance.

 

“Almost married. And almost took a lab job at Lord Industries."

 

Jess gave her a wide-eyed look, not believing a word.

 

“Excuse me?”

 

Lena explained.

 

“She didn't want me to go to London.We're standing at the airport saying goodbye, and she asked me to stay.”

 

Jess' face became thoughtful.

 

“So you left her? Just like that?”

 

The green-eyed woman leant back in her chair and sighed.

 

“God, no. I thought about it for practically the entire flight.”

 

Jess snorted.

 

“Stop Lena,” she said sarcastically. “I'm getting all weepy."

 

The brunette gave her a smarmy look, mood lightening even if her chest remained tight.

 

“I took the road less travelled, Jess.”

 

The assistant looked around the room.

 

“And look where it's led you,” she said happily, before reaching for the iPad and the desk phone. “I'm gonna get her on the phone.”

 

Lena watched as Jess started to dial the number, her mind drifting back to the first time her and Kara had first met. A party that Lena had been dragged to, only to escape and meet Kara on the front porch.

 

A meet-cute for the century.

 

Before Jess could dial the final number, Lena reached out and hung up the phone.

 

“No.”

 

Jess gave her an incredulous look.

 

“No?! You almost married this woman. Aren't you even curious what she wants?”

 

Lena grimaced, shaking her head.

 

“She's probably just having a fit of nostalgia,” she replied, more to herself than the Jess. “You know, lonely Christmas Eve, call the one that got away, that kind of thing.”

 

Jess rolled her eyes.

 

“Why call her back and mislead her?” Lena continued. “I’m telling you, it's ancient history.”

 

Before Jess could reply, Lena looked up as Jack Spheer, her boss, sauntered into the room and headed straight for the bar like he was always want to do.

 

“Eight forty-five on Christmas Eve and Lena Luthor is still at her desk. There's a Hallmark moment for you.”

 

Jack poured himself a tumbler of scotch and Lena twisted in her chair, grinning at the bearded man.

 

“Jack, I don't see you rushing home to trim the tree.”

 

The man laughed, taking a sip of his drink and moving to sit opposite her.

 

“That's because I'm a heartless bastard who only cares about money.”

 

Lena scoffed.

 

“And God love you for it.”

 

Jack took another sip of his drink.

 

“I just got a call from John Diggle,” the man said with an arched eyebrow. “Oliver Queen is nervous."

 

Lena smiled.

 

“That'll happen when you’re about to spend billions of dollars on some high tech aspirin,” she said with a laugh.

 

“Someone has to nurse him through this,” Jack said thoughtfully.

 

The green-eyed woman titled her head.

“Why are you staring at my breasts, Jack?”

 

The man glazed over the entendre and gave Lena a hard look.

 

“I need you, tiger.”

 

Lena nodded.

 

“Where is he?”

 

“Aspen.”

 

Lena paused for a beat, before making up her mind and turning to Jess.

 

“Call my mother.Tell her I won’t be able to make it for our obligatory yearly meeting tomorrow.”

 

Jack toasted his drink to Lena with a smile.

 

“You're a credit to capitalism, Lena.”

 

Lena nodded her thanks, before looking at the iPad, lost in thought for a second.

 

“Hey Jack, let me ask you a question. An old girlfriend calls you out of the blue on Christmas Eve, what do you do?”

The man gave her an amused look.

 

“You suddenly having trouble getting dates?”

 

Lena rolled her eyes.

 

“Not by a long shot.”

 

Jack let out a chuckle, before sobering some.

 

“Then leave it in the past. Old flames are like old tax returns. You keep them in the file cabinet for three years, and then you cut them loose.”

 

Jack shoot Jess a satisfied smile, before reaching over for the iPad and pressing delete on the message, throwing her hands up in the air triumphantly while her assistant rolled her eyes and began to walk out of the office.

 

“I'll leave from the office tomorrow afternoon,” Lena called after her. “Call the group. Schedule an emergency strategy session for noon.”

 

Jess nodded.

 

“That'll be a nice little holiday treat,” she hummed out.

 

Lena turned back to Jack, who was standing once more to pour her a drink.

 

Life was good.

 

* * *

 

A few hours later, Lena was the only one left in the office. She was typing away on her computer furiously, checking numbers and spreadsheets before leaning back with a sigh and rubbing her eyes. She checked her watch, noting that it was near midnight and stood to her feet.

 

Lena looked out the window, seeing the city in all its holiday glory and let out another sigh. She turned back to look at her office phone, wondering for a wild second what would have happened if she had let Jess call that number, before sighing and gazing back into the night.

 

A few minutes later, she was walking outside of the elevator and through the dead lobby, where the security guard was sitting and watching monitors.

 

The man looked up at the sound of her heels.

 

“Ms Luthor, why didn't you call down? I would've had Joe get your ride.”

 

Lena looked outside the front door to the calm and quiet street.

 

“I think I might walk tonight, Frank.”

 

The man nodded.

 

“Nice night for it. I'll have Louis send your car home.”

 

Lena nodded.

 

“Merry Christmas to you, ma’am.”

 

“Thanks. To you too,” Lena replied.

 

Lena put on a pair of soft leather gloves and headed out into the crisp night air. She walked away from the building, walking across the vast plaza, past the fountain and underneath the strung lights. After a few minutes a quiet, with a bounce in her step and looking through the closed shop windows, Lena spotted a twenty-four-hour deli opened across the street.

 

A memory this morning crossed her mind, thinking about how she might be spending Christmas alone again, but she could at least have a little more cheer.

 

She headed towards the store and walked into the brightly lit deli. A few customers scattered in the store. A college kid at the salad bar, a drunk looking department store Santa at the liquor display, a woman with a baby in an aisle and an agitated looking twenty-something, standing in front of the coffee machine and mumbling to himself.

 

“Oh yeah...yeah, yee-ah! She’s a certified winner...paper-thin but good as gold…”

 

Lena ignored the boy, turning to the middle-aged cashier standing behind the counter.

 

“Egg nog?” She asked.

 

The man pointed.

“Dairy case. Five dollars.”

 

Lena moved past him and towards the correct aisle, brushing past the agitated man.

 

“You do the lotto here…?” He mumbled out to the cashier. “`Cause I got me a winner…I know, I know, Lotto keeps the poor down... but not me…"

 

Lena grabbed a carton of egg nog, noticing out of the corner of her eye as the young man handed the cashier his ticket.

 

“…06...14...18...48...right there,” the young man said excitedly.“Four numbers…that's two hundred and thirty-eight dollars!”

 

He grinned excitedly.

 

“Merry Christmas and shit…"

 

The cashier didn’t even look at the ticket, taking in the twitching figure in front of him.

 

“The ticket’s bad,” he clipped out. “You drew in the lines with a pencil.”

 

Suddenly, the store seemed to fill with tension.

 

“What're you talkin' about?” The young man asked.

 

The cashier threw the ticket back.

 

“You drew in the lines with a pencil! I know about this!” He shouted angrily.

 

The woman with the baby looks up at the yell; the college kid shifted nervously. The drunken Santa, the bottle of bourbon in hand, started to walk past Lena and the brunette instinctively puts her arm out, holding the Santa back.

 

The young man shoved his ticket back, getting more and more agitated as his voice raised in pitch.

 

“What!? Look at the ticket! You didn’t even look!”

 

The cashier slammed his hand down on the bench.

 

“Get out, or I’m calling 911.”

 

The young man’s lip curled.

 

“You're looking at me; you’re not even looking at the ticket!”

 

The woman with the baby put the loaf of bread she was holding back on the shelf and started nervously inching toward the door.

 

“You leave now,” the cashier said firmly. “ And take your ticket somewhere else.”

He called out to the other customers.

 

“Next customer in line!”

 

Lena’s blood suddenly ran cold when the young man pulled a handgun out of his ratty jacket, pressing its barrel against the ticket and sliding it back towards the cashier.

 

“LOOK AT THE GODDAMN TICKET!”

 

The other customers all stood, terrified, and the cashier held up his hands in horror. The whole room seemed to stop breathing, and Lena had a moment of decision before the entire situation ended its tragedy.

 

She took a breath and began to walk forward slowly.

 

“Let me see that ticket,” she called out calmly.

 

The man turned to her angrily.

 

“Was I talking to you?!” He shouted menacingly.

 

Lena swallowed and looked around at all the other terrified people in the room, making a choice.

 

“Maybe I'll buy it from you,” she said in retort.

 

The man’s face contorted and he stepped into Lena’s space.

 

“Bitch with a two thousand dollar bag gets her ass kicked tryin' to be a hero. Film at eleven…”

 

The man tried off, eying the coffee machine with surprise.

 

“What?! Oh no, not another lookie-loo. You know how big a job this is?”

 

The patrons exchanged nervous glances, and Lena watched, confused.

 

“You're double booking me!” The man said to the machine angrily. “You're gonna get double billed! Shit!"

 

The man picked up a bottle of Perrier from the rack and threw it abasing a wall, shattering it. The baby in the woman’s arms began to cry and reeled back with terror.

 

“Hey, c’mon-“ Lena began, shutting up when in a flash the man aimed the gun his was holding in her face. The other woman in the store was starting to scream.

 

“Do you want to die?” The man asked, in Lena’s face.”

 

Lena stared at the barrel, lost for words and ears ringing.

 

“DO YOU WANNA DIE?!”

 

The brunette took a breath.

 

“No.”

 

The man tilted his head, almost staring into her soul with hard eyes as he smiled.

 

“Yes, you do.”

 

The words sent a shiver down her spine.

 

“Look,” she said slowly and with a heavy tongue. “I'm talking about a business deal here.I buy the ticket for two hundred, take it to a store where the guy behind the counter-“

 

She glared at the terrified cashier.

 

“-doesn’t have a death wish. I just made myself a quick thirty-eight dollars.”

 

The man’s eyes narrowed, but Lena continued.

 

“As I said, it's a business deal.”

 

The man watched her in total silence, his eyes flickering with something before he dropped the gun and stowed it in the back of his pants.

 

“Damn, you are the real thing,” he muttered, making Lena’s frown in confusion even as her heart started to slow.

 

The man grabbed his ticket off the counter and shrugged toward the door.

 

“C'mon, Lena, let's get outta here…”

 

He turned to look at the cashier.

 

“You were looking at me; you shoulda been looking at the ticket.That ticket was legit. You blew it. You're fake…”

 

He trailed off, before stomping out of the deli, Lena blinking around before she followed.

 

The pair walked down the street together, Lena baffled with shock at the turn the evening had taken and still holding the egg nog she had picked up. She rifled through her purse and counted out the two hundred dollars in exchange for the grubby ticket that she knew she would never cash anyway. Frankly, she was in far too much shock by what she had just done even to comprehend the movement of her feet.

 

“How'd you know my name was Lena?” She suddenly asked.

 

The man gave her a funny look.

 

“I call all you rich girls ‘Lena’.”

 

That made no sense, but the brunette nodded anyway.

 

The man gave her another amused look at her lack of response.

 

“You know you seem pretty relaxed for a person who just had a gun pulled on her.”

 

Lena swallowed once more, her confidence returning with every step.

 

“There's no way I was gonna die in that deli,” she answered, thinking about her merger. “Let's just say I've been on a lucky streak lately.”

 

The man suddenly let out a cackle of laughter.

 

“A lucky streak, huh?”

 

Lena nodded, adjusting her bag when they reached a corner.

 

“Sound pretty sure of yourself, don't you?” The man said with a raised eyebrow.

 

Lena shrugged and nodded.

  
“So you're telling me, you’ve got a gun to your head and you don't think for one second, what if this, what if that, maybe I shouldn't do this, I shoulda done that?” The man asked, incredulous.

 

Lena shrugged again.

 

“I don't do that. That's not for me.”

 

The man looked at her, seeming to decide something before turning to walk away.

 

“Okay, Lena. Nice doing business with you." 

 

Lena watched his movements, thinking for a second and deciding to push her luck.

 

“What do you want to carry that gun around for, anyway? You're just gonna do something you'll regret.”

 

The man, Adam, shook his head.

 

“You want to talk about regrets; you're talking to the wrong person.”

 

Lena pursed her lips, before opening her carton of egg nog and taking a long sip.

 

“I'm just saying that you seem like a smart guy. At a certain point, you're gonna do something, and then there's no turning back.”

 

Adam nodded along.

 

“Yeah, in most cases that'd be true.”

 

Lena took another sip.

 

“I mean there must be programs out there, opportunities-“

 

Adam cut her off with a deep laugh.

 

“Wait a minute, wait a minute... you're trying to save me?"

 

Lena gave him an unblinking look, and the man’s laugh continued.

 

“Oh man, you're serious…”

 

Adam looked out over the street.

 

“This woman thinks I need to be saved!” He called out.

 

Lena frowned.

 

“Everyone needs something.”

 

The man gave her a penetrating look.

 

“Yeah? What do you need?”

 

She blinked.

 

“Me?”

 

He shrugged.

 

“You just said everyone needs something.”

 

Lena scoffed.

 

“I've got everything I need.”

 

Both of Adam’s eyebrows raised.

 

“Wow. It must be great being you. You got it all.”

 

He smiled and shook his head.

 

“Look,” Lena persisted. “I'm not saying you'd be able to do it without some hard work-“

 

Adam cackled again.

 

“You still think this is about me, don't you?”

 

She nodded earnestly.

 

“Sure it's about you.But it’s about society, too.”

 

The man gave her a pitying look.

 

“Oh man, I'm gonna enjoy this one... Just remember, Lena, you did this. You brought this on yourself.”

 

And with that, Adam turned and left Lena alone on the street with her egg nog, staring after him with confusion and bafflement.

 

* * *

 

After Lena had finally arrived home, dropping her keys on the hallway table and taking off her gloves, still ruminating over the weird evening she had, but focusing on a new day tomorrow. She stepped out of her clothes on the way to her bed, looking out the window before falling on the mattress.

 

Despite the near death, she thought with a smile, today was a perfect day, and she had a feeling, tomorrow would be even better. Everything in her life was fantastic; everything was where it was supposed to be. She was one of the most successful businesswomen in the country; she had no ties holding her down. Women flocked to her bed, and she could fly in a dessert from Europe if she so chose.

 

She was living the most fantastic version of her life that she had fought hard and earned back every inch of what she had once lost.

 

On that thought, she fell fast asleep.

 

Tomorrow was going to be a great day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did we think? Let me know in the comments below, I love to read them and respond to them all.


	3. A Different Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello readers :) I hope you're all having a good day and week! Happy reading!

It was the scratchy feeling of the sheets that first tipped Lena off. Sleeping in her kingsized bed in her penthouse apartment was like sleeping inside a cloud-soft and gentle silk sheet, with zero friction and all the relaxation. 

 

But this morning, something was off. For one, the sheets smelled like some pseudo raspberry product. And secondly, there was a stable weight on the centre of her chest.

 

Lena frowned, confused by its presence and she opened her eyes. She groggily stared up at the ceiling, taking in the small spiderweb cracks and the way the paint was slowly starting to flake in the corners. 

 

That was very strange… and it wasn’t the same colour as her ceiling.

 

The brunette’s eyes flickered down to the weight on her chest, realising with a start that it was the weight of someone's head — a blonde woman with wavy hair, who looked to be completely asleep and snoring. Lena’s eyes widened as her heart started to pound in her chest, trying to remember if she had met a woman last night.

 

But all she could recall was walking home, the deli, the strange wild up and the young man with the lotto ticket and the gun… and she was then going home to sleep and not going to somebody else apartment.

 

Lena, still half asleep and more confused as every second passed, looked around the room, taking it all in. 

 

It was cramped and tiny, full a mismatched and what looked like second-hand furniture. Clothes and toys were strewn about, along with stacks of paper and a line of photographs that Lena couldn’t quite make out on the dresser. The curtains had a horrible pokadot pattern on them, and the picture window’s paint was the wrong colour for the walls. 

 

Just then, Lena turned to spot a vast white dog sitting faithfully beside the bed. It immediately began to wag it’s tail with loud thumps the second it noticed her eyes.

 

Lena’s eyes widened once more, wondering what the hell kind of woman she went home with last night. She looked back down at the head on her stomach, the other woman suddenly letting out a soft sigh that struck a familiar cord somewhere in the back of her mind.

 

She recognised that sound….

 

The woman’s head shifted, and Lena’s heart stopped. 

 

Kara Danvers…..

 

In her thirties now, the same as Lena, but looking even more beautiful than the brunette remembered. A look of utter contentment was on her radiant face as she slept soundly. 

  

She instinctively reached for her watch on the nightstand, but it wasn’t there — instead, a cheap-knock off thing that read 7.45. Lena looked back at Kara, rubbing her eyes and hoping that maybe this was all a dream.

 

But nothing changed, and the more she blinked, the more her heart began to race.

 

What the hell had she done last night? Had that Adam kid drugged her or something? She couldn’t remember…. And then she had somehow ended up in her college girlfriend's bed? Who, judging by the stare of her room, looked like she had been living pretty horribly for the past ten years.

 

Lena wasn’t able to summon any more thoughts when Kara suddenly began to stir, twisting her head and staring up at Lena through half-lidded eyes.

 

“Mmmm...ten more minutes, Lena,” she said groggily. “It’s Christmas.”

 

Lena felt like a cattle prod had been attached to the base of her spine at the sound of Kara’s voice. The smooth tone was making her brain fire at hearing Kara talk for the first time in nearly thirteen years.

 

Suddenly, the door bursts open and a young girl in a little nightgown walked into the room, carrying a baby in her arms and singing at the top of her lungs.

 

“Jingle bells, Santa smells, Rudolph laid an egg...la la la, la-la la la, la la la la la….”

 

Kara let out a soft groan and rolled away from Lena’s body.

 

“Never mind,” she half grumbled out.

The little girl placed the toddler on the bed and then jumped up herself. She gestured to the dog, patting the bed.

 

“You too, Krypto!”

 

The dog faithfully followed direction, hopping up on the tiny bed, joining everybody else, concaving the lumpy mattress further and leaving very little room. 

 

Lena’s mouth dropped upon at the shock of all this bizarre activity, but couldn’t utter a word. 

 

The little girl began to jump up and down on the bed, clearly excited and with a huge, toothy grin.

 

“Rise…and…shine!” She shouted out between each jump, which was slowly making Lena bounce out onto the floor.

 

“You’re jumping, sweetheart,” Kara murmured, sitting up slowly.

 

Lena looked at this activity like a woman at her funeral, terror slowly growing as words still escaped her at this surreal place.

 

“Mama, don’t you think we need to open the presents?” The little girl asked Kara, confirming Lena’s fears that she had somehow managed to stumble her way into the bed of her ex, who’s two kids seemed to have no compunction about strange women in the house.

 

Kara had fallen in life.

 

The blonde nodded, still half asleep, in response. 

 

“Mama needs five more minutes in la la land. That could be her present.”

 

Lena's head snapped downwards as she felt a set of chunky hand press onto her stomach. She watched in horror as the baby crawled up on top of her, looking at her with a gummy smile and laugh.

 

That’s when she heard it.

 

“C’mon, Mom. Get up!”

 

Lena’s eyes snapped back to the little girl.

 

She was talking to her, and she’d just called her ‘mom’.

 

The brunette had reached her limit with this crazy place. Did Kara’s kids call ever bed partner she had ‘mom’ too? Lena didn’t even want to know; she just wanted to get the hell out of here. Lena moved the baby gingerly off her, before easing her way out of the still bouncing bed and almost stumbling something lying on the floor. 

 

She looked down at it, frowning before her eyes widened in terror.

 

It was her walkman… or, Kara’s walkman…

 

The one she had locked away in her fireproof safe in her penthouse apartment.

 

Lena’s hands began to shake, and she looked down at herself, mortified to discover that she was naked and blushing furiously when she remembered the children on the bed. Quickly, she scrambled for the nearest clothes, pulling on an old pair of sweatpants and a disgustingly yellow jumper. Her eyes did a quick scan of the floor, but she couldn’t see anything that belonged to her.

 

What did she do, come here last night naked?

 

“Lena?”

 

Suddenly, Lena felt someone grab her hand, and she looked up with wide eyes to see Kara’s piercing blue ones locked on hers. The blonde’s hand pulled her near, and Lena braced herself for a scream. Surely somebody adult must be as freaked out by this as her.

 

“Strong coffee, okay?”

 

The hand let her go, and Lena began to back out of the room, taking in the last, burning sight of two kids, one dog, and a very ruffled Kara and letting it horrifyingly sink into her mind, before she fled as fast as possible.

 

She ran out of the room and raced down the creaking steps as fast as she could, taking in the sight of the garishly decorated Christmas tree in the middle of this messy and disorganised living room, a bevy of gifts underneath and four red stockings over the fireplace along with a damaged looking menorah. 

 

This whole place was sending Lena on a mind trip, where the hell was she?

 

Suddenly, Kara’s voice called out from above in the bedroom.

 

“Use an entire can if you have to!”

 

Lena looked back up the stairs in shock, before looking around the room frantically. By the door was a huge mixed and messy pile of shoes, half of which was for a child and the other for someone with a definite fascination with outdoor activities. Lena quickly grabbed a pair of sneakers, thanking above that they matched her size and began to pull them on immediately. 

 

She was just about to exit the house when she heard the sound of a key turning in the door. 

 

Lena thought she felt the beginning of a heart attack forming, utterly unsure of what she should do.

 

What if this was Kara’s spouse, coming home from a long trip and with a fascination for killing strange people who woke up in their wife’s bed? 

 

She didn’t have time to think further when the door opened and in walked, arms laden with gifts, an older couple with greying hair.

 

Lena blinked rapidly, as old memories resurfaced as she tried to place where she knew them from. That was when she recalled, the man spouting the bushy white moustache was Kara’s loud and large adoptive father. And the woman was his wife.

 

Lena had only met them twice, that she could recall, once when she had visited the dreary town of Midvale with Kara for Thanksgiving and the second time at graduation. Both times she remembered thinking that they were both very loud and happy people, who loved to talk all too much for Lena’s taste.

 

Still, she was glad she remember something about them. 

 

“Jeremiah? Eliza?” She asked, half concerned she remembered wrong.

 

The man suddenly reached out to give her a crushing hug, as best as he could with an armful of presents.

 

“Lena, don’t be getting all formal on me now! I’ve got some new chemicals in for us to have a play with later. Merry Christmas though!”

 

Lena spluttered when Eliza placed a fat kiss on her cheek. 

 

“Talk to him, Lena. Please,” the older woman all by demanded with a familiar smile. “One day a year away from garage lab. I don’t think that’s too much to ask. I don’t want to have six more weeks of burnt of eyebrows to deal with."

 

Jeremiah rolled his eyes.

 

“I heard that,” he answered, turning to face his wife. “This is who I am, woman! A mad scientist at heart.”

 

The man looked back at Lena and shot her a wink.

“Tell her, Lena! You’re the only one who gets me, for god’s sake!”

 

The brunette reached out suddenly at the words, holding the door before it could close on its own accord and trying to plot her escape from this Twilight Zone house where everyone seemed to think it was normal to have a stranger of over a decade be in the house randomly on Christmas Morning.

 

Eliza let out a tired sigh at her husband’s antics.

 

“I need some egg nog…”

 

Jeremiah clicked his tongue.

 

“‘Course you do. Hell, it’s almost 8 a.m.”

 

Leaving his wife, scowling at him, he turned to shout up the stairs. 

 

“Where are my two little Einsteins? Lori! Connor! Put your safety goggles on; Grandpa’s here!”

 

Lena blinked.

 

“Excuse me,” she muttered, before dashing out the door and into the sunlight.

 

She appeared to be in a suburb of some kind, a street lined with weatherboard and old houses that all looked to sit in a low-middle socioeconomic bracket.

 

Lena looked around the street frantically. 

 

“Where are you going, Lena?” She heard Eliza call out, before addressing her husband. 

 

“Where’s she going?

 

“Damned if I know,” the man answered.

 

Lena ran back into the house, her eyes wide.

 

“Where’s my car?! Where’s my Ferrari!?” She demanded, frantic.

 

They both gave her weird looks.

 

“What the hell are you talking about?” Jeremiah questioned, before looking at his wife.

 

“What’s she talking about?”

 

Lena had reached the end of her patience; she could feel the biggest migraine of her life coming on.

 

“Look, can I borrow your car?! I promise it’ll be returned!”

 

The man gave her an alarmed look.

 

“The Caddy? Why don’t you take your damn car!”

 

Eliza rolled her eyes.

 

“Oh just let her borrow your precious Cadillac, for god’s sake.”

 

Lena didn’t have time for this, and suddenly spotted a pair of keys hanging off the hook on the wall.

 

“She’s got a perfectly good mini-van sitting out there in the driveway!”

 

Lena didn’t even register his strange words, before grabbing the keys and darting back outside. She emerged from the house, running down the pathway and towards the old blue mini-van sitting in the driveway with the ‘My Ferrari Is In The Shop’ sticker on the bumper. Lena jumped in the car and roared off with a screech driving frantically while trying to get some bearing of where she was. Stupidly, she cursed herself when she realised she didn’t have any personal items on her. No purse, no keys, and no phone to help her find her way out of this insane rabbit warren of a suburb.

 

After what felt like a lifetime of aimless turning, Lena finally found her way onto a road with a sign.

 

‘Midvale Town Centre - 1 Mile.’

 

Lena’s eyes bugged.

 

What the hell was happening….

 

* * *

 

It took her twenty more minutes, roaring through the sleepy town of Midvale, but Lena finally found her way onto a highway heading towards National City.

 

After a two hour drive, in which the old van she was in rattled and jolted every step of the way, Lena finally let out a sigh of relief as she drew to a jolting halt outside of her apartment building. She left out quickly, sprinting toward the grand entrance where Hector stood firmly in front. Lena breathed a sigh of relief at the sight of the familiar man.

 

“Hector, thank god,” she murmured, moving to walk past but the doorman easily blocked her path. 

 

“Sorry, love. Entrance is for residents and guests only.”

 

Lena looked at him, indignant.

 

“What are you talking about?It’s me, Lena Luthor.Penthouse C.”

 

The man just stared at her, and her tension level rose.

 

“I put you into commercial paper!” She shouted out furiously.

 

The man arched his eyebrow.

 

“Uh-huh…"

 

Just then, Mrs Grant walked out of the door, Hector opening it for her.

 

Lena stepped forward, Hector blocking her with his arm.

 

“Cat Grant!”

 

The immaculately dressed woman frowned at her and looked over to the doorman.

 

“Who is this woman?”

 

Hector shrugged his shoulders.

 

Lena’s head felt like it was about to explode.

 

“You know me, Cat,” she said with pleading eyes. “You do. Lena Luthor. We’re on the co-op board together. We fought side by side for garbage disposals. Every morning we exchange quasi-sexual witty banter. Think!”

 

Cat didn’t respond verbally, her eyebrow just arching further and further above her glasses. 

 

Hector let out an annoyed huff.

 

“Should I call the cops?” He asked, reaching for his mobile. “I’m gonna call the cops.”

 

Lena gave Cat an imploring look, and suddenly the other woman held her hand up to halt the doorman in his actions.

 

“No.”

 

Lena let out a sigh of relief.

 

“Thank you, Cat. I know if I can sleep this off, I’ll be fine…”

 

The woman gave her a concerned look.

 

“And sleep you shall,” she said calmly. “Noblesse oblige is not dead. Not yet anyway...Come, let’s get you some help. Surely there must be a shelter somewhere in this city.”

 

At those words, Lena’s simmering temper snapped, and she let out a yell of rage.

 

“A shelter?!” She screamed out, voice livid. “I’m the richest woman in the building...I’ve got twice the square footage you have!”

 

Ms Grant shook her head at Lena, a look of pity on her face. Frustrated, Lena turned and ran back to the mini-van, determined to get to her office and file a complaint with her buildings manager, preferably getting Hector fired and finally being able to sleep in her bed. 

 

It didn’t take her too long to get there, pulling up across the street and getting out of the van. She ran across the empty plaza and toward the building entrance. Lena burst through the door, approaching the lobby desk where Frank the security guard sat.

 

He spotted her and blocked her way, and Lena felt incoming hyperventilation.

 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa...hold it right there,” the man stated.

 

Lena looked the man dead in the eye, searching for a sign of some remembrance.

 

“Frank. Where’s Eve Teschmacher? Is she here yet?”

 

She needed to speak with someone further up the totem pole. 

 

“Ms Teschmacher?” The guard responded, eyeing her carefully and letting out a laugh. “I don’t think so...building’s closed.You’ll have to come back tomorrow.”

 

Lena felt her throat constrict and she braced herself on the desk, taking an unsteady breath.

 

“Look, I don’t know what’s going on here, but I am President of Mergers and Acquisitions at this company,” she said slowly, willing the man to understand and remember.

 

The security guard looked frustrated.

 

“I don’t care who you are.It’s Christmas and like I told you the building is closed.”

 

Lena took a sharp series of breaths.

 

“Maybe you’re not hearing me,” she said, even slower. “I am Lena Luthor.”

 

The man didn’t blink, and Lena huffed, stalking towards the building directory and pointing.

 

“Right here. Lena Luthor, President-“

 

And then she saw it…’Eve Teschmacher - the PRESIDENT,’ listed

 

plain as day on the sign.

 

Lena looked at Frank, then back to the building directory.

 

A pitying look grew on the man’s face, and Lena began to back away slowly, face white as a sheet, before stumbling and fleeing out the door. 

 

Lena walked through the plaza like a zombie, her face registering nothing. She crossed the street, moving toward the mini-van and completely oblivious and lost.

 

What was she supposed to do now?

 

Suddenly there was a yell, a Ferrari stopping within inches of Lena’s torso. Her heart stuttered in her chest as a voice called out from the car. 

 

“Hey! Watch where you’re walking!”

 

Lena turned to see a driver low in the seat; she was unable to make out their face.

 

“You almost dented my four hundred thousand dollar car!”

 

Lena was still stunned by the events of the morning, but she recognised that voice, and she leant down lower trying to make out the face.

 

“That’s right! My new car’s worth more than your shitty house!”

 

At that, Lena’s voice widened in realisation, and she walked around to the passenger window so she could look inside.

 

“I feel like I did win the lottery!”

 

It was Adam from last night, dressed in an expensive suit and with slicked-back hair.

 

Siting in Lena’s car.

 

The man smirked at her and waved.

 

“Miss me, Lena?”

 

Her face became red with rage.

 

“That’s my car! You stole my car!”

 

The man laughed and shrugged.

 

“It’s a callable asset seized by the acquisition by-laws of your alt-fate contract.”

 

Lena gave him an incredulous look.

 

“What?!”

 

The man huffed, clearly annoyed at her lack of understanding, and gestured her forward.

 

“It’s my car now. Get in.”

 

Adam reached over and opened the passenger door, Lena hesitated at the sight.

 

“Look, I don’t make the rules, Lena,” he said by way of explanation. “This is how it works. Get in.”

 

Adam gave her a reassuring look and Lena took a deep breath before getting in and closing the door. Adam joyfully drove off in a burst of acceleration, Lena practically ending up in the back seat as he roared around a corner.

 

“Might wanna fasten your seat belt, Lena,” Adam said with a laugh.

 

Recovering, Lena let out a shout while her eyes began to tear up.

 

“What the hell is happening to me?”

 

Lena’s freak out was giving Adam a lot of joy, his smile growing with every minute of it.Adam handed Lena a paper bag.Lena and started breathing into it, trying to calm down somewhat.

 

“This kinda thing makes a lotta people throw up. I have seen it happen.So if you get the urge, do it out the window,” he said with a cackle, eyeing Lena up and down.

 

“I don’t want you marring this exquisite leather interior.”

 

Lena kept breathing into the bag, beginning to sob slowly. 

 

“Look, I don’t know what you’re getting so worked up about, you did this...you brought this on yourself,” he flatly said with no sympathy for Lena’s state.

 

She gave him a furious look.

 

“Brought what on a reassuring?!” She shouted out. “I didn’t do anything!”

 

The man rolled his eyes.

 

"No? C’mon, Lena...I’ve got everything I need, I don’t have regrets, that’s not for me... sound familiar?”

 

Lena's eyes felt like they were going to explode from her head, recalling the events of last night.

 

“You mean because you thought I was cocky I’m now on a permanent acid trip?!!”

 

Adam gets a laugh out of Lena’s screech.

 

“Everyone else in that store is a statue, and they see their lives passing in front of their eyes, but not you. You’re making a business deal…”

 

He tisked and shook his head.

 

“Give me my FUCKING LIFE BACK!” Lena screamed, enraged.

 

The man laughed.

 

“You? What about me? I’m working hard for you here, Lena.On Christmas too!Now you did a good thing last night, intervening that way. I was moved-“

 

Lena cut him off, the fire leaving her and replaced with more despair.

 

“Please. Just tell me what’s happening to me,” she begged. “In plain English. None of that mumbo jumbo.”

 

The man sighed, before giving her a hard look.

 

“It’s a glimpse, Lee.”

 

Her eyebrows hit her hairline.

 

“A glimpse? A glimpse of what!? What glimpse?!”

 

“Look. Eventually, everybody gets one...some of ‘em take a couple of seconds…”

 

He eyed Lena again, scrutinising.

 

“...some of ‘em take a lot longer…”

 

Her face contorted once more.

 

“I asked you a direct question! A glimpse of what?!”

 

The man took another sharp turn.

 

“Figure it out. You got plenty of time.”

 

Lena’s heart stopped in her chest, her face paling.

 

“How much time?” She questioned with horror.

 

“As long as it takes to figure it out.”

 

He eyed her again and smirked. 

 

“Which, in your case, could be considerable.”

 

Lena’s thoughts flashed. The images of her life seemed to be decaying around her and leaving her in this weird and horrible reality. Everything that she had worked so hard for was now slipping from her fingers.

 

“Look, I want my life back. Now, what’s it going to take?Wanna you talk business? Let’s talk business! How much money!”

 

Adam looked at Lena, relishing the moment it seemed before he flashed her a smile.

 

“Do I look like I need your money?” He asked. “It doesn’t work like that, and I can’t tell you why.”

 

Lena started to cry again.

 

“Why not?”

 

The man gave her an exasperated look.

 

“Because you got to figure it out for yourself.”

 

She felt like a nail was being hammered into her head.

 

“Figure it out? Figure what out?!”

 

Adam didn’t reply, and Lena let out a shout.

 

“That’s all I get? Silence?”

The young man took a deep breath, rolling his eyes.

 

“Look, Lena, in my experience the best way people deal with this is just to relax and breathe through it...let it come to you.”

 

Lena faced Adam, simmering with frustration.

 

“Look, I don’t have time for this right now,” she tried to explain. “I’m in the middle of a deal.”

 

Adam let out a roaring laugh at her words.

 

“Oh you’re working on a new deal now...did I mention that?”

 

Lens gritted her teeth.

 

“You know what? I’ve had it with you.I’ve had it with all of this shit-“

 

Her words were cut off by a screech as Adam slammed on the brakes, practically sending Lena flying through the windshield. She recovered and looked up to see that the car had stopped right next to the mini-van. 

 

Adam pulled out a small plastic bag and held it out to Lena.

 

“Here.”

 

Lena took it cautiously, looking inside and pulling out a bicycle bell with a confused expression.

 

“What’s this, a signal? Will you come whenever I ring it?” She asked.

 

Adam snorted.

 

“Do I look like I live in a bottle?”

 

He reached across her and opened the door before she could say another word.

 

She looked at him, then out to the street, completely lost.

 

“But what do I do?”

 

The man groaned.

 

“Look Lena I’m late. I’d love to help you out some more, but I gotta go handle my business.”

 

He waved for her to get out of the car.

 

“Happy trails.”

 

Lena looked out to the lonely street outside, then back to Adam.

 

“Hey, you did this to me, you can’t just leave me like this,” she begged him.

 

Adam looked at Lena, the desperation on her face and sighed.

 

“Fine. You want to know everything; I’ll tell you everything.But not here. Let’s get some air.”

 

Lena was still a little unsure, but she watched as Adam opened the driver side door.

 

“Thanks, man,” she said relieved.

 

Lena got out of the car, but before she could even turn around, Adam’s door slammed shut, and the car took off in a blast of horsepower leaving Lena alone. She stood, staring down the store and listening to the car vanishing. The wind began to whip up, and Lena looked down at the plastic bag in her hand and finally at the mini-van next to her.

 

A tear slipped down her cheek.

 

Today was a terrible day.

 

* * *

 

After twenty minutes of violent sobbing in the mini-van, Lena started to form a dimly lit plan in her mind. She had nowhere else to go apparently than the place she had fled from this morning. Nowhere else would take her, and she had no idea who the hell she was in this version of her life.

 

Looking down at her hands clenching the steering wheel, she noticed with a start the bright silver band, set with a small, but brightly shining emerald. She pulled it off quickly, as if it was burning her skin and stared down at it, nothing the inscription on the inner band.

 

‘Forever Mine, Kara.’

 

It fell from her fingers.

 

So it was true, her worst fears of this new reality realised. Somehow in this fucked up mess, she and Kara were married.

 

And living in Midvale.

 

With…. children.

 

Lena’s forehead dropped down to rest on the steering wheel as she let out a shuddering breath, the last of her tea drying on her cheeks as she tried to make some sense of this day.

 

Either this was an incredibly elaborate prank, though she couldn’t make heads or tails of why anyone would do this to her. Nobody she knew who hated her enough would’ve been able to do all they had done thus far, and it was far too elaborate to be conducted by someone like Eve. No, the only answer left was that this was somehow real. She had woken up in some parallel universe where she was a wife and mother.

 

I am living in Midvale, the most boring and unappealing small town in California. 

 

Lena felt a curdle of disgust and panic grow in her stomach at the very thought. 

 

Maybe she could run away? 

 

But where would she go? Lena didn’t know what sort of resources she had in this life or if she had anywhere to go. There must have been something that happened in her past… some choice that led her to stay with Kara in this version of reality. 

 

But she didn’t want to think about it anymore. Lena was tired and exhausted, and she needed to get her bearings. Find out exactly who she was and what was going on, and the only way she was going to do that was by investigating who exactly she was.

 

* * *

 

 

It took her hours to make the drive back to Midvale, driving under the speed limit and feeling like every metre was a slow march to her doom. 

 

Once she had finally made it back to the town, Lena spent a good deal of time struggling to find the house without a phone. She scrounged the address off the car's registration, squinting at street signs as she drove slowly down Christmas decorated streets. 

 

Eventually, she spotted a dark-haired thirty’s something woman carrying an armful of ripped wrapping paper towards the trash. Lena pulled up to the curb and rolled down the window. 

 

“Excuse me,” she asked. “Do you know where Morrison Street is?”

 

The woman looked up at the sound of her voice, letting out a loud laugh before turning to face a teenage girl who resembled her markedly who was raking leaves — a losing battle in the slowly picking up wind coming in from off the coast. 

“Ruby!” The woman cried. “I found Lena!"

 

* * *

 

 

A few minutes later, Lena followed the unnamed woman who seemed to know her into the small house, being led into the cheerily decorated home and towards the kitchen, all the while with the strange woman’s arm around her shoulder in what she supposed was an attempt at comfort.

 

The woman patted her gently on the back, before leaving her standing and making her way behind the kitchen counter, bustling about with a kettle.

 

“You look terrible,” the woman stated flatly.

 

Lena didn’t respond, instead just taking in the sight of the room with it’s cheap; catalogue bought furniture and walls lined with photos. Kitchy figurines and homemade jars of jam sat on the overflowing table and sitting on the kitchen bench was a stack of mail, many of which had ‘overdue’ stamps on them, all addressed to a woman named Samantha Arias, who Lena assumed was the woman currently making tea.

 

Something about the name twigged something in the back of her mind, but she could for the life of her place it.

 

“Truth is I expected you,” the woman continued, oblivious to Lena’s struggle. “Kara called before and asked if I knew where you were.”

 

Suddenly, Sam looked up and seemed to notice the brunette’s fascination with the room.

 

“I know, I moved the table into the corner. It’s throwing everybody off. Ruby thinks we should put it back the way we had before, but what do you think?”

 

Lena blinked. 

 

“Great room,” she mumbled out with a nod.

 

A satisfied smile grew on Sam’s face. Lena’s approval meant something to her.

 

“You and me, hun,” she answered. “We know how to live.”

 

Sam shepherded Lena onto a counter stool and poured a cup of steaming tea, into a ceramic mug with faded letters reading ‘Number One Mom.’ 

 

Lena nursed it cautiously, and the other woman looked at her with concern.

 

“So Lena, you okay?”

 

The brunette didn’t respond; her eyes were drawn to a softball team photo on the counter. Lena and Sam kissing a considerable trophy with the caption, ‘Midvale, C.A. Softball League Champs, 2014.’

 

Lena’s eyes bugged out in her head at the sight. Sam and she knew each other, but in what universe would Lena play any team sport let alone softball. The whole thing positively screamed lesbian domestic bliss, and she even in this new reality she couldn’t possibly imagine that was her style. Lena had always been a loner anyway, and the idea that she could have friends was terrifying on many levels.

 

Sam continued speaking, oblivious once more to Lena’s struggle.

 

“I mean you leave the house on Christmas morning, you don’t tell anyone where you’re going…”

 

The woman trailed off, frowning with concern.

 

Lena looks over from the photo to and back to Sam.

 

“We’re friends, aren’t we?” She asked, desperate for some information.

 

The woman nodded and smiled, pressing a hand to her heart.

 

“Maybe I don’t say it enough... but you moving in behind me….”

 

Lena nodded, lost about what to say and the other woman’s concerned frown deepened.

 

“Talk to me…”

 

Lena took a moment to decide, while Sam stood there with open eyes, apparently ready to listen to all her problems. But Lena didn’t know this person from a bar of soap, and if wasn’t like she could tell her the truth without sounding like an insane person who had had a break from reality. Still, she should have some explanation for her weird behaviour today. 

 

Lena cleared the lump out of her throat.

 

“I’m having kind of a bad day.”

 

Sam nodded.

 

“I read somewhere that the suicide rate doubles during the holidays…"

 

Lena arched an eyebrow.

 

“What am I saying?” Sam said with a nervous laugh. “You don’t need to hear that. All I meant was a lot of people have a hard time dealing with all the forced reverie, that’s all. Is that you?”

 

The understatement of the century… but Lena had no idea how to reply, and Sam’s face grew more concerned.

 

“Is it trouble at work?”

 

Lena frowned. Work? She had no idea…. what did she even do for a living in this life?

 

“I don’t think so,” she mumbled out.

 

Sam tilted her head.

 

“It’s not Kara, is it?”

 

Lena blinked and paused at the mention of Kara, realising once again with a shuddering reality that she lived with the blonde.

 

That she was married to her.

 

Sam’s eyes widened, and her lips curled into a proud smile.

 

“You see, it’s like we’re in each other’s heads!”

 

Lena blinked, stunned once more.

 

“Kara’s my wife…” She said, trailing off, looking at Sam as if seeking confirmation.

 

Sam smiled playfully.

 

“Just keep saying it, Lena, like a mantra.”

 

Sam stepped out from behind the counter and took Lena by the arm.

 

“C’mon, I better walk you home. She’s mad enough as it is, right?”

 

Lena let her self be dragged, feeling numb and empty out the door and through the back yard, the other woman hand on her shoulder every step of the way.

 

“Look, you fit the profile exactly,” the woman continued to speak a reassuring voice. “Thirties, house, kids, financial responsibilities. You start thinking…this isn’t the life I dreamt about.Where’s the romance, where’s the joie de vivre?Suddenly, every lingerie ad in the Midvale Star-Ledger represents a life you can’t have.”

 

The information churned in Lena’s mind as Sam opened the joining gate, and stepped into her yard which was scattered with children’s toy. Cluttered with a swing set, a dog run and a chewed up lawn. There was a wooden sun deck that looked to be half down.

 

In a word, total and utter chaos. 

 

Lena gripped Sam’s arm suddenly.

 

“It’s just two kids, right?” She asked frantically.

 

Sam chuckled.

 

“You made a choice, Lena, a promise to your wife. Maybe sometimes it seems like you gave up the world, but look what you got!”

 

Sam gestured to the back of the house as they continued to walk towards it, taking in all its suburban glory.

 

“Four bedrooms, two and a half baths, and a partially finished basement.”

 

Lena tripped over a blue tricycle, and Sam let out a laugh.

 

“Okay look, you probably don’t want to hear this right now but remember what you told me last summer when I almost had that thing with Ruby’s soccer coach?”

 

Lens stared at the other woman blankly as they continued to walk, arriving at the back of the house. Sam stopped them in front of the sliding glass doors. Sam faced Lena squarely and grabbed her shoulder, looking her in the eye.

 

“You told me not to screw up the best thing in my life just because I was a little unsure about who I was. You knew I had to put Ruby’s dreams first and I shouldn’t mess with that, because that's the type of person you are. Okay?”

 

Sam gave Lena a comforting smile, and the brunette swallowed the hard lump in her throat once more.

 

“God, it feels so good to finally give something back to you,” the other woman said, before turning to the door and sliding it open.

 

“I’m gonna hug you now.”

 

Lena stiffened as the other woman pulled her into a tight embrace. After she let her go, with one final smile, she pushed her towards the door, leaving Lena to stumble inside, still clutching the plastic bag with the bell that Lena hadn’t let leave her sight since she was handed it. 

 

She turned around when she heard the door slide close, watching as Sam walked away and her heart began to pound forbiddingly inside her chest.

 

She looked around the room with wide eyes, and listened to the sound of someone murmuring, getting louder. Suddenly, Kara entered the room, clutching a portable phone and rendering Lena completely speechless.

 

The blonde looked stunning, more so than Lena remembered even dressed in raggedy flannel and sweatpants. Her hair was wavier that Lena remembered, and maybe half an inch longer. But it was her glasses that had Lena stumped the most. Her eyes were red-rimmed beneath them, her nose looked stuffy from crying.

 

“Hold on a second,” Kara whispered hoarsely into the phone once she spotted Lena, pressing it to her chest as she took a few steps forward and pulled the brunette into a bone-crushing hug.

 

Once she had let her go, Lena stared up at her, blinking in shock and surprise.

 

“You wearing glasses…” She whispered out.

 

The crinkle formed between Kara’s eyes as she gave her a curious look.

 

“For ten years…” She trailed off in reply.

 

Kara just stood there looking at Lena who was giving away nothing.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

The brunette’s mouth gaped at the question.

 

“Yeah…fine."

 

Kara gave her a resolute nod, then turned to speak back into the phone.

 

“Never mind, she just walked in…”

 

Lena grimaced as Karar hung up the phone and then stared her down angrily, with fierce blue eyes.

 

“Do you have any idea what you put us through today?!” She suddenly shouted out, making Lena wince. “You walk out of here at 7:30 in the morning, don’t tell me where you’re going, or even that you’re going, and I don’t see you until hours later. I had state troopers looking for you! I called hospitals…”

 

She threw the portable phone on a nearby couch.

 

"...I was just on the phone with the morgue for god’s sake!”

 

Lena watched her vent, the frustration on Kara’s face building as her face became flushed and her voice louder.

 

“What kind of woman leaves her family on Christmas morning without a word about where she’s going?”

 

Lena swallowed as Kara stepped into her space.

 

“What kind of person does that!?” She screamed.

 

The brunette jumped in at that, throwing her hands up with a wince.

 

“I don’t know!” She cried out. “Please stop yelling at me!”

 

Kara rocked back on her heels, staring down at her with a frustrated expression as she took a few deep breaths.

 

“Where were you?” She demanded in a calmer voice, her eyes searching Lena’s face for a sign of something.

 

The green-eyed woman took a tight breath before swallowing. 

 

“I was in the city.”

 

Kara’s eyes widened.

 

“The city? National City? Why?”

 

Lena’s mouth dropped, struggling for words when her final centre of control snapped.

 

“Because that’s where I live,” she said flatly.

 

Kara rolled her eyes immediately at her words, letting out an exasperated groan.

 

“Lena... don't even start…”

 

The blonde moved to walk away, and Lena followed her down the hall. 

 

“Look, you don’t understand,” the brunette tried to explain to the rigid other woman. “I woke up here..., and this is very strange ...this is not my house!”

 

Kara turned and looked at her with a raised eyebrow, Lena gestured around the room and pointed upstairs.

 

“I’m not ‘Mom’, Kara, you’re not my wife.”

 

The blonde looked her over, assessing before her face twisted with irritation.

 

“You know what, Lena? It’s not funny this time. I’m furious.”

 

Lena’s mouth gapped and Kara stared her down, clearly expecting an answer to her words, but the shorter woman had none to offer.

 

“Lena!”

 

The green-eyed woman suddenly took the bell out of the plastic bag that Adam gave her, holding it up in front of her and started to ring it furiously, praying that it would somehow get her out of this situation.

 

Suddenly, the little girl from the morning rode in on a small bicycle, peddling up to Lena.

 

“What’s that?” She asked, reaching out and grabbing the bell from Lena’s hands and examining it closely with wide eyes. She gave it a ring, before smiling widely and humping up to give a shocked Lena a quick hug.

 

“I like this, thanks, Mom!”

 

The girl rode excitedly out of the room on her bike after that, leaving a spluttering and stunned Lena alone with Kara once more. The brunette turned to look back at the blonde, pale as she saw the other woman’s expression had changed to one of profound disappointment.

 

“You missed the whole thing, Lena,” she whispered out. “The pancakes, the presents...you spent six hours putting that bike together and you didn’t even get to see the look on Lori’s face when she opened it.”

 

The disappointment radiated off her and Lena felt a pang of shame.

 

"You missed Christmas, Lena.”

 

The brunette looked down at her fee relenting and gave into the moment.

 

“I’m...I’m sorry."

 

Kara watched her with hard eyes, seemingly trying to measure her sincerity before she let out a long-suffering sigh and stood to her feet.

 

“Look, we don’t have time for this right now, we’ll talk about it later. Now get dressed.”

 

She pointed at Lena’s ridiculous outfit.

 

“You’re not wearing that to the Daxam's party. I don’t care how hilarious you think it is.”

 

Lena’s eyes widened at the thought.

 

“Party?Oh no, I can’t go to a party.”

 

The other woman gave her a frustrated look.

 

“You look forward to this party all year. What’s with you today?”

 

Lena let out a mirthless laugh.

 

“Trust me on this Kara,” she said with a head shake. “I really don’t think going to a party is the right move for me at the present time.”

 

Kara looked at her weirdly for a moment, then shook her head.

 

“Fine. Do whatever you want,” she said flatly, before moving to pick up the phone she had discarded previously and began to dial.

 

“What are you doing?” Lena asked nervously.

 

“Telling Eliza she doesn’t have to stay with the kids.”

 

Lena’s eyes widened.

 

“Why not?”

 

Kara tilted her head and gave her an annoyed look.

 

“Because you’ll be here.”

 

There was a beat of silence between them.

 

“I’ll be ready in ten minutes,” Lena muttered, before pushing past Kara and making her way towards a door, only to pull it open and discover it was a linen closet.

 

“Christ,” Lena muttered, pissed off and turned to face Kara. “Where the hell is the bathroom?”

 

The blonde shook her head and glared at her.

 

“Funny, Lena. I’m laughing on the inside.”

 

* * *

 

A few minutes later, Lena found herself in the ensuite bathroom and stared at herself in the mirror, determined to collect herself, but something wasn’t right. The bathroom was small and cluttered with products, none of which looked like hers. Loofahs and razor and skin creams that she would very let her body filled up the whole space. 

 

She looked back in the mirror, slightly cracked in the corner and stared at herself, revealing a forlorn sense of displacement. Slowly, she began to lose it not recognising her face as it twisted through anger, confusion, and sadness until finally, she started to cry.

 

A few minutes of silent tears passed before she turned on the water and cleaned her face.

 

She was Lena Luthor, for god’s sake. And she would get her life back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, what did we think? If you liked, please let me know. I love to read comments, they'll make my day :) That, or follow me on Tumblr. The link is in my bio, but it's the same name anyway.


	4. Welcome To Earth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jesus, this story is rolling out faster than I thought. For any of you readers who follow my other fics, I promise they will be updated. My chapters are mostly done, I'm just waiting for my beta to look over them. Until then, we're all just going to have to chill out on updates of this fic and WFTS.
> 
> BTW, if you like this work or my others, feel free to follow me on Tumblr. Same name and the link is in my bio.

The second Lena saw the size of the closet door, her heart sank into her stomach. A tiny, one-metre wide thing that couldn’t possibly fit enough clothes for a stingy, thrifty, backpacker, let alone her. She opened the door, praying that what it lacked in quantity it made up in quality. Much unlike Kara’s closet that Lena had first looked in, housing a terrifying display of cardigans that looked like a rainbow had thrown up on them. 

 

Lena opened the door cautiously, wincing in pain and letting out a sigh the second it had creaked open. A row of cheap slacks, cheap flannel jackets and jeans looked back at her and Lena was left wondering if sometime in the period she and Kara had been married in this life, she had been dropped on her head and lost all of her fashion sense. It was the one thing she had clung to ever since she was a child, growing up in the lap of luxury with every possible want provided for her. Beautiful shirts and jackets and dresses… and now all she had to show for it was an array of crappy flannels that looked like they had walked right out of the Target collection.

 

She reached out and touched the fabric on one of the coats, wondering when the hell she decided to wear denim jackets as part of her lesbian tenure. 

 

“This is just…"

 

She rubbed the material and scowled.

 

“...this is sub-par…”

 

Lena heard the sound of soft, padded feet and turned her head to spot the little girl from before… Lori, standing next to her with wide eyes and staring up at her silently. 

 

The brunette frowned down at her for a half a second, and suddenly Lori was turning and running away.

 

Lena blinked at that, before dismissing it and turning back to face the closet and mournfully reached in for a pair of jeans.

 

* * *

 

After a confusing flurry of activity, mostly Kara bustling about and wrapping the casserole dish that they were due to bring to this party, and then waiting for Eliza to turn up to babysit. Lena found herself arm in arm walking up the path in the dark towards a tacky looking, but a large house, decorated with large, plastic reindeers and a ridiculously gaudy Christmas tree in the front yard. 

 

After Kara rung the doorbell, it was pulled open by a beautiful, dark-haired woman in a skintight red dress with a shallow cut. 

 

“Kara! Lena!” The woman exclaimed with a broad smile and a slight British accent, before turning to face the rest of the guests and shouting out.

 

“Everybody, Lena and Kara are here!”

 

“Imra,” Kara answered. “Thank you for having us.”

 

Lena looked past her as Kara handed over the casserole dish, noticing that the house was packed with guests, the closest of which all turning to call out hello.

 

Lena felt her mood sink lower, realising that for the sake of appearances she was going to have to engage with the people at this party. She followed Kara slowly inside, prepared to trail after her the entire evening when the woman in the red dress caught her arm, catching her attention.

 

“Like the dress?” She asked with a raised eyebrow.

 

Lena glanced at it and nodded distractedly, trying to keep her eyes on Kara but already losing her to the crowd.

 

“It’s lovely,” she murmured.

 

The woman let go of her arm, and her smile widened with satisfaction.

 

“I thought I saw you notice it at the kids’ recital.”

 

Lena gave her a confused look, before nodding and walking away. Looking around, she realised she had lost Kara after all and let out a sigh. Her mood picked up slightly when she spotted the drinks tray in the corner of the room, and she marched towards it. The brunette poured herself two fingers of whisky, knocking it back as fast as possible and ignoring the burn as she reached for another. 

 

Before she could finish her second glass, she felt a strong hand clasp her shoulder, and she looked to the owner with a start.

 

“Heard you went on an adventure today there, Lena,” the voice rumbled out. “Kara had me driving around the town for the entire day looking for you, so I sure hope you enjoyed the city.”

 

Lena started at the dimpled cheeked woman and floundered for a second.

 

“It was… a drive.”

 

The woman tilted her head and gave her a searching look, before jutting her chin in the direction of the tumbler glass in Lena’s hand.

 

“How many of those did you have before you got here? You look like you’ve seen the Ghosts of Christmas.”

 

Lena’s mouth gapped, but fortunately, she didn’t have to come up with a reply when a more familiar voice cut across.

 

“Come on, Maggie,” Sam called out, smiling as she walked over cupping her glass of egg nog “Leave Lena alone, she’s had a hard day. And don't say she ruined your Christmas plans. I know your wife is working, so you didn’t have anywhere else to be.”

 

Maggie let out a sigh at her words.

 

“Yeah, Alex drew the short straw at the hospital this year… but she spent her time running back and forth to the emergency room on Kara’s bequest to make sure that this one wasn’t wheeled in on a gurney.”

 

Lena frowned, vaguely remembering that Kara had a sister in medical school called Alex. Red haired and fiery, she never seemed to like Lena. And became extremely awkward whenever Lena and Kara so much as held each other's hands in her presence, let alone kissed. Looking back, the parade of boyfriends back then and the fact that she was married to a woman now certainly explained a lot of the shitty attitude.

 

“Well it’s all over now," Sam continued. "And Lena is back safe and sound, so no need to fret.”

 

Maggie nodded, but her eyes didn't look convinced. After a few more seconds, she shrugged and walked away.  

 

“Sorry about that," Sam said with a smile. "You know how Maggie is… always detecting even when she’s off shift. You’re probably the most interesting thing to occur on Christmas day since the basketball team filled the pool with red dye.”

 

Lena frowned, unconvinced.

 

“Yeah… yeah….”

 

Sam nodded sympathetically.

 

“Come on; I’ll make sure you don’t get too lost in the fray. You’re still looking a bit shellshocked from today.”

 

Lena gave the woman a grateful smile.

 

“Thank you," she whispered out.

 

“Hey, what are best friends for?”

 

* * *

 

The next hour passed in a nerve-racking blur, and Lena thanked the stars for the scratchy Christmas music and drunk guests, making up for her odd behaviour.

 

Sam, true to her word, stayed by her side the whole time. She was propping up the faltering lack of conversation from Lena as people made their rounds to see them. Lena’s was slowly starting to get an inkling that she was popular with these people, nearly everyone in the room turning up to say hello to her at some point or another. She did her best to try to follow along with what people were saying, mostly drivel about children and jobs and their wives not paying the plumber on time. Slowly, she had realised that a small core of friends seemed to be rotating around her more frequently. A little, curly-haired man wearing a terrible Christmas sweater who talked a lot about his IT job at the local tech store, dropped enough pop culture references for Lena to realise that this reality wasn’t so abnormally different to hers. Star Wars was still the same. Mariah Carey didn’t have a horn for a head, and Donald Trump was still president.

 

That one stung slightly. 

 

There was another man, tall and bald called James, who was the local photographer. He spent most of the evening either talking about sports or complaining about the recent wedding he’d been hired to take photos of where the bride was a monster.

 

The only one who seemed to notice anything about her near silence and constant drinking was Maggie. Lena managed to piece together that she was the local Sheriff in town and Lena often caught the woman staring at her with a puzzled look, as if she was practically radiating how out of place she was.

 

Thankfully, there was a small break in the conversation where Lena wasn’t asked for her opinion, and the brunette finally had a chance to look around the room, trying to spot Kara. She found her in the corner, and bitterly noted that her blonde _wife_ seemed to be having fun.

 

The house itself was large and neater than the one she owned with Kara, but it was still very lived in. A couple of older children ran in and out of the room continuously, playing with their toys, and nobody was eating or wearing anything imported from Europe, but they all seemed to be having a good time.

 

Everyone except for Lena of course.

 

“Did you see the game last night?” James suddenly asked Lena, drawing her away from her brooding. “I reckon this year will finally be the Lakers shot to make it all the way through to the playoffs.”

 

Lena stared at him silently for a beat.

“Who?”

 

James looks at her with disbelief, and Lena suddenly felt a set of piercing eyes on her, out of the corner of her eye noticing Maggie staring at her with a raised eyebrow. Everyone in the small circle seemed to be waiting for a reply now, and Lena coughed and recovered.

 

“I mean.…well…they’re certainly due,” she answered, trying to inject enthusiasm into her voice, but failing.

 

It wasn’t her fault her alt life persona seemed to care enough about sports to remember team names.

 

The men and Sam seemed to accept it though, probably chalking it off on Lena being distracted the whole night, but Maggie’s hard stare intensified.

 

Suddenly, the curly-haired man that Lena still didn’t know the name of, holding a massive pile of fried chicken wings on his plate, tugged Lena’s shirt.

 

“So tomorrow’s the big day, Lena.”

 

The brunette just stared at him, waiting for elaboration.

 

“Okay…why?”

 

The man let out a laugh, before realising that she was still staring at him, clueless.

 

“My colonoscopy,” he answered. “I’m going under tomorrow, didn’t I tell you that?”

 

Lena blanched, wondering just how close they were that this man felt comfortable telling her with food in his hand that he was having a colonoscopy.

 

God, she missed her ten thousand dollar a plate dinner parties.

 

“Colonoscopy?” She questioned, pointing to his plate full of wings. “You think you should be eating all that?  


The small man shrugged.

 

“Why not? I figure I’ll be starting the laxatives soon; then I’m going in for a cleaning tomorrow, I might as well load up on the fried stuff tonight.”

 

Lena’s felt like she was going to be sick when Sam reached out a clasped her on the shoulder once more.

 

“Good thinking, Winn. Have another drink,” the woman said, watching as the man nodded and moved to take her advice.

 

Sam turned to whisper to Lena.

 

“He’ll be lucky if he lives through the night.”

 

For the first time since she arrived in this strange land, Lena felt the start of a smile grow on her face, and she took another deep sip of her hot drink.

 

Suddenly, James reached into his pocket and pulled out a packet of cigars. He shows them to Lena, who noted the cheap brand but nodded politely.

 

“Cigar, Lena?”

 

Maggie scoffed from next to him.

 

“I wouldn’t let Kara catch you offering that to Lena, Jimmy. She’ll murder you in your sleep.”

 

Lena felt a stab of annoyance at the idea that she should abstain from anything, just because Kara might not like it. This wasn’t her real life, and Kara didn’t own her.

 

She held out her hand, holding Maggie’s challenging gaze as James handed her one. James lit Lena’s cigar, then his own, enjoying that first puff and smiling. Lena dutifully took a puff of the cigar and resisted the urge to throw up at the acrid taste. She nodded back at James, but it was an effort.

 

Maggie rolled her eyes suddenly, putting her empty glass down on the table with a hard thunk.

 

“At least take it outside,” She muttered, before turning to walk away.

 

Almost as soon as she had gone, Imra Daxam suddenly approached, a tray of mushroom puffs in her hands. She stepped into Lena’s space and held out a puff for Lena to take.

 

“Finger food?”

 

Lena blinked rapidly, eyeing the foul looking substance and shaking her head.

 

“I don’t think so, thank you.”

 

Imra gave her a sly smile. 

 

“C’mon,” she purred suggestively. “As soon as I put them down, you’re gonna grab a couple...you always do…”

 

Lena didn’t have much of a choice after that, Imra picking up a puff and holding it against her lips, basically shoving it into her mouth. The brunette noticed out of the corner of her eye, Kara standing next to Maggie, watching her with a frown.

 

“Let me. They’ll melt in your mouth…"

 

She instinctively opened her mouth as Imra pushed the treat inside.

 

“Good?”

 

Lena held her hand up, struggling not to spit it out. If freezer burn were an expression, that would be the one she was wearing. Instead, she forced a smile and swallowed.

 

“They’re great!Thank you!

 

Imra licked her fingers suggestively and handed Lena the whole tray with a sexy smile, Lena noted the raised eyebrow from Kara who was still watching avidly.

 

“Mushroom puffs aren’t the only thing I do well,” Imra added, trailing off.

 

Lena let out a cough, noting that both Sam and James were engaged in conversation and trying not to stare at the pair. The green-eyed woman suddenly felt her tolerance for uncomfortable situations reach its peak and she took a step back and away, giving the other woman a nervous smile.

 

“Well do whatever it is you do well, and just...just do it.”

 

She took another step and began to walk towards the staircase, just needing to be somewhere alone for a few minutes.

 

“Excuse me.”

 

Lena felt burning eyes on her back the whole way.

 

* * *

 

A few minutes later, Lena was sitting on the arm of a couch filled with guests’ coats, talking on a football-shaped telephone, the tray of mushroom puffs on the table beside her.

 

“What do you mean he won’t come to the phone?!” Lena shouted, standing to her feet angrily.

 

“Do you realise how much money I’ve made for that son of a bitch in the last eight years?!”

 

There was a click on the other end of the line, and a dial tone sounded. Lena let out a frustrated yell and slammed the phone down.

 

“Damnit!” She screamed out, slamming the phone again...and again...and again...

 

“Lena?”

 

She turned with a start then and saw Kara standing in the doorway, watching Lena take her frustrations out on the phone, concern on the blonde’s face.

 

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

 

A small flutter sounded in her heart at the obvious love in Kara’s voice, but Lena swallowed it down and forced a smile.

 

“Yes, I’m fine,” she blustered out. “It’s just this god awful football phone! Who has a phone like this anyway?!”

 

Kara didn’t seem to be fooled by her fake cheer, a doubtful look on her face.

 

“Uh huh…"

 

The words trailed off, Kara noticing the tray of mushroom puffs on the table next to Lena’s body.

 

“You must love Imra’s mushroom puffs, huh?” Kara said dryly, muttering. “You know they’re not real.”

 

Lena looked down at the tray in confusion, not getting a chance to reply before Kara turned to leave the room, leaving Lena sitting alone in the dark.

 

* * *

 

A little while later, after Lena had taken a few minutes to compose herself and her feelings on this day, she wandered back down the stairs with a lost look in her eyes. She looked around the room and spotted Kara standing and entertaining a group of guests. James, Winn, Maggie and Sam amongst them.

 

Lena blinked, a part of her brain taking in the sight of Kara drawing people like a moth to a flame with her full smile and bright personality. Thirteen years had just made her more beautiful, and Lena felt the stirrings of feelings that had lain long dormant in her heart. 

 

She passed through the guests, people waving to her and slapping her on the back as she approached Kara, catching her eye and giving her a subtle smile as she began to overhear the blonde’s speech.

 

“… then Mrs Bitzwick comes in with her fifth story idea of the month. I have no idea why the community newspaper decided to let people volunteer stories, but anyway. This time it was about the fact that her underwear kept going missing from the line. So I follow the story, due diligence, and find out it’s the local raccoon. I got an excellent photo for next months’ piece of this little guy wearing bright pink bloomers on his head. I told Mrs Bitzwick, and she said she was just glad someone was still getting into her knickers!"

 

Lena watched as Kara charmed the crowd, the guests laughing heartily at her story. Even Lena felt herself joining in until a piece of information from the speech sunk into her brain.

 

“So you’re a journalist?” Lena suddenly asked offhandedly.

 

There was a chuckle from the group, but Kara gave her a confused look while Lena just stared at her blankly.

 

“And you write for the town paper…” Lena continued, unimpressed.

 

People’s laughter started to die and Kara’s face flushed with embarrassment.

 

“Lena….”

 

The brunette cut her off.

 

“Community fluff pieces. Are you changing the world one raccoon at a time?  


The words seemed to stink up the air.

 

When Lena had known Kara last, she had just been accepted into one of the best grad schools in the country. She had dreams of being an international journalist, travelling all over the world and breaking news that mattered.

 

This life was where dreams came to die.

 

“Well,” Lena trailed off with disdain, before turning to walk away. “Bravo…”

 

Everyone just stared at her blankly, including Kara.

 

* * *

 

A few more hours of mandatory party attendance, and Kara finally said they were going home. It was a brisk walk in the cold night air, winds whipping in off the coast and setting Lena’s teeth chattering. The blonde woman didn’t say so much as a word to her the entire time, and the brunette felt the toxic curling of guilt growing in her stomach at what she had said before. But still, her overwhelming anger at the events of the day outweighed that feeling tenfold.

 

The second Kara and Lena walked into the front door, the large dog from this morning greeted them happily, jumping up on Lena and nearly knocking her off her feet at the unexpected action.

 

The green-eyed woman shoved it off her and looked down at him warily while Kara bustled about and removed her coat.

 

“I better go wake up Eliza,” the blonde muttered, grabbing a leash of a hook and handing it to Lena.

 

“Here you go.”

 

Lena looked down at the leash with an appalled look on her face.

 

“You’re kidding me.”

 

The blonde let out a frustrated groan, her eyes filled with exhaustion.

 

“He’s your dog, Lena.”

 

The brunette blanched, that couldn’t possibly be true.

 

“No, he’s not,” she exclaimed. “I don’t even like dogs!

 

Kara took a deep breath and rubbed the sides of her head.

 

“Fine, he’s the kid’s dog,” she replied sarcastically. “Let’s go wake Connor, see if he wants to walk him."

 

Lena’s mouth gapped as Kara turned to run up the stairs.

 

“But it’s freezing outside…” she half whined.

 

The blonde gave her a sympathetic look.

 

“You’re having a bad day; I’ll go with you…”

 

Lena felt slight relief before Kara suddenly grinned at her wickedly.

“Actually, there’s no way in hell you’re getting me back out there!”

 

Lena looked at the dog’s face. He couldn’t be more excited.Finally, Lena shook her head and clipped the leash on.

 

Kara began to head back up the stairs.

 

“Make sure you reward him verbally when he does a number two.”

 

The brunette groaned.

 

* * *

 

The wind had her teeth chattering, even wearing a down coat and she was being dragged down the dark street by Krypto. The sound of distant crashing waves broke up the monotony slightly, but her breath was condensing in the cold winter air. The dog sniffed a few hydrants and a couple of garbage cans, but with every metre, he still refused to do his business. 

 

“Figure it out…” Lena muttered to herself, thinking about her conversation with Adam this morning. “I’m screwed...don’t have to be a genius to figure that out…"

 

The dog stopped, sniffing at a manicured lawn.

 

“It’s as good a place as any,” Lena said to him, but the dog kept moving and pulling her along.

 

“...but not up to your high standards,” Lena sighed to herself.

 

They walked for a few more minutes silently, Lena ruminating over a battle plan to approach this ‘glimpse’.

 

“Okay...he said you’re working on a new deal now...fine, you’ve done a thousand deals, what’s the first thing you do?” She asked herself.

 

Krypto’s stopped, sniffing around someone’s Christmas display but Lena was too wrapped up in he’d own thought process to notice or care.

 

“Triage. It’s your signature,” she said firmly. “You survey the damage, find out everything you can, you probe, leave nothing to chance.I’m just going to have to go detective. You learned everything there was to know about the company, and then you pounced…"

 

Lena narrowed her eyes, thinking and nodding.

 

“That’s our play here.”

 

Resolute, Lena turned to the dog.

 

“If you could take a dump sometime in this century, then we could go home where it’s warm…"

 

Lena looked around at the unfamiliar houses.

 

“That is if I can even remember how to get home…” she trailed off, before talking to the dog. “You remember, don’t you boy?

 

But the dog ignored her, continuing to drag Lena along.

 

* * *

 

Nearly an hour later, after Lena had finally found her way back, she trudged into the bedroom which she was going to be sharing with Kara. Lena walked into the room, face red from the cold outside and looked over at Kara, who was sleeping happily.

 

She took off her shirt and jeans laying them neatly on the chair, then looked over at the pair of flannel pyjamas folded on the dresser. Lena shook her head, resigned to the fact that she was now a flannel girl, before donning them and climbing in quietly to bed.

 

Lena lay there rigid as a board for nearly half an hour, listening to the sound of Kara’s soft breathing and trying to reconcile the insanity of this crazy day somewhat in her mind. Getting thrown into an alternate reality wasn’t exactly something they taught in business school after all.

 

But she had a plan. All she had to do was follow the plan.

 

So, careful not to touch Kara at all, Lena fell fitfully to sleep.

 

* * *

 

The silence was what woke Lena up the next morning, absolute silence. Her messy thoughts churned in her mind as she burrowed further into the covers, relaxing as she thought of the day she would have ahead.

 

It was only once fifty per cent of her brain started to work that the traumatic memories of yesterday came through and the constant panic returned. She opened her eyes with dread, a burst of light hitting them from the window and for a brief second thought that it all might have been a bad dream after all. Reaching out with her hand to the other side of the mattress, she found it empty.

 

A smile of hope grew on her face as she relaxed minutely. Maybe the tortuous glimpse only lasted for a day.

 

Then the sound of a piercing baby’s cry lanced her ears, and Lena’s mood plummeted back into despair as she realised she was still in Midvale after all. 

 

She let out a groan, burying her head back in the pillow as the baby’s cry turned into a full-blown wail. Lena lay still for a moment, hoping that the sound would stop but when it didn’t, she pushed back the covers with a grumble and stood to her feet, scowling.

 

Lena barely had time to form a coherent thought when she heard the sound of the shower turn on in the ensuite bathroom. Her scowl turned to the bathroom door, viciously jealous over Kara. 

 

It was all perfect for her; she had chosen this life after all. Toddlers and babies and casserole dishes that you took to parties for people who, quite literally, shoved shitty food in your mouth. So why is it that Lena had to wake up here, living in this crappy and poorly decorated house, listening to a baby screaming, while Kara got to have a shower.

 

She walked over the bathroom door, easing it open a crack and getting bombarded by the sound of Kara singing along loudly to the radio in the corner.

 

“…and girls like girls like boys do…. nothing new….”

 

Lena hesitated for a second, the singing bringing her back to a different time in college when Kara would spend the night in Lena’s room, and the brunette would wake up to the same sound. 

 

Then the green-eyed woman would take off her clothes and slip into the shower with her.

 

Lena shook the thought from her mind, knocking slightly on the jarred door. 

 

“Hello?”

 

No answer and Kara continued to sing.

 

Lena pushed the door open a few more centimetres and called out louder.

 

“Hello!”

 

“On the move collecting numbers…. Imma take your girl out…”

 

Lena opened the door slightly more.

 

“HEY!” She shouted.

 

Finally, the music stopped, and Lena could hear the shower curtain pull back. She wasn’t prepared for when the door suddenly ripped open, making Lena almost stagger forward and directly into Kara’s naked and wet chest.

 

The brunette’s eyes widened, and she felt a flush growing in her pale cheeks, but she could do little else but stare and raise an eyebrow.

 

Kara hadn’t aged a day.

 

Lena shook her head suddenly, averting her eyes back up to Kara’s who was looking at her with a look of supreme annoyance. 

 

“Uh...that baby’s crying…” Lena mumbled out, her previous fight leaving her.

 

Kara gave her an unimpressed look and shrugged.

 

“And?”

 

Lena just stared at her, and the blonde let out a frustrated grunt.

 

“Don’t give me that look, Lena, Tuesday’s your day and you know it.”

 

Lena didn’t have time to reply when Kara turned around to enter the shower, and the brunette was immediately distracted by the sight of her bare back.

 

And the single drop of water that was falling along the trail of her spine.

 

“And try to get Connor to daycare on time, okay?” Kara continued briskly. “He missed the macaroni painting last week.”

 

On that note, Kara reached for the radio and turned the music back up full blast, before stepping back into the shower.

 

* * *

 

Lena stared down at the baby, lying on the changing table and gurgling up at her. Lori was watching her silently from a stool in the corner, eyeing her the same concerned way as she had last night. 

 

Lena tugged her robe tighter, self-conscious in a way she wasn’t used to. She had conquered fortune five hundred companies, for christ sake. 

 

Changing a baby’s diaper surely couldn’t be that bad.

 

The baby…Connor… was playing happily with a set of plastic keys and Lena reached for a fresh diaper and lay in delicately beside the boy, before surveying the situation once more and scratching her chin.

 

Connor playfully reached out to grab at her nose, and Lena jumped back in fear, looking over to Lori for confirmation on what to do.

 

The girl offered none, however, continuing to stare at her unnervingly. Lena shook her head and squinted at the instructions on the box of Huggies.

 

“Pull tabs….”  


 

She searched out for the diaper on the wriggling baby, pulling at the tabs as instructed, gingerly fleshing the and letting the flap fall.

 

A putrid stench hit her nose fun force went she leant over the inspect the dark substance, and she took a step back, covering her mouth to stop herself from throwing up.

 

Connor let out a sudden, high pitched giggle as if he found the assault on her senses amusing.

 

“Holy mother of god!” She cried, struggling to hold her breath as she collected the soiled diaper up and kept it as far away from her body as she could. 

 

She looked around the room frantically for a place to put it, noticing out of the corner of her eye that Lori was pointing to a bin underneath the changing table with the words ‘diaper genie’ written on it. 

 

Lena threw it in quickly and replaced the lid, watching as Lori’s finger changed direction to point at the container of baby wipes. 

 

Lena let out a disgusted groan.

 

“You’ve got to be kidding me…”

 

Lori stared at her for a beat.

 

“You’re not really our mom,” she suddenly asked in her young voice. “Are you?”

 

Lena turned to her with surprise, noting that the little girl was looking back at her with complete earnestness. Lena briefly considered lying but could see in the little girl’s eyes that she already knew the truth. They stare at each other another moment, before Lena finally spoke, a part of her relieved to talk about the facts even if it was with a child.

 

“No, I’m not.”

 

Lori’s face grew curious, and Lena rushed to explain.

 

“I work in the city, you know with the big buildings…?"

 

Lori didn’t respond, and the woman rushed to continue.

 

“I live in an apartment building with a doorman; I can buy just about anything I want…"

 

Lori nodded at Lena, still suspicious.

 

“This isn’t my real life,” Lena rushed out. “It’s just a glimpse.”

 

The little girl stared up at her.

 

“Where’s my real mom?”

 

Lena blinked, realising for the first time that she wasn’t the only one affected by this change. For all she knew, somewhere out there in the universe, there was a version of her waking up as a high powered businesswoman, having lost her entire family overnight.

 

“I don’t know…” Lena whispered in response.

 

A concerned look grew on Lori’s face, and Lena became petrified that she was about to cry.

 

“But don’t worry,” Lena rushed the reassure. “She loves you, and I’m sure she’ll be back very soon…”

 

Lena swallowed the lump in her throat, beating back her despair at this entire situation.

 

“...very, very soon…"

 

The little girl watched her for a few more minutes, before slowly standing to her feet and approaching Lena cautiously. The woman stood there uncertainly, fidgeting as their eyes remained locked together. 

 

“What are you doing?” Lena asked nervously as the little girl began the drag the chair she had been sitting on behind her.

 

Lori didn’t reply. Instead, climbing up onto the chair and reaching out to tug firmly on Lena’s hair. The older woman tried to hide her wince, waiting patiently as Lori let go and ran gentle fingers over her face.

 

“They did a pretty good job.”

 

Lena frowned.

 

“Who did?”

 

Lori gave her a scornful look, which Lena realised with a rush of fear reminded her exactly like her own in the mirror.

 

“The aliens...In the mother ship,” Lori said slowly as if she was the adult and Lena was the child. “You look just like her.”

 

Lena blinked, but couldn’t fault the smart girl's conclusion given her age and the facts she had been given. She certainly seemed to have keener powers of observation that anyone else had thus far.

 

“Uhh…thanks…” Lena said, giving the little girl a slight grin. “Slightly better looking though, right?”

 

Lori’s stone face suddenly began to crack, and her lower lip wobbled, Lena suddenly grew panicked.

 

“You’re not going to start crying, are you?” She asked desperately. “Because I’m not really sure I could deal with that right now.”

 

Lori seemed to think about it for a moment.

 

“Do you like kids?”

 

The brunette shrugged, wary of tears.

 

“On a case by case basis…”

 

The little girl nodded.

 

“Do you know how to make chocolate milk?”

 

Lena thought and nodded in return.

 

“I think I could figure it out.”

 

The little girl stared up at her earnestly, as if testing her for falsehoods.

 

“You promise not to kidnap me and my brother and implant stuff in our brains?”

 

Lena felt a ball of amusement grow in her chest at the seriousness in the little girl's eyes and she gave her a slight smile before nodding.

 

“Sure.”

 

There was a small beat, then Lori took a breath before a beautiful smile stretched across her face, revealing a few missing teeth and a kind sparkle in her eyes that reminded Lena all too much of Kara. 

 

“Welcome to earth.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did we think? Please let me know, I absolutely adore reading your comment and feedback, it really keeps me going. I've had a pretty trying week, but this fic has really fueled me along. 
> 
> Remember to kudos and follow me on Tumblr if you liked it! If you didn't, come and yell at me on Tumblr anyway :D


	5. Domestic Bliss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapters flowing!

Getting a kid and a baby ready in the morning was a lot harder than it appeared, even if the kid was relatively self-sufficient for her age. Not that Lena had ever really considered the possibility too much, beyond the vague 'someday' in her twenties. Truthfully, she was surprised that any version of herself had decided to have children, even though she knew that Kara wanted them back in college. 

 

Lena’s childhood didn’t exactly set an excellent example for her, and even though she was clueless around children, she doubted anyone would be as terrible as her mother. For one, at least she would never throw a kid out on the street for not being straight. 

 

Lena was honest enough to admit that she was far too selfish and liked her lifestyle far too much to be a good parent. But surely that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing? The last thing she wanted to do was not give enough time to a child, or end up resenting their existence. 

 

But… in another life it looked like she hadn’t done that at all. Not that Lena would know for sure. From her tender impressions of the woman she was in this life, she seemed to be loved at least, so she must have done something right. 

 

Still, the morning process was made easier by Lori who Lena learned was six years old, soon to be seven in March, with a particular love for soccer and a violent allergy to shellfish.

 

After Lena managed to clean the baby up somewhat, Lori took it upon herself to help Lena manage the rest of the morning's activities. Talking her larger hand in her own, she led her downstairs and gave her a quick crash course on her brother, herself and what the hell she was supposed to be doing. 

 

After almost being bowled over by an overly enthusiastic dog, who managed to get fed quickly and then proceeded to wait next to Connor’s high chair, eyes glued on his flailing hands for any dropped food, Lena went about the business of making breakfast.

 

Wrangling with the busted up coffee machine and almost dying from the acrid taste of supermarket beans, Lena sent a desperate prayer that if nothing else, her own thousand dollar machine remained safe during this whole disaster.

 

Lori waited patiently for Lena to drain her first cup, hot and black, before continuing to speak.

 

“Breakfast time now.”

 

Lena looked warily at the cluttered kitchen and gave the little girl a wary look, eyeing Connor carefully to make sure she had secured him properly in his high chair. The last thing she needed right now was for a baby to fall out on its head.

 

“Connor gets oatmeal,” Lori continued, pointing to a cabinet for Lena to open.

 

She managed that fine, making oatmeal wasn’t quite beyond her capabilities it seemed, the real conundrum came about when she was due to make pancakes. 

 

After two burned stacks, promptly fed to the dog to ‘hide the evidence’ according to Lori, and half the batter ending up down her shirt, Lena finally placed a stack in front of Lori. Positively drowning in syrup, the little girl took her knife and fork and delicately cut a triangular piece. Even though she was stressed, Lena couldn’t help but feel a flash of amusement at the sight. It reminded her so much of herself when she was a child, having table manners positively drilled into her at an early age. Apparently, she had passed on the practice to her daughter.

 

Lena frowned.

 

Lori wasn’t hers; she had to remember that. 

 

“How does it taste?” The woman asked carefully, watching as the little girl’s face became pensive.

 

“It’s pretty lumpy,” Lori finally said bluntly, and Lena struggled to hide her wince.

 

Clearly, the kid had inherited her blunt delivery too.

 

“I’m not exactly good at cooking breakfast,” Lena murmured in reply.

 

“Mom is,” Lori said in response. “She makes the best pancakes.”

 

Lena pursed her lips, feeling a flash of annoyance at being compared to another version of herself, who had a clear advantage when it came to domesticity.  


 

“Well, I shall endeavour to do better,” she said dryly in reply.

 

The little girl bit her lip at that, cutting out another piece and chewing it thoughtfully.

 

“Mom always says that we can only try to do out best, and that’s all that matters,” she finally said after swallowing. “It’s ok if your pancakes aren’t as good, you’re probably really good at other stuff.”

 

A smile fought its way onto Lena’s face at that, the kindness radiating off the kid was rather cute. Though she did have a certain degree of shock that she was passing on helpful advice. It indeed wasn’t one from the Luthor parenting handbook. Try your best? More like, if you fail, you can find a new home.

 

Lena watched the girl quietly as she ate the rest of her breakfast, taking in her features. Dark hair, practically Lena’s colour and blue eyes. Lena couldn’t deny the similarity in their features, but it could be a coincidence just the same. Lena wondered if she was adopted, just like Kara and herself, or if Kara had carried her.

 

Suddenly the thought crossed her mind that maybe Lena herself had been the one pregnant. 

 

Lena’s eyes drifted to the baby.

 

Maybe pregnant twice?

 

Did the glimpse delete stretch marks as recompense for uprooting her whole life?

 

Lena shoved the troubling curiosity to the back of her head, taking in the girl once more.

 

“You and your mom are pretty close then, huh?” 

 

Lori nodded enthusiastically, taking a large sip from her milk.

 

“Yeah, we do everything together,” she replied happily. “She’s like my best friend. One time, she took me camping on the cliffs at night so that we could use the telescope to look at the stars.”

 

Lena’s eyebrow arched at that, struggling very hard to imagine herself voluntarily spending a night in a tent.

 

“Camping?” she asked, doggily trying to get Connor to swallow a spoonful of oatmeal as the baby slammed his hands against his tray enthusiastically. “Really?”

 

The little girl nodded and grinned at her toothily. 

 

“Yeah, Mom does lots of cool stuff!” 

 

Her voice suddenly lowered, looking around with suspicion.

 

“I don’t know what the aliens told you,” she whispered, worried to be overheard. “But you’ve got a lot to do if you want to be just like her.”

 

The words didn’t help Lena’s permanently sunk stomach in the slightest, but hanging out with this intelligent kid didn’t seem nearly as terrible as the rest of her situation.

 

“And it doesn’t weird you out…. me, being her?” Lena asked.

 

Lori thought about it for a minute before shrugging exaggeratory.

 

“Not really,” she said with a small frown. “I’m a little sad she didn’t tell me about it though. Mom always said that when she met aliens, she would bring me along too, but that’s not your fault. You seem pretty nice anyway.”

 

Lena felt her heart pick up a little at the words. And as amusing as it was that Lori thought she was a clone made by aliens, it was a relief that at least someone was actively on her side in this situation. Even if it was a child.

 

“You seem pretty nice too,” Lena answered, the small girl’s delighted grin being enough to make her feel a warm glow set in her chest. 

 

There was a small silence after that before Lena recalled that she was supposed to be learning more about herself.

 

“So… Lori… what else did you and your Mom do together?”

 

“Lots of stuff!” Lori said enthusiastically, gestating wildly now and table manners forgotten as a piece of pancake went flying off her fork, Krypto gobbling it down before it could even hit the floor. “Camping and stars and sometimes she would let me come along and help her and Grandpa when they were doing their science stuff!” 

 

Lena arched an eyebrow, a part of her happy to hear that.

 

“One time,” the girl continued. “Grandpa lit his hair on fire and Mom had to spray him with a fire extinguisher. It was really funny.”

 

Lena laughed along with the kid, remembering what Jeremiah had told her yesterday. It seemed that she was relatively close to her father-in-law in this life. From what she could remember, Jeremiah owned a tire shop in town, though his real passion lay with the automotive repair side of things. Lena remembered the summer she had spent here with Kara, recalling how the man had painstakingly bought and repaired old cars to sell, often making and designing his own parts. He was a considerably bright man, even if a little cheery for her taste.

 

“I bet… so your mom is really into science then?”

 

“Yeah,” Lori breathed out. "We like that stuff.”

 

For the first time since she had arrived in this new life, Lena felt a pang of jealousy. For the past thirteen years, Lena had been working at a science-based company where she did zero science. The only time she used her science-based degrees these days was reading the quarterly reports from Spheerical R and D. But the business side of things had always paid better, and Lena was very good at it.

 

Still, she couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to work in a lab again. Maybe that’s what she did in this reality. 

 

“Lori, what do I do for a livi-“

 

Her words were suddenly cut off by a large fistful of oatmeal being thrown square into her face, dripping down and onto her shirt. Lena jumped up from her seat with a start, wiping goo from her eyes while Connor let out a cackling baby laugh at the sight, his dirty hands glaringly suspect.

 

“Fuck!” Lena shouted out, rushing to the sink to wash her face while the baby continued to laugh and Krypto cleaned the floor behind her.

 

“You shouldn’t swear,” Lori’s said reproachfully.

 

“I’m covered in oatmeal,” Lena said with a scowl as she turned around, patting her face dry. “Why wouldn’t I?”

 

Lori’s mouth was set into a firm line.

 

“You have to put a dollar in the jar now.”

 

The brunette woman snorted.

 

“No, I don’t.”

 

Lori took on a frustrated look and glared up at her.

 

“Yes you do, it’s the rules.”

 

Lena narrowed her eyes.

 

“Well if I, or your mom, made the rule, surely I can break it.”

Lori shook her head and crossed her arms.

 

“It’s Mama’s rule,” she corrected. “And that doesn’t seem very fair.”

 

They stared at each other for a few seconds, both stubbornly resolute, before Lena let out a sigh.

 

“…where’s my purse?”

 

Lori didn’t have time to answer, the sliding door from outside and into the kitchen opening with a hiss and startling Lena. The brunette looked up to see a redheaded woman dressed in scrubs step inside, looking tired and haggard. Lena blinked in surprise once her initial confusion was overcome, recognising the woman as Kara’s sister, Alex.

 

She looked different than she had thirteen years ago. Her hair was cut short, and the permanently etched scowl on her face was gone. Back in college, Alex could barely stand to be alone in the same room as Lena, spending nearly the entire summer that Lena visited inside of her room listening to indie records. But now she was looking at the brunette with a broad and friendly grin. 

 

“Hey there stranger,” she called out.

 

Lori let out an excited sequel at the sight of her, jumping off her seat so she could rush over and hug her tightly around the legs.

 

“Auntie Alex!”

 

The other woman mussed up Lori’s hair fondly, grinning down at her.

 

“Monkey!” She cried out. “Good to see you, did you have a nice Christmas?”

 

Lori nodded enthusiastically.

 

“Yeah, it was cool. Santa brought me a bike!”

 

Alex gave Lena a conspicuous wink, before looking at the girl once more.

 

“He did? Pretty soon you’ll be good enough to join me and your mom on the trails, I think.”

 

Lena blinked sharply at that, put on the spot when Lori turned to look at her with an excited face.

 

“Really? Can I Mom?”

 

The brunette stared down at the girl, cursing her alt persona for liking outdoor experiences, before nodding reluctantly.

 

Alex seemed to notice her strange response, frowning slightly, before turning to face Connor.

 

“And what about my favourite nephew, huh?” She cooed, the baby grinning gamily up at her. “And why…. is he covered in oatmeal?”

 

Alex looked over at Lena and arched an eyebrow.

 

"And why are _you_ covered in oatmeal?”

 

The brunette crossed her arms decisively but aimed to keep her voice neutral.

  
“… there may have been a slight problem in the creation of breakfast this morning.”

 

Alex let out a low whistle, making Lori giggle.

 

“Wow, I’d never thought I’d see the day when Lena Danvers was rushed off of her feet.” 

 

Lena’s eyebrow twitched.

 

Lena Danvers? She had taken Kara’s last name?

 

“Usually it’s my little sister that has the whole house in a whirl,” Alex continued. “Isn’t that why you decided to rotate days instead so you wouldn’t drive her nuts with your bullet point precision?”

 

Lena’s brain hastened to catch up with the questions, and she let out an awkward cough to cover it.

 

“Yes… that’s me… Lena Danvers… perfectionist,” she said weakly, eyeing the chaotic mess she had created trying to make breakfast this morning.

 

Alex looked at her strangely.

 

“Is it just because I came off a long shift, or are you weird at the moment?” She asked, her voice filling with concern while the humour dissipated. “Kara had me running around the hospital looking for you all day yesterday, you know. Where exactly did you go?”

 

The words weren’t reproachful in any way, which made for a nice change. But the genuine caring in them hurt Lena in other ways. It was a kindness not meant for her, but for someone else who wouldn’t leave their family on Christmas.

 

“Look, Alex-“

 

Lori cut her off suddenly, and Lena thanked her stars that the little girl was observant enough to realise she was going to say something stupid.

 

“Mom, we’re going to be late.”

 

Lena blinked, nodding hurriedly.  


 

“That’s right, we’re going to be late,” she murmured out, eyeing Alex apologetically. “I’m sorry.”

 

The other woman gave her an understanding smile, though her eyes remained searching.

 

“No worries, I better be going home to get some sleep anyway,” she replied, hugging Lori and placing a quick kiss on Connor’s head. “Call me tomorrow though, we’ve got to strategise about this party. And tell my sister I said hi!”

 

She exited the house as fast as she had arrived, leaving Lena to look at Lori questioningly.

 

“Party?”

 

“New Years Eve Party,” the girl explained. “Mom helps every year.”

 

The pair of them managed to clean up the kitchen relatively peacefully, Connor still thumping his tray happily while Lori helped dry plates. The next task being making a packed lunch for Lori, Lena and Kara, the little girl insisting that Lena get two extra chocolate yogurts and extra salami on her sandwich because she was ‘settling in’. 

 

Lena didn’t have the heart to tell her that she was, in fact, a vegan.

 

They were finishing up when Kara walked down the stairs, her hair dry and now dressed.

 

“Was that Alex I heard?” She asked distractedly, pouring herself a cup of coffee and putting enough sugar into it to make Lena’s teeth rot passively. 

 

“Yeah…” Lena said softly, eyes tracing Kara’s figure wantonly and trying to get the image of her naked and glistening out of her head. “She said hi.”

 

Kara nodded once more, before turning and almost dropping her coffee at the sight of the baby drenched in oatmeal.

 

“Why is Connor covered in-”

 

A vein in Lena’s forehead throbbed, her stress hitting its peak as she cut the blonde off.

 

“Just a hiccup!” She cried out. “A little hiccup!”

 

Kara stared at her without blinking, her face blank and Lena’s stomach began to curdle unpleasantly.

 

“…Lori,” Kara finally said slowly, turning to her daughter with a smile. “Why don’t you run upstairs and pick out your outfit for today. Mommy will be up in a minute to help you.”

 

The little girl let out a delighted squeal.

 

“Ok!”

 

Lena felt a twist of dread, watching the kid and her only partner in this mess run up the stairs. She eyed Kara warily, the blonde gesturing for them both to sit.

 

“Look,” Kara began quietly after she had gathered her thoughts. “I know we’re running on tight schedules, but if we don’t do this now its just going to get put off and off like the tiling in the bathroom.”

 

Lena closed her eyes with a wince.

 

“Kara, I-“

 

“Hey,” the blonde cut her off gently. “My turn to speak, ok?”

 

Lena swallowed her words, before nodding and taking a breath.

 

“Ok.”

 

Kara stared at her with a slight frown, the crinkle deepening between her eyes.  


 

“You need to tell me what the hell is going on with you because yesterday was hell… For everyone, and especially for me,” the blonde said bluntly, a flare of anger on her face. “You behaved like a complete asshole to me, and you haven’t given me any explanation. Frankly, I’m too mad to write it off this time as a one-off.” 

 

Lena felt the twist of guilt in her grow as Kara’s anger morphed into hurt. 

 

“I’ve never… you hurt me yesterday, Lena,” Kara said softly, eyes sad. “And we don’t do that, not to each other. So the only conclusion I can come up with is that something is wrong with you.” 

 

Lena almost jumped out of her skin when the other woman reached across the table to take her hand softly, rubbing gentle fingers over it and watching her with grave concern.

 

“Are you sick?” She asked. “Did something happen at work? Did… did I do something to make you mad?”

 

The vulnerability in Kara’s voice instantly made Lena feel ten times worse, though it collided with her resentment at this situation in an ugly way.

 

“No, of course not!” Lena pretested. “You could never…I just…. I was having a dreadful day.”

 

The struggling explanation didn’t seem quite to reach the mark, because Kara’s face twisted once again and her hand pulled away.

 

“You’re saying that like it excuses your behaviour, but it doesn’t,” she continued. “I was terrified, Lena.”

 

The brunette struggled to think of what to do. Having successfully avoided emotional entanglement with another human being for many years now, she was severely out of practice on how to handle this conversation. The most she could do was try to rationalise how Kara was feeling.

 

Lena took another deep breath, before looking Kara firmly in the eye and trying to convey as much feeling as she could. She reached across the table and took Kara’s hand back, lacing them together and giving it a quick squeeze.

 

“I’m sorry,” she said sincerely. “Really.”

 

Kara’s eyes remained locked on hers for a minute, and Lena’s heart pounded in her chest. She swore, once she was back in her old life she was going to need a medical all clear.

 

“This isn’t us, Lee,” Kara whispered out. “It’s just not.”

 

For the first time in as long as she could remember, Lena felt a pang of loneliness in her chest. This may not be the way her alter ego and Kara interacted with each other, but this was very much who Lena was. 

 

Easy to anger, focused and able to keep people at arm's length.

 

She didn’t have to worry about someone else feelings, because there wasn’t anyone she cared about.

 

“I know,” she said hollowly.

 

Kara’s eyes wavered uncertainly before she let out a sigh and pulled away once more.

 

“You’re going to be late getting Connor to daycare,” she tried off, standing to her feet.

 

Lena watched her walk away, feeling strangely mournful.

 

“Yeah….”

 

Once the blonde reached the bottom of the stair, she sharply turned and gave Lena a gentle smile over her shoulder.

 

“Hey… I love you.”

 

Lena’s mind suddenly filled with a memory of the last time Kara had said this words to her face to face. Just as she was about to get on a plane to London and never see her again.

 

“I love you too,” Lena whispered back, uncomfortable with how well the words slipped from her lips.

 

* * *

 

Half an hour of pure chaos later, Lori insisting that she was going to wear a sundress in the height of winter and Connor bursting into tears twice, Lena finally managed to get them all into the minivan and on their way to drop the kids off.

 

Some people may disparage the fact that six-year-olds are perfectly capable of operating a smartphone, but Lena was thankful that day. Shockingly, her passcode was the same as her phone in her real life, though the damaged and five-year-old knockoff model did drive her slightly mad. 

 

Lori happily gave her directions, although she tended to give them late making Lena miss three turns and a roundabout. The constant Wiggles music playing through the car’s crackly stereo did make Lena scowl, turning it off halfway through the third remix of ‘Mash Potato’.

 

“I wouldn’t,” Lori said as soon as the music died.

 

“Why not?”

 

Connor’s answering wail pierced the air, and Lena reluctantly turned the music back on.

 

“Connor doesn’t like the car,” Lori explained.

 

Lena thought the baby’s bad mood had more to do with the silly way he was dressed. In a rush, she was pretty sure she had put him in backwards, but it was hard to tell with the monochromatic outfit choices he had available.

 

Lena finally managed to find the daycare centre, pulling up sharply outside its doors.

 

“This is daycare. It’s where babies go when their parents are at work,” Lori said.

 

It was a redundant statement, but Lena certainly appreciated it, Preferring to have things over-explained than not at all today. 

 

“Check,” Lena replied, briskly unbuckling her seat and exiting the van. She made her way to the back, sliding open the door and staring at the car seat and struggling for half a minute to open it while Lori watched with evident amusement. 

 

The beeping of the cars behind them stressing her out, Lena finally managed to unlock the seat, carried the baby at arm's length over to the waiting lady and handed him off.

 

The lady stared at Connor, confirming Lena’s suspicions that she had dressed him wrong. The brunette stood awkwardly for a second before speaking. 

 

“Do I get a receipt or something…?"

 

The woman looked at her like she was mad.

 

A few minutes later, Lena pulled up to the drop-off point at the local YMCA, Lori opening the door to hop out with ease.

 

“I have winter camp until four, then ballet until five thirty.”

 

“Five thirty,” Lena said with a nod. “Okay.

 

“Try not to be late because kids don’t like to be the last one picked up.”

 

Lena nodded once more, feeling slightly nervous now that her pseudo assistant was leaving her. 

 

“Got it. Good tip."

 

Lori smiled and waved.

 

“Bye…"

 

Lena watched her as she ran towards the building when the brunette suddenly frowned. A piercing unfinished thought from breakfast filling her mind.

 

“Hey! Lori!”

 

The girl turned back towards her.

 

“Where do I go now? Do I have a job somewhere?” She asked the little girl.

 

“Big Jerry’s,” Lori replied.

 

“Big Jerry’s? Jerry’s Tires?” She said suspiciously, heart filling with livid dread and anger once more.

 

“Why…?”

 

“Because you work there,” Lori said bluntly as if it should be obvious.

 

Oh no. Oh no no no, Lena thought. It can’t be. Adam couldn’t be that cruel. Making her work at a tire store. She had been on the cover of Forbes for Christ's sake. She had multiple degrees and had received a world-class education. 

 

She was Lena fucking Luthor, at this pathetic excuse for a life wasn’t hers. 

 

“You mean I sell tires… me?” She said deadly serious, a part of her unbelieving. “Selling tires????

 

Lena shrugged her shoulders and walked off.

 

The brunette turned forward to stare dully out the front window.

 

“That’s what I do. I’m a tire salesperson…"

 

* * *

 

Lena’s was driving down a busy Midvale commercial street when she spotted something a hundred yards down the road.

 

“Good Lord…” She muttered to herself, aghast once more at this entire situation.

 

A vast, three-story-tall plastic likeness of Jerry sat on a billboard above the tire and automotive store. A ten-gallon hat, lassoing a tire and looking the ridiculous part ever.

 

Clearly, Jeremiah’s business had a theme.

 

Lena approached Jerry’s from the parking lot, slowly and taking it all in.

 

It was like a Pep Boys on steroids and with a Texas theme. A big retail store for tires and auto parts, and a repair bay for everything from alignments to brake jobs.

 

Lena pulled up in a parking space with her name labelled on it in white paint and got out of the car. She slowly walked towards the tire bay where a middle-aged blonde mechanic in overalls was standing next to a large, portly salesman.

 

The second the salesperson spotted her, he called out with a smile. 

 

“Hey Lena, you happen to know the stock number on those new Michelin X1’s?”

 

Lena scratched the back of her neck awkwardly.

 

"Uh...lemme get back to you on that one…” she replied, squinting to read his name tag. “Tommy.”

 

The blonde mechanic poked Tommy in the shoulder sharply and suddenly.

 

“Thomas, why you bother Lena about that,” he said in a thick German accent. “Look it up yourself.”

 

Tommy rubbed his shoulder, and the mechanic turned to Lena with a smile of her own.

 

“Okay Lena, we talk later.”

 

She nodded amiably and then continued into the store.

 

Walking in, she looked around; the store was teeming with activity, a post-holiday sale in progress. Jeremiah spotted Lena from behind the counter and began to stride towards her with a broad smile. The brunette noted he was wearing a PRIDE pin on his lapel and felt a slight twinge in her chest at the sight.

 

“Lena, my girl!” The man called out. “You are looking mighty worse for the wear. Guess my girl must have torn you a new one for your adventuring yesterday.”

 

Lena resisted the urge to roll her eyes, but Jeremiah didn’t linger on the subject.

 

“Hey, guess who I played bridge with two nights ago.?”

 

Lena stared blankly at the older man, his moustache quivering with evident excitement.

 

“Hell, you’ll never guess. Sydney Potter. That’s Sydney Potter, Chief Executive Officer of BuyRite Transport. Only the third largest trucking company in the state. I even let the sonuvabitch win, which wasn’t easy because the guy’s been bashed in the head by Teamsters so many times his brain’s like porridge.” 

 

Lena's eyebrow arched at the mental imagery.

 

“Anyhoo,” Jeremiah continued. “He’s looking for a new parts supplier. We can handle that kind of volume, right?”

 

Lena considered it briefly, lost once again.

 

“I’m gonna have to get back to you on that, Jerry,” She answered.

 

The man made a gun gesture with his forefinger, winking at Lena, and then turned back to the activity at the counter. Lena looked around the store blankly, before spotting a very young sales associate walking by. She reached out and tapped him on the shoulder.

 

“Do I have a private office somewhere in the building?” She asked, praying that the answer was yes.

 

“Uh...sure Lena..,” the man said nervously, pointing towards the far corner of the store. “Right back there.”

 

“Thank you,” she mumbled.

 

Lena walked into the office with her name on the door, looking around and groaning. There was no leather sofa here… or bar. It’s small, cramped and cluttered, the walls littered with tire inventory and price lists.

 

Lena took a slow, sad lap of the room, before pulling out the creaky seat behind the wooden desk and sitting down. On the desk were photos of Lena, Kara and the kids, a plastic Michelin Man model, a tire-themed day calendar and a small plastic figurine of a bowler, the inscription “Bowlers Do It In An Alley” embossed on its base.

 

She surveyed the desktop briefly, then opened the top drawer, finding a personal chequebook. Lena opened it cautiously, spotting the bottom line and wincing. It wasn’t every day your finances dropped by nearly five zeroes.

 

She put it back, before picking up the “Bowlers Do It In An Alley” figurine and giving it a good look.

 

“Bowlers do it in an alley?… Community journalism… what is with these people?” She asked the air. 

 

She replaced the figurine and then opened the bottom drawer of the desk, where she spotted a bottle of Glenfiddich. She lifted it out and let out a deep sigh.

 

“At least you splurged on some decent scotch,” she muttered, shaking her head. “You must have needed this every day….”

 

She took a paper cup from her desk and poured herself a shot. Drinking it down in one gulp and then crumpled up the cup, throwing it toward the garbage can near the door.

 

She missed, of course.

 

Lena finally looked more closely at the photographs. Noting that most were family photos. A happy Lena and Kara, with Lori at the pony rides… at Connor’s birth. In every one of them, Lena is laughing.

 

“What _are_ you smiling about?” She asked incredulously.

 

Lena turned her head, spotting a small plaque on the wall  behind her. 

 

‘Lena Luthor- Lord Industries #1 Junior Employee, 2006.’ 

 

Lena raised an eyebrow.

 

“Number one...not bad.”

 

“She grabbed it off the wall and looked at it more carefully.

 

“2006…?” She mumbled, thoughts thrown back in time. “I was in London in 2006.”

 

Lena jarred into reality, looking back at herself in one of the photos.

 

“You never went to London,” she whispered out. “You never got on that plane…"

 

She stayed there a moment, in shock. She was trying to fathom that choice. Now she knew where it had all changed, the turning point in her life where this new reality had been made. A version of her had listened to Kara and stayed.

 

And all this… the minivan, the life in Midvale, the kids… This was what it had lead to.

 

The P.A. system came to life suddenly, nearly making Lena jump out of her skin at the crackle.

 

“Lena to mag wheels...Lena, you’re needed, customer waiting!”

 

Minutes later, a confused Kenny the young man from earlier, was leading Lena towards the “Mag Wheels” section.

 

“I was the number one junior employee at Lord Industries in 2006.Did you know that?” Lena said distractedly.

 

“No, I didn’t...that’s great,” the man stuttered out.

 

Lena frowned at her feet.

 

“That’s the kind of thing you can build on.”

 

“Uh huh…"

 

“I mean,” Lena continued. “M and A departments in science-based companies are always on the hunt for solid, science/business taught employees.”

 

They approach “Mag Wheels” where Tommy, the sales associate from before, stood with a customer looking at the displays.

 

“Here we are, mag wheels,” Kenny said, before looking at her with concern. “Hey Lena, are you sure you’re okay?”

 

She was getting sick of people asking her that.

 

“Well, I’m just a little confused right now about why I work here.”

 

Kenny looked at her nervously.

 

“Uh...I just started here last Tuesday.”

 

Lena nodded compassionately, and Kenny took off leaving her alone with her thoughts as the salesman approached with the customer in tow.

 

“So you’re all set on the Skip Shift eliminator and the Brembo rotors,” Tommy said to the customer, turning to face Lena with a wide grin. 

 

“Lena’s our point woman on alloy wheels… And no jokes about female salespeople!” His said, wagging his finger exaggeratory. “Customer satisfaction had quadrupled ever since Lena took over as manager.”

 

Lena stared at the man dully, suddenly feeling listless.

 

“Do you know why do I work here?” 

 

The man laughed.

 

“Exactly right, Lena,” he answered, more for the customer's benefit. “Because you’re the best damn tire expert in the state of California!”

 

He turned to face the man, pride dripping from his voice.

 

"Lena taught me everything I know about the business.”

 

The customer nodded, impressed.

 

“I taught you the business?” She asked Tommy.

 

He nodded to the customer again.

 

“And she’s a crack-up.”

 

The customer chuckled along, but Lena looked the salesman with a sharp eye.

 

“Everything I taught you. I want to hear it all, right now.”

 

Tommy looked at her, confused. An awkward silence grew, and the customer shifted, growing impatient.

 

“Hey, I’m ready to buy here.”

 

Lena faces the customer, annoyed and rushed.

 

“What do you want?”

 

“I want some alloy wheels.”

 

Lena grabbed one of the alloy rims off the shelf randomly, holding it out for the customer to take.

 

“Here. These are great. You’ll need four.”

 

The customer took the wheel from Lena, looks at it confusedly back and forth between her and Tommy.

 

“But I don’t like these.”

 

“Hey, you heard the guy,” Lena snapped out. “I’m the best damn tire expert in the state of California.”

 

The man spluttered as Lena’s focus shifted back to Tommy.

 

“Everything.”

 

“Okay,” he began hesitantly. “Rule number one, the customer is always right.”

 

A satisfied smirk grew on the customers face.

 

* * *

 

Later in the afternoon, Lena sat behind her desk, her hair mussed and on the phone.

 

“...I have no idea what our inventory level is, that’s why I’m asking you…"

 

A knock sounded on the door.

 

“Look, just send us what you sent us last month, okay?” Lena snapped out. “And keep doing that until further notice.”

 

She hung up the phone as the door opened. Jerry was sticking his head in.

 

“Got a minute, Lena?”

 

She honestly felt like screaming but nodded instead.

 

“I’ve got all the time in the world.”

 

Jerry walked in, followed by a tough-looking man in his sixties.

 

“Lena, meet Sydney Potter, BuyRite Transport, one of California’s top businessmen.”

 

Potter extended a hand, and Lena rose from her chair, trying to place the name. Suddenly it clicked.

 

“...and a helluva bridge player.Jerry’s told me a lot about you.”

 

They shook hands. Potter nodded his head at Lena, immediately impressed. 

 

Jeremiah beamed.

 

“Lucky in cards, lucky in business, lucky in love. My cup runneth over,” Potter said with a heavy southern drawl, before facing Jeremiah with a smile. “She’s a nice looking kid.”

 

Jeremiah puffed up his chest, displaying his rainbow flag pin with pride. 

 

“My daughter’s no slouch either,” he answered, before clapping Lena on the shoulder. “But she certainly bagged a good one here.”

 

The brunette felt a flush grow up the back of her neck at his words. A smile from Potter, then a severe look followed.

 

“Let’s cut to the chase, Lena,” he added, turning to her. “Jerry tells me you’re the grease that makes the wheels turn around here.I need a new parts supplier for my fleet. You seem to have the parts, that we know. What we don’t know is why the hell I should  buy them from you.”

 

Potter stared Lena down, but she wasn’t about to be intimidated by him. She paused, matching Potter’s eyes before speaking.

 

“I have no idea.”

 

Potter gave her a surprised look and an anxious laugh followed from Jeremiah.

 

“C’mon Lena-“ The man tried to say, but Lena cut him off.

 

“I mean it,” she said to Potter. “From what I can tell, we’re a mom and pop operation, we’re already over-extended in sales, and any price advantage we could offer would easily be matched by a larger supplier…"

 

She continued to stare him down.

 

“So like I said, I don’t have any idea why you should buy your parts from us.”

 

Silence descended, and Jeremiah became more nervous. Potter was the first to blink.

 

“Okay, you got my attention.”

 

Lena felt a flare of satisfaction and the warm, familiar, glow in her chest customarily reserved for when she locked in billion-dollar deals.

 

“Except for rule number one…"

 

Lena smiled.

 

“The customer is always right. A cliché? Sure. The difference is, we mean it. We’re small; we need our customers.We can’t afford to disappoint them, ever. Yeah, you could go to some leviathan supplier, probably save a few pennies on the price of oil filters, but with us, you get more than a supplier, you get a bridge partner…"

 

Potter grinned, and Lena gave Jeremiah a wink, the man watching, thrilled.

 

“You want to bid hearts, we’re right there with you,” she continued. “You feel the need to redouble; you’re not going to get any argument from us.”

 

Potter nodded slowly, and Lena moved in for the kill.

 

“The big guys may have the high cards,” she said, splaying her hand out flat on the table. “But you know as well as I do, Sydney, high cards don’t always take the trick.”

 

Potter paused a minute, watching her silently before his gaze tilted to Jeremiah.

 

“I like her.”

 

Jeremiah smiled, letting out a relieved sigh before winking at Lena.

 

"That’s my girl…” She whispered, before putting an arm around Potter’s shoulders. “C’mon, lemme show you the rest of the ranch.  


 

The men turned to exit the office, her father in law turning back to face Lena and whisper.

 

“Nice shooting, Lena.”

 

The door closed behind them, leaving her with a happy smile on her face and a warm sense of satisfaction in her chest. For the first time since she had arrived, Lena finally felt like herself. 

 

* * *

 

Later that night, Lena sat in bed watching CNBC avidly. On TV a young woman reporter was at the anchor’s desk speaking.

 

“...advancers led decliners by a nine to four ratio and the closing tick was a mildly bullish plus seventy-six. Much of the market’s action today was fueled by the latest round of merger mania to hit Wall Street…"

 

The Spheerical Industries and Queen Consolidated logos appear on a graphic in the corner of the screen, and Lena sat up sharply.

 

“...when Spheerical Industries and Queen Consolidated announced their intentions to join forces in a massive one hundred and twenty-two billion dollar stock swap deal. Though neither side expressed significant regulatory concerns at the announcement press conference, it is believed that both the FDA and the FTC will be closely scrutinising the marriage, the largest ever in the industry. When asked about possible anti-competitive implications, Queen Consolidated CEO, Oliver Queen, referred reporters to Spheerical Industries mergers and acquisitions President Eve Tesshmacher, the original architect behind the deal…"

 

Lena stared in shock as the image changes to a super confident looking Eve shaking Oliver Queens’ hand at the press conference.

 

“Ironically, Teschmeccer first met Queen at a Lamaze class…"

 

“A Lamaze class…!?” Lena shouted out, furious.

 

“…where Tesshmacher was attending, and Queen was coaching his pregnant wife, Tessmeccher and Queen struck up a dialogue about the need for consolidation in the rapidly growing medical/tech industry and two months later, the deal with Spheerical was born…"

 

Lena fisted the sheets tightly.

 

“What?! That’s my deal!”

 

“…In other business news, U.S. Labor Department officials announced today that two hundred and seventy-five thousand new jobs were created last month, twenty-five thousand less than economists…"

 

Lena continued to watch, angry and grumpy from her long day when Kara came into the room from the hallway wearing only Lena’s old NCU sweatshirt.

 

"The kids are asleep,” the blonde said excitedly, going over to the window and drawing the blinds. Lena looked up at her, nods, then looked back to the TV.

 

“Lena,” Kara called out again, pulling off her shoes hurriedly. “I said the kids are asleep.”

 

Lena nodded distractedly.

 

“Well that’s just great...those little monkeys can be a real handful,” she mumbled.

 

Kara shut off the TV and Lena looked up at her with a frown.

 

“Hey!” She snapped out. “I was watching that!”

 

The blonde pulled off the sweatshirt and threw it onto the ground.

 

“I thought we had a deal about you watching CNBC in bed.”

 

Lena’s thoughts turned bitterly back to Adam, remembering his words.

 

“I’m working on a new deal now,” she muttered out.

 

Kara didn’t seem to hear her words, instead plugging an iPod into a dock on her bedside table, a sultry sounding song starting to play.

 

“Fine, but not tonight…”

 

She climbed onto the bed, a seductive look on her face as she pulled off Lena’s socks, the brunette’s attention suddenly becoming avid as she caught on to what was happening.

 

“Wait a second,” she said, a small curl of desire growing her chest. “You want me, don’t you?”

 

Kara let out a laugh, before beginning the slow crawl up Lena’s body and straddling her waist.

 

“That is the general idea, yes…”

 

The blonde moved to kiss her, but Lena held her back with a hand to her chest.

 

“I thought you were mad at me.”

 

Kara arched an eyebrow and coy smile growing on her face. 

 

“Do you want me to be mad at you?”

 

Lena hesitated.

 

“….Is this a test?”

 

“Shut up.”

 

Kara started kissing her, but Lena was a little uncomfortable with the sudden intimacy. She pulled back, nervous all of a sudden. It wasn’t like she hadn’t done this before, but sex with Kara was different. For one, this would be the first time in over a decade. 

 

Two… it was Kara.

 

“Shouldn’t we grab some dinner first?” Lena asked while Kara played at the edge of her shirt. “Maybe a bottle of wine…?"

 

Kara pulled back slightly, looking at her with an amused expression.

 

“It’s ten thirty, Lena,” she said with a snort. “By eleven you’re gonna be sprawled out on the bed snoring your head off.”

 

Lena frowned. She didn’t snore.

“We don’t have time for wining and dining. But if you want to stop…”

 

Kara moved to shift off of her and Lena reached out to grab her wrist.

 

“No!” She said suddenly, before mustering her courage and feeding the flames of her desire. “Whatever you say…darling."

 

Kara smiled down before she started kissing her again. This time Lena just went with it, and as the blonde’s hands ran through her hair, she was brought back to a different time and place.

 

Memories of lazy mornings spent skipping lectures while they barricaded themselves in their dorm room. Saturdays at the park with kissing and ice cream. The first time Lena had taken Kara on a date, and the way their hands had intertwined on the walk home. The time that they had rushed and messy makeup sex in Lena’s car after their first argument, something about Kara taking a second job if Lena recalled correctly. The way that the blonde would moan if she pressed a particular spot on her spine. 

 

The week leading up to Lena leaving for London, falling asleep in each other's arms each night…

 

Lena momentarily pulled back and looked at Kara. It was like the first time she’s really looked at since she had arrived. She didn’t see a mother or and wife or even a woman who seemed foreign.

 

She just saw the first person she could honestly she that she had once loved.

 

“My God...you’re beautiful…” Lena whispered out, breathless as her eyes drank in Kara’s face.

 

The blonde smiled at her, almost uncomfortable with the compliment.

 

“Thanks, Lena.”

 

The brunette pulled back further, willing Kara to understand.

 

“No, I’m serious...you’re really stunning…"

 

Kara let out a slight laugh.

 

“This is good stuff, Lena, keep it coming…”

 

Lena took a moment, distracted but the blue of Kara’s eyes.

 

“I mean back in college; you were a very pretty girl, there’s no question about that. But this…”

 

Lena let out a soft sigh.

 

“...you’ve really grown into a beautiful woman…"

 

The brunette stared at her, entranced entirely, and Kara pulled back, reacting to the intensity in her stare.

 

“How can you do that?” The blonde asked suddenly.

 

“Do what?” Lena asked nervously.

 

The blonde reached out and rubbed her thumb over the bottom of Lena’s lips.

 

“Look at me like you haven’t seen me every day for the last thirteen years…"

 

Lena froze. There was so much love in Kara’s eyes, but it wasn’t meant for her. It was meant for someone who had stayed when Kara had asked. Stayed and married her and lived a built a life together.

 

This wasn’t her life.

 

Kara suddenly got a sparkle in her eyes and climbed off Lena.

 

“Don’t move.”

 

She got up off the bed and headed for the bathroom, Lena watching her with an unsettled stomach. She looked around, not sure what to do when finally she turned onto her side and closed her eyes.

 

Lena heard Kara emerge from the bathroom, stopping as she saw Lena on the bed and heard her breathing heavy with sleep. Seemingly charmed and disappointed, Kara sighed. The blonde turned off the music and heads into bed.

 

She pulled the covers up over Lena and shut off the light before crawling in behind her and wrapping an arm around Lena’s waist. 

 

Kara kissed her sweetly on the neck before whispering.

 

“‘night, honey.”

 

Lena felt her heart tightening, a hard rock of loneliness in it. 

 

A single tear slipped down her cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You like? You comment? You kudos? You follow? You tumblr? :D


	6. Reaching the Limit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have had the most horrible week... but I'm still here with some optimism at the end of the tunnel. I have come into the possession of a puppy whose previous, horrible, owner left outside and starving her whole life. Needless to say, it's been a bit of a challenge, but she's coming around. That on top of a bunch of crap... I'm just happy that this chapter is going up!

On New Year's Eve Lena found herself clutching a bowl of potato salad, trailing after Kara and the kids on their way to Alex and Maggie’s house. According to Lori, this was the biggest party of the year around here, and it was not only mandatory that she attended, but that she also contributed to the event.

 

Lena had no idea when her other self had become an aficionado of culinary activity, in college, she could barely pour cereal without lighting it on fire. But apparently, her potato salad was to ‘die for’. The nearly twenty phone calls from Alex a day asking if she would help her pick up the party hats, or the balloons or whatever stupid thing she needed was slowly driving her loopy. She had been half tempted to throw her shitty phone in the ocean as she drove past.

 

But Lena did as bid, trying to toe the line her other self had painted in this life, praying that Adam was watching and marking it as points in her favour. Lena thanked the stars that Lori seemed to have a photographic memory of all her real mom’s recipes and helped make said famous salad. 

 

During the past few days, Lena had been baffled by how much people seemed to like her. If it wasn’t all the mechanics at the tire store referring to her by her first name, it was Sam calling her twice a day. Just because she wanted to know what she thought about the date she was going on that night.

 

Or the fact that she decided not to go on a date.

 

Then wanted to go.

 

Lena found the best thing to do in these scenarios was not to say anything at all, sit quietly while people rambled around her and her eyes slowly unfocused. 

 

After a while, and a series of strange looks later, people slowly stopped assaulting her with conversation, probably assuming that she was sick and wasn’t her usual social self.

 

Frankly, Lena couldn’t care less if they thought she was on death’s door, so long as they left her alone.

 

It was a bit harder to do the same thing with her ‘family’. 

 

Sure, she liked Lori, but the kid wanted to be around her all the time. Every second of time that they were both at home, Lori would sit glued to her side. She was explaining how to do absolutely everything. Lena being an alien, needed to be taught how humans lived on Earth. 

 

She drew the line when the kid tried to follow her into the toilet, panicked that she had forgotten to tell Lena about peeing. The brunette had sat her down after that and made sure Lori understood that she did have _some_ basic knowledge on how to be a human, just not on the specifics of her life as Lena Danvers.

 

Lena Danvers… it still sounded weird in her head.

 

It was unnerving too, how the longer she spent with Lori, the more she recognised things about her. Like the way she would get unusually panicked about the time they would leave each morning, or the way she dove into anything she was invested in with a single-minded determination, unusual of many children that age.

 

It was all _so_ Lena.

 

Lena had been sitting still one night, in a rare period of quiet, staring out the window when the kid had approached her with a battered up chess board and asked her for a game.

 

Two hours later, in one of the hardest games of her life, Lena had to concede defeat to a furiously grinning Lori, leaving the older woman to stare perplexingly at the board and try to figure out what just happened.

 

But the kid didn’t just remind her eerily of herself, but also Kara. The way she had reassured Lena immediately after the game that she would probably win next time. Or how in the morning she would try to help calm Connor down, if Lena didn’t change him fast enough. The way she would gnaw on the bottom of her lip when she was nervous, and her sense of humour was all Kara. 

 

It was… unnerving to see a blend of herself and her ex in another person. It freaked her out. 

 

And it wasn’t just Lori; it was the baby too.

 

Connor, who Lena learned from Lori was eighteen months old, hadn’t said a word yet. Something that the other Lena was worried about, but Kara didn’t think was an issue. The brunette had insisted that they take the baby to a speech therapist at least once a week, something that the current Lena had to suffer through begrudgingly.

 

She was getting mightily sick of being forced into things because of her predecessor's choices in life. For one, the so-called therapist they'd hired seemed about as useful as a screen door on a submarine. They made Lena sit in the background on a far too small stool, wishing for death, while they entertained the baby with sock puppets and a bright placards. 

 

Frankly, Lena thought they would be better off saving their limited money and reading the kid something interesting at night. But, it was the old Lena’s choice. And everyone in her life was already becoming suspicious enough of her, without her backtracking on stuff she had adamantly fought for previously.

 

But she couldn’t shake the feeling that Connor was watching her with laughter in his eyes after every session on the car ride home.

 

He watched everything around him with apt fascination and interest. Eagerly picking anything up within arms reach to examine carefully, put in his mouth and throw away promptly.

 

Frankly, getting a chance to observe the kids closely was the most exciting thing about her dull days — that and spending her time avoiding Kara and all the painful, burning feelings that brought up. Thankfully, the life of two working parents left her with little time to see the blonde. Except when they fell exhausted into bed in the evening.

 

And here she was, clutching her potato salad bowl and trudging her way to a party when she’d much rather be reading a book at home and getting a few hours of blessed solitude. 

 

The second they reached the door, Kara turned and gave her a questioning look which Lena returned with a weak smile, trying to muster up some enthusiasm.

 

The crinkle between Kara’s eyes indicated that she hadn’t succeeded. Lena cursed herself for being so pathetically bad at pretending to be herself, that even the wife she hardly saw was looking at her like she was a martian. 

 

They walked into the middle of the loud a raucous party, and Lena was incidentally struck with a pang of jealousy. A feeling that she wasn’t much used to, having nearly everything she’d ever wanted her entire life.

 

Alex and Maggie’s house was much more beautiful than her’s and Kara’s. The perks of living off a doctor’s wage she supposed, with exposed beams and a view of the ocean. The furnishings were modern, and clearly, the house was at least two decades newer than hers. If Lena were ever to own a beach house it would probably end up looking something like this.

 

Expect three times as large. 

 

It was bustling with activity. Kids were running around, playing, and the adults standing in small groups, laughing. Maggie was operating the barbecue outside, beer in hand while a circle of men stood around her, taking away and passing her platters of meat. 

 

Lori immediately scampered off without a backwards glance, heading straight towards a group of children while Lena followed Kara down the corridor, the blonde greeting people with smiles and hugs. Whenever someone so much as moved to embrace Lena, she held up the salad bowl between them, thankful that she had it at that moment to stop the press of lousy cologne and sticky lipstick on her skin.

 

“After you’ve put that in the kitchen can you tell Alex that I have that thing she wanted?” Kara asked. “I’m just going to drop Connor off with Eliza, thank god she always volunteers to look after the kids.”

 

Lena didn’t get a chance to reply, Kara already pushing herself through the crowd and leaving the brunette confused about where precisely the kitchen was. She found it eventually, only to be greeted loudly by the two people working in it.

 

“Lena!” Alex cried out, rushing over to give her a quick and tight hug. “Thank god you’re here. I need you to tell Winn that his sauce is too hot.”

 

“It’s not too hot!” The man exclaimed with a scowl, the effect slightly negated by the purple polka dot apron he was wearing. “It has just the right amount!”

 

Alex rolled her eyes, before returning to a pot of whatever she was making and stirring it furiously.

 

“This is why you should never have two chefs working in the same kitchen,” she grumbled.

 

Lena put the bowl down on the table and shuffled awkwardly.

 

“Well, neither of you are chefs though…”

 

Winn and Alex both let out a dismayed breath, stopping what they were doing and glared at the brunette.

 

“Shots fired!” Winn exclaimed, faux clutching his heart. “Doctor! I need a doctor here!”

 

He dramatically slumped over the bench, and Alex made a show of checking his pulse, letting out a fake sob.

 

“Time of death, 7.36,” she cried out, before pointing to Lena accusingly.

 

“How could you do this to Winn? All he wanted to do was make a subpar sauce!”

 

Winn peeled open an eyelid, and let out a croaky groan.

 

“I…. I think….”

 

“Winn!” Alex continued, clutching his prone form. “You’re still here… but I thought we lost you.”

 

“I might still go…” He whispered, staggering to his feet and limping over to Lena, clutching her arm. “I don’t think I’ll last unless….”

 

Alex stood on Winn's other side and gave him an encouraging pat on his shoulder.

 

“Unless what, Winn?”

 

A smile crossed his face.

 

“Unless Lena tries my sauce and confirms the fact that I am, in fact, the best chef here.” 

 

Alex let out a dramatic sniff and shoved his shoulder lightly.

 

“I should have let you die.”

 

Both of them laughed at that, before turning and returning to their work. Winn held out a spoon full of sauce for Lena to taste.

 

“Seriously though, will you taste it?” He asked earnestly. “You’ve got the best palate.”

 

Lena hesitated before doing as bid, Winn watching her every expression.

 

“It’s good,” she said with an uneasy thumbs up.

 

His face fell.

 

“You hate it, don’t you?”

 

Lena rushed to reassure him, taking a cautious step forward.

 

“No, no!” She answered, hovering over the pot and staring into it with a critical eye.

 

“Maybe it just needs some…. lime?” She said cautiously. “To give it a little tang?”

 

The man stared at her silently, and Lena wondered for the millionth time if she had just said something sacrilegious that the other Lena would never say. 

 

He suddenly let out a laugh and planted a kiss on her forehead.

 

“Genius! Pure unadulterated genius!” 

 

He rushed to get what he needed from the bar set up outside, leaving Lena alone with Alex, the redhead staring at her with soft eyes.

 

“Errr…. everything ok?” The brunette asked, recalling that the other her seemed the type to be conscientious like that.

 

Alex arched an eyebrow and crossed her arms.

 

“Is everything ok with you? For the last couple of days, you seem… different.”

 

Lena swallowed.

 

“Different?”

 

Alex’s face creased with concern, and she took a few steps forward, touching Lena’s elbow gently.

 

“You’d tell me, right? If something was wrong? Because Kara called me last night-“

 

Lena felt a flash of defensiveness and pulled away.

 

“I don’t need people to talk about me behind my back,” she snapped out. “I’m fine. And if I wasn’t fine, I don’t have to tell anybody about it.”

 

Alex blinked sharply, and an edge of hurt entered her eyes.

 

Fortunately, the heavy air was broken between them when Winn reappeared, rambling about bay leaves and Lena took the opportunity to flee as quickly as possible.

 

* * *

 

It was nearly midnight by the time Lena was finally able to escape the press of people. Sam had found her within two seconds of exiting the kitchen, rounding her into a conversation about the PTA meeting with some other parents that, of course, Lena was the president of.

 

As well as a little league coach.

 

And a soccer mom.

 

After she escaped that gaggle of parents bragging about their snot-nosed kids being able to perform basic multiplication, Lena found herself roped into a boring conversation with her father in law about the fishing trip he had gone on with Eliza last month. 

 

Then she had to change Connor, and one particular overpowering stench later, spent half an hour trying to explain their latest sessions at the speech therapist with Eliza.

 

Finally, Lena found a spot in an upstairs bedroom, lying flat on her back with a groan and hoping to god that nobody came and bothered her. Her eyes were just about to close drowsily when she heard the shuffling of footsteps outside the slightly ajar door.

 

“….well someone’s got to say something,” a woman’s voice growled. “This is fucked up, and you know it. Vanishing on Christmas Day like that and the past couple of days since. Something is seriously wrong.”

 

“Just leave it alone, Maggie.”

 

Lena sat up and quietly moved closer to the door, recognising Alex’s voice and guessing that they were talking about her. 

 

“You don’t have to investigate everything, you know. It’s between Kara and Lena, not you.”

 

Maggie let out a grunt.

 

“What? After how short she’s been with everyone lately, with you tonight? Now I’m just supposed to-“

 

“I don’t need you to defend me!” The other woman cut her off angrily. “I’m perfectly capable of standing up for myself.”

 

There was a shuddering pause after that, and Lena strained her ears so she wouldn’t miss what was said next as Maggie’s voice dropped in volume.

 

“….did you see how close Lena and Imra were at that party?”

 

Lena’s eyes widened at the suspicious tone. 

 

“Maggie…” Alex began with exasperation.

 

“I’m just saying,” her wife replied huffily. "The weird behaviour… missing Christmas… Kara was calling you last night near tears….”

 

Lena frowned at that, trying to recall if Kara had been upset yesterday or this morning. 

 

But what would she know? She’d only spent a week with the woman after thirteen years apart.

 

“Oh for god’s sake, Lena is not having an affair!” Alex growled back. “She’s just been having a tough couple of days. Has it ever occurred to you that this might be a difficult time of the year for her? You more than anyone should understand what it’s like to not have your parents around because they threw you out because you were gay.”

 

Lena felt a pang of intrigue at that, even as Maggie let out a snort.

 

“Alex-“

 

“I’m just saying,” The other woman continued in a softer voice. I know she holds it together well, but everyone caves into the pressure sometimes.”

 

“….I’m telling you, Alex, something is off with her. It’s like she’s hiding something. Christmas Eve, she’s her usual self. Laughing and joking and playing with the kids, and now she’s… You remember when Connor was born? She wouldn’t let him out of her site for nearly a year. She took him to work with her for Christ’s sake! And now, she’s happy to dump him with your mom and doesn’t bother to check on him once unless she's asked by Kara to change him? Doesn’t pick him up or show him off?”

 

Lena frowned, uncomfortable. It wasn’t her fault that she was never good with children. And it wasn’t like she had time to prepare for motherhood. 

 

“And Lori… every year this time you can’t shut her up for three months about their February camping trip. But when I asked her about it this evening, she says nothings been decided. I mean it’s Lena! She plans things _decades_ in advance.” 

 

The brunette felt her heart twist in her chest. Lori hadn’t mentioned anything about a camping trip coming up, which was strange given how much the girl rambled.

 

“And don’t get me started on the way she is with Kara. They're like a couple of newlyweds once you get a couple of drinks in them, but look where Kara is tonight. Sitting with your mom while Lena is god knows where.”

 

Hiding out in a bedroom for some peace and quiet, Lena thought grumpily. Trying to avoid Kara and any… feelings… that arose when she spent too much time with her. Thirteen years spent running from the object of those feelings, and now she slept beside her every night. She'd like to see Maggie do any better in her shoes.

 

“I don’t like your tone,” Alex said warningly. “Maybe you should stop trying to find problems with my sister's marriage and focus on the ones with ours.”

 

Lena arched an eyebrow at that.

 

“Not tonight, Alex,” Maggie replied flatly.

 

“Why not tonight? When then? You’ve been putting this conversation off for the past year.”

 

“And this is the right time to bring it up?” the other woman answered, voice rising in pitch. “With a house full of guests underneath us?”

 

There was a beat before Alex let out a heavy breath.

 

“I just don’t understand why, Maggie,” she said emotionally. “Because you refuse to talk to me about it.”

 

“It’s just not a good time to have a kid, Alex,” Maggie breathed out. “I’m sitting the sergeant’s exam soon, and you’re working all the time-“

 

“I want a family, Maggie.”

 

The other woman sighed once more.

 

“….please, Alex. Not tonight.”

 

There were a few seconds were Lena swore she could hear the beating of her own heart.

 

“Fine,” Alex said bluntly. “Leave Lena alone. If she wants to talk about whatever has her behaving like this, she’ll talk about it with her wife.” 

 

Lena closed her eyes, the words sitting heavily in her heart.

 

“You know, it’s funny,” Alex continued sarcastically. “Yesterday was the first time in thirteen years that Kara has ever called me to ask for my advice, because her wife wasn’t communicating with her. And here I call her at least once a week for the answer to the same question.”

 

There was another pause, before the slow tread of footsteps sounded, walking away.

 

“Let's just get through this party,” Maggie muttered. “Then you can lecture me about what a shit wife I make.”

 

After the sound of both pairs of feet disappeared, Lena took a couple of steps backwards and sank on the bed, lost in thought.

 

The way her sister in law had defended her, especially after Lean had snapped at her earlier warmed her heart. Though it left her wondering for the millionth time when exactly she and Alex had become so close. 

 

As for Maggie, well… she wasn’t as worried as she maybe should have been, considering the other Lena might have been having an affair with Imra Daxam. Which seemed extraordinarily out of character from what she had learned of her other self. 

 

This Lena seemed to live in the same vein as herself with certain things though. For one, no social media accounts. A leftover staple from time spent with a paranoid and wealthy family. So there wasn’t much of a digital trail of her life. 

 

She had yet to be able to crack the password of her home computer, one shared between the whole house much to her chagrin. Lena had tried walking past Kara logging on, subtly. But she had never been known for her acting skills, as evident by the fact that the whole world seemed to think she was dying of a fatal illness. 

 

But as for an affair… well. It wasn’t any of her business what the other Lena had done with her life, and hopefully, she would be back at the company and cracking out mergers before any consequences threatened to turn up. 

 

Still, it was the first unbidden 'behind the scenes' bit of information Lena had gotten since she had arrived.

 

A fair bit to ponder. 

 

* * *

 

 

It was mid-January and all signs of the holiday season were gone, except for the bitter chill in the air of the busy parking lot. Kara had been planning this jaunt for weeks, to take advantage of the January sales. Lena was learning all sorts of things ever since she had arrived in this life, mostly about how to stretch food and work within a small budget.

 

Handling her money had never been something she had to concern herself with. Aside from the brief period at the end of college, when her mother disowned her, she had never been without. 

 

And memories of those ramen filled days were considerably brighter given her lovestruck attitude with a college-aged Kara. The second she started living in London, the ball just started rolling faster and faster, her income growing every year at an exponential rate. 

 

It wasn’t like this. They were working on a small fixed income. Unchanging apart from a little Christmas bonus and Kara’s tiny paycheque. Trying to raise two kids and pay off a mortgage on a house was severe enough, without the added luxuries that Lena was used to. The brands of Lena’s preferred toiletries, they couldn’t afford. The food they bought was in bulk and rotated around whatever was on special that week. 

 

It wasn’t that they were steeped in poverty, but their savings account wasn’t much of a safety net. Lena had to wonder how stressful it might be if she wasn’t working for her father in law and instead someone who might fire her far easier. 

 

It drove her mad that her former self in this life would choose this paycheque to paycheque dread when she had the opportunity to be so much more. 

 

After driving that creaking excuse for a car, that Lena was quickly learning to despise, they spent nearly two hours trudging through various departments, Lori and Connor in tow. Lena wanted nothing more than to go home as soon as possible, but Kara was seemingly on a single-minded mission but still sensing that Lena was about as interested in this trip as a child would be at an accountants office. 

 

Kara was pushing Connor in the stroller and holding Lori’s hand, passing through the Women’s Department, Lena lagging with a bevy of shopping bags in hand and a beleaguered look on her face.

 

“We’re almost done here,” the blonde called out to Lena, the brunette in her foul mood recognising the injected cheer in her words. Kara could clearly feel the anger radiating off Lena.

 

Suddenly, Lori piped up in a half whine.

 

“Mary Janes, Mama. You promised.”

 

Kara nodded and the crease between her eyes formed. 

 

“That’s right; I did promise.” 

 

She squared her shoulders.

 

“Okay, let’s make a quick stop at the kids’ shoe department, pick up my watch from the battery place, then I’ll run into the linen store-“

 

Lena had enough. 

 

“Why don’t we just go to all the stores?!” She barked out, Kara looking back at her with a start and Lori with wide eyes. 

 

“Every single store in this godforsaken shopping mall,” she continued with false cheer and gritted teeth. “We can go to them all.”

 

Lena could see the flare of anger in Kara’s eyes and the tightening in her shoulders. She knew the blonde well enough that she wanted nothing more than to shout back. 

 

A part of the brunette wanted her too. A final release for all this pretending and play acting. She was trying to live up to the ‘perfect’ Lena that she had been before the change. But Kara was a good mother and had a far stronger reign on her temper, not shouting back.

 

“You know what, Lena?” She said neutrally, but with a tightened mouth. “I’ll go with the kids. “Why don’t you just hang out here in the women’s department... okay?”

 

Lena glanced at the Women’s Department, sighed and gave Kara a nod. The blonde took off with the kids while Lena lingered, slowly floating around through the racks and trying to summon up the energy or enthusiasm to be there.

 

And that was when she saw it, the designer section. 

 

Her feet began to move steadily towards it, Lena was drawn to the neat rows of beautiful dresses like a moth to the light. 

 

It wasn’t just about the cheap clothes that she had in her wardrobe, that made her feel a banging of longing. It was everything that they represented. 

 

Class, elegance and a single life spent doing whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted to do it. It represented _her_.

 

She approached the rack, steadily pulling out a dark green cocktail dress that perfectly matched her eyes. She gently touching the soft fabric and resisted the urge to hug it close.

 

“It’s perfect for your figure,” a saleswoman said, popping up next to her.

 

Lena turned to see the lady, noting that she didn’t seem to be judging her for her current, homebody look.

 

“Would you like to try it on?” 

 

Lena looked back at the dress and nodded.

 

* * *

 

A little while later, Lena was standing in front of a mirror wearing the Prada dress. It sat well around her whole body, as if had been measured and tailored just for her. The colour was spectacular; the line is dazzling. Lena stared at herself, shutting everything else out. 

 

It was like she was seeing her old self for the first time in weeks. 

 

“You look amazing in that dress.”

 

Lena snapped out of her trance. She saw Kara standing behind her with an appreciative look on her face, Lori and Connor happily playing a few feet away.

 

“I mean...wow...off the charts great,” the blonde continued.

 

Lena watched as the woman’s eyes darkened slightly, not so subtly checking out her figure. 

 

A flare of satisfaction and confidence erupted in her chest.

 

_This_ was who she was. Not some Mom figure, running around at a mediocre job, in a mediocre house.

 

“It’s an unbelievable thing,” she answered with a soft voice, glancing back at herself in the mirror. “Wearing this dress makes me feel like a better person.”

 

Lena turned back to face Kara with a smile, noticing as the desire in the blonde’s eyes morphed into confusion, troubled at her statement. Lena brushed it off and took one final look at herself.

 

“I’m gonna buy it,” she said flatly, a grin growing. 

 

Kara raised an eyebrow, then reached out to look at the price tag.

 

“$2,400?!” She said with a disbelieving laugh. “Are you out of your mind?”

 

The words fractured Lena’s happiness in one fell swoop. She felt an ugly wave of resentment and jealousy in her heart — jealousy of her former life and resentment at everything since.

 

Lena pointed to Lori’s new Mary Janes.

 

“She got those shoes.”

 

Kara rolled her eyes at Lena’s petulant tone, making Lena’s ire spark further.

 

“Those shoes were twenty-five dollars,” Kara said with a dismissive laugh. “C’mon, take it off. We’ll go to the food court and get one of those funnel cakes you like.”

 

She is turned to walk off, calling out to the kids. 

 

“Your Mom's so silly,” evident humour in her voice.

 

Lena glared at her back, her final thread of restraint snapping as she had a moment of decision.

 

“No.”

 

Kara turned back to look at Lena, a little surprised at her flat tone.

 

Lena may have been trying to live with since she had arrived here, but it was nothing compared to what she could be. The real reason Lena lived alone was that she hated people in her space. They ate away at her sanity. 

 

And now it was all gone. 

 

“No?”

 

Lena’s face twisted with quiet rage.

 

“Do you have any idea what my life is like?”

 

Kara’s eyes widened, affronted.

 

“Excuse me?”

 

Lena barrelled into her tirade with no inhibitions.

 

“I wake up in the morning covered in dog saliva...I drop the kids off, spend eight hours selling tires retail...retail, Kara.”

 

Kara just stood there, aghast.

 

“I pick up the kids, walk the dog, which by the way, carries the bonus of carting away her monstrous crap...I play with the kids, take out the garbage, get six hours of sleep if I’m lucky, and then it starts all over again...and why is it that I always have to drive everyone everywhere?” She questioned, her voice picking up in volume. 

 

“I spend my entire day  in that slow as hell mini-van listening to Wiggles tapes and trying to figure out how the cup holders work...I’m sick of it.”

 

“Really,” Kara said in an acidic tone.

 

“What’s in it for me?” Lena’s voice bordering on hysterical. “Where are my Mary Janes? My fucking reward!”

 

Kara stared at her, shaking her head.

 

“It’s sad to hear your life is such a disappointment to you, Lena.”

 

Lena completely lost it.

 

“I can’t believe it’s not a disappointment to you!” She shouted out, Lori looking at her with wide eyes and heads turning from other customers.

 

“Jesus, Kara, I could’ve been a thousand times the woman I became.How could you do this to me?” She demanded. “How could you let me give up on my dreams like this?!”

 

Kara stared at her with disbelief and horror. 

 

“Who are you?” She whispered out, voice slightly gruff from choked back tears. 

 

Kara’s words pierced Lena and she has to avert her eyes.

 

“Look, I’m sorry,” she lowered her voice, though it still reverberated with her pain. “I’m sorry I was such a saint before, and I’m such a bitch now!Maybe I’m not the same girl I was when we got married…”

 

I never was that girl, Lena wanted to shout out. I’ve _never_ been that girl. This woman and her life that she was living now weren’t just wrong for her; it was wrong for _every_ version of her. Lena was never, in any experience, good enough or worthy enough or kind enough for any of the good things this life could offer. 

 

But she sure as hell didn’t deserve all the shit it brought either. 

 

Lena just wanted to have something, one thing to hold onto. 

One win, just for her.

 

Kara’s face was rapidly turning red, and she took a few steps towards her.

 

“Maybe you’re not!” She half shouted herself. “The Lena Luthor I married wouldn’t need a $2400 dress to make herself feel better about her life! She was the type of person who didn’t give a damn about how the world saw her because she knew that she was incredible just as she was. And money was never what made her a that.”

 

Lena stood stiffly against the tirade, a part of her brain clawing at her psyche and screaming at the lies from Kara’s lips.

 

The blonde threw up her hands and stepped back in disgust.

 

“But if that’s what it’s gonna take, then buy it.Just buy the goddamn dress. We can take the money out of the kids’ college fund.”

 

They stared at each other for a moment, a stand-off between them, before Lena just shook her head.

 

“Forget it…” She muttered out, moving to walk off and unzipping the dress as she went.

 

“We’ll get a funnel cake. It’ll be the highlight of my week.”

 

* * *

 

The blue mini-van made its way down the road to Midvale, and there was an icy silence in the car. Lena behind the wheel, Kara next to her looking out the window, anger on her face.

 

Lena churned the argument over in her head, the creeping of guilt and exhaustion already dulling her temper. She checked the rear-view mirror; and saw that Lori and Connor were both asleep in the back.

 

“Listen, I’m sorry about that back in the store,” Lena began slowly and quietly. “I don’t want to fight with you-“

 

“Stop talking.”

 

Lena’s mouth closed with a click, and they continued to drive in silence.

 

* * *

 

 

The next three days were some of the worst of Lena’s life. In the midst of her anger with her situation, she hadn’t realised how much she had grown used to certain things. Like the fact that Kara would always fall asleep with her arms around her, or that Lori would enthusiastically ramble about whatever exciting thing she learnt that day while doing her level best to teach a clueless Lena about the ways of her new life. The way they would make dinner together, or food shop together or clean together.

 

Well, Kara cleaned and Lena.... shifted things around aimlessly.  

 

But now it was all… cold. 

 

Kara slept as far away from her as possible, the awkwardness stretching out like an itchy blanket over both of them. Lena spent hours lying rigidly too, staring at the ceiling and, listening to Kara’s short breaths that meant she was awake. 

 

Her mind scrambled at the evident fracture in the relationship between them, but she wasn’t naive enough not to see it coming. After all, she had spent nearly half a month moping about like a moody teenager. And it wasn’t like she could explain adequately why exactly she was so pissed off. 

 

Kara would think she was utterly insane, rambling about alternate lives. It wasn’t like Lena didn’t want to talk to the blonde and apologised, but whenever she so much as broached the subject Kara would shut her down.

 

Like she didn’t even want to hear her.

 

It was slowly becoming frustrating, the silence and space between them. 

 

And the silence and space between her and Lori.

 

No longer did the little girl light up enthusiastically at the sight of her, no longer did she ramble. Instead, she seemed to retreat into herself, and no matter how much Lena would prod her into talking, the little girl refused.

 

It pained Lena’s heart to see the usually vivacious kid silenced, reminding her all too horribly of the way she used to be at that age. Expected to sit quietly and not bother her parents with anything at all. 

 

But even though Lori was technically hers, for all intents and purposes, she was her mother. And she wanted her child to be happy. 

 

That was how they found themselves down at the seashore one day, still cold but the sun was shining. Lena told a stony Kara that she wanted to take the kids out, the blonde giving her a short nod in exchange. They made there way down the boardwalk side by side; wrapped to the nines while Lena pushed Connor along, looking very much like a butterball in his jacket. 

 

“How are you doing, Lori?” The older woman started cautiously to the silent girl. “I feel like we haven’t been talking much these days.”

 

Lori shrugged in response and Lena rummaged in her head for what to say next.

 

“Well, are you enjoying being back at school? You never did tell me what science project you’ve been assigned?”

 

The little girl had been chattering non-stop ever since she had returned to school about their annual science fair, but as with everything else she had gone radio silent.

 

“It doesn’t matter,” Lori mumbled out. “I can do it with Granpa.”

 

Lena felt a pang of hurt at the rejection.

 

“I thought you and your mom always did it together.”

 

“You’re not my mom though.”

 

Lena’s heart skipped a beat at that, and grew cold.

 

Of course, Lori was right. She wasn’t her mother.

 

Then why did it feel so painful to be reminded of it?

 

“Oh… ok then,” she answered.

 

They walked for a few more minutes quietly, the only sound being Connor’s stroller thumping along the hardwood. Lena spent the time gathering her thoughts, trying to think of how a good parent would handle this situation even if she wasn't one

 

Lena almost rolled her eyes at the way she was overthinking this. There was only one question she had to ask herself. If she was a child, what would she have wished her mother would have behaved when she was upset. 

 

Kindly.

 

“Lori, I’m sorry about what happened in the store the other day,” Lena began sincerely, trying to catch the girl’s eye even as she stared down at her feet. 

 

“I should never have yelled at your Mama that way, and I especially shouldn’t have done it in front of you and your brother. It wasn’t ok, and I’m sorry.”

 

There was an echo of silence, minus the crashing of the waves, between them before Lori looked up at her with watery eyes.

 

“…Mama is really mad, and she never gets mad… Mom never gets mad like that either.”

 

Lena pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed.

 

“Well, clearly your mom is far more evolved than I am….” She murmured out. “But still, I’m sorry.”

 

The girl suddenly burst into tears at her words, alarming Lena. 

 

“….I didn’t… I’m sorry I made you mad too,” she cried out. “We can take back my Mary Janes if you want to. So you can get that dress. You looked really pretty in it.”

 

Lena swallowed the pit in her throat. What an idiot she was. She’d had a temper tantrum in the mall and now Lori thought it was somehow her fault. It was the very thing that had driven her into isolation as a child, as well as leaving severe emotional scars. The constant fear that she was fucking up somehow. That something was wrong with her.

 

She never wanted to make a child feel that way.

 

“Oh… oh no, sweetheart. I don’t want… I didn’t…..”

 

Lena crouched down, so she was eye level with the little girl.

 

“I want you to have your shoes, Lori,” she said quietly, reaching out with the back of her hand to wipe the tears from her cheeks. “I love that you have them.” 

 

Lena ceased her wiping and gripped Lori’s shoulders gently with her hands, squeezing.

 

“It makes me very happy to see you happy.”

 

Lena felt tears prick the back of her eyes.

 

“And I was never mad at you,” she said huskily. “You’re one of the few things that…” 

 

She swallowed the last of the words, before continuing on a different vein. 

 

“I’m sorry I made you feel that way. You’ve got to be the kindest, most intelligent and most interesting kid I’ve ever met, ok? I don’t want you ever to feel like you can’t tell me something, even if it’s that you’re mad at me or that you’re.. scared of me or that you’re sad.” 

 

Lena pressed her hand over Lori’s chest, over her heart.

 

“Your voice matters,” she continued, their eyes locked. “How you feel matters, ok? I never want you to forget that.”

 

Lori’s lip wobbled once more before she reached out and gripped her tightly in a hug.

 

“I didn’t want to… make you mad,” she sobbed into Lena’s neck.

 

The brunette woman returned the death grip gently and began to rub what she hoped were comforting circles on the other girls back. 

 

“Oh darling, never with you,” she whispered out, the truth slipping from her mouth easily. “Not really. And I’m so sorry that I’m here when your mom isn’t.” 

 

Lena felt selfish and shamed. This horrible trick by fate affected far more people than just her.

 

There were innocents at play here.

 

Children.

 

“This isn’t fair to you either,” she continued quietly. “You need your mom.”

 

Lori let out a shuddering breath, before pulling away and wiping the last tears from her eyes.

 

“It’s ok…. I know she’ll be back.”

 

Lena wished she had a tenth of this child’s optimism. 

 

“How can you know that sweetheart?” She asked, disbelief colouring her voice despite herself.

 

The little girl frowned, considering the words before she reached out and tapped Lena’s heart.

 

“I know… in here.”

 

Lena looked down at her finger, wondering at the mysteries of a child’s mind and dreams. 

 

What was she to say to that?

 

“Fair enough,” she said with a breath, standing to her feet lightly and shaking them to get blood flow back.

 

The pair began to walk off again, Lori slowly regaining her usual bounce and enthusiasm.

 

“Do you have kids? On your spaceship? Do you have a family?”

 

Lena blinked at the question, the cavernous gap that had existed in her chest ever since that night that Kara wanted to sleep with her. 

 

Empty and alone.

 

So very alone.

 

“…no. I don’t,” she murmured in reply.

 

The little girl frowned at that, thinking about something before a happy grin stretched across her face.  


 

“We can be your family if you want. At least until Mom gets back and you have to go home. I don’t mind.”

 

The words made Lena feel minutely better, but she knew well enough in the dark corners of her heart that this was never going to be a life that would _ever_ be real for her.

 

She was alone and rich, and she didn’t need anything else. 

 

“That’s very kind of you,” She answered before her nose picked up the faint smell of food on the wind. Lena spotted a food truck sitting a little bit down the way.

 

“Hey, are you hungry?” She asked.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Let’s get something then.”

 

They were stopped by the truck, standing in line behind a few other lost souls on this bitter day, when her eyes were drawn to a building sitting on a cliff in the distance.

 

“Hey, Lori? What’s that?” She asked the girl, pointing in its direction.

 

Lori followed her finger.

 

“The Observatory.”

 

Lena squinted a but and noted the old telescope was sticking outside of the roof.

 

“Wow, I didn’t know Midvale had an observatory,” she mumbled to herself before turning to the little girl with an encouraging grin.

 

“You and your mom must have spent a lot of time up there then,” she replied, nervously shifting on her feet.

 

“Do you… well… maybe you and I could go one time? If you wanted to of course.”

 

The little girl reached out to take her hand then, sending a lightning bolt of warm happiness when she squeezed it.

 

“That’d be cool.”

 

Lena tried to fight the smile growing on her face and moved up the line, ordering the pair of the fish tacos to eat as they walked along.

 

They chewed eagerly as they strolled along the boardwalk, Lena trying her level best not to drip aioli all down her front.

 

“So are we all good then?” She asked after she finished hers.

 

The little girl didn’t reply, and Lena turned around with a frown.

 

“Lori?”

 

Her blood ran cold. Lori had fallen to the ground, clutching her stomach while she let out wheezy breaths. Lena rushed to her side, noting the shattered taco next to her and remembered with a start one of the first things the girl had told her about herself.

 

Allergic to shellfish. 

 

“LORI!” She shouted out, panicking as she watched the girl’s face puff up. “Shit, fuck… the fucking tacos.” 

 

Her mind scattered, scrambling and racing.

 

“Epipen…. epipen…” She murmured to herself, before looking up at the few people staring at her with mouths opened. 

 

“WILL SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE!?” 

 

She turned back to the struggling girl.

 

“You’re going to be ok, sweetheart.”

 

At those words, Lena rushed to the stroller. She remembered spotting a first aid kit when she had packed it, praying that it contained an epipen.

 

With a breath of relief, she found it. She rushed back over to the girl and plunging it into her thigh.

 

The girl's convulsions began to ease almost immediately, Lena gripping her closely and rocking back and forth as she stroked her hair.

 

“Shh… shh…. it’s ok, sweetheart,” she whispered out, her own hands shaking as the sequence of rushed events flashed over in her mind again and again.

 

She’d almost killed her daughter.

 

“Mommy?” The little girl let out a croaked whisper.

 

Lena burst into tears at the word, pressing a kiss to the girl’s dark hair.  


“That’s right,” She answered, tears falling. “Mommy’s here. I’m not going anywhere. I’ve got you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	7. Cake Wars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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The ride to the hospital had been the longest of her life. The ambulance almost refusing to let her take the baby with them, suggesting that she drive behind them. Lena thought her glare could have melted an iceberg with its heat until the paramedic had reluctantly agreed. 

 

They were met almost instantly by Alex, who had heard the call come in, the redhead moving the little girl to a room so she could monitor her after assuring Lena that she would be ok.

 

Then Alex spent the next few minutes trying to calm Lena’s tears.

 

“It’s ok, Lena… She’s ok,” she sounded out, patting the brunette’s back.

 

Lena had no idea what was happening to her anymore. The stress of this whole situation had just kept compounding on top of each other. The fact was, she had spent the past thirteen years cordoning off her heart from everyone else, the realisation that she had inadvertently started to care again. 

 

And it burned her.

 

“Can you… can you call Kara?” Lena asked hoarsely. 

 

Lori needed her mother.

 

A real one… whose child she almost killed.

 

Jesus Christ, this was a mess.

 

Alex had reassured her that she would, before leaving Lena to sit by a sleeping Lori’s bed while Connor played with his fistful of plastic keys.

 

Nearly twenty minutes passed before Kara rushed in, looking a stressed as Lena felt. She moved to speed towards her daughter, but Lena halted her with a finger to her lips.

 

She didn’t want Kara’s screams to wake Lori up.

 

They both moved to walk outside, Lena bracing herself for the justified anger that was sure to be sent her way. 

 

“Are you ok?”

 

Lena blinked in surprise at Kara’s worried question, feeling a wave of self-loathing at the undeserved way the blonde cared about her.

 

“Am… am I…? I’m fine,” she murmured out. “But Lori… She had an allergic reaction because of the tacos I bought her and I was too stupid to check… I knew they had fish, but I didn’t ask if there was shellfish too.” 

 

Lena felt fresh tears spring to her eyes, and she averted them to the ground, ashamed.

 

“I forgot to ask about shellfish,” she whispered out. 

 

Lena began to cry and immediately felt a cold finger beneath her chin, tilting it upwards so Kara could look at her properly.

 

“Hey now,” the blonde said soothingly. “It wasn’t your fault.”

 

Lena jerked away, not wanting to sink into the comfort Kara was so readily offering. That had always been the problem with them. Kara was so willing to nurse her, and she was so addicted to it. Lena would flagellate herself over every mistake she made, sinking into a pool of self-loathing and then Kara would be there, to warm her like the sun.

 

It had been a bandaid solution that Lena had been forced to tear off once she left for London and the distance between them brought it to cold, harsh light. 

 

Lena didn’t want to be dependant on anyone. Ever. She needed to be able to stand by herself both financially and emotionally. So she cut it off. Preferring to relish in her accomplishments and burgeoning arrogance than face the empty pit in her heart.

 

What shame she felt now. Head of Mergers and Acquisitions of a Forbes 500 company and all she was able to do was nearly kill a child. 

 

“It was my fault!” She said harshly, bitterly. “I’m her…”

 

The word caught in her throat, and she turned her head slightly so she could look at the little girl, looking so small lying in a large hospital bed.

 

“Mother,” she breathed out, before turning back to face Kara. 

 

“I’m supposed to protect her,” she choked out. “I’m supposed to look after her. And instead, I almost killed her.”

 

Lena would never be able to look after anyone. Every person that ever came close to her heart she hurt.

 

Every time.

 

Kara let out a heavy breath, the first time looking every inch of the thirteen years they spent apart.  


“You didn’t though,” she whispered out, reaching for her once more.

 

Lena pulled away. A flash of hurt crossed Kara’s face before she dropped her arm and let out another heavy breath. 

 

“It was a mistake,” the blonde continued. "And she’s still here.”

 

Lena felt the start of a headache form. She turned away from Kara, looking at the sleeping kid on her hospital bed. Everything in this life was so wrong for Lena, but these people didn’t deserve the pain that she was bringing them with every second that passed.

 

And Kara was kind and good; she was able to see the best in everybody even if it wasn’t there. 

 

She always tried to see the best in Lena. 

 

“That’s not… How can you be so calm with me?” She demanded suddenly, anger and frustration with herself lacing her voice. “I almost killed your daughter!”

 

For a reason Lena couldn’t fathom, the blonde smiled. How was she not madder? How did she not want to throw her from rooftops and light her on fire? It was all that Lena deserved, for being a cold, cruel and self-centered human being. 

 

“Our daughter, Lena,” Kara replied firmly. “And I’m not… I already spoke to Alex, and that helped me calm down a lot.” 

 

Lena gritted her teeth and frowned. The image of Lori lying writhing on the ground playing over and over again in her mind.

 

Kara watched her struggle for a few seconds before she breathed out her thoughtful reply.

 

“Look, I know you don’t think so right now,” the blonde whispered. “But this could’ve happened to anybody. It could have been me. It was me, remember? On her fifth birthday?”

 

Lena felt hot tears sting the back of her eyes and she blinked them away. Her hands began to shake once more with the shock of it and wondered if the image of Lori on the ground would ever leave her brain.

  
  
“Yeah, but-“

 

“And don’t ever imply that you’re a bad mother,” Kara cut her off bluntly.

 

Lena looked up, unable to hide the fact that those were her very thoughts. Kara’s blue eyes were watching her every expression with warm light. 

 

“You were there, and you did protect her,” she insisted. “You were the one who injected the epipen. You saved her life.”

 

It was all too much for Lena. Too many feelings in all different directions. She was on the board of a billion dollar company, with a single meeting she could call for the firing of thousands of people, yet Lena had never felt as responsible for other people as she did now. 

 

It was terrifying that somewhere on a different path in life, she had chosen to open her heart to all these people. Because Lena was never couldn’t be a good mother, or a good wife. 

 

The memory of her mother’s sneering face floated to the top of her mind — the coldness of her childhood and the way she had rejected her, time and time again. 

 

She was incapable of love; she was unworthy of receiving it.

 

The tears began to fall down her cheeks, and she let out a sob as she tried to hide her face in her hands.

 

“She never would’ve…”

 

Lena couldn’t even finish the words, her sobs escaping shamelessly.

 

The brunette’s edge of crumbling sanity suddenly stopped shifting, when she felt Kara grip her in a warm hug. Lena collapsed into it, not caring anymore if it made her weak.

 

“Oh, honey…” Kara whispered out, her breath tickling Lena’s neck as she gripped her tightly. “Only I would marry the most self-deprecating woman on the planet.”

 

Kara pulled away so she could look directly at Lena, pressing their foreheads together as the brunette continued to cry.

 

“I sometimes forget when I look at you, because you’re so confident with everybody, that sometimes you hurt so much inside,” she said softly, rubbing small circles on Lena’s back. 

 

“You _are_ a good mother, Lena,” she insisted. “And I know you’re comparing yourself to Lillian right now, but you’re not her at all.”

 

Lena felt a mixture of exhaustion and relaxation descend over her.

 

“How did you-“

 

Kara cut off her weak words with a soft laugh.

 

“Because I know you, Lena,” her small smile stretching.“Everything about you, I know.” 

 

And so did Lena. She knew that Kara knew her better than anyone else on this earth.

 

And that thought was terrifying.

 

“Do you think Lillian would’ve have taken her daughter out, to help her open up when she was sad? Would Lillian have apologised to you?” 

 

Kara laughed at Lena’s frown.

 

“Don’t look surprised,” she teased. “I know that’s what you were doing today…”

 

Kara pulled away properly so she could smile down at Lena with her sky blue eyes.

 

“My point is, you don’t have to worry about being a better mother than her,” Kara continued. “Because you’re a fantastic one.”

 

Lena felt her heart shatter apart along with the last of her emotional walls. More tears began to fill her eyes, and her head dropped to rest on Kara’s chest.

 

“How can you even talk to me after the way I’ve been treating you these last few weeks?” She asked hoarsely, eyes burning with a red edge of tears. “I’m so sorry, Kara. About what I said in the store… I just….” 

 

She took a shuddering breath.

 

“I’m sorry I’m not the same person you married,” she continued brokenly.

 

Kara’s fingers curled in her hair and began to stroke her head softly.

 

“Shhhh…. it’s ok, sweetheart,” she comforted. “It’s ok that you’re not the same person. Thirteen years has changed you, but I love who you are now.” 

 

Lena still felt terrible, and even though she knew that she didn’t deserve it, and this love wasn’t meant for her. With her eyes closed and in Kara’s arms, she was able to pretend it was.

 

“I love you,” Kara repeated. “It’s ok to have doubts and fears… and to be unsatisfied, I just want you to talk to me about it, ok?”

 

Lena let her thundering heart slow down and took a few deep breaths before she whispered out her acceptance.

 

“Ok.”

 

Kara pulled back at her words, staring down at her for a few more moments, eyes tracking her face before she leant forward a pressed a slow kiss against Lena’s lips. 

 

The brunette relished it, trying to make herself live in this moment forever. 

 

With Kara just loving her.

 

But it wasn’t to be; the blonde pulled back and away. 

 

“Good… now, I’m going to go and cry over Lori like she just won an Olympic medal,” Kara said with a smile. “I’m pretty sure my fear will come pouring out the second I see her eyes.”

 

* * *

 

A few hours later, Lena was sitting beside Kara next to Lori’s bedside. Eliza had come by earlier to pick up Connor, Lori waking up for a bit to say hello to both her and her Kara, before falling back to sleep. Lena looked at her sleeping daughter, a sense of softness in her chest as the lingering panic faded.

 

It was strange how attached she had grown to the little girl in such a short space of time, but attached she was. When she was waiting with her for the ambulance to arrive, Lena had forgotten for the first time since she had arrived that Lori wasn’t her daughter.

 

That this wasn’t her life.

 

“I am sorry about… everything,” She began slowly, eyes not leaving the road. “I don’t want to fight with you. But you must sometimes wonder how we ended up here. I mean back in college, did you see us…”

 

She gestured around the shitty van, broken cupholders and all.

 

“…here...?"

 

Kara turned to her with a tired smile.

 

“I’ll give you this; life has thrown us a few surprises.”

 

Lena nodded, trying not to snort. 

 

“It has, hasn't it? So if you had to...what would you say was the biggest surprise? Just out of curiosity, just asking.”

 

Kara glanced at the kids sleeping in the back, before looking back to her and speaking quietly.

 

“Well...Lori for one. I mean, we were just a couple of newlyweds. I hardly think we were prepared for my cousin, who I hadn’t seen since I was a child, to die and leave us an infant with nowhere else to go.”

 

Lena tried to wrestle with that new information. The question of Lori’s origin finally being answered. 

 

“That sounds like an insane surprise!” She said with a hysterical laugh, trying to cough and cover it when Kara frowned at her weirdly. 

 

“Yeah…that must’ve been...I mean that was very unexpected,” she mumbled out with a shrug. “But what are you gonna do, right?”

 

Kara arched an eyebrow. 

 

“I think it worked out okay, don’t you?” She said dryly.

 

“Sure,” Lena replied, distracted with the thoughts of how they had managed it. “I really like Lori.”

 

Kara scoffed and let out an incredulous laugh.

 

“Good, Lena. Maybe we’ll keep her.”

 

Lena blinked and rushed to correct herself.

 

“No, I love Lori! I just… I’m….”

 

Confused, she wanted to say.

 

Lena let out a breath instead, before continuing her questioning.

 

“We had a lot of good times back then though, didn’t we?” She tried, optimistic.

 

Kara smiled whimsically, clearly remembering.

 

“We were young…” She sighed out fondly, before looking at Lena.

 

"Remember that little place on Cooper Street we used to go to?”

 

“Cooper Street?” Lena questioned, ruminating as she tried to place the name. “In the Hub?When we were living in Stanton Hub…?”

 

Kara nodded, rolling her eyes and Lena rushed to continue.

 

“I mean… great times.” 

 

It would have been, Lena thought. Stanton Hub was one of the best up and coming areas in National City. Rent there now cost a fortune, but it was nearly at the centre of everything.

 

That just confused her more.

 

“Why’d we ever leave?” She asked the air.

 

The blonde shrugged.

 

“Well, you can’t really raise a kid in an apartment in the Hub…"

 

Lena nodded, starting to piece it together. 

 

A young couple, making something of themselves. She worked at Lord Industries in R and D…. When out of the blue, they had a baby on their hands.

 

“The trek out to the hospital every day didn’t help either…”

 

Lena tried not to frown at Kara’s words, confused once more. Kara gave her a soft look.

 

“You were great,” she whispered. “Surviving the heart attack was one thing…”

 

Lena felt a stab of alarm, staring at her with shock.

 

“You had a heart attack!?”

 

“Lena, stop that. I’m still stressed out…”

 

Lena tried to relax, tried being the operative word. Did Kara have a heart attack then?

 

Did Lena?

 

Kara let out a breath, still smiling. 

 

“...who knows what would’ve happened if you hadn’t stepped in at the store.”

 

And it all suddenly clicked, Lena nodded in understanding.

 

“That’s why I work for Jeremiah,” she breathed out. 

 

Another look from Kara and Lena recovered with an enthusiastic smile.

 

“I mean, that’s why I work for Jeremiah!”

 

Lena looked out at the road a moment, laying out all the pieces, the whole story together in her mind.

 

“So we got a baby, Jeremiah had a heart attack, we bought that house, and I’ve been working for him ever since…” She summed up, staring out into the darkness of the night.

 

“Sayonara, finance world.”

 

Kara frowned, and Lena gave her a side look.

 

“Our life in a nutshell.”

 

The blonde stared out of the car for a few moments before she replied.

 

“If you want to look at it that way…” 

 

“How would you look at it?”

 

Kara glanced again at the kids in the back seat, then at Lena with a tired, but happy, smile.

 

“A great success story… Ongoing, but still…”

 

The words made Lena smile too. She had always admired Kara’s optimistic outlook even if she could never bring herself to share it. 

 

Why didn’t her other self fight for more? Demand more from her life? If it had been her, she would’ve…

 

Lena felt a wave of regret. 

 

It wasn’t her, and it would never be real, even though tonight she wished for it to be. 

 

* * *

 

The next night Lena was standing in the middle of a crowded bowling alley, wearing an awful polyester shirt, bearing the large Big Jerry’s logo on the back. The sound of people talking and laughing, mixed with the knocking of pins and the smell of sweat and buffalo wings.

 

Lena stood at a lane holding a bowling ball, the nickname “The Hammer” emblazoned over her bowling shirt pocket. She approached the line and threw the ball down the lane.

 

It was ugly, as it had been all night — the ball careening off the hardwood and into the gutter.

 

The familiar nineties graphics of a bowling pin crying played out on the screen above her and she felt a flash of rage.

 

“Damn!”

 

Sam spoke out behind her, clearly annoyed. 

 

“Jesus, Lena, this is a league match, for god’s sake!”

 

Lena turned, Sam and the rest of the bowling team, consisting of Winn, Maggie, Tommy and James, sat in the scorekeeping area watching Lena make a mockery of the sport they loved so much.

 

Maggie had been watching her all night like a hawk, something that was slowly driving her insane. She questioned Lena rather harshly about what had happened yesterday with Lori — musing out loud that Lena was usually obsessively careful about what her daughter ate.

 

The brunette had snapped at that, shooting Maggie a glare and speaking through gritted teeth.

 

“My daughter almost died, Maggie. Don’t you think I feel shit enough?”

 

The other woman had shut up after that, Sam also shooting her a glare, but Maggie continued to watch her every move.

 

Lena scowled at Sam, walking back towards the group as they all gave her disappointed looks.

 

“Where’s your follow through?” Sam continued “Where’s your stance?”

 

Lena let out a frustrated grunt.

 

“Hey, I’m doing the best I can…”

 

She huffed and muttered to herself.

 

“I’d like to see you hit a squash ball after seventeen beers…”

 

Lena turned to pick up the ball that had returned.

 

“You’re right,” Sam said in a calmer voice. “Why am I so competitive!? Compensation, I guess. Look, just focus, Lena. You can still pick up the spare…”

 

The other woman led a round of encouraging claps, and Lena picked up the ball, stood in front to the lane a genuinely tried to focus. 

 

“You are Lena Luthor,” she murmured to herself, trying to block out all the other noise. “You’re better than this sport.You shot the rapids at Kenai. You ran with the bulls at Pamplona.You jumped out of a plane over the Mojave Desert, for Christ’s sake. You can do this.”

 

Lena took a deep breath, putting everything she had into the throw, heaving the ball down the lane with as much grace and power as she could muster… then hitting the six pin and taking out four others.

 

Lena let out an excited shout, pumping her fist.

 

“Yeah!!”

 

She turned with a grin, facing the team but they couldn’t seem to care, just stared at her gummy. Lena felt her frustration return, and she took her seat with another scowl. 

 

“Okay, James,” Sam said to the tall man, patting his knee. “You’re up.”

 

* * *

 

Lena walked out of the women’s room at the bowling alley, heading back toward the lounge when she saw a familiar face walking towards her. Imra in a tight, red bowling outfit, carrying a bowling bowl to a far lane.

 

The woman noticed her at the same time as Lena, smiling coyly. 

 

“Hi, Lena…"

 

Lena felt a moment of confusion and uncertainty, before her old confidence surge and she smiled back. Then...

 

“Imra, right?”

 

The woman let out a light laugh.

 

“Very funny,” she sounded out. “I saw you out there on lane five. What do you have the flu or something?”

 

Lena felt her ego grow as the other woman checked her out.

 

“Something like that.”

 

Imra’s smile turned sultry and winked at the brunette.

 

“Need a nurse?”

 

“You’re a nurse?” Lena shot back.

 

Imra laughed again as if the brunette had just said the funniest thing in the world.

 

“If that’s what you want…” Imra answered, before brushing past Lena, letting her free hand trail over her waist. 

 

Lena felt a trail of heat light up from where her fingers had landed, and followed the other woman with her eyes for a beat. The way the woman had been with her at the party and the conversation she had overheard between Alex and Maggie at the forefront of her mind.

 

“Wait for a second,” Lena called out, the woman turning to look at her questioningly.

 

“Are we…?"

 

The woman tilted her head questioningly.

 

"Are we what, Lena?”

 

Lena hesitated, tilting her head before deciding not to mince her words.

 

“Is there something going on between us?”

 

Imra seemed surprised at Lena’s directness. She stood there for a beat, then walks back toward her. Waiting until she was only a few steps in front of her before she spoke in a low voice.

 

Lena noted the way the other’s woman’s iris’ had dilated.

 

“Are we finally being honest?” The woman asked huskily.

 

The green-eyed woman nodded in response.

 

“It would help me if we were.”

 

The other woman took a shuddering breath, and for the first time, her sultry facade cracked with a shiver of nervous anticipation. 

 

“Okay, you’re right,” she said with a tight smile. “We’ve been dancing around this for years…"

 

Imra looked a little flush, and she briefly fanned her face.

 

“God, my heart is racing,” she muttered, a lifting laugh before she took a breath and continued. “Here goes...When I get dressed for a party, and I know you’re going to be there... well, let’s just say I don’t go strapless because my husband likes it…"

 

Lena arched an eyebrow, but the corner of her mouth tilted upwards in a self-satisfied smile.

 

“I’ve got six sets of snow tires piled up in my garage, and I won’t even drive in the snow,” Imra continued. “And our kids just happen to be in the same ballet class every year?”

 

She reached out to pick a piece of lint off Lena’s shirt, her fingers lingering before they dropped.

 

“So, if you’re asking me whether I’d like it to be more, the answer is yes…"

 

Despite all the lead-up, the statement still surprised Lena somewhat.

 

"...and Kara would never have to know.”

 

Lena considered it for a moment, highly flattered that even with her current state in life that she still had some sex appeal to other women. 

 

Imra smiled widely when she didn’t reject her words.

 

“Mike’s out of town with the kids this week,” she whispered with a wink. “Why don’t you just stop by…"

 

She turned, leaving Lena standing there, watching her sashay back to her lane.

 

The brunette swallowed, her ego stroked thoroughly while her imagination ran for a minute. Until the image of Kara suddenly floated to the front of her brain, making her feel…

 

Lena shook her head and began to walk back towards the lounge, a little dazed as she headed over to a table where Sam was sitting, drinking a beer.

 

"Hey Lena,” Sam said with a smile when she spotted her. "You’re all flush. I guess that seventy-one took a lot outta you.”

 

Lena sat down, her mind still churning as a self-satisfied smile grew on her face.

 

“I just saw Imra Daxam.”

 

Sam snorted into her drink.

 

“She is relentless.”

 

Lena arched an eyebrow.

 

“She wants to have an affair with me.”

 

Sam choked on her beer and spluttered for a minute, staring at Lena with wide eyes.

 

“She said that?” She questioned.

 

Lena’s grin amused grin widened, nodding as her eyes shifted over the room to see Imra bend and throw a bowling ball.

 

"Pretty much,” she answered slowly in reply.

 

There were a few seconds of silence before Sam let out a disgusted sound.

 

“Oh for god’s sake. Would you just give it a rest?”

 

Lena blinked in surprise, looking back at Sam and frowning under the fierce glare the other woman was levelling her with.

 

“What are you talking about?” Lena asked.

 

Sam scoffed, dropping her beer on the table and gesturing to Lena.

 

“The flirting, the looks… And I know you would never act on it…”

 

Sam paused and shook her head.

 

“Or who fucking knows with the way you’ve been behaving these days… but it’s a shitty thing to do to Kara.”

 

Lena felt a bristle of defensiveness.  


 

“I honestly have no idea what you’re talking about right now,” she bit out.

 

Sam rolled her eyes.

 

“Oh come on,” she huffed out sarcastically. “You’re a good person so I guess it might be ok for you to have one vice. Being that you’ve always loved it when girls bat their eyelashes in your direction.” 

 

Lena felt insulted at the words but didn’t have a chance to respond as Sam counted to dress her down with her words.

 

“But this isn’t about flirting with housewives so their husbands by your tires, this is a person who had been shamefully flirting with you in front of everybody. In front of your wife, for fuck’s sake…and you’ve never said shit! It’s half a foot away from sleeping with her and showing Kara the tape.”

 

Lena felt stung and angered by Sam’s words. What gave her the right to speak so condescendingly to her? Lena was her own person, and she certainly wasn’t going to be told how she should behave by a woman that spent nearly all the time they were together, following her around like a puppy. 

 

“Firstly, It wouldn’t really be cheating,” she huffed out, getting even more annoyed as the other woman gave her another disgusted look.

 

“It’s complicated…. But I would never do that to Kara,” she insisted soundly.

 

Her own words jarred her mind, but she knew in heart that it was true. She and Kara may not be together in real life, but here they were married. And that more than anything should mean something.

 

All the same, she didn’t need to be lectured on her choices by a woman she barely knew.

 

“Look,” Sam began again in a kinder, but still tight, voice. “Maybe I’m not as good a consigliere as you are, but you have to trust me on this one. I’ll spell it out again nice and slow.A little flirtation’s harmless, but you’re playing with fire here.The Fidelity Bank and Trust is a tough creditor. You make a deposit somewhere else; they close your account forever.”

 

Lena resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

 

“I’m telling you, those rules don’t apply to me, Sam,” she bit out. “But I would never hurt Kara.”

 

Sam looked like she was ready to shout, but took a deep breath and leaned forward to make her point clearer.

 

“Screw the rules. I’m talking about the choice.”

 

Lena looked at her curiously when the other woman’s words trailed off.

 

“C’mon, Imra Daxam’s got no class,” she muttered out. “If she didn’t marry Dr Mike, the woman’s living in a trailer.”

 

Lena frowned.

 

“Hey, is that really necessary?” She protested.

 

Sam didn’t seem to care.

 

"All I’m saying it there isn’t a guy or girl in the county who wouldn’t give their left kidney to be married to Kara… She’s amazing, and you’re going to fuck it up.” 

 

Lena swallowed, hard as Sam levelled her with a disappointed look.

 

“What the hell is going one with you?” She whispered out. “You know, I’ve been making excuses and explaining away your behaviour for the past month, but something is seriously wrong with your head if you think that this is ok somehow.” 

 

She let out another scoff and readied her handbag, standing to her feet so she could stare down at Lena.

 

“Not your life… what the hell are you playing at?” She spat out at the silent Lena. “Talking about how ‘this isn’t really your life, so if you did cheat it wouldn’t matter’? Like you being faithful is some moral point in your favour?” 

 

She waved her hands in the air.

 

“Newsflash, it isn’t,” she barked. “It’s just called being in a relationship.”

 

Sam took one last swig of her beer, before leaning closer.

 

“How about you talk to me once my friend comes back,” she muttered out. “You know, the kind, caring, fun woman who would do anything for her wife and family.”

 

Lena felt her tongue grow heavy in her mouth, a sense of shame rising once more and quashing the bandaid of renewed ego that had accumulated. 

 

What the hell was wrong with her?

 

Lena sat quietly for a few more minutes, before following Sam out the door. Maggie’s eyes locked on her back the whole way.

 

* * *

 

Lena walked into the house carrying her bowling bag. She dumped it in the coat closet and walked towards the kitchen where Kara sat at the counter. Her back to Lena, as she poured over some documents and typed away on the laptop.

 

Without looking up, she called out to the brunette.

 

“How was the game, honey?”

 

Lena pulled open the fridge, her sad thoughts brewing as she looked through it.

 

“Long, boring, and generally pretty sad. Sam seemed to enjoy it…” She replied, frowning at the food.

 

“Hey, where’s that chocolate cake…?"

 

Kara turned around, revealing a massive hunk of cake on a plate in front of her, a bite ready to go into her mouth.

 

They both looked down at the fork, and Kara smiled slowly.

 

“You mean this chocolate cake?” She said innocently.

 

Lena narrowed her eyes and closed the fridge door.

 

“That’s my piece. I was saving it because I got nauseated from that store bought chicken.”

 

Kara took the bite, a little piece of icing sticking to the side of her mouth as she let out a moan of ecstasy.

 

“It’s good…"

 

Lena approached the counter slowly.

 

“Gimme that cake.”

 

Kara took another deliberate bite.

 

“No way.”

 

Lena frowned and grabbed at the plate, but Kara held it out where Lena couldn’t reach it.

 

“C’mon,” Lena complained.

 

Kara gave her a wide-eyed look.

 

“Sorry, Lena. It’s too important to me,” she said earnestly, her eyes betraying her amusement with the situation.

 

Lena rocked back slightly as they stared at each other. 

 

A silent beat passed before the brunette tried to swipe the plate as quickly as possible. But Kara was too fast, jumping out of her chair with the dish, laughing as she ran out of the kitchen.

 

Lena took off after her, chasing closely at her heels through the house. She was just about to catch up with her when Kara began to run up the stairs, still gasping with laughter. Lena swung her hand our wildly, managing to catch Kara’s heel.

 

The blonde looked back at her, falling over and hitting the steps.

 

Lena crawled up after her.

 

"I want that cake!” Lena cried out with an ear-splitting smile.

 

Kara continued to laugh as the brunette reached up and grabbed her shirt, pulling herself up until she was hovering above the blonde. 

 

“You want the cake!?” Kara continued with a laugh.

 

Lena smiled, out of breath.

 

“I want it…"

 

Kara looked at Lena, then suddenly took the whole piece in her hand and smooshed it right into Lena’s mouth.

 

Lena spluttered briefly as Kara cackled underneath her until finally, she started to laugh too.

 

“Thank you,” she replied, peeling the large part of the cake off her cheek with her hand.

 

“It’s good, right?” Kara said cheekily.

 

Lena took the big clump in her hand and shoved it in Kara’s mouth in return.

 

Kara gave her an alarmed look, before joining Lena once more in their breathless laughs. They stayed there a moment, lying on the stairs, feeding each other cake before Lena leaned back. She looked at Kara’s face, half chocolate now, smiling and  realised that she hadn’t laughed like this in thirteen years. 

 

A flash of desire grew in her chest at the feeling, and she stared down at the blonde with hungry eyes. She didn’t care anymore if this wasn’t her life. All she knew was that she needed something to cling to and Kara was here.

 

And she was so beautiful. 

 

“Are the kids asleep?” Lena suddenly asked.

 

A sexy smile grew on Kara’s face, and Lena lowered her head to kiss Kara passionately. Trying to pour every single year that Lena had spent without her into it. Every single tumultuous emotion from the past month.

 

Kara responded with equal enthusiasm, caught up in the moment.

 

“Say it, Lena…” she whispered out when they broke for air.

 

The brunette kissed her again.

 

“What…?" She answered.

 

Kara smiled against her lips.

 

“C’mon, you know what I like to hear…"

 

Lena moaned.

 

“Yeah, baby, I know what you like to hear…"

 

Another short breath.

 

“Then say it...just say it to me…!"

 

Lena became swept up in the moment.

 

"Oh yeah, you’re a bad girl, baby... You make me so hot..…"

 

Lena didn’t know exactly why, but the blonde pulled away sharply and stared up at her in shock.

 

“What…?"

 

Lena looked down at her; she could practically see the passion drain from the blonde’s face. 

 

“Not it…?” She said weakly.

 

Kara looked away with a hurt look and pushed her off. 

 

"Nice, Lena,” she muttered, standing to her feet and walking away and up the stairs. “You’re sweeping me off my feet.”

 

Lena sat on the steps, stumped and confused by what exactly she had done wrong.

 

“What?” She called out after Kara’s retreating figure. “You make me hot…"

 

Lena blinked as the bedroom door slammed behind Kara, and Lena shook her head full of frustration. Then, she felt something licking at her hand. Lena looked down and saw Krypto standing next to her, wagging his tail, looking up at Lena with an “I’ve gotta go” look on his face. 

 

Lena heaved a sigh and stumbled to her feet.

 

“C’mon, boy,” she murmured out. “Maybe one of us can get a little relief tonight…"

 

She led the dog toward the front door.

 

* * *

 

A few minutes later, Lena is walking Krypto, and she passed a house that looks familiar to her. Then she saw it; the name “DAXAM” etched on the mailbox. Now sans the garish Christmas decorations, a drying tree tied up on the curb, ready to be picked up as garbage.

 

Lena stopped, pulling the dog back and looked up at the house. She saw a light on in the upstairs bedroom along with the faint outline of a woman reading by the window.

 

Imra Daxam, all alone in the house.

 

Lena looked around, seeing the street was empty, then nudged the dog, leading Krypto up the path to the house. She got to the front door, moved her hand up to the doorbell tentatively. Lena kept it  there a moment, perched at the button, before taking a deep breath and pressing the button.

 

She knew what she wanted.

 

A few seconds passed before the door pulled open and revealed a beautiful Imra, hair swept back and makeup still impeccable. 

 

The woman’s eyes widened with surprise and lust, taking in her figure as she leant against the doorframe. 

 

“Lena… I wasn’t expecting you so fast? And with your dog…”

 

Krypto panting beside her, Lena took a deep breath and levelled Imra with a hard stare.

 

“Here’s the thing, Imra,” she said flatly, not a hint of flirt in her voice. “I need you not to talk to me alone ever again. We can be civil at parties and all that other crap, but enough with the innuendos. And with the flirting.” 

 

The other woman looked shocked at her words, but Lena didn’t want to stop.

 

“Stop feeding me food, for Christ’s sake,” she bit out harshly. “I am married, and I love my wife.”

 

The other woman’s mouth gaped.

 

“Lena-“

 

The green-eyed woman cut her off, enraged at herself and the old version of Lena. It was one thing for her to be egotistical and selfish, but the fact that the ‘old’ her had been the same with women was despicable.

 

And Lena was putting a stop to it.

 

“No. You don’t get to speak,” she sounded out. “I just need you to realise that whatever the hell had been going on here, it’s over. Done. Finished.” 

 

Imra seemed to shrink under her words.

 

“I will never, ever, cheat on my wife,” Lena snarled. “She is the best thing that ever happened to me, and you will never come close to filling her place. And if you even think that I’m not serious, I promise you I will tell your husband what you’ve been doing.”

 

At that, the woman became horrified.

 

“You wouldn’t.”

 

“I would,” Lena replied in warning. “I don’t care what you do in your private life, Imra. But leave me out of it.”

 

The woman looked near tears as she retreated into her house and slammed the door in Lena’s face. The brunette breathed out into the cold air for a few seconds and turning to speak to her dog.

 

“Come on, Krypto. Let’s go home.”

She may have fucked up a lot of stuff since she had been here, but at least she was leaving one good thing behind.

 

* * *

 

The front door opened and Lena walked in with Krypto on his leash, her face red from the cold outside. She patted the dog on the rump, then took off her coat, hanging it and the rope on a hook by the door. Lena walked through the quiet house, into the kitchen room, rubbing her hands together to warm them up. She went over to a glass bar stand and poured herself a scotch, taking a sip, letting the alcohol warm her.

 

And that was when she noticed it; the laptop Kara had been working on before was still open and unlocked. Lena felt her heart clench, and she looked around cautiously, before pulling up a stool and shifting the mouse.

 

The background photo was her, Kara, Lori and Connor all crammed together at the beach. It didn’t matter how many pictures she had seen of herself in this life, watching memories that she didn’t have always made her heart clench slightly.

 

Lena hovered the mouse over various files, tempted to look at the accounts before she finally clicked on the photos app. Thousands and thousands of them were all rolled out. Some all the way back to thirteen years ago, digitally uploaded. Lena watched as her new life unfolded. Photos starting with her and Kara moving into an apartment, of their engagement party and their wedding. Pictures or Lori as a baby, moving into their new house. 

 

Kara pregnant with Connor, growing bigger and bigger until finally the new baby was held in her arms.

 

She hovered over another file of videos; all marked with different titles. “Trip to Metropolis, ‘16" and “Connor’s 1st Birthday” stood out. She hovered over them, before stopping on one titled “Lena Singing”.

 

Her eyes lingered on it, curious and wondered if it had been mislabelled. Kara had always had a beautiful singing voice. The type of voice that charmed birds from trees. Lena, in comparison, sounded like two half-dead cats having sex on top of a squeaky mattress.

 

She put her drink down and clicked.

 

On the screen, there seemed thrown at the Sawyer-Danvers’, Lena recognising the house from New Year's Eve. The same crowd of people as the Christmas party stood around along with cheesy “Happy Birthday” decorations.

 

The image jerked up and down, surveying the crowd.

 

Alex Danvers was at the piano, playing some light cocktail music while Kara talked with a group of friends.

 

“Jesus, Alex, this thing is an antique,” Sam’s voice suddenly sounded out, seemingly holding the camera. “Don’t you even have image stabilisation?

 

Alex stopped playing and looked up at the camera.

 

“Four hundred bucks at Best Buy, Sam,” she complained, before continuing her playing.

 

The camera shifted, and Lena came into frame, a confident smile on her face.

 

“And everyone knows image stabilisation is for the weak,” she said.

 

Lena was jarred by the image of herself on the video. It sent a shiver down her spine at the sight. Her voice and her words pouring out of her mouth…

 

The Lena on the computer suddenly smiled as Kara walked into frame, easily putting an arm around Lena.

 

“So Lena,” Sam said. “It’s your wife’s birthday, got anything to say to her?”

 

The video Lena turned to Kara sharply, a shocked look growing on her face.

 

“It’s your birthday? Today? What’s your name? Where were you born?”

 

Kara rolled her eyes good naturally and pushed Lena’s shoulder lightly.

 

“Lena…”

 

The video Lena’s clapped a hand over her mouth, her eyes sparkling.

 

“Wait a minute. You’re my wife?”

 

Kara laughed, clearly amused and used to Lena’s nonsense. The crowd turned to them too, smiling as well and the brunette pressed a quick kiss to the blonde’s forehead and stepped back.

 

“I do have one thing I wanna say…"

 

Kara looked at her expectantly; then a smile grew on Lena’s face. Lena took a deep breath before turning to look at Kara once more and bagged to sing. 

 

“Oh those fingers in my hair, that sly come hither stare, strips my conscience bare, it’s witchcraft…" 

 

Lena in real life winced at her horrible voice, butchering Sinatra, but the version of her on-screen didn’t seem to be the least bit self-conscious, and Kara seemed to like it. There was a twinkle in her eye, and more of the guests focused their attention on Lena and Kara. 

 

“...and I’ve got no defence for it, that heat is too intense for it, what good would common sense for it do…"

 

Alex was still on the piano and chimed in with the basic chords for “Witchcraft,” sounding it out as Lena continued to sing.

 

“...‘Cause it’s witchcraft, wicked witchcraft...and although I know it’s strictly taboo...when you rouse the need in me, my heart says yes indeed in me, proceed with what you’re leadin’ me to…"

 

The camera caught the reactions of guests in the crowd. The women, smiles on their faces, wrapped up in the romance of the moment.And the envy on the men’s faces as they watch Lena serenade her wife.

 

There was a musical interlude from Alex as Lena took off her jacket. Some hoots and holler sounded out from the crowd as Lena peeled it off. The camera captured the image of Kara whistling at her wife.

 

Sam followed with the camera as Lena strolled in front of the gathered guests. 

 

"It’s such an ancient pitch, but one that I’d never switch, there ain’t no nicer witch than you…"

 

Lena watched herself move gracefully, the embarrassment falling from her face and morphing into fascination at the unfettered love pouring out of the video Lena. That woman didn’t look like she doubted herself at all…

 

Back in the video, the camera caught Imra Daxam watching longingly as Lena moved back toward Kara. Imra seemingly couldn’t take it anymore, abruptly turning and walking toward the kitchen.

 

Lena raised an eyebrow but was comfortable with the choice she had made tonight.

 

In the video, Lena approached Kara. The blonde couldn’t have a more happy look on her face as Lena picked up the verse.

 

“‘Cause it’s witchcraft, that koo koo witchcraft...and although I know it’s strictly taboo…"

 

The camera panned across the crowd, even the men were getting into it, focused on Lena as she sang lovingly, unashamed, to her wife. James Olsen mouthed the words along with Lena, almost as if he was studying and revering her.

 

Lena watched and arched an eyebrow; maybe she had underestimated her alter ego’s game. But on the video, Lena stared into Kara’s eyes.

 

“...when you rouse the need in me, my heart says yes indeed to me, proceed with what you’re leading me to…"

 

Lena and Kara exchanged a smile.

 

“It’s such an ancient pitch, but one that I’d never switch…"

 

Lena kissed her on the lips, and there was an appreciative clap from the audience as the brunette pulled back.

 

“‘Cause there’s no nicer witch than you…"

 

Kara brushed a hand across the video Lena’s face.

 

The sound slowly faded from the real Lena’s ears, watching the video and seeing the deep connection, the heat between them. She coveted it. 

 

Back in the video, the music was building, and the crowd was entirely in the palm of Lena’s hand.

 

“...than you…"

 

The camera closed in on Lena and Kara as the music built to a crescendo.

 

"...than you…"

 

There was a little musical flourish from Alex as the crowd broke out into huge cheers and applause.

 

Lena watched this other version of herself in the video, the centre of attention, larger than life and devoted and focused on Kara.

 

The video her leaned forwards towards her wife.

 

“Happy Birthday, darling…I love you.”

 

Kara leant over, giving Lena a deep kiss and there were some ah’s from the crowd. But Lena and Kara were in their own little world.

 

She continued to watch herself on the video, her smile fading, becoming a look of realisation and then loss once more.

 

The choice she had made thirteen years ago burned behind her eyes. It had been six months since she had arrived in London, and the time between her and Kara had grown longer and longer. Every day spent apart, the ocean between them seemed to triple in size. 

 

The first month they had called each other every day, racking up their long distance minutes while they talked about everything and anything. Lena had been so lonely in London, away from the only person she loved. The only thing she had left in her life, was her connection with Kara and her internship. And sometimes, in the dark of the night when she was falling asleep, Lena felt a strong urge to fly back to America, show up on Kara’s doorstep and slipping into her arms. Thankfully, the job was so intense, with five AM starts and eleven PM finishes, that she barely had enough time to think, let alone book a ticket.

 

But after a while, the phone calls between them grew less and less frequent. Kara’s work at grad school becoming more and more, and Lena picking up more responsibilities in her job. The prospect of a permanent position at Wayne Enterprises was being dangled over her head, and she wanted it more than anything. 

 

But what would that mean for her and Kara?

 

Taking a job in London would mean five or six more years living in England, and Kara still had a year an half left of grad school left. One of them would have to give up on their dream, to be with the other.

 

The conversations between them, already falling from daily to weekly were growing shorter and shorter. Both of them carving out new roles in their respective lives, developing further and further away from each other.

 

The more time grew, the more Lena began to forget what it was like to fall asleep next to Kara. To go shopping at the farmer’s market. To have the blonde drag her out of bed on the first snow day to make snow angels. 

 

The idea of Kara was slowly being shunted into the sound of her crackly voice on the end of a phone line. 

 

It was after one unusually long day, Lena waited by the landline knowing that Kara was going to call soon that it finally hit her. The feeling of obligation that was growing in her stomach after every minute that passed waiting wasn’t something she wanted to handle anymore.

 

The fear edging in her mind about the upcoming decision one of them had to make, sitting between them unmentioned like a purple elephant. She knew what Kara would do if she asked her directly.

 

The blonde would join her in London, giving up on school and all because she thought she was in love with Lena. But the hard edge of time had dulled the life she had lead with Kara, causing the reality of life to come crashing back. 

 

Life was cruel and cold and harsh, and the magically comfort food of love was only good for the weak and uneducated. And both Kara and she would be better off if she cut it off now before more time passed and it just became more difficult.

 

Lord knew Kara was never going to do it.

 

So when the phone finally rang, Lena picked it up with a heavy heart. 

 

After a few minutes of exchanged pleasantries, a silence descended between them.

 

Lena heard Kara take a deep breath, and the brunette knew that the blonde knew what was coming next.

 

“Don’t say it.”

 

Lena swallowed the lump in her throat.

 

“Kara-“

 

The blonde cut her off, her voice filling with emotion.

 

“Please don’t do this, Lena.”

 

Lena shut her eyes, shoving the pain down deep inside. 

 

“It’s not that I don’t love you anymore, But sometimes, if you really love someone, it means you have to let them go because you want them to be happy. And I realised that we’re just not able to be happy together.”

 

“Lena, don’t lie to me. Please… please don’t do this.”

 

“I’m…. goodbye, Kara.”

 

And that was that the end of it all and Lena was finally free. But it was only now, that Lena finally realised that the love between Kara and her hadn’t been the lie at all. The real truth was that she was scared. 

 

What if she hurt her? What if she left her? What if she died? It would have been the end of Lena. So she cut it short before Kara ever could. And it was probably the biggest mistake she had ever made. 

 

Was this life what happened if she had risked it all? Because despite all her happiness in her real life, with her job and power and car… There was still a crater in her heart that nothing else had been able to fill. This life might be grating at times, but the warm glow of Kara and the kids fed her soul in a way that nothing else had. She didn’t risk it all for love, and what was left? She was a lonely ghost of a woman. 

 

But now she realised that it didn't mean that she was never going to get hurt if she had chosen this life, but the pain she felt would never compare to the regret that came from walking away from love. 

 

And pain beats regret every day of the week. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked! If you did, please comment! I love to read them :)


	8. Reinventing Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, the first day of uni for me on Monday :) I've been spending the past few weeks in a rush to organise things. 
> 
> Hope the wait was worth it with this chapter, and if any of you are interested here's a link to the playlist I listen to while I'm writing this fic.
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1oWPq9UfepOIkqpbT1BKAO
> 
> Follow me of Tumblr @assumingminds19. Come yell at me there, kudos, comment and subscribe if you feel the urge :) 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

“Honey…. Lori.”

 

The little girl mumbled, and Lena shook her shoulder once more. Lori peeled an eye open with a pout, a spitting image of Kara.

 

“Wha….. what time is it?” She asked blearily.

 

Lena grinned, enthusiastic despite her sleep deprived state. 

 

“Time to get up.”

 

Lori sat up slowly with a groan, rubbing her eyes.

 

“I don’t have school today,” she mumbled once more, before standing to her feet.

 

Lena helped her get dressed quickly.

 

“That’s not the point.”

 

Lori let out another groan, dragging her feet as Lena led her out of her room. The woman resisted the urge to roll her eyes, instead reaching down to pick up the little girl, carrying her like she’d been doing it all her life.

 

Lori wrapped her arms around Lena easily, nuzzling her head into the woman’s neck. 

 

“Do you need help with Connor?” She yawned.

 

Lena smiled again, carrying the girl down the steps.  


“No… I need you to see something,” she whispered back, aware that nobody else in the house would be up yet.

 

“What?” Lori’s curiosity overcoming her sleepiness.

 

Lena walked towards the sliding doors at the back of the house, jostling the girl to free up a hand to open them.

 

“It’s a surprise,” she answered, breaking them both against the cold air.

 

She walked down the next set of steps quickly, the frosted grass crunching under her feet before she finally let the girl down.

 

Lori let out a gasp when she spotted the red swing set that Kara had spent the whole night assembling.

 

After watching more and more home videos last night on the computer, Lena was slowly becoming addicted to the snapshots of her other selves life and only snapping out of it after watching a rather graphic video of Kara giving birth to Connor.

 

Lena quickly turned pale and slammed the laptop shut, struggling to understand why anyone would want to relive the screaming of that event.

 

Sitting in a swirl of guilt, longing and reminisce, Lena spent the next ten minutes just staring at the staircase and struggling with the idea of sliding into bed after the incident on the stairs with Kara the night before. 

 

Instead of dealing with that, Lena decided to take a drive instead. Slowly meandering through the suburbs, city centre and finally along the ocean highway.

 

After nearly an hour of pointless driving, Lena pulled into the strip mall. The bright florescent lights splashing every shadow across her windshield and car. She sat still for a few minutes, her mind dull and blank before the tears she had been holding back finally flooded down her face. Uncaring how she looked, sobbing hysterically in her car at one o’clock in the morning. Everything had become so complicated so very fast. Too fast for a woman who clung to control as if it was her only friend for the vast majority of her life. It was only when Kara seemed to be in her life that her sense of control went out of the window. 

 

It wasn’t just the sudden upheaval from her real life that had caused it, but the crazy melting pot of confused feelings that bubbled away in her heart. She didn’t was to care the way she did again, long suppressed memories rising to the surface as the consequences of her choices attacked her from all sides. Lena still desperately longed for her old life, the sense of purpose it brought. But now her heart had been struck just by existing in the same space as people who called her their family. The way her whole sense of self had swelled, including Lori and Connor in its foundations. The idea that Kara looked at her with such love in her eyes, despite how Lena continued to hurt her.

 

But the real anger she now felt wasn’t that her life had been stolen from her, it was the fact that the other Lena had been stolen from this beautiful family. They didn’t deserve the callous person that she was. They dissevered to be showered in affection, every minute of every day.

 

And the only way Lena knew how to show affection was with money, and now she didn’t even have that. No matter what she just seemed to be doing everything wrong.

 

Slowly the tears subsided, and Lena looked up, tilting her head as she took in the store directly opposite her with a furrowed brow. Almost mechanically, she got out of the car and walked over until she stood directly in front of the display window of the twenty-four hour Target. 

 

Her mind quickly snapped out of its foggy thoughts and shifted into a new a familiar lane, filled with purpose.

 

An all-nighter in the garage, filled with hammering and many splinters, was all worth it to see the wondrous expression on Lori’s face. The little girl taking in the sight of the wooden swing set that Lena had constructed in the back yard. 

 

“Is this for me?” The little girl squealed out, sleepiness was forgot as she bounced on the balls of her feet.

 

Lena couldn’t stop the wide grin that grew across her face.  


 

“Yeah.”

 

The little girl needed no more prompting than that, sprinting over to the swing set and climbing the ladder so she could use the slide that had caused Lena three bruises just to install.

 

She watched her for a few minutes tiredly, missing the sound of the sliding doors opening, jumping slightly when Kara appeared by her side. 

 

“Lena what…. what is that?” The other woman asked.

 

Lena swallowed sharply, feeling a small rush of guilt at not asking Kara’s permission to buy the indulgent set, which was relatively extravagant given their limited budget.  


“It’s a swing set,” Lena explained redundantly, struggling to explain just why it hadn’t just been a thoughtless purchase. 

 

Lena tilted her head to look at Kara, biting her lower lip.

 

“I had a swing when I was Lori’s age,” she whispered out. “And it was the one thing that always made me feel like a child with the Luthor’s. But then when I was seven, I fell off-”

 

“And broke your arm,” Kara finished with a soft smile. “I remember. And then Lillian got rid of it.”

 

Lena frowned, wondering why her other self had told Kara for her what was a profoundly personal story. Feeling slightly vulnerable, she let out a breath and let the panic go slightly.

 

“Yeah…” She breathed out, turning to look back at Lori who had now moved onto the monkey bars but not before waving at Kara enthusiastically.

 

Kara returned it with another smile, before turning to look at Lena. She watched her for a beat, before frowning slightly.

 

“You didn’t come to bed last night.”

 

Lena’s eyes darted away, trying to avoid Kara’s and plug the guilt.

 

“No, I…. I just… I couldn’t sleep,” she stuttered out, the truth even though much more wasn’t being said. “So I went to the store, and I just thought it might be nice for Lori to have a swing… So I bought one. I know it cost a bit, but I figure with my bonus coming up-”

 

Kara cut her off, waving away her money concerns with a smile and reaching out to probe gently at the edges of one of the bruises on Lena’s arm.  


 

“Is that why you’re covered in bandaids?” She asked with a laugh.

 

Lena felt some of the heaviness ease off her chest.  


 

“Well, yes.”

 

The corners of Kara’s eyes crinkled as she looked back at Lori, letting out a laugh when the girl jumped off the swing at it’s highest arc, letting out a cry of happiness.

 

“I think she likes it,” the blonde murmured, making Lena smile with relief as they both watched Lori in unison.

 

“It’s nice to see her happy,” Lena replied.

 

There was something calming about watching a child play, the pure innocence and imagination that it invoked. Lena had often wondered why people decided to have children, often thinking that the majority of the time it was either a mistake or a selfish act. Needing to cling onto something as if I child personified your place in the world, rather than the actions you carried out while you were in it. 

 

But after all the time that Lena had spent in this new reality, watching Lori and Connor both play and grow, she was starting to wonder if there wasn’t more too it. A chance to shape a life, nurture them onto a new path and maybe rediscover parts of yourself that had long been forgotten. Sure, the reasons may still appear selfish to the casual observer… but you didn’t feel nearly as guilty about it once your children were living and breathing in front of you. 

 

Kara reached out to stroke Lena’s cheek gently, tucking a loose strand of the brunette’s hair behind her ear while Lena leaned in slightly to the gentle touch.

 

Lena tilted her head, catching the wary fondness in Kara’s eyes and feeling yet another spike of guilt in her heart. She caught the other woman’s hands squeezing t gently.

 

“Hey… about last night,” she began, awkwardly remembering the disastrous almost something on the stairs.

 

Kara shook her head at her words.  


“It’s ok.”

 

The brunette frowned, wondering not for the first time why Kara seemed to be so willing to forgive her for everything she did.  


 

“Please… don’t do that… you keep doing that,” Lena replied with a deep frown, squeezing Kara’s hand once again. 

 

“Don’t dismiss your own feelings to make me feel better,” she continued. “I don’t want our relationship to be like that. Just me taking and taking emotionally, and never giving back.” 

 

And Lena meant it, with all her heart, as she reached up to cup Kara’s cheek with her free hand.

 

"You’re worth so much more than that,” she breathed out.

 

Kara watched her carefully, clearly measuring her sincerity before the wariness dropped from her eyes.

 

“I know that… that you’ve been having a hard time since Christmas,” Kara replied. “I just wanted to give you space.”

 

Lena wasn’t used to this feeling. The feeling of warm comfort that came from someone genuinely and deeply caring about your wellbeing. But still, she’d be damned if she wasn’t going to offer the same to Kara in return. She may not be her real wife, but Kara certainly didn’t deserve the miserable and angry person she had been since she had arrived.  


 

“Give me space,” Lena replied in turn. "But not at your expense. Never do that.”

 

“Lena-“

 

She cut Kara off, taking half a step closer to the other woman.

 

“I’m sorry,” Lena whispered, her voice slightly choked up. “I really am for everything, and I know I keep apologising and I keep messing up.” 

 

Lena watched Kara’s expression carefully, waiting for a sign at her next words.

 

“It must feel like you’re married to a total stranger.”

 

A part of Lena desperately wanted Kara to know, but she was afraid of the consequences. It was easier with Lori; the little girl thought she was an alien and didn’t understand the full ramifications of the switch. But Kara was a grown woman, and hearing from the person who was, in her eyes, her wife that she was from an alternate reality would result only in two ways. One, she didn’t believe her and Lena ended up being committed for having a psychotic breakdown. 

 

Or two, she did, and all the comfort that Lena had felt finally being back in Kara’s life would shatter immediately. 

 

To her regret and happiness, Kara shook her head at her words and smiled.  


 

“Never…” She answered, reaching out to touch the brunette’s cheek. “You’ll always be my Lena.”

 

But she wasn’t, and that was the problem.

 

“You say that, but what if I’m not a good person?” Lena answered. “I mean, not a bad person... but not a good one? What if all I saw was my own life, and goals. What if I just.... existed?”

 

Kara tilted her head, confused.

 

“You’re not making much sense,” she answered.

 

Lena blinked, looking away.

 

“I know,” she breathed. “I just…”

 

She looked away, struggling.

 

“You know that you can tell me anything, right?”

 

Lena looked back into Kara’s blue eyes, open and ready to hear whatever Lena was ready to say. The brunette felt her hesitation fold under the weight of those eyes.

 

“You’ll think I’m crazy.”

 

Kara shook her head.

 

“Never.”

 

Lena was tired. She was so tired.

 

“Kara I-“ 

 

“Mama! Push me!”

 

Lena let out a sigh as Kara turned to look at her joyful daughter.

 

“Ok, I’m coming!”

 

The blonde moved to walk off following Lori’s call, Lena watching her back silently before calling out.

 

“Hey, Kara?” She asked, the other woman turning to look back at her. “I wanted to go out for the day... I have some people I need to speak to. Can you.... is it ok if you look after the kids?”

 

Kara gave her a wide smile and nodded. 

 

“Sure... you go be a Superhero.”

 

* * *

 

Lena took the short route, crossing through the back gate and making her way to Sam’s back door. She hesitated, before rapping against it, listening to the sound of steps walking towards her.

 

A teenage girl pulled the door open with a smile, Lena blinking a recognising the girl as Sam’s daughter, the last time she’d seen her being Christmas Day. 

 

“Hey Ruby, is your mom in?” Lena asked.

 

The teen turned to yell back into the house.

 

“Mom! Lena’s here!”

 

She turned back to Lena and stood to the side and opened the door.

 

“Come in then….”

 

Ruby led her to the living room, Lena taking in the sight of the picture filled walls with fresh eyes. No longer seeing something to mock, but something to envy. 

 

The pair both rounded the corner and Lena paused at the sight of her friend, the bad air of the argument they’d had last night still lingering between them.

 

Neither of them got a chance to speak, Ruby cutting in oblivious to the tension.

 

“Mom, can I please have the car tonight?” She asked.

 

Sam frowned at her.

 

“Where are you going?” She asked her daughter.

 

“Jenson is having a bonfire down at the beach.”

 

“In this weather? It’s freezing!”

 

Ruby shrugged.

 

“Yeah… hence the fire.”

 

Lena tried to hide her snort, even as Sam frowned at her daughter.

 

“Did anyone ever tell you how much of a smart mouth you are?”

 

Ruby smiled, sensing her mother’s concession and bouncing forward to press a kiss against her mother’s forehead.

 

“They tell me I’m my mother’s daughter,” Ruby said teasingly. “Which is practically the same thing right?”

 

Sam rolled her eyes and waved her daughter off.

 

“Get out of here then, you brat.”

 

Ruby left quickly, racing out the door without a backward glance or a goodbye, leaving Lena and Sam alone.

 

“God they grow up fast,” Sam murmured, still watching the door that Ruby had exited.

 

Lena just watched her quietly, waiting until Sam turned back to look at her, soft expression morphing into a frown.

 

“I’ve been meaning to… I know where we left things last night,” Sam murmured out. "But Ruby just got early acceptance into Stanford.”

 

Lena blinked, a smile growing on her face and surprised at the genuine happiness she felt at the news. 

 

“Wow, that’s amazing!” She called out.

 

Sam smiled despite herself, clearly eager to brag.

 

“Yeah, I’m…. I could never have imagined better for her,” Sam admitted with a tired laugh as if the past seventeen years had caught up with her. 

 

“Especially considering her start in life,” Sam continued, smiling far more brightly at Lena. “I mean when we first met in high school, I never would have imagined that one day we’d be sitting here together.” 

 

Lena tried to hide her surprise at the news, Sam and she had known each other in high school? Prying away at the tight lid she had capped over that time of her life; she tried to sift through it as quickly as possible. 

 

“When I got pregnant and got kicked out of home, then I had to leave boarding school it was… huge,” Sam contoured. “Finding out years later when we moved here that you had been kicked out as well in college… well, it… it just solidified our connection.”

 

Suddenly a memory rose to the forefront of Lena’s mind. Even though she spent the majority of her time at boarding school holed up in her room, she did remember the incident and rumours when a girl had been sent home in senior year after a pregnancy was discovered.

 

An image of a sad, lonely girl came forth, who spent most of her time hanging around the opposite corner of the mind that Lena existed in. 

 

  
That was Sam?

 

“And Stanford has so much to do with you,” Sam continued, drawing Lena’s attention back to the present. “If it wasn’t for your support, coming over every few days last year to help tutor her when her grades were slipping…. thank you.”

 

Lena was surprised once more at her other selves benevolence, and she swallowed sharply when Sam’s eyes began to tear up.

 

“I….it was nothing,” she mumbled out.

 

Sam stood to her feet and walked toward Lena, reaching out to take her hand with a squeeze. 

 

“No, Lena, it really wasn’t,” Sam answered. “When we first came to Midvale, we had been uprooting our lives time and time again, and I had no one. Then we met again and everything… you’re my family now too. All of you.”

 

Lena was touched, she really was, but like everything good in this new life, it felt fake and thick. Heavy with her own deceit. 

 

How to explain away her behaviour which was so odd for the past month, only to accept praise for actions that weren’t her own. 

 

“Sam I… I wanted to apologise for what happened last night,” Lena began stuttered, slumping down on a seat, Sam taking the one opposite her.

 

Lena looked down at her fingers, trying to figure out how to word her feelings.

 

“I have no idea what’s going on with me either,” she finally admitted in a breath. “I just feel so out of place all of a sudden in my life.” 

 

Lena looked up into Sam’s warm eyes.

 

“And I want to be better, I really do,” She continued earnestly. “But everything just feels wrong.”

 

She hesitated once more, uncomfortable with opening up to explain her actions.

 

“I needed the illusion of some control, and I guess with Imra flirting with me it meant that I was still desirable,” she finally said, the truth flowing out of her easily, knowing in her heart that it would’ve been the reason that the other version of her had let the flirtation go on for so long too.

 

“Instead of just being a tire saleswoman from Midvale,” she finished in a mutter and a sigh. 

 

“I used to really be something once, you know,” Lena whimsically said. “I had the whole world at my fingertips. When I was a kid, I never would have imagined this life for myself. It doesn’t feel like who I’m supposed to be.”

 

It didn’t. It felt confusing and chaotic and everything that Lena hated most in the world. But it also made her feel more at home than she could ever remember being. It made her feel…

 

She couldn’t put words to it.

 

Sam let out a breath and nodded sympathetically at her words.

 

“I get it, I really do,” the other man said with a humourless laugh. “Unexpected surprises are my forte after all. I know what it feels like to have your whole life derailed from the intended path.” 

 

Sam reached out across the table and gripped Lena’s hand tightly in her own.

 

“But when you have those moments of doubt,” she continued, holding Lena’s gaze. “You’ve got to hold on to what’s true. People love you, Lena. Everybody in your life thinks you’re amazing." 

 

Tear sprung unbidden, burning Lena’s eyes at Sam’s heartfelt words.

 

“You’re a fantastic mother. And you’re a good person,” Sam squeezed her hand with a smile. “You’ve got so much in your life that’s great! Remember that. Everybody has times when they wish that their life was different, everyone doubts. But try to remember what keeps you going everyday and the beautiful faces you get to come home and see every night.”

 

In all her life, Lena had never had been the type of person to have friends. The closest she had currently would probably be Jack, but even then he was her boss, and it was more a mutually beneficial camaraderie.

 

But this, the friendship between her and same, seemed so genuine and heartfelt. As if the connection between them had formed not just from necessity, but because they both genuinely liked each other. It had taken Lena a while to realise just how much Sam’s presence must mean for the other Lena, what it meant to her now. 

 

The feeling of support and advice that came from having a friend was something she hadn’t ever experienced unless it was with Kara. 

 

“Sam… I’m sorry,” Lena whispered out, clutching Sam’s hand like it was tethering her to the earth. “That in high school, we didn’t talk. I’m sorry we weren’t friends then.”

 

Sam let out a sniff, before releasing Lena’s hand and laughing.

 

“You bet your ass you are,” she grinned. “You could’ve been getting this killer advice for heaps more years otherwise.”

 

Even though Sam was jovial, Lena felt a need to explain herself. To give Sam a reason to like who she was, and not just the other Lena. 

 

“I went round to Imra’s house last night and told her to stop,” Lena sounded out, noting Sam’s surprised look. 

 

“And I’m going to tone it down with the flirting,” she continued. “I just want to be with Kara, no one else.”

 

Lena blinked, slightly shocked at how the words had fallen so easily from her mouth. Of course, she had always known that what she had with Kara would probably never occur again. Not that she really wanted it to at the time. But now everything seemed so different, and Lena just couldn’t help but fall for Kara once more and fall harder and deeper than before.

 

“I don’t think in any life I could be with someone else,” she finished, firmly believing it. 

 

Knowing now that there could have been a whole other version of her life, Lena was left to wonder at the possibilities. If the multiverse theory was correct, there could be infinite earths with infinite versions of Kara and Lena, all stumbling around and colliding. Maybe some they never met at all, spending both of their lives in the arms of other people, but something in Lena’s heart whispered at the wrongness of that. 

 

No, now she realised that they would always find a way to be together. Even if in Lena’s real life, it was a blink of an eye.

 

Sam let out a despairing moan and rolled her eyes. 

 

“Gah, it’s so unfair that you met your soulmate, you don’t deserve one,” she grumbled, her smile betraying her true feeling on the matter. 

 

“And of course,” she said with waggling eyebrows. “It had to be someone as hot as Kara.”

 

Lena fixed her with a stern glare.

 

“Hey, that’s my wife.”

 

Sam’s grin widened.

 

“I have eyes dummy.”

 

Lena couldn’t help but smile too, even though she didn’t want people to objectify Kara, she knew what Sam was trying to say. Or rather, tell her.

 

Kara is amazing in every way; don’t fuck it up.

 

“You’ll meet yours one day too,” Lena answered.

 

Sam’s eyes melted with softness.

 

“Oh I already did,” she answered with an easy laugh. “Nearly eighteen years ago.”

 

Sam rolled her eyes and took on a long-suffering expression.

 

“But do you have any idea how horrible it is that my moody teenager is my soulmate?” She complained. “Life is so cruel to single mothers. But I guess the love of your life can come in many forms.”

 

Lena pondered the idea, agreeing privately as she began to think she might have more than one. Connor and Lori’s faces rising along with Kara’s in her mind. 

 

Lena frowned at herself, annoyed that as the days in this new life continued to trickle by, the easier it was for her to forget that it wasn’t hers.

 

Kara wasn’t her wife, Lori and Connor weren’t her children. And Lena had no one.

 

It never seemed so sad before.

 

“She’s lucky to have you,” Lena finally answered.

 

Sam seemed to sense her discontent, reaching out once more to cover Lena’s hand.

 

“And your family’s lucky to have you, Lena,” she replied softly. “I know it all seems too much at times, but never forget that.”

 

Lena closed her eyes, trying to hide the wounds that the words caused her.

 

“I won’t.”

 

* * *

 

Lena’s next port of call was far more nerve-wracking than the last, but nobody had ever accused her of being a coward. She knew that she would have to get to the bottom of this particular mess if she was going to have any chance of learning whatever she needed to learn from this glimpse.

 

The door to the beach house opened quickly after Lena knocked, Maggie standing on the other side with a beer in her hand and low rock music playing in the background.

 

Her face flickered with surprise before it hardened into an unreadable mask. Her brown eyes were already filling with suspicion.

 

“Lena? What are you doing here?” The woman asked, leaning against the doorframe. “Alex isn’t in.”

 

Lena swallowed the lump in her throat and steeled her spine, knowing that one wrong word here could really screw her up.

 

“I came to talk to you.”

 

There was a long pause where Maggie just stared at her. As the seconds trickled by, Lena began to wonder if she wouldn’t just slam the door in her face and call it a day.

 

Surprisingly, she stood to the side and opened the door further, leaving Lena to catch it as the shorter woman began to walk down the hall. 

 

“Come in then.”

 

Lena followed her quickly, the music increasing in volume as they made their way to the living room, Maggie shutting it off and clearing the plate of food she had made for herself off the coffee table.

 

After they both sat on opposite couches, another awkward silence descended. 

 

“So…” Maggie began slowly. "What can I do for you?”

 

Lena stared at her before a dawning reality finally set in. She didn’t have to be intimidated by Maggie. Just because she was a true salesman in this life, the real her was someone much different. One of the most powerful businesswomen in National City. What reason did she have to be afraid? 

 

“You don’t like me, do you?” Lena said flatly and confidently.

 

Maggie arched an eyebrow at the change in the air between them. Clearly unsettled that the balance of power seemed to have been thrown into play.

 

“I don’t really know you,” she replied, leaning forward and bracing her elbows on her knees.

 

“Then why have you been giving me the stink eye for the past couple of weeks?” Lena demanded coldly, her eyes flinty.

 

Maggie tilted her head, staring at Lena hard.

 

“You’re a smart girl; why don’t you tell me?” She asked.

 

Lena’s eyes narrowed at the other woman’s condescension.

 

“I really don’t know what I did to piss you off,” she spat out. “But I’m here tobury the hatchet, ok?”

 

Maggie let out a harsh laugh.

 

“Forgive me if I don’t take you at face value, Lena,” she said with an eye roll. “You seem to have morphed into a completely different person from Christmas Eve to Christmas Day. I don’t know what happened, but everything about you seems different. Maybe nobody else wants to notice it, but it’s obvious to me.”

 

Lena thought for a second, aware that she would have to choose her words with care. Maggie was clearly more adept at sensing a lie than anyone else in this new life.

 

“I’m who I’ve always been,” she said truthfully, failing to reveal exactly _who_ she had always been. 

 

Lena laced her fingers together and leaned back into the sofa. 

 

“But go ahead,” she jutted her chin. “Interrogate me.”

 

Maggie watched her for silently for almost a full minute, her face blank.

 

“Are you having an affair?”

 

Lena expected the question, given the conversation she had heard at the New Year’s Eve.

 

“No.”

 

Maggie tilted her head.

 

“Are you on drugs?”

 

Lena arched an eyebrow.

 

“Apart from Xanax, not since I was in college.”

 

Maggie didn’t seem amused.

 

“Did you lose all your money?”

 

Lena shook her head.

 

“No.”

 

Maggie’s posture relaxed slightly as she sat steadily up.

 

“Are you sick?” She asked slightly softer.

 

Lena rolled her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose.

 

“Why does everyone keep thinking I’m sick?” She wondered aloud.

 

Maggie frowned.

 

“Because you’re acting weird,” she said slowly. “And you tell Kara everything, but she doesn’t know why you’re like this. The only thing left to conclude, if you’re not gambling, taking drugs or having an affair, is that you’re sick.”

 

Lena shrugged, understanding how Maggie might have reached that conclusion.

 

“Makes sense... you wouldn’t want to stress Kara out,” Maggie continued, softer and gentler. “But you know if you are, processing it all along isn’t going to help in the long run. You have a family you can lean on.”

 

Lena was almost touched, but a part of her mind was still on edge and suspicious. Maggie was a detective after all, and Lena was well used to people pretending to be kind only to stab her in the back at the first opportunity. 

 

“Is this why you're so critical with me?” Lena asked.  
“What exactly have I done to get the third degree?”

 

Maggie launched to her feet, her face clouding with anger as her temper finally snapped.

 

“Cause you and I are the same” She shouted out over the Lena. “We both come from broken fucking families and have been adopted by the Danvers into there’s. I don’t want you fucking that up.”

 

Lena gave her an affronted look, not appreciating the sudden invasive overhaul of who she was in Maggie’s eyes.

 

“What,” She bit back. “Like you’re doing by not talking to Alex about having kids?”

 

Maggie’s shields wavered briefly at Lena’s frank tone, and the brunette wondered if she hadn’t taken it too far. This could be the thing that positively obliterated every tenuous relationship she was trying to cultivate just to get home.

 

But after a few seconds of struggle, Maggie’s face shifting through various emotions, the woman finally sat down.

 

The air shifting suddenly from tense to defeated. 

 

“You’re the….” Maggie began distractedly, looking everywhere but in Lena’s direction. “You’re the perfect daughter in law.” 

 

Lena arched an eyebrow but schooled the rest of her reaction. She would hardly consider herself to be the perfect daughter in law, but she supposed the other version of her definitely gave off a saintly vibe. Lena wondered if she ever met her other self how she would respond.

 

Probably with a great deal of disdain and jealousy.

 

Her attention turned back to Maggie when the other woman looked at her with sad eyes.

 

“You have degrees, and you married Kara, with no doubts,” she muttered out. “You gave up a life of luxury just to be with her. You took on a kid that you had no ties too, and you just loved her.”

 

Lena could hear the envy in Maggie’s voice, and the resentment, and couldn’t help but commiserate. Lately, it was the way she’d been feeling about her new life too.

 

“And you’ve built this whole life where everyone loves you,” Maggie breathed out. “You’re everything the Jeremiah and Eliza could ever want for their daughter.” 

 

Maggie’s hand began to fidget and tap out a rapid beat on her knee, Lena noting it while her understanding and sympathy of Maggie deepened.

 

“And what am I in comparison?” Maggie scoffed. “I never wanted to live here. I’m not meant for small-town life. I met Alex when she was doing her residency in the city, and the when she came back here because of Jeremiah’s heart attack I just... followed her.”

 

Lena wasn’t sure if this was supposed to be new information to her or not, but she had a strong suspicion it was the latter. From the time she’d been here, Lena had never gotten the impression that she and Maggie were known for their heart to hearts.

 

A single tear fell from Maggie’s eyes, and all of Lena’s suspicion and wariness towards the woman melted away.

 

“I didn’t.... I didn’t make the choice because I really wanted it like you,” Maggie continued hoarsely. “And a part of me just resents that.”

 

Lena let out a deep breath, completely understanding that feeling.

 

She tilted her head to look out at the rough sea, the harsh waved rising and falling under the stormy grey sky — the wind was growing into a low howl. A tourist town like Midvale was dead this time of year, only to pick up foot traffic around spring. People didn’t come to beach towns for the rain after all, but Lena couldn’t help but find beauty in it. Like most things in this life, it had crept up on her. Spending some much time angry at the world around her, that when it finally ended all that was left was fondness and appreciation. 

 

There was something about watching the water pounded against the cliffs with crashing booms, while drizzles of rain hit the windows that made the anxiety’s of everyday life seem smaller, or at least as if they might just be a part of the grand scheme of life.

 

“I’ve got to admit,” Lena finally answered, looking back at Maggie with a gentle smile. “I didn’t expect all that.”

 

Maggie relaxed further into the couch, reassuring Lena that she had probably had the correct response.

 

“I know we’ve never really.... we’re not close,” Maggie said ineptly, fingers still rattling away as her mouth twisted. “You just have this connection with everyone in this family. You and Alex are basically like sisters, Eliza and Jeremiah adore you. And for a long time, it just felt like we had nothing in common.”

 

Lena tilted her head, slightly confused.

 

“And what changed?”

 

Maggie laughed dryly.

 

“Seeing you so... flawed these past few weeks. I mean.... it’s weird as hell, but am I fucked up for being relieved that you’re not as perfect as I thought you were? That’s why I just had to keep trying to find a reason that you’ve been… like this.”

 

Maggie flapped in her direction, making Lena smile wryly. 

 

“No, that’s not weird,” Lena said frankly, leaning back in her seat. “Not at all.”

 

Lena tossed up a few thoughts, but then decided to through the last of her caution to the wind in favour of giving Maggie as much of the truth as she could.

 

“I resent it too sometimes,” she admitted. “The last few weeks it’s just felt like I landed in a different life than the one I wanted so badly when I was younger. My whole life could have been so different if I’d chosen to go in another direction.”

 

Lena let out a heavy breath, the confusion and mixed feeling still weighing on her exhaustively. 

 

“And for the life of me,” she whispered. “I’m still struggling to understand exactly why I took this path. I’ve definitely spent the past few weeks resenting that.”

 

Maggie seemed surprised and relieved at her admittance, letting out a light laugh, still slightly tearful.

 

“Does it make us bad people to want something more?” She asked desperately. “I just feel so guilty, because I know what a great... I love Alex, with all of my heart. But I don’t love my life.”

 

Lena didn’t have to try hard to see the world through Maggie’s eyes. After all, she had been living that reality every day for the past month and a bit. But it must seem all the more resounding for Maggie, at least Lena had the pathetic excuse to fall back on that she was quite literally plucked from her old life and forced into this new one. 

 

But Maggie was a good person, who loved her wife dearly. She just didn’t necessarily love the life they had together. 

 

“Do you want kids?” Lena asked the other woman finally.

 

Maggie intertwined her fingers and thought for a second before answering slowly.

 

“I don’t _not_ want them,” she mumbled out, face pained as her eyes flickered up to Lena’s. “I’m just... I don’t think I’m mother material.”

 

Lena nodded, once again letting that feeling hit her full in the chest.

 

“Have you told Alex that?” She asked.

 

Maggie shook her head and let out a weary sigh.

 

“She’ll just tell me that I’m being stupid,” she answered, “And go on about how I _am_ mother material for xyz reasons. And it’s... it’s not that I think I’m a bad person. I’m just not good with kids.”

 

Maggie grimaced.

 

“They make me uncomfortable.”

 

Lena snorted, trying to pretend it was a sneeze when Maggie gave her a funny look. 

 

“The only kids I like are Lori and Connor, so I don’t know if I can help you there,” Lena admitted with a laugh, the sound dying when she saw Maggie’s face fall slightly at her unhelpful advice.

 

Lena let out a sigh.

 

“Look, Maggie... I don’t know the answers,” she said with a shrug, grumbling at herself. “I don’t even know the bloody questions most days.” 

 

Lena thought of everything that she had been through in the past few weeks, trying to reconcile all of her jumbled feeling in one single coherent thought. It wasn’t easy, trying to fit two different versions of yourself into the same life, but is was something that Lena was slowly starting to get a handle on. Or at least she hoped she was. The feelings and lines had blurred together into a mess, and until last night she had struggled to comprehend it at all. 

 

"This life wasn’t my plan,” she announced to Maggie, giving her another wry smile and shrug. “But plans change, and you see things in a different light. Maybe it doesn’t have to be either or. Maybe it can be both. Maybe there’s a way to get everything you want.”

 

Lena wondered if she was talking to herself. She shook the thought of her head.

 

“One thing I do know though is that you need to stop fixating on outside issues and talk to your wife properly,” Lena continued. “And maybe it won’t be easy; maybe it’ll be really hard. But if you don’t do it, then at one point it’s all going to end in tears. You can’t solve anything as long as you avoid it.”

 

Maggie ran her hands down her face with a groan.

 

“You sound like you’re speaking from experience.”

 

Lena swallowed hard.

 

“I am.”

 

Maggie suddenly let out a laugh, all the anger and pain clearing from the air as if a window had been opened to allow a rush of fresh air.

 

“Why didn’t we do this truth-telling thing before?” Maggie asked. “I feel like we’ve wasted years here. It just always annoyed me that Alex wanted us to be friends and bond over the fact that our parents gave us the boot for being gay.”

 

Lena smiled in unison with Maggie, before standing to her feet.

 

“Why don’t we try starting over?”

 

Maggie gave her a confused look as Lena held out her hand for the other woman to shake.

 

“Come again?” She asked.

 

Lena smiled.

 

“Hi, I’m Lena,” she said. “I have more degrees in science and business, and yet I’m working at the general manager of tire store owned by my father in law.”

 

Her light tone seems to be working; Maggie’s confused look was fading into a smile.

 

“I have a mortgage I’m shackled too, a bowling team I’m letting down and deck that’s only half finished,” Lena continued, not at all bitter as her face morphed into a genuine smile. 

 

“But I also have an amazing wife, who has the patience of a saint. And two pretty cool kids. I have friends that care about me and a whole new family that accepts me for who I am, but I feel really guilty for fantasying about a different life.”

 

The honesty was refreshing, as the first glass of water after a hot and dry night. Maggie seemed to agree, standing to her feet too and taking Lena’s hand in hers.

 

“I’m Maggie,” she said with a firm shake. “I’m a cop in the most boring town in America. Last week I had to fish some stupid teenager out of a hole he’d fallen into. My pay check is good, but I feel like I’m banging my head against a brick wall most days.”

 

Lena got that.

 

“I have a new family and friends who accept me for who I am, but I mostly feel like shit because I don’t anyone appreciate nearly as much as what they’re worth,” she continued guiltily. “I feel like I’m trapped in this life, and I don’t know the way out.” 

 

Her hard face melted into a broad smile too.

 

“But I have an amazing wife, that I love more than life itself,” she breathed out. “I have a beautiful house and even though I go to bed wondering about a different me... I wake up each morning happy.”

 

Lena dropped their joined hands, happiness growing in her chest at forming a genuine connection with someone in this life, entirely by her own accord. 

 

“It’s nice to meet you, Maggie.”

 

The other woman smiled too.

 

“It’s nice to meet you too.”

 

* * *

 

Lena stifled a curse, clutching her hammered thumb to her chest and glaring at Sam who was shouting instructions from a deckchair, a glass of wine in hand.

 

“C’mon... you’ve got to move that... if you do it like that, you’re doing it wrong!”

 

Maggie threw a piece of scrap wood at Sam, who just laughed as she dodged it.

 

“Look, I have a degree in engineering!” Lena shouted back, turning her head and picking up the nail she had dropped when she had hurt her thumb.

 

“Yeah, and you can’t build a deck for shit,” Maggie retorted, making Lena scowl in her direction. “Now help me lift this stack of wood, and for god's sake you need to allow room for swelling in the wooden boards.” 

 

Lena mumbled a few choice words under her breath as the two other women laughed at her pain. While Lena was quite practically minded, it wasn’t her fault that she hadn’t built things physically in years.

 

The combination of the swings this morning, the sleep exhaustion and this was making for a few choice opportunities for Maggie and Sam to mock her. 

 

Lena walked over and crouched down, helping Maggie lift the wood with a heave.

 

“Why you thought this was a good idea to finish in winter…” Maggie muttered as they edged it over to the deck they were repairing.

 

“You offered!” Lena dropped her end at the same time as Maggie.

 

“Yeah, well.... it’d be nice if useless over there lifted a finger,” Maggie answered, jabbing her thumb in Sam’s direction.

 

The older woman took a long sip of wine.

 

“Excuse you,” she responded primly. “I’m supervising.”

 

Lena snorted and picked up her hammer once more.

 

“Yeah, supervising the alcohol,” she answered out.

 

“And doing a great job of it!” Sam shouted back.

 

Lena laughed, then let out another curse when she bashed her finger again. 

 

“Oh, fucking goddamn bloody hell!!!” She swore, jumping up and down while Sam and Maggie laughed uproariously.

 

“What on earth are you three doing?”

 

Lena looked up at Kara through tears, her wife looking at the chaos they had created with a discerning eye.

 

“We’re helping Lena finally finish this deck for you,” Maggie said happily, winking at Lena’s direction.

 

Kara looked back at forth between the pair, confused by their easy camaraderie. 

 

Lena’s eyes narrowed at Maggie, the smirk growing on the other woman’s face. 

 

“Figured otherwise, it’d never get done,” she said, throwing another off cut of wood, this time in Lena’s direction.

 

“Piss off,” Lena snapped back, flipping the now laughing woman off.

 

“Swear jar.”

 

Lena eyed the overly happy Sam, the betrayer of their friendship.

 

“Shut it.”

 

Sam joined Maggie’s cackling, leaving Lena to wonder why she had naively thought that doing this would be a good bonding activity for people she was trying to be better with.

 

Kara just looked at her with a tilted head, ignoring the other two women.

 

“I didn’t realise you two were... building decks together,” she said stiltedly, gesturing around at the wood they had bought from the hardware store and carted in the back of Maggie’s truck.

 

Even though Kara wasn’t really talking to her, Maggie answered anyway.

 

“Oh yeah,” she said happily. “We’re thinking of opening a chain store. Two Useless Lesbians. We’ll fix your decks-”

 

Lena smiled at Kara, finishing Maggie’s sentence.

 

“-And break your hearts.”

 

At that, Kara’s eyebrows almost hit her hairline and Lena couldn’t help but feel a small sense of satisfaction. Since she had arrived in this place, it just seemed like a disaster after disaster followed her whatever she tried to do. It was nice for once to surprise Kara in a positive way, and after the way Lena had been behaving, she deserved a nice surprise.

 

“Ok…,” Kara drawled, before a smile finally grew on her face and she looked at Sam and Maggie. “Do any of you want lunch?”

 

Before either of them could answer, Lena, rushed to jump up on the partially completed deck and scrambled until she was standing breathlessly next to her wife.

 

“Wait, wait!” Lena cried. “I’m going to make lunch. For you too!”

 

Sam made kissing gestures behind Kara’s shoulder, and Lena resisted the urge to flip her off too, instead keeping her eyes on Kara’s face and taking in her renewed surprise.

 

“You are?”

 

Lena nodded vigorously, guiding Kara to the other deck chair next to Sam, a space heater in between and handed her wife a drink.

 

“Yes,” she said forcefully. “I want to.”

 

Kara blinked down at the drink in her hand and the blanket Lena was tucking over her, yanked from a protesting Sam’s lap. Kara looked up at Lena, gave her a searching look, before a breathtaking smile crossed her face. 

 

The sight of it made Lena want to soar at finally doing something right.

 

“Well, I won’t say no.”

 

* * *

 

The next month was fast-paced, but Lena’s natural overachieving tendencies finally caught up with her. She struck a rhythm, the routine of days with two kids and a wife quickly replacing memories of her old. No longer did she listen to Bach, Mozart and Piccinini in the morning. Instead it was the sound of Lori squeakily practicing twinkle twinkle, which was technically Mozart but in her daughter’s hands sounded more like a dying cat.

 

Dressing for the day was no longer a passionate love note to herself, only wearing the finest of things that made her feel like the most powerful person on the planet.

 

Lena was quickly learning that there was a different kind of power in a baby vomiting on what was your old and ratty flannel shirt, waving the worry that anything expensive was ruined.

 

Instead of brokering multi-million dollar deals, she spent her work days making sure that the tire stores profit margin remained on an upward trend and all her workers felt happy and taken cared of. 

 

The idea of anybody staying after five in the afternoon was as unfathomable to her in this life, as leaving work at five would be to her in her old one.

 

Family changed everything when it came to how she planned her day, week or month. She had to work her calendar in conjecture with everyone else in her house, and Lena’s wants and needs didn’t immediately take priority. 

 

It was a learning curve, and sometimes she still messed up, but Kara seemed to have sensed a new energy in her that she had been missing in her moody display of emotion. 

 

And Lena wanted to make Kara happy. She wanted that more than anything else. Any day, any second, she may be yanked out of this life. Lena wanted to leave things on a good note.

 

It surprised Lena at the amount of anxiety she was feeling at being departed from all these people, and the natural comfort she felt at caring for them all.

 

Her new friendship with Maggie seemed to make everyone happy, Kara telling Lena joyfully that Alex and her wife were going to go on vacation for a week for the first time in years.

 

Lena knew that everyone in the family was desperate to know what exactly she and Maggie talked about when they had their now weekly drinks by Hershey’s Cliff, sitting in the back of Maggie’s truck and looking out over the sea. 

 

Kara kept her curiosity to herself though, but Lena didn’t really feel liking breaking the mysterious air of said conversations when what they consisted of was her and Maggie retelling their various resentments from the previous week, and what happened that they were grateful for. 

 

Every day, Lena would through herself into any chores that needed done. Everything from crawling under the minivan to service it, to attending PTA meetings. The night before pulling another overnighter to read nearly three years worth of minutes from previous meetings. 

 

And strangely, as each day passed, things began to seem less like an obligation and more like a responsibility. Something that Lena wanted to do. 

 

Because she wanted to be there for her daughter and take her camping, even if they had nearly frozen to death after Lena forgot the matches. Or for Connor, taking him to that god awful speech therapist and then spending half an hour afterwards with him at the public library to read classics to him aloud, something the therapist ‘discouraged’ outside of her pre-approved texts.

 

It may not quite be like sneaking pot into the house when she was a teen, but it had the same illicit feel to it. Lena feeling herself connecting with Connor from a shared activity that was their’s and their’s alone.

 

After a while, Kara’s happiness at Lena’s constant offering to take charge of shared tasks morphed into annoyance.

 

“I’ll defrost the windshield.”

 

“Don’t worry about the laundry.”

 

“I can pick the kids up.”

 

“I’ll drive Lori to violin lessons.”

 

“I’ll go to science day.”

 

It all boiled over one night after Lena had forced Kara to sit so she could wash the dishes instead.

 

“Hey,” Lena said distractedly while drying a glass. “Do you think the house needs painting?”

 

Kara, who had been watching her with pursed lips, gave her an incredulous look at her words.

 

“It’s winter,” she said incredulously.

 

“Yeah,” Lena shrugged. “Which means that the paint will be cheaper if we get it now.”

 

Kara slammed down her hand on the table, making Lena jump slightly.

 

“Oh for Christ’s sake!” Kara yelled out, standing to her feet and leaking the tea towel and the glass out of Lena’s hands. “This isn’t normal Lena. I don’t need this extreme overcompensation!” 

 

Kara dried the glass furiously and put it away, Lena watching her with a gapping mouth.

 

“I just…. what do you want me to do?” Lena half begged. “I can help, I can!”

 

Kara let out a breath, the tenseness in her shoulders dissipating as she looked back at Lena softly. Lena hid a soft gasp when Kara reached out to grab her waist, pulling her close so she could wrap her arms around her and rest their foreheads together.

 

“Honey,” Kara breathed out. “I love you… But can you maybe dial it down to five hundred miles per hour instead of a million?”

 

Lena’s brain melted at the closeness of Kara, cursing her lower tolerance levels for physical contact since she had begun this sexless dance with Kara. 

 

It wasn’t that she didn’t want to sleep with Kara, though there were still some weirdness about it from her end regarding the fact that they weren’t really married. Other than that, they both were so exhausted by the end of the day that one of them was usually asleep by the time the other one crawled in next to them. Though Lena had the sneaking suspicion that ever since that night on the stairs, Kara had been going out of her way to decrease to possibility of anything happening. 

 

Not that Lena could blame her, but she was still struggling to figure out what exactly she was supposed to have said. It wasn’t exactly like she could ask advice from Alex about what Kara liked whispered to her before Lena had sex with her.

 

Might be a bit of an awkward conversation.

 

But all that lack of release, had led Lena to being hyper-aware anytime Kara didn’t anything remotely attractive. And to Lena’s starved mind, even making coffee in the morning was staring to look attractive. 

 

So when Kara held her close like this, Lena’s brain just slipped into a dopey fog where she’d probably agree to sell her own kidney.

 

“Ok,” she giddily said, forgetting the question.

 

* * *

 

Later that night, Lena was reading Connor a book from his recommended reading list in the living room, waiting for Kara to walk up the stairs before she all by threw the book in the fire.

 

“Now enough of that rubbish,” she muttered to the gap-toothed baby, standing to her feet and walking over to the overflowing bookcase to peruse. “Do you want to read something actually interesting?”

 

At her son’s corresponding giggle, Lena eyed the collection carefully, fingers tracing over cracked spines of the well-loved books.

 

Suddenly, her eyes stopped, taking in a faded spine reading 1984 and frowned. The pang of remembrance lighting up in her mind from the other copy that Kara had bought her at the airport.

 

The last time they had spoken face to face.

 

She let out a breath and smiled bittersweetly, before moving on and finally pulling out a copy of The Hobbit.

 

Settling down on the couch, while Connor stood to his feet and eagerly watched her from his playpen.

 

“Right, how about we read some actually interesting literature?” She questioned aloud, opening the book and turning it to the first page. “Instead of the brown cow and the bloody moon…”

 

Connor let out another giggle, and Lena smiled down at him.

 

“I’ve got to be honest, kid; I don’t know how your Mom was running things before, because I can assure you that I would never bore you with that drivel. Now, chapter one….”

 

Almost half a chapter in, Connor finally nodded off. Lena noticing and gently picking him up to carry him to bed. Walking up the stairs with the baby pressed against her chest, his little breaths hitting her skin while she supported his back, made Lena feel an overflowing sense of contentment and happiness.

 

After she had placed him down in his cot, she leaned in to press a kiss to his forehead.

 

“Goodnight sweetheart,” she whispered wondrously as if she had just discovered a new land. “How could anyone not fall in love with you?”

 

Carrying that happiness over to her bedroom, Lena paused at the door to take in the surprising sight of Kara still up. Sitting against the headboard with her glasses perched on her nose and reading her own book.

 

Lena watched her quietly, a smile growing on her face. It took nearly a full minute before Kara finally noticed her.

 

“What?” She asked, placing her book down.

 

Lena shrugged, still smiling as she walked into the room.

 

“Nothing,” she answered, looking Kara over. “I’m just… nothing.”

 

Kara narrowed her eyes and reached out to pull Lena down, making her sit next to her.  


“I hate it when you do that… what?” Kara asked again.

 

Lena watched her silently, taking in her face as if she was seeing her for the first time in her life.  


“I just…” She breathed out. “I love you in glasses.”

 

Kara’s nose wrinkled and Lena laughed.

 

“Do you remember back in college, you never wanted to wear them?” Lena said. “I didn’t even know you needed them, until that one time I came to pick you up for our date and you were running late. You opened the door in a towel and your glasses.”  


Lena reached out and popped Kara on the nose with a finger, making the other woman sneeze.

 

“If I recall correctly,” Kara said dryly against Lena’s laughter. “We never actually got to the restaurant. You basically jumped me.”

 

Lena’s thoughts drifted, that particularly fond memory jumping to the forefront of her mind.

 

“I had a thing for glasses,” she mused.

 

Kara arched an eyebrow.

 

“Had?”  


“Oh, have,” Lena said with an emphatic nod, reaching out to pull the glasses off Kara’s face and put them on herself. “Definitely have.”

 

She couldn’t remain serious, another smile cracking her features as she laughed at Kara’s annoyed expression with her blurry gaze.

 

“You’re not funny, you’re really not,” Kara replied, yanking her glasses back. “Besides, I’m pretty sure it was the fact that I fell flat on my face and I dropped the towel.”

 

Lena picked up one of Kara’s hand and pressed a kiss to the back of it.  


“A strategic move on your part,” she murmured against the skin, her eyes locked on Kara’s. “I’ll admit.”

 

To Lena’s surprise, Kara grimaced and looked away.

 

“You know… that night I was thinking about breaking up with you.”

 

Lena dropped Kara’s hand in surprise, the blonde rushing to explain. 

 

"The real reason I wasn’t ready was that I had been sitting for half an hour trying to decide if I should call you and cancel, or do it at the restaurant.”

 

Lena’s heart pounded in her chest, trying to recall in Kara had given her any indications of her true intentions that night.

 

“What?” She breathed out. “Why?”

 

Kara sighed.

 

“Because it was our fifth date and all done was take me out to fancy places and to do fancy things,” she explained. “You rented out a whole aquarium the week before just because I said I hadn’t been in years!”

 

Lena didn’t see the problem.

 

“I wanted to give you the full experience!”

 

“You had lots of money, and you liked to you use it,” Kara retorted.

 

That one stung, hitting her closer than it ever would have before she arrived here.

 

“Nothing wrong with money,” she muttered, eyeing Kara. “So you were intimidated by it?”

 

“Not at all,” Kara shook her head. “It just felt… We connected that first night at the party. We spent the whole night talking, even with the god awful music in that frat house. Then you walked me back to my room.”

 

A wistful smile grew on both of their faces.

 

“We talked about everything and it was incredible,” Kara continued. “I just felt like after that, you seemed to become that person that just felt a need to impress me with how loaded you were. And it didn’t feel… authentic.”

 

Lena looked down at the bedsheets, Kara’s comments about her from the department store nearly a month earlier coming under a new light.

 

“What changed your mind?” She asked.

 

Kara gave her a strange look, smiling once more.

 

“You did of course. You stayed the night and skipped out on brunch with your brother just so you could try and make me pancakes, remember?”

 

Lena groaned, remembering how she had ruined Kara’s pan.

 

“Gah… I really can’t cook.”

 

Kara tilted her head.

 

“Couldn’t, you mean?” 

 

Lena stuttered.

  
  
“Yeah…”

 

So far she had managed to scrap by with her bad food, usually because Lori helped significantly, but Lena still couldn’t fathom a world where she could cook well.

 

“Then you saw that my toaster didn’t work and you insisted on fixing it,” Kara continued, Lena releasing a breath. “Not buy me a new one… or get someone else to do it. You wanted to fix it yourself.”

 

Lena blushed.

 

“I was trying to show off,” she muttered out.

 

Kara winked at her, making Lena’s blush deepen.

 

“Yeah… but that time it was sexy.”

 

Lena rubbed the back of her neck.

 

“So you stayed with me because I fixed your toaster and burnt pancakes?”

 

Kara nodded.

 

“Pretty much,” she gestured around the room. “Thirteen years of married life!”

 

Lena followed her hand, taking in the wonky bedside lamps and the bed frame that had been drawn on with permanent marker by Lori once upon a time.

 

“Does it ever bother you that I can’t offer you more?” She suddenly blurted out.

 

There was a brief pause, before Kara’s cool finger touched the bottom of her chin, tilting her head up so their eyes could lock.  


“You offer me everything,” Kara answered.

 

Lena wondered how exactly Kara managed to do that. Every time Lena thought she had her pegged or at least had a handle on her feelings, Kara would swoop in with a line that would completely knock the wind out of her lungs. 

 

They stared at each other, Lena easily becoming lost in the blue of Kara’s eyes, when the other woman closed her book and patted the space next to her on the bed with a smile.

 

“Come here and take off your clothes.”

 

Lena’s brain short-circuited.  


“What?” She squeaked out in reply.

 

Kara laughed.

 

“You don’t have to look so terrified,” she answered. “I just want to give you a massage.”

 

Lena eyed the space with wariness, eyes flicking between it and Kara’s face.

 

“As in… naked?”

 

Kara rolled her eyes.

 

“Yes, Lena. Naked just like every time I’ve ever given you one.”

 

Honestly, Lena couldn’t remember a time when Kara had ever given her a massage, recalling that it was usually the other way around in college and lasted about three seconds before they dived right into having sex.

 

Still, maybe this was a perk of married life.

  


“Ok.”

 

Lena stood to her feet, stripping slowly and hyperaware that this was the first time Kara had seen her naked by Lena’s deliberate action. Casual nudity aside, when both of them blearily rushed past each other didn’t count. 

 

Lena laid down on her stomach, and Kara pulled out a bottle of scented oil from her bottom bedside drawer, leaving Lena’s mind to wonder exactly what else might be in that drawer, her wife began to massage her back.

 

They didn’t speak, and it didn’t take long for Lena’s tension to dissipate, quickly growing sleepy under Kara’s deliberate ministrations. 

 

It was only once Kara had reached her lower back that she spoke in a soft voice, startling Lena awake.  


“You know, you’re still the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen in my life.”

 

Lena bit her lip and smiled against her pillow.

 

“Well… you’re not so bad yourself,” she replied, tilting her head to look at Kara with a smile.

 

The other woman smiled back, but it didn’t feel as real.

 

“You’re sweet… But we both know my body has changed a bit since college,” Kara murmured in reply. “Having a baby and transitioning to suburbia does that. Well, except for you. I’m pretty sure you’ll be ninety and still look the same.”

 

All of Lena’s relaxation vanished as fast as it had arrived. She turned over quickly, uncaring that Kara could see her fully as she sat up and stared at Kara face to face.

 

“How long have you… Have I ever made you feel like that?” She demanded intensely, furious at her other self if she had.

 

“Like what?” Kara confusedly asked.

 

Lena blinked and gave Kara an incredulous look.

 

“Like you’re not the most stunning woman in whatever room you enter,” she breathed out truthfully. “Have I ever made you feel like you were worth less than the utmost adoration of every person on the planet?”

 

Kara blinked, and a small blush grew in her cheeks.

  
“Wow… no?” She answered. “I mean… I just… sometimes I just get a little self conscious. I’m not twenty two anymore.”

 

Lena frowned.

 

“So fucking what? That doesn’t matter,” she answered firmly. “Your age doesn’t matter. You aren’t worth less for any reason. It’s your body and it’s beautiful.”

 

Kara just stared at her and Lena’s voice softened.

 

“If you ever feel like it isn’t,” Lena whispered out. "Just remember that…”

 

Lena stopped herself and shook her head.

 

“You know what, real beauty isn’t measurable. It comes from in here.”

 

She pointed to Kara’s heart.

 

“And it’s about how you see yourself here. And it shouldn’t matter how anyone else sees you… but just in case.”  


Lena leaned closer, so she was an inch from Kara’s face, taking it every line, slight blemish and scar. Taking in the dark circles under her eyes and her hair that looked slightly limp after a hard day.

 

Lena looked at all that, her gaze becoming sultry as it returned to Kara’s eyes.

 

“You are the sexiest woman alive.”

 

Kara’s mouth gapped, and Lena could feel the air between them physically charge. A current of electricity almost dipped in water, ready to scatter out and touch everything with its chaotic energy.

 

The blonde tilted her head to capture Lena’s lips but was stopped by the sound of Lori’s voice. 

 

“Mama, I had a bad dream…”

 

Lena jumped back from Kara, the mood shattered as she looked at Lori. The little girl was still sniffling and her eyes were full of tears. Kara moved off the bed to comfort the girl while Lena quickly pulled on clothes. Even though casual nudity was fine around Kara, Lena still felt exceedingly awkward around the kids. 

 

“Oh, I’m sorry sweetheart,” Kara said soothingly, pulling Lori into a hug. “Do you want to talk about it?”  


Lori shook her head against Kara’s chest.

 

Kara looked over the top of her daughter’s head to give Lena a questioning look. Lena didn’t hesitate to nod her acceptance.

 

“Do you want to sleep with us?”  


Lori nodded.

 

Lena pulled back the sheets, allowing Kara to place Lori in the middle of the bed while the women both crawled in on either side of her. 

 

Lena tried not to feel disappointed in the ending of the night, but the surge of protectiveness over Lori quickly took its place. Once the bedside lights were turned off, Lori quickly turned into Lena’s chest and pressed herself close, leaving Lena to stare through the dark room at where she supposed Kara’s face might be.

 

She didn’t need to see her though; the blonde reached out to lace their fingers together as they all fell asleep together.

 

* * *

 

Lena let out a groan, dropping her pen as she leaned back in her office chair and cracked her neck. All day she had been buried under order forms and paperwork, her eyes growing glassy as she powered through it and numbers circled in her mind. It was reaching the end of the quarter and sales were up, and on top of Lena making a mistake ordering too many oil filters, she had to find a way to balance the numbers.

 

It still wasn’t life-changing work, that lingering resentment still a weekly feature at her and Maggie’s chat nights, but she supposed in a way she was helping people. 

 

Customer service was customer service, whether it be skiing with nervous billionaires or men with terrible combovers. 

 

Still, when she took five-minute breaks, Lena would spend them staring at the pictures in her office, the ones she sneered at once, and gather strength in remembering precisely who she was doing all this for.

 

Her distracted thoughts were broken by the sound of her door opening, Jeremiah poking his head in.

 

“Hey kiddo,” he called out, letting himself in as he nodded at the pile in front of her. “Looking a bit swamped there.”

 

Lena grimaced and began to scratch an equation out.  


“I’m almost through it,” she murmured.

 

Jeremiah sighed and took the seat opposite her.  


“No matter how many years you worked for me, you’ve still got to be reminded that you don’t have to work through your lunch break.”

 

Lena snorted.

 

“When you’re in charge you don’t get breaks.”

 

“Well we better invent a time machine and travel back to the past, cause I’ve got some talking to do with my younger self if that’s the case,” Jeremiah said seriously.

 

Lena looked up, noticing that he was holding back vibrating laughter that was making his moustache shake.

 

“You’re trying to make me laugh,” she said emptily.

 

He giggled, making her smile tiredly.

 

“Sure I am, kid… But I need to talk to you about something.”

 

Lena put her pen down.

 

“Shoot.”

 

He took a few seconds, gathering his thoughts.

 

“So me and Eliza, we’ve been doing a lot of thinking over the past few months. We’re not getting any younger, and we’ve built a fair nest egg of dough. Between me running this place and her research work, we’re pretty much set. And the thing is, we want to see a but more of the world before we kick the bucket. So we both want to retire.”

 

Lena nodded, understanding.

 

“Fair enough.”

 

The man smiled crookedly at her.

 

“You know I love you, don’t you Lena?”

 

She nodded.

 

“I know, and I completely understand. You need to sell the business to help your retirement-“

 

“What? No,” he cut in with a booming laugh. “I’m trying to tell you that I want to give this place to you! Call it your early inheritance.”

 

Lena blinked rapidly, confused by this new information.

 

“You… you… what?” She squeaked out.

 

“I mean you’ve been running the place since I had my heart attack,” Jeremiah explained. “I figure it’s time.”

 

Lena shook her head.

 

“But… but you have two daughters,” she spluttered out. “You can’t give this place to me.”

 

The man patted his lapel, Pride pin still permanently in place.  


“Not true,” he refuted. “I have four daughters.”

 

Lena felt tears build up behind her eyes at his statement as if it were an indisputable fact. This whole time she had been trying to keep at least an inch of distance between her and Jeremiah and Eliza, realising now that she thought it would be too painful of a reminder of just how shit her ‘real’ family was. 

 

But in reality, she was just bowled over by the unconditional love she didn’t think she really deserved.

 

“Jeremiah-“

 

“Look, Alex doesn’t want it,” he cut over her again, his tone businesslike now. “She has her own career and I can’t exactly see her giving it up to take over this place. And you’re marred to Kara, which means the income will go to her too.”

 

He looked out her window and across the lot, taking in all the busy mechanics and people.

 

“But this place… you deserve it,” he continued, turning back to her. “We’ve got over twenty workers depending on us to get their pay check and see them through the next quarter, and you’re the person to do that.” 

 

He slapped his thigh.

 

“You know it; you care about it. It’s yours.”

 

Lena was quickly becoming overwhelmed and felt furious at how little it took these days for her to get emotional.

 

“I don’t know what to say,” she croaked out.

 

The man leaned forward.

 

“Say yes please and thank you.”

 

Lena laughed and wiped away a tear her father in law pretended not to notice.

 

“Thank you,” she answered finally.

 

“Good!” He sounded out, jumping to his feet. “Well nothing’s going to be done and dusted till the end of the year anyway, but we can start the transition now. Not that you need to learn much, you know everything already.”

 

He turned to leave, and Lena suddenly called out to him.  


“Jeremiah… would you like to come over for dinner this Friday?” She asked quietly. “You and Eliza?”

 

They hadn’t seen Kara’s parents as much as everyone else would have liked, but so far nobody had said anything.

 

Lena still picked up on the happy flicker in Jeremiah’s eyes though.  


“Sure kid, we’d love too.”

 

* * *

 

Krypto was licking Lena’s face, waking her up from her groggy sleep as she pushed him away. She closed her eyes again, wondering if she might get enough few minutes in when the alarm started.

 

Kara reached over her to turn it off, pressing a kiss to the back of Lena’s neck as she patted her shoulder.

 

“Time to get up, honey.”

 

Lena obliged without question, getting out of bed, putting on a robe and slippers and exiting, still practically half-asleep as she wandered through her routine with half-lidded eyes and a barely started brain.

 

Lena made her way down to the kitchen, turning on the Mr Coffee, gets a bottle of milk from the fridge, heating it in hot water on the stove before making her way back upstairs.

Connor was already awake and standing up in his crib up like a prisoner in a cell. Lena gave him the bottle, patting his head perfunctorily as he sucked and then walked out of the room. 

 

She stumbled back to the master, mind starting to run through the list of things she had to do that day, only to find Kara, sitting on the bed with a wrapped present in front of her and a broad smile on her face.

 

Lena stopped, raising an eyebrow at the gift. She looked over her shoulder, as if to ask whether it’s for her, then back towards Kara.

 

“Happy Anniversary, honey!”

 

Lena suddenly felt extremely awake, horror growing in her chest at the words while her heart began to thump so loudly she could hear it in her ears. All the effort she had made for the past two months, and now she forgot the anniversary.

 

Kara pushed the gift forward, practically vibrating with glee.

 

“Before you do whatever crazy stunt you’ve got planned I want you to open mine.”

 

Lena mustered up a smile, then approached the gift, trying to think of something, anything she could do to stop what was going to happen.

 

“Maybe I should wait…” She mumbled out.

 

Kara shook her head, grinning like mad.

 

“No! Open it!” 

 

Lena hesitated, heart sinking then began unwrapping the package revealing a box with a dress inside that made Lena’s mouth dry out.

 

It was almost identical, colour and cut, to the one she had wanted to buy in the store so many months ago.

 

“I found it at an outlet store,” Kara explained. “I know it’s a knock-off, but I think it’ll look great on you.”

 

Lena examined the label.

 

“Prado,” she breathed out, overcome with emotion.

 

Yes, it’s was a Prado, not a real Prada dress, but this was probably the most beautiful thing anyone had ever done for her. After everything that happened that day, the argument… And all the crap since, she couldn’t believe Kara had wanted to give this to her.

 

“You really are incredible,” Lena whispered out with tearing eyes, hugging the dress close.

 

Kara smiled sweetly at her.

 

“Enjoy it, sweetheart.”

 

Lena took in Kara’s expectant face, suddenly remembering how truly screwed she was.

 

She took a shuddering breath and let the dress fall on the bed.

 

“You’re probably expecting something from me…”

 

Lena began to sweat bullets, watching as Kara got a quizzical look on her face.

 

She swallowed.

 

“Here’s the thing,” Lena continued. “I really hadn’t planned on giving you your...uh... anniversary gift until tonight.”

 

Lena smiled uncomfortably.

 

“You know, anniversary’s good all day.”

 

Kara frowned, confused.

 

“What are you talking about? You never wait all day.You can barely wait until it’s light out.”

 

Lena grew even more despondent. Of course, her perfect other self would never forget. The other she would never be as terrible as Lena was.

 

“I know that, but…”

 

She trailed off.

 

Kara looked at her like she was looking into her soul.

 

“You forgot,” she said dully.

 

Lena watched in despair as Kara sank into the mattress.

 

“You actually forgot our anniversary.”

 

“I’ll fix it,” Lena said quickly, desperately. “I’ll go out right now and get you something. I’ll make it right.”

 

It didn’t help.

 

“Jesus, Lena,” Kara answered, holding back tears. “Is this where we are now? Is this our marriage? Suddenly I’m the person who has to drop hints two weeks before her anniversary so her wife doesn’t fuck it up?”

 

Lena wanted to hold her. She wanted to soothe the pain, but she knew in her heart that this wasn’t just about a gift.

 

“Please don’t cry…” 

 

Kara wiped a tear away, but they just kept coming.

 

“I don’t want to be that, Lena,” she said with a shake of her head.

 

Lena approached her, holding out a hand but Kara pushed it away, gets up and walking towards the bathroom. The door closing with a resounding click, leaving Lena standing alone with Kara’s gift on the bed in front of her.

 

* * *

 

Lena emerged from the house, stepping out onto the porch for some air. She shook her head, a mixture of frustration and self-pity on her face.

 

Her mind was racing with thoughts and emotions, but the resounding one was anger at herself and the deep, primal need to escape this whole situation.

 

She noticed Lori’s bike leaning against the side of the porch, and the bell that Adam gave her sitting on its handle bar.

 

The anger grew in her chest at the sight, threatening to consume her totally. She took a step toward it, and gave the bell a gentle ring. Lena looked around, as if she was expecting someone to appear, but there was no one.She rung the bell again, louder this time, really trying to attract someone’s attention.

 

Anyone. Something. Some escape hatch. An eject button.

 

Anything to get her out of here. That was all that she wanted. 

 

Just to be free.

 

“C’mon…c’mon..." She muttered, ringing faster and faster.

 

Finally, she lifted the bike in the air with a roar, ringing the bell with everything she had.

 

C’mon, goddamnit,” she shouted to the sky. “How was I supposed to know the date of their anniversary!? I never married her! I’ve been trying so fucking much, for god’s sake….”

 

Lena felt like the biggest bitch alive.

 

“I just want my life back!!!”

 

She let out a sob and cry, before catching herself when she pulled back with a start and realised that Lori was standing in the doorway and looking at her with wide eyes.

 

“Put the bicycle back on the ground,” she said slowly. 

 

Lena swallowed and gently lowered it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did we like? Let me know in the comments below!!! I love to read them :)
> 
> Follow me of Tumblr @assumingminds19 Come yell at me there, kudos, comment and subscribe if you feel the urge :) I love to hear from you guys and answer questions if you have any.


	9. I Have My Moments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's right people. I am, in fact, alive :D Even though with all the uni work and bloody life, in general, I am a bit swamped.
> 
> Nvm, here we go again! And by the by, here's the playlist I listen too when I'm writing this fic :) 
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1oWPq9UfepOIkqpbT1BKAO

Lena mixed the glass of chocolate milk slowly, watching as it dissolved quickly. Her mind buzzing with so much emotion, but the single remaining desire to curl into a ball and die staying at the forefront. 

 

Kara had yet to come down from their shared room, and Lena was stewing in a pot of guilt, imaging the way she was probably crying into a pillow right now. Or worse, staring blankly at a wall and wondering how in the hell she had been stuck with the worst wife in the world. Lena had no idea how she had stupidly managed to forget, thinking back over the past few weeks as she had meticulously learned how to exist in this life. But truthfully, Lena was utterly exhausted. Trying to manage two kids, a mortgage, an extended family, a business and a be a good wife was harder then her old job had ever been. Flicking through her packed diary, there hadn’t been a single mention of their anniversary coming out, and Lena chalked that up to her saintly other self just being so spectacular, that the date was burned into her brain.

 

But none of that mattered because Lena could moan and bitch and stew as much as she liked, but nothing changed the fact that she had forgotten the anniversary. 

 

Lori, arms folded, oversaw her and waited expectantly.Lena finished her stirring and slide the glass over to her daughter.

 

“There you go,” she murmured, watching as Lori took a long sip, before putting the glass down and leaving a chocolate milk moustache on her lip that made Lena’s heart lift slightly in fondness.

 

“Tell me if there’s enough chocolate in that sweetheart.”

 

Lori nodded with satisfaction.

 

“Not bad,” she proclaimed, before eyeing Lena apologetically. “I shoulda warned you. Mom always does something special for their anniversary.”

 

Lena’s heart sunk, and she hesitated. Wondering if she even wanted to know.

 

“Like what?” 

 

Lori paused, before speaking empathetically. 

 

“One year she had a star named after her.”

 

Lena grimaced and looked down at the countertop.

 

“Don’t you think that’s a little… gimmicky?” She asked.

 

Lori shrugged.

 

“Mama liked it.”

 

Lena raised an eyebrow but conceded the point. Kara always had leaned toward corny when it came to romance. Her mind turned over, trying to think of something, anything that she could give Kara within a budget. Her usual gifts to women being far too expensive for the life she was living now.

 

“Maybe there’s a jewellery store back at the mall,” she muttered to herself, an urge to fix it and fix it fast. “I could get her a pair of earrings or something.”

 

Lena glanced up to see Lori giving her a withering look, and Lena struggled not to laugh at how out of place the expression seemed on a small child’s face.

 

“That’s good,” her daughter said reluctantly, clearly annoyed at Lena’s pitiful attempt. “But...you did forget the anniversary.”

 

Lena frowned, chastising her attempt at a weak fix and nodding in acceptance as her brain struggled to think.

 

“Right. That’s a major oversight,” she agreed, thinking aloud. "So if I’m Kara...I can’t really afford the finer things, my wife’s career is a crushing disappointment to me, I’m trapped in suburbia…"

 

Lena blinked and tilted her head back as a bright thought sparked. She turned to look at her daughter questionably.

 

“Did your mom ever take her to the City?”

 

Lori smiled, impressed now.

 

“You’re really gettin’ the hang of this.

 

Lena grinned, a look of confidence came over her face, and for the first time that morning, she seemed like a woman in control.

 

 

* * *

 

 

It had taken a fair amount of convincing, trying to win Kara over with promises that this was something legitimate that she was going to put effort into. But spending the morning making plans, sending Lori in with a hand made apology card from Lena that she knew would make Kara smile AND a begging phone call to Alex asking if she would convince her sister, Kara finally agreed to go on Lena’s mystery trip to the city that night.

 

It was a rush the rest of the day too, Lena still warily avoiding Kara while organising the kids to be picked up by their grandparents for the night, but she was finally dressed and walking out of the guest bathroom with half an hour to spare before they had to leave. Wearing the beautiful grin dress Kara had given her this morning, she leaned against the wall outside of the master suite to help put the heels she had found buried under a pile of practical shoes in the closet. 

 

Her eyes tracked movement through the crack in the door, and she hesitated, before observing. 

 

Lori was sitting on the bed watching her Kara get rushing about the room. Wearing a near black slip, Kara walked out of the bathroom carrying two dresses on hangers, a red one and a dark blue one and holding them out for Lori’s inspection.

 

“Which do you think?” She asked.

 

Lori considered it for a moment, taking both in very seriously.

 

“The blue one,” she finally said firmly.

 

Kara nodded and moved to put it on, but stopped when she looked back at Lori.

 

“Fighting’s a part of it, Lori. You know that, right?” She asked suddenly. “But that doesn’t mean you should put up with…”

 

She trailed off, and Lena frowned, feeling even more shitty than she had before.

 

Lori nodded at her mother’s words with a small knowing grin.

 

“I’m not worried, Mama. She’s still learning our ways.”

 

Lena nearly choked, but Kara just looked at her daughter with a raised eyebrow and a quizzical look, before nodding. She put down the dress on the bed and held out a hand to Lori.

 

“C’mere.”

 

Kara led her to the makeup table in the cramped corner of the room and opened a lipstick tube.

 

Lori gave her an excited look, jumping slightly.

 

“Really?”

 

Kara nodded and smiled, before gently applying some red lipstick to Lori’s lips.

 

“Now go like this.”

 

Kara rubbed her lips together, showing Lori how to do it and Lori mimicked her carefully. Under Kara’s gaze, she was beaming.

 

“You’re gonna break a lot of hearts, you know,” Kara said fondly, before waging her finger. “But remember what Mom always says. You’re only as beautiful on the outside-“

 

“-as you are on the inside,” Lori finished with a smile, reaching out to hug Kara.

 

Lena pulled back slightly, her heart swelling with love. Watching Kara in moments like this, it just made her appreciate her all the more as a person and as a mother. Far more kind and caring than she could ever hope to be.

 

How lucky the other her was to be married to this woman.

 

And how stupid she was, for ever letting her go.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Hours of driving in the minivan spent in a weird not quite silence, them both talking about non-essential things, Lena finally found herself within the familiar roads of the city. Physically, a part of her relaxed. As if she was finally back on her home turf and ready to win Kara over this night.

 

Another few minutes passed before Lena was handing the van’s keys to a horrified looking valet, and rushing around to the passenger door to help Kara out. The blonde gave her a half amused, half ‘I’m still pissed’ look.

 

The place they were eating tonight was a small, elegant French restaurant hidden on a tree-lined lower city street. It was a frequent haunt of Lena’s in her other life, and it had taken a few well-placed phone calls to some people pretending to be someone else, and doing it rather convincingly, to get a table on such short notice.

 

Lena led Kara toward the cloakroom, helping her off with her coat and trying her best not to drool at the sight of Kara’s open back in the blue dress she had chosen to wear. 

 

“You look beautiful,” Lena murmured, reaching out to trace Kara’s spine with a whisper of a touch, before handing their coats to the checking girl.

 

“Thanks, Catherine,” Lena said instinctively, still distracted.

 

Her eyes widened immediately when the girl gave her a funny look and Lena faked a sneeze to cover it up. Kara gave her a concerned look and patted her back gently.

 

“You okay?”

 

Lena coughed and took Kara by the arm, leading her quickly away from the girl and towards the main room.

 

“Fine,” she reassured.

 

Kara looked around the restaurant with delight in her eyes. Taking in the elegant tables, French country decor and the pianist playing softly on a baby grand piano in the corner.

 

“Lena...can we afford all this?” She asked quietly as they walked up to the maitre de. 

 

Lena gave her a fond smile, shifting her hand to Kara’s lower back to lead her forward.

 

“What’s the difference?” She replied after giving their names to the man. “I’m taking you out for our anniversary, damn the costs.”

 

Kara gave her an intrigued look, but Lena was happy to note the smile dancing at the corners of her lips.

 

“How do you even know about this place?” Kara asked after they had been settled into their small and secluded table.

 

Lena was caught for a moment before her brain restarted.

 

“Sam,” she said instantly, with a large and hopefully convincing smile. “She’ll throw you a curve ball once in a while; that’s for sure.”

 

Thankfully, Kara seemed to take her at her word, nodding as she picked up the menu to look it over. Lena placed a hand over hers quickly, drawing her attention.

 

“Allow me, please?” She asked, waiting for Kara to give her another confused look before nodding.

 

Lena grinned confidently, happy to be able to show off slightly, before flagging down a nearby waiter.

 

“We’ll have the tureen of quail breast with shiitake mushrooms to start, then the veal medallions in raspberry truffle sauce and the sea scallops with pureed artichoke hearts...sea scallops, North of the Caspian.”

 

Kara looked at her like she’d been struck on the head, but Lena just shot her a wink and was amused at the way it made the other woman blush.

 

The waiter was looking at Lena with respect.

 

“Very good, madame. And may I say those are all excellent selections.”

 

Lena laughed lightly.

 

“You may…”

 

She looked over the wine list vaguely.

 

“Also, we’ll have a bottle of Lafite, 1979."

 

Kara reached over quickly and pulled down the wine list, reading it upside down.

 

"It’s eight hundred and fifty dollars, Lena!” She squeaked out, given her an incredulous look.

 

Lena winced, the perfect moment shattered briefly, before she looked back up at the waiter with an apologetic face.

 

“Just a glass of your house red wine for each of us.”

 

The man arched an eyebrow but nodded, taking both their menus then walked towards the kitchen.

 

Lena looked back at Kara, giving her a charming and happy grin. Kara looked at her, struggling for a moment as she tried to maintain a severe face before her own happy smile grew.

 

“You are so not off the hook yet, slick,” she teased.

 

Lena arched an eyebrow.

 

“But I’m getting close, right?”

 

Kara gave her a cautious nod, and Lena bit her lip briefly. A few seconds of silence between them passed before Lena noticed Kara looking over at the pianist, clearly being drawn in by the music.

 

Lena looked back at Kara with a smile, before holding out her hand for her to take.

 

“You want to dance?” She asked.

 

Kara gave her a puzzled look. There was nobody else dancing, and there wasn’t even much room to dance, but Lena didn’t care.

 

“I don’t think there’s dancing here, Lena.”

 

Lena shrugged, getting up and continuing to hold out a hand.

 

“Sure there is.”

 

Kara looked around again, then she smiled and rose to her feet, taking Lena’s hand. Lena’s heart glowed, and she took her in her arms, swaying slowly in the limited amount of space totally confident and self-assured.

 

The pianist looked up, smiling, clearly appreciating their role in this romantic moment. Kara moved with Lena, following her lead comfortably as they moved in sync with each other and the music. Lena found her chest aching at the way Kara felt, standing in her arms like this, and tried to remember the last time she had danced with her.

People watched them, some of the men impressed, others scoffing, but the women were charmed as Lena twirled Kara around gently and dipped her slightly.

 

“Pretty good for a tire salesperson from Midvale,” Kara whispered in her ear.

 

Lena flashed her most charming smile.

 

"I have my moments,” she replied smoothly, happy for once to just to exist in this space together and not wishing for anything to change.

 

Kara grinned, pressing against her as they continued to dance, in a world of their own.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Half an hour later, Lena and Kara were at the table enjoying the gourmet meal. Lena held out a fork with a piece of veal for Kara, and she took a bite.

 

“Mmmm,” she moaned, before spearing a scallop on her plate and holding it out in turn. “Here, try one of these.”

 

Lena took the scallop from Kara’s fork and savoured the flavour.

 

“God I missed that taste,” she whispered, Kara, laughing at her expression.

 

Lena looked up at her, seeing the trust in her face and a part of her heart seemed to click as she took a deep breath. She put down her fork.

 

“I need to tell you something,” she said quietly and thoughtfully, staring into Kara’s blue eyes.

 

Kara sobered slightly.

  
“Okay…”

 

Lena swallowed the lump in her throat.

 

“I think it may help us, but there’s a slight chance it could make things worse.”

 

Kara, hearing her serious tone, reached out to place a gentle hand over hers.

 

“Now I’m worried...just say it,” she replied steadily. “Whatever it is we’ll deal with it.”

 

Lena hesitated.

 

“Are you sure?”

 

Kara nodded, and Lena searched her mind for the right words. 

 

“I feel like I’m living someone else’s life.”

 

Lena looked at Kara, expecting the worst, but she just found reassurance in her eyes. It bolstered Lena’s strength, and she contoured to speak.

 

“I used to be so sure about everything, you know? I knew exactly who I was and what I wanted.”

 

Her old life played out in her mind. The supreme self-confidence. Doing whatever she wanted to do, whenever she wanted to do it.

 

“Then one morning I woke up and suddenly it was all different.”

 

Her words trailed off, but she couldn’t deny the deep feeling of loss she felt at having that world so suddenly taken from her without her consent or warning.

 

She looked up to find Kara looking at her with sadness.

 

“Worse, you mean.”

 

Lena blinked, then rushed to disagree.

 

“No!” She replied, before thinking again. “Well, maybe a few things. But mostly just different.”

 

All the new friends and family and overwhelming love that this new life offered, poured out of her in a soft smile as she turned her fingers so she could lace their hands together.

 

“But I never used to be like this, Kara,” she continued. “I had it all figured out. No doubts, no regrets.”

 

Kara bit her lower lip.

 

“And now…?”

 

Lena huffed at her own bafflement.

 

"Now...I don’t know what I’m doing…"

 

Lena looked at Kara, staring intensely into her eyes, and desperate for understanding. Trying to convey the feelings she had been holding close to her heart ever since she had arrived her that she was doing everything wrong. That she wasn’t meant to be here, because she was ruining everything for this beautiful family that didn’t deserve it. And now she was afraid that Kara would hate her for telling her the truth.

 

But instead, Kara just scoffed and smiled.

 

“Me neither,” she admitted with a shrug.

 

Lena gave her a doubtful look, but Kara rushed to explain.

 

“I think it’s good to be a little unsure about who you are. It’s very human.”

 

Lena frowned.

 

“But you always seem so certain?”

 

Kara laughed.

 

“C’mon, Lena, you think there aren’t mornings when I wake up and wonder what the hell I’m doing back in Midvale?”

 

A wave of relief crossed Lena’s chest.

 

“That’s a big one for me, too.”

 

“My office is a dump,” Kara continued. “I answer my own phone...and you’ve seen my paycheck.”

 

Lena’s smiled widened.

“Your paycheck is a disgrace to paychecks.”

 

Kara laughed.

 

“I mean yes, I guess I write stories people in the area want to read.”

 

Lena nodded half-heartedly.

 

“I guess...some of them are probably faking the ability.”

 

Kara snorted at that.

 

“God, sometimes I think it would be so nice not to have to stretch ground beef or maybe drive a car with a CD player that works properly.”

 

Lena squeezed their joined hands.

 

“But imagine having a life where everything was easy...where you asked for things, and people just brought them to you.”

 

Lena felt like cackling.

 

“It’s wonderful!”

 

Kara gave her a knowing look, pausing before her smile became softer.

 

“I think about it, too, Lena.I do. I think about the kind of person I’d be if I hadn’t married you.”

 

It was as if she’s inside Lena’s head, and she Lena found herself holding her breath. They stayed like that for a moment, looking into each other.

 

“And…?"

 

Kara stopped for a moment, considering.

 

"And I realise I’ve just erased the things in my life I’m most sure about. You, the kids…”

 

Lena nodded, a soft smile dancing on her lips as she nodded.

 

“Good things…”

 

Kara smiled back at her, searching her eyes for something.

 

“What are you sure about?”

 

Lena couldn’t think at that moment. She could barely breathe as her entire life, and every single choice she had ever made, flashed before her eyes. And everything, always, just came back to one resounding answer to that question.

 

“I’m sure that right now, there’s nowhere I’d rather be than here with you.”

 

Kara smiled at Lena, loving and secure. And for the first time since she had arrived here, Lena finally felt like they both completely understood one another. Clicking together like they were made to be together and it brought Lena back to the time she had last felt like this. Standing together in an airport, ready to board a plane.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The mini-van was parked outside a small brownstone hotel right on the main square of National City. Lena and Kara were fumbling with a door key at one of the hotel’s suites, laughing. The door opened finally, and Lena quickly reached down, lifting and carrying Kara a surprised Kara in her arms as they entered. She dropped her at the foot of the bed, taking in Kara’s awed expression as she looked around the beautiful room.

 

She rushed to the window, looking outside at the winter scape.

 

“This is so…”

 

Lena smiled as she opens a champagne bottle sitting on a silver ice bucket, Kara letting out a squeak and turning at the pop.

 

“You know champagne makes me do crazy things,” Kara teased as she took off her coat.

 

Lena grinned, pouring.

 

“I’ll just fill yours up to the top then,” she replied, before handing Kara the glass.

 

Giving her a soft look, she raised in slightly.

 

“Happy anniversary, darling.”

 

Kara smiled back, clinking her glass with Lena’s.

 

“I don’t know how you did it, but you pulled it off.”

 

“I’m out of the doghouse?” Lena replied, taking a sip.

 

“Way out,” Kara reassured, turning on her feet to look at the king-sized poster bed, feeling the down quilt. Lena followed her gestures, eyes travelling up Kara’s form and a low heat grew in her stomach.

 

Kara turned back to look at her as if sensing her heavy gaze.

 

“You may even get lucky tonight, Lena.”

 

Kara walked over to her, reaching behind her neck to kiss her. Lena smiled into it, revealing in the deep connection she hadn’t felt in so long with another person. When their lips separate, it was the powerful effect almost knocked her over.

 

Lena looked deep into Kara’s eyes, stroking her hair and totally lost in her.

 

“You’re so…beautiful..."

 

Kara smiled, leaning into her touch.

 

“I already told you that you were gonna get lucky, Lena.”

 

They kissed again, long and soulful kiss before Lena pulled back as a sudden and profound realisation filled her heart and her face.

 

“My god,” she whispered out, totally awed. “All this time…I never stopped loving you.”

 

Kara stared back at her, equally enthralled.

 

“That’s all I wanted to hear,” she whispered, before kissing her again and folding into Lena’s arms.

 

Their movements were slow, clothes removed with laughter, hands and hot kisses before they found themselves falling into each other and onto the bed. All the forgotten pieces of Lena’s heart were finally weaving together.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The morning light flickering across her face was what woke Lena the next morning. The sheets underneath her smelling like crisp sunshine and the weight of another body half lying on top of her bare back. She blinked slowly, her memory clearing and making her smile. 

  
The body on her back shifted slightly, and then pressed a series of slow open-mouthed kisses along her spine.

 

This morning, something was different. Something was very, very good. Lena smiled into the pillow as Kara crawled along her back, until her face was next to her. Kara shifted Lena’s hair to the side, looking down at her with a genuinely loving smile. She pressed a kiss to her neck, then along her jawline until she could whisper into Lena’s ear.

“I feel like I should give you money…”

 

Lena laughed, twisting so she was laying flat and Kara was on top of her.

 

The blonde propped herself up on her elbow, still grinning.

 

“I mean, my god, Lena you were always good but this...this was... like a porno.”

 

Lena gave her a cocky smile, something Kara rolled her eyes at before resting her head against Lena’s chest. They breathed in sync for a few minutes, Lena reaching up to slowly stroke Kara’s hair, the other woman letting out a sigh as she stared out at the square through the window.

 

“I could stay here forever.”

 

Lena basked in the feeling of profound love those words sent through her entire body. 

 

“I don’t think I’d fight you on that one,” she replied.

 

Kara lifted her head and looked at her expectantly, Lena taking the hint and reaching under her chin so she could pull her into a deep kiss. Kara released into it, startling slightly when Lena hooked a leg around her waist and twisted them sharply. Kara looked up at her with surprise, Lena’s sultry grin melting the expression into something lustful.

 

Lena eyed her carefully, slowly tracing her hands down Kara’s arms, revelling in the feeling of her skin against Lena’s nails. She moved slowly until she reached Kara’s wrists, gripping them softly before slowly shifting them above Kara’s head. 

 

Watching her carefully the entire time, she stilled once she reached a certain point.

 

“Is this ok?”

 

Kara bit her lip and nodded, Lena’s half grin growing.

 

“Don’t move your hands,” she murmured, directing Kara to grip the headboard slates tightly.

 

“You understand?”

 

Kara nodded again, Lena waiting for a second to make sure before she began to shift slowly down her body. Before she could even nip at her skin, she remembered.

 

Looking back up into to Kara’s eyes, she kissed her softly.

 

“I love you,” she whispered once it broke. “Always have and always will.”

 

Kara smiled once more, and Lena moved down her body quickly waiting until she heard the first sharp gasp, before she pressed Kara’s hips back down with her forearm.

 

* * *

 

 

Lena took a happy sip of her coffee, powering through the crappy taste, and flipped a page of the local Midvale paper, intently reading her wife’s article on the ninety-eight-year-old woman that had received seven of the same type of birthday card that year.

 

Lena didn’t think she could smile more reading Kara’s writing. 

 

She looked over the top of her paper to spot Lori walking through the downstairs of the house, steadfastly practising her violin. It was a noise bordering on music, but not quite. The occasional screech breaking up Twinkle Twinkle.

 

Lena smiled as Lori she strolled through the room playing, waiting until she had left before returning to her paper and humming the song under her breath.

 

Ten minutes later, Lena was still singing while standing in front of her closet, flipping through her clothes before turning to look at Connor happily sitting in his bouncer. 

 

“I’m going to wear the usual today,” she said, picking out a Big Jerry’s company shirt. 

 

“What are you thinking? You want to come to work with Mommy, help me sell some tires?” She asked, smiling at the boy as she buttoned it up. 

 

“It’s fun; I’m pretty good at it.”

 

He waved a chubby fist in the air and laughed, making Lena’s smile widen.

 

A small while later, Lena emerged from the house with a bagel in her mouth while she shrugged on her coat. She checked her watch distractedly, noting that she was late. 

 

She had half a foot in the car when she noticed Kara now standing in the doorway with a cup of coffee in her hands, following Lena with her eyes as she took a long sip.

 

Lena hesitated, before slamming the car door closed and rushing back up the driveway and the steps. Kara smiled widely, shifting the coffee away from her body so when Lena appeared in front of her, she could push her back into the door frame and kiss her fiercely. 

 

“Have a great day,” Kara whispered against her lips once she pulled back, making Lena give her a cheesy grin and all but float away.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Lena patted the stack of radials tyres, standing with a man in her late forties who was wearing a pale blue leisure suit and a pair of high top Nike Air Jordans.

 

“For the money, they’re hands down the best radial we carry,” she said with a charming smile.

 

The man thought for a moment, eyeing her carefully, before nodding.

 

"Okay, I’ll take them.”

 

Lena’s smile widened.

 

“You won’t regret it,” she reassured, before shouting at Tommy as he walked past.

 

“Tommy! Set Mr Conlin up with four B.F. Goodrich G-Force T/A’s…”

 

She looked over the man, and her grin widened.

 

“...and give him ten per cent off for having the best costume.”

 

The man smiled in turn, clearly pleased with his deal. Lena sent him on his way, looking around and ready to help the next person when she spotted a black Rolls Royce pull into the lot outside, it’s front left tyre riding on the rim.

 

Suddenly, the P.S system crackled and Estelle the secretaries voice sounded out.

 

“Lena, Kara on line two! Lena pick up two!”

 

Lena turned towards the direction of her office, she took a few steps toward the door but then hesitated, looking curiously back at the Rolls and frowning. There was something familiar about it.

 

Lena’s eyes widened as Jack Spheer got out of the car.

 

“Kara’s on two, Lena,” Kenny said, walking past and spotting the Rolls.

 

“Nice ride,” he whistled.

 

The corner of Lena’s mouth twitched upwards as Jack buttoned up his suit jacket, checking his cufflinks as if anyone would care in Midvale.

 

“If you’re into that kind of conspicuous consumption,” she returned quickly, resisting the urge to laugh at how a few months ago she would’ve behaved the same. 

 

Kenny looked back over at her.

 

“You want me to handle him?” He asked, keen to take on his own sale by himself. “I think I’m ready.”

 

Lena frowned when the P.A crackled again.

 

“Lena! Kara still holding on line two.”

 

She frowned, before nodding to the young man.

 

“Sure…but be careful, he looks like a tough negotiator,” Lena murmured.

 

She watched though, unmoving and focused on Jack as he stretched out his hand to shake Kenny’s when he approached.

 

Lena tilted her head, looking over at a nearby desk where the number two line blinked red. She reached to pick it up, but couldn’t do it. Instead, hitting the intercom button to speak to Estelle.

 

“Estelle, tell Kara I’ll call her back.” 

 

“It seemed important,” Estelle replied.

 

Noting a few open ears in the salesroom, Lena replied quickly.

 

“I’m with a customer. I’ll call her back.”

 

She took her hand away from the phone and walked back outside the store, striding towards Kenny and Jack with confident steps.

 

“I seem to have had some kind of blow out,” Jack said to Kenny, not noticing Lena’s approach.

 

Lena tapped Kenny on his shoulder, drawing both of the men’s attention before he could reply.

 

“Why don’t you let me take this one, Kenny?” She said, giving him an easy smile.

 

The young man nodded an edge of relief in his eyes.

 

“Okay, chief.”

 

As he turned to walk away, Lena looked back at her old friend who looked at her with no recognition in his eyes.

 

“Jack Spheer,” she stated, holding out her hand to shake.

 

He took it, blinking in surprise.

 

“Do I know you?”

 

Lena tried not to laugh at his polite tone, her mind flashing back to a time in London when they were both doing body shots off of each other. 

 

“Not exactly,” she replied easily. “I’ve seen you on CNBC.”

 

The man tilted his head, looking over her with curiosity.

 

Lena smiled, knowing she had sparked his interest and moving in for the kill.

 

“You look taller in real life.”

 

She bit back her laugh, watching him preen.

 

 

* * *

 

  

Lena leaned back in her chair, behind the desk of her cluttered, cramped office as she chatted with Jack confidently, regaining her stride as she finally got a chance to speak her native language once more.

 

“The truth is, Teschmacher was so busy timing her own breathing that she didn’t see that Queen needed you more than the other way around,” Lena stated flatly under Jack’s curious eyes. “Ten days, two weeks tops, they would’ve approached you with an offer, and I’d bet anything it would’ve been one hundred and forty billion, not thirty-nine.”

 

She cocked her head and gave him a knowing smile.

 

“Problem was, Jack, you had a pussycat running the show,” she continued. “What you needed was a Rottweiler.”

 

Jack, sitting on the wobbly chair across from Lena, took in all her words with flickering eyes. Lena knew him well enough to know that she had come as a breath of fresh air.

 

“Well, I’m impressed,” he said with a nod, making Lena’s smile widen.

 

“I really am,” he continued.

 

Lena savoured the moment until Jack interrupted her happy thoughts and brought her crashing back into her new reality.

 

“So, about my car…"

 

Lena felt deflated and tried not to look too crestfallen.

 

“Sure,” she murmured, shuffling some papers on his desk and handing them over for him to sign. “We’re going to have to special order that tire. It’ll be ready in about two days.”

 

Jack nodded, signing with a flourish, before taking his business card out of his wallet.

 

“This has my office address on it…”

 

Lena took it half-heartedly, not needing to look at it.

 

She watched as the man moved to exit the office, but hesitated. Jack turned on his feet to look back at her with a grin.

 

“Why don’t you drop it off yourself? Then we can continue our talk.”

 

Lena’s heart lifted, her confident smile growing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did we think? Did we enjoy? Let me know, in the comments below! 
> 
> That or you can follow me on Tumblr @assumingminds19, subscribe, kudos or do whatever you like :)


	10. Destiny Calling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the playlist I listen too when I'm writing this fic :)
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1oWPq9UfepOIkqpbT1BKAO

It took Lena a solid five minutes before she could calm herself down enough to call her wife back. Her mind couldn’t stop chattering with the possibilities of what was to come in a few days. Lena knew better than most how Jack’s mind worked, and she knew what the extension of an informal job interview sounded like. 

 

Her hands slightly unsteady, she phoned Kara back her wife picking up after a few rings.

 

“Darling, I’m sorry for not getting back to you straight away,” she murmured out, mind still running rampant with possibilities. 

 

If she got a job in the city, they could move there. They’d have money; they’d have esteem slowly. 

 

She could feel it stirring in her bones, the old hunger for a fight and winning. And the deep envy of her former life’s trappings that she might possibly be on the way to recovering. Something now she could bask all of her well deserving family in. 

 

A lifeline was thrown from above it seemed.

 

“That’s ok,” Kara sounded out over the line cheerfully, interrupting her errant thoughts. “It wasn’t anything important.”

 

Lena’s smile twitched, her good mood and distracted thoughts lightening even more at the sound of her wife’s voice. 

 

The fantasies that were already filling her mind, of an apartment with a panoramic view and a car that could rev higher than it’s mileage, were filled too with Kara and the kids. Dinner’s at the finest restaurants, just because they felt like it. Trips overseas on a whim, and showing Lori and Connor the wonders of the world.

 

Everything all of them could ever want.

 

“Estelle said it sounded urgent,” Lena replied in return.

 

Kara let out a laugh.

 

“Estelle also thinks that every holiday period at the store requires three months worth of homemade decorations,” she replied amusedly. “Remember when the cutout bats from Halloween were wearing Santa hats?”

 

It had taken a while, and maybe it would never fully settle, but Lena was getting better at brushing away the references to things she could remember and tucking them to the side of her brain along with everything else best left alone. 

 

“Be that as it may,” she murmured in reply. “I apologise.”

 

There was a small pause at the end of the line.

 

“Are you ok?” Kara suddenly asked. “You sound all….”

 

Lena listened as the words drifted off.

 

“All what?”

 

Kara seemed to hesitate before she replied.  


“Happy.”

 

Lena let out a bark of laughter.

 

“Can’t I be happy?” She teased.

  
“Of course you can!” Kara spluttered, making Lena’s laughter rise in cadence.

 

She could practically feel the blush that was no doubt emanating from Kara’s skin glowing through the phone line, and Lena’s humour doubled.

 

“So….” She drawled out with a smile, swaying slightly in her office chair. “Why did you call?”

 

Kara let out a huff. 

 

“Two things, Lori left her violin at home this morning-”

 

“Don’t worry,” Lena interjected, checking her watch. “I’ll take it to her during lunch.”

 

“-and I love you.”

 

Lena paused, her self satisfied smile morphing into something soft and warm.

 

“You just called me to tell me you love me?” She asked gently.

 

Kara hummed.

 

“Yes.”

 

Lena bit her lip.

 

“….it was the kiss this morning that did it, wasn’t it?” She teased, laughing again when she heard Kara sigh.

 

“I don’t recall you being this arrogant when I married you.”

 

“That’s because you’re far too kind to me,” Lena responded. “I’ve always been extremely arrogant.”

 

“It’s only because you’re cute,” Kara answered.

 

“Makes sense,” Lena nodded. “I am pretty cute.”

 

Her words trailed, and the line sat silently between them in a weird, comfortable way that Lena was quickly growing used too as a staple of long term commitment. Just being content to exist in each other’s orbit, held in the other’s gravity.

 

It was a refreshingly gentle balm on Lena’s soul.

 

“Ok,” Kara finally said, an edge of reluctance in her voice. “I’ve got to go. I’ll see you later.”

 

“Bye,” Lena answered.

 

She hung up the phone at that, staring at the battered and old thing for a moment, before picking it up and pressing redial.

 

“Yes?”

 

“I love you too.”

 

Kara let out a light laugh.

 

“Softie.” 

 

 

* * *

 

 

Maggie cracked the pair of beers in her hands with quick pops, passing one over to Lena who took it with an appreciative murmur, before looking back out over the ocean as the setting sun reflected off the waves.

 

Her thoughts were distracted, as they had been for the past few days, in nervous anticipation for her meeting in a few days with Jack. She had already called checking up on the delivery of the tire five times since she’d ordered it, and her thoughts had been so distracted this morning that she had messed up the laundry and needed up staining a set of sheets bright pink due to one of Lori’s errant Spider-Man socks that she had missed in the first load. Luckily, Kara didn’t seem to mind overly much after she had caught her trying to stuff them in the back of the closet, laughing her head off while she helped Lena make their bed.

 

“So…. a little birdie told me that you pulled off the save of the lifetime on your anniversary.”

 

Maggie’s words interjected Lena’s distracted thoughts. Looking over at the shorter woman, bundled up the same as her against the cold of the evening wind, as they sat on the tray of the truck with their legs swinging in the air. 

 

“If by a little birdie you mean your wife,” Lena replied after taking a pull of her drink. “Then I would wholeheartedly have to agree.”

 

Lena frowned and looked down at the ground.

 

“Though I should never have forgotten about it in the first place,” she muttered.

 

Maggie waved her away.

 

“Ah, don’t worry about it,” she replied. “At least know I can give you advice in recovering from wife screwups.”

 

Lena frowned at her.

 

“Why do you always do that?” She asked.

 

Maggie gave her a questioning look.

 

“Do what?”

 

Lena let out a heavy breath. 

 

“Frame yourself like you’re a bad wife,” she retorted. “You’re not.”

 

Maggie gave her a withering look that probably would have had anyone but Lena back peddling in nodding along continually with Maggie’s constant self-deprecating when it came to her marriage skill.

 

Fortunately, Lena had a few choice withering looks of her own.

 

“I’m not a great one,” Maggie replied under the pressure of one.

 

Lena frowned at that, before turning to look back out over the water.

 

“You shouldn’t compare yourself as a wife, or your marriage, to other people,” she murmured in reply.

 

Maggie didn’t reply, instead just joining her in staring silently over the crashing waves. Lena turned to look at her inquisitively, trying to crack into the disturbed look that graced Maggie’s face.

 

“What happened?” She asked. “You only get this moody and quiet when something happens with Alex.”

 

The other woman looked across at her with a pained expression at her words, and Lena knew that she had struck the right vein of thought.

 

“She wants to go to a couples counsellor,” Maggie admitted. “To work on our communication. And I think she wants me to go by myself to see someone as well to deal with…. you know…. all my problems.”

 

Lena wasn’t overly surprised, knowing that it had been something that Kara had been trying to convince her sister to do for a while now. 

 

But looking at the deep unease on Maggie’s face, her heart lurched in sympathy of her friend.

 

“You do know it’s ok if you don’t want to have kids,” she said quietly in turn. “There’s nothing wrong with you for that.”

 

Maggie’s face looked ready to concave at Lena’s words.

 

“I don’t want to lose my wife, Lena. But I don’t…”

 

Her words trailed off.

 

“You don’t want kids.”

 

Maggie shook her head with a frown.

 

“No, that’s not… I’ve thought about it a lot,” she replied in a wavering voice. “I don’t want to keep her locked in a marriage with me if she’s unhappy, and I don’t want to hold her back from the possibility of having kids, but I know that I’m still not ready. I’m just…. not.”

 

Lena didn’t know what to say in response to that. The idea of kids had never been something that she had questioned overly much in her life. For the longest time, she hadn’t thought about them at all and now… she just had two. The agonising question of what it meant to be a Luthor, and whether or not she would be as disgustingly terrible as a mother as hers was, was quickly shunted to the side in merely being a parent to two children that she had come to adore.

 

But she still wouldn’t recommend sudden parenthood to solve uncertainties over whether or not you want children in your life.

 

“Maybe that’s why counselling is a good idea,” Lena said gently.

 

Maggie gave her a searing look.

 

“Would you go?” She asked. “If Kara asked you too?”

 

Lena didn’t hesitate.

 

“Yes.”

 

Maggie seemed surprised. 

 

“Really?”

 

Lena nodded and smiled.

 

“I trust Kara’s judgement,” she answered, pulling one of her legs up beneath her. "I think that’s a big part of being married though. At least that’s what I’ve learned. You’re have something pretty awesome that’s a real privilege. A partner to be there for you, to help support you when sometimes you’re not doing to best job supporting yourself. And then you do that in turn for them when they need it. I mean… it’s pretty great.”

 

Lena found herself smiling, her thoughts drifting through bright flashes of memories with Kara and waking up together, cooking together. Everything that they did together that two months ago were painfully annoying and clinging now made Lena want to glow. 

 

Maggie let out a painful groan.

 

“You had to go an get that newlywed thing back,” she said with a roll of her eyes. “All glowy and lovey-dovey. It’s nauseatingly cute.”

 

Lena shrugged and smirked.

 

“What can I say? I’m a gift to the world.”

 

Maggie snorted, punching her lightly in the shoulder.

  
“You’re full of shit; that’s what you are.”

 

Lena laughed, before looking away once more. Her eyes catching on the old abandoned observatory that had long sat staring out over the water along with them.

 

“You ever wonder what’s going to happen to that place?” Lena asked with a jerk of her head.

 

Maggie looked at it with a squint. 

 

“I have no idea,” she replied. “It’s been on the market forever, but not many people are up for buying an old, run-down observatory. I’m sure as shit of dragging my ass up there every other night just to bust teenagers drinking, getting high of hooking up.”

 

A sudden thought crossed Lena’s mind, of a brand new telescope and a proper workspace. Lori joining her as they stared out at the stars. 

 

The thought drifted off.

 

“Maybe it’s just cause you’re so good at it,” Lena said with a smirk.

 

“Fuck off.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Later that night, Lena lay wide awake, staring at the peeling ceiling. Listening to the sound of Kara’s soft breathing as she slept curled into her, sound asleep in bed.

 

Lena traced patterns on Kara’s arm distractedly, her mind unable to quiet from thoughts filled to the brim.

 

Tomorrow was the day.

 

* * *

 

 

Lena was wearing a cheap pantsuit, sitting behind her desk, distracted, as she listens to Gunther, one her most loyal mechanics, ramble on about his home life as he was always want to do.

 

“...I say to her, Isolde, we already have four kids, why do we need more?”

 

Lena’s leg bounced anxiously under the desk as she eyed the door.

 

“But she says she want an even number. I say four is an even number! But she say she want six.”

 

Lena checked her watch, trying her best not to bemoan the endless dramatics of straight people.

 

“I tell her, Isolde, I just got my green card, I like to sit back and rest a little bit-“

 

“Gunther,” Lena cut in, interrupting. “Do I usually listen to your problems?”

 

The German man blinked at her before a broad smile crossed his face. 

 

“Sure, Lena, all the time.”

 

Lena nodded, before waving it away and standing to her feet.

 

“Look, I have some business that I have to take care of in the city, so I’m leaving early…”

 

She smoothed her hands over the cheap fabric of the suit, trying to take strength that she knew more about the company she was visiting then most of the people who worked there.

 

"My advice to you,” she continued, grabbing her coat. “Follow your dreams."

 

* * *

 

Lena wasn’t used being nervous. It wasn’t a state in which she found herself particularly comfortable. Especially not when she was going to talk to a man who she had once sat with in the ER after he attempted to jump off the roof thinking he could fly, only to discover it was a garden wall and then promptly sprained his ankle. But Lena was nervous. More than she could ever have thought possible. The idea of the possibility that a job at Spheerical Industries could give her and her family now was making her ravenous with want. Pulling up to the old building she used to be the near Queen off in Jack’s Rolls didn’t help in ht slightest, but when she stepped out of the car, she did her best to will herself into confidence. Stopping to gaze up at the skyscraper, she breathed in deeply before heading inside. Instinctively, she tossed the car keys to Frank the security guard, and the man looked at her like she was mad.

 

For a brief second, Lena had a flashback to Christmas Day and ducked her head, hoping that the man didn’t recognise her and therefore throw her out of the building.

 

“Excuse me,” she murmured to the receptionist with a smile. “I’m here to talk to Mr Spheer.”

 

“Lena!”

 

Her eyes snapped upward at the shout, looking to see Jack walking towards her with a bright smile and a hand outstretched.

 

“They told me my car had arrived, and I came down to get you.”

 

A pleased bubble grew in Lena’s chest. 

 

* * *

 

Thirty minutes later, Lena had her old friend eating out of the palm of her hand. There were some perks to being erased from memories it seemed. Being able to tell the exact jokes that she knew would make the man laugh at the right time, as well as correctly name every single piece of technology that Spheerical was currently developing being some of them. 

 

Jack and Lena were walking together along the top floor, the CEO practically bursting with pride at Lena’s every subtle compliment on design choices that she knew he had personally overseen. 

 

“We’re more of a boutique operation, as you can see.”

 

Lena arched an eyebrow, looking out of the floor to ceiling windows over the broad and expensive view of the city.

 

“But you’re not interested in boutique dollars,” she replied with a sly smile. “I get it.”

 

Jack let out a laugh, leading them towards the large office that uses to be her’s and past the assistant’s desk, Lena trying not to start at the sight of Jess sitting and typing away.

 

“He’s expecting you, Mr Spheer.”

 

Jack didn’t even slow down for Jess’ words, instead pushing through the doors and leading Lena into the office. She looked around with surprise, feeling a simultaneous pang of longing and disgust. It was Lena’s old office, but she wouldn’t know it from the decor. Lots of country pine, a fabric sofa, and a playpen where the bar used to be.

 

Eve Teschmeccer stood up from behind her desk, dropping her newspaper and Lena tried not to let her lip curl at the idea of Eve sitting in her chair. But it died when her eyes caught on the pictures of Eve’s kids across the desk, her heart softening as thoughts of her own sprang to mind. 

 

“Eve, this is Lena Danvers...the one I was telling you about,” Jack called out.

 

With a confident look on her face, that was more than a little unnerving considering Lena’s memory of the woman, Eve stepped out from behind the desk and moved to shake Lena’s hand.

 

“Lena, of course,” she said in a seemingly delighted voice. “Former heiress of Luthor Corp, am I right?

 

Lena’s smile didn’t so much as flicker when she took the hand, but her mind began to whirl. She knew better than most the cutthroat games that corporate types played, even if her version of Eve had never been one to partake. This version didn’t have the same qualms, the flagrant display of ammo and the glint in Eve’s eye making it clear that she had done her homework.

 

And was ready to stab.

 

Lena gave the other woman a deferential nod.

 

“Ms Teschmeccer.”

 

The woman’s smile widened, her fingers squeezing Lena’s briefly, m before dropping them.

 

“Please, call me Eve,” she replied. “We try to cultivate a casual atmosphere around here.”

 

Lena nodded in the direction of the playpen.

 

“I can see that, Eve.”

 

The other woman chuckled.

 

“You have kids, Lena?”

 

Lena opened her mouth to deny it before she caught herself and found herself answering softly.

 

“Uh...actually, yes. Two...good ones.”

 

Eve smiled again, and Lena wasn’t unaware of the fact that Jack had been watching the entire pseudo polite exchange with a steady eye.

 

“That’s great,” Eve replied, gesturing to the sofa. “Why don’t you have a seat?

 

Lena nodded, sitting down easily, Eve and Jack taking the chairs opposite her.

 

“So, Jack mentioned that you were an avid CNBC watcher but didn’t say whether you had any actual business experience in our field. Aside from, of course…. your family’s company.”

Lena the hard undercurrent of derision in the other woman’s words. It wasn’t hard to miss it when it was the same that had been thrown at her entire life in her direction.

 

Lena crossed her legs, trying to get comfortable, before taking a beat to gather her thoughts.

 

“I was junior head of R and D at Lord Industries.”

 

That seemed to surprise both Eve and Jack, the woman getting an annoyed look and the man one of interest. 

 

“A scientist? Really? And now you’re in the tire business?”

 

Lena understood the confusion; after all, it had taken her a long time to wrap her head around it.

 

“That’s right,” she returned. “And auto supply.”

 

Eve nodded once more, her eye darting to Jack’s as if to weigh his reaction.

 

“Uh huh. The retail end, I understand.”

 

Lena nodded, leaning back slightly.

 

“Uh...we get about sixty per cent of our business from automotive service.”

 

Eve waved her hand.

 

“Mind if I ask what kind of sales you did last year? Ballpark.”

 

Lena tilted her head.

 

“We did two point seven million in total revenue.”

 

The glint in Eve’s eye sparkled.

 

“Uh huh...two point seven. And what do you project for this year?”

 

Lena paused, analysing the situation. The patronising questions, the smirk on Eve’s face.

 

“Any thoughts at all on that?” Eve continued.

 

Lena stared into both their faces, looking from Eve’s cunning eyes to Jack’s deep and assessing, and she suddenly realised the extent of her handicap.

 

Eve frowned at her continued silence.

 

“Lena?”

 

She stopped, taking a moment, looking at Eve and Jack before abeautiful and confident smile grew on her face. This may not be her office, or her job, or even a company she had shaped, but she was Lena Luthor long before she was Lena Danvers.

 

And Luthor’s always won.

 

"Well, Eve,” she replied smoothly, emphasising her newfound roadblocks name. “I think we’re gonna have a banner year. Sales are up almost twenty per cent in the first quarter, and we just landed a major trucking company account.”

 

The condescension in Eve’s eyes didn’t drop.

 

“Really. So you’re projecting what, a tad over three million?”

 

Lena smirked.

 

“That’s right. And that would make us number one in our market,” she replied, before standing gently.

 

“Excuse me.”

 

Eve raised an eyebrow, but Lena caught the satisfied gleam in Jack’s eyes as they both watched her cross the room to the desk and pour herself a glass of water.

 

“Look, I know our paltry little two million in sales is about what you spend on office supplies in a year,” Lena said after taking a sip. “And I know some regional trucking company account is nothing compared to a billion dollar merger.”

 

Eve waved her words away as if Lena could be so easily dismissed.

 

“I’m not trying to knock the tire business.”

 

Lena let out a confident chuckle, before walking back towards the pair slowly.

 

“It’s okay, Eve. I get it. I’m in your shoes, I’m thinking the same thing...but here’s the thing. Business is business.Wall Street, Main Street, it’s all just a bunch of people getting up in the morning, trying to figure out how the hell they’re gonna send their kids to college. It’s just people.”

 

Lena’s confidence was throwing Eve off, it was easy to see, but Jack appeared intrigued, and that was all Lena needed.

 

“And I know people,” she finished.

 

Lena remained standing, staring down at Eve from the greater height that made the hard edge in the other woman’s eyes practically snap.

 

“I’m sure you do,” Eve replied with a slight snap.

 

“Let’s let the woman have her say,” Jack intervened, frowning at Eve.

 

The other woman covered her embarrassment with a smile, and Lena tried not to let the point in her favour making her smile widen.

 

“Take you, for instance, Eve.”

 

Eve looked defensive.

 

“What about me?”

 

Lena appraised her quickly.

 

“You drink about sixteen Diet Cokes a day. You’re an excellent mother, but you feel guilty about the time you spend away from home. You drink gin, but you offer your clients scotch…"

 

Lena looked around the office then back to Eve.

 

“And your husband helped you decorate this office.”

 

A laugh slipped out from Jack as Eve sat there stewing, a caught look on her face.

 

“She certainly has your number, Eve,” the CEO chortled.

 

Lena turned to him next.

 

“You’re a little tougher, Jack.”

 

Jack raised an eyebrow, but he was clearly game.

 

“For one thing, you like expensive things.”

 

Jack shrugged and smiled proudly.

 

“That’s easy. You’ve seen my car.”

 

Lena laughed lightly before continuing.

 

“Okay...you smoke Hoyo de Monterreys. You’re a scotch man, single malt, not because it’s trendy but because your family has been doing it for forty years, and you stay with what works. You have two great loves in your life, your horses and this company…”

 

Jack nodded impressed, but Lena wasn’t done.

 

“And you’re a man who prides himself on finding talent in unusual places.”

 

Jack tilted his head, eyes sparkling.

 

 

“Oh? And how would you know that?” He asked.

 

Lena’s smile widened.

 

“Because I’m here.”

 

There was a brief pause, that felt like an eternity, while Jack held Lena’s eye with Eve sitting next to him with a plastered-on smile. It was only one Jack nodded his acknowledgement that Lena continued in a fierce voice.

 

“I’m prepared to do anything it takes to get this job. Start anywhere you need me to start.I’ll park cars if I have to.”

 

She stared hard into Jack’s eyes, meaning every word.

 

“The biggest part of judging character is knowing yourself. And I know this, I can do this job. Give me a chance, Jack, I won’t let you down.”

 

Jack returned Lena’s gaze with equal intensity. The air between them growing charged with anticipation, before he turned to Eve.

 

“Eve, why don’t you show Lena around a bit yourself. Best she gets a direct idea of the place from the person she’ll also be working for.”

 

Eve’s eyes tightened, but her smile remained locked in place.

 

“I’d love to.”

 

* * *

 

Lena and Eve walked side by side down the hallway with employees passing them by, greeting Eve while the women waved back.

 

"That’s our war room,” Eve said pointing. “We did seven major deals last year, three of them hostile.”

 

Lena looked at it vaguely, not particularly impressed considering her record last year had been twelve.

 

They turned a corner, coming into a deserted section of the corridor when Eve stopped, turning to Lena. Lena returned Eve’s now cold gaze with a quizzical look.

 

“Let’s cut the shit, huh Luthor? What, did you go through his wallet or something? Or did you do an inordinate amount of stalking?” 

 

Lena blinked, a little taken aback. The other woman didn’t seem ready to stop though.

 

“No matter. That circus act back there may have dazzled Spheer momentarily, but it doesn’t do shit for me,” she spat out, stepping into Lena’s space. “Even if you get this job, which I highly doubt, let me warn you, Spheer loses interest in his pet projects very quickly. I’m in the big office because I’ve proved myself to him year after year and nobody is going turn his head. Especially not some ex spoiled brat turned tire saleswoman from Midvale. So you watch yourself and stay away from Spheer, and maybe, just maybe, I’ll keep you on after he gets bored of you. Do we understand each other?”

 

Lena stood still, staring at Eve, silent and expressionless.

 

“Do we?!” Eve snapped out once more.

 

Lena couldn’t help but burst into laughter.

 

“God, you are different, aren’t you?” She exclaimed, looking Eve up and down and nodding impressively. “I mean…wow.”

 

Eve looked at her like she had lost her mind.

 

“Good for you,” Lena continued. “Why shouldn’t you protect what’s yours.”

 

Eve’s eyes narrowed.

 

“I don’t think you’re hearing me.”

 

Lena contoured to smile, but it turned cold as ice.

 

“Oh, I’m hearing you, Eve,” she retorted lowly. “That’s not the problem. The problem is that what you think is yours, is mine.And I don’t care how low on the totem pole I start; I will get it back.”

 

Lena looked down her nose at Eve and arched an eyebrow.

 

“So do yourself a favour and don’t get too attached to that view because sometime soon, maybe very soon, you and your French country antiques, your chintz sofa, and your little playpen are gonna be moving out of that office.”

 

Lena smiled at Eve one more time, amused at the desperately confused expression on her face.

 

“Oh, and by the way, you try selling tires for a living. I promise you; you’d starve.”

 

With that, Lena turned on her heel and headed down the corridor, whistling a happy tune and leaving Eve standing there, bewildered.

 

* * *

 

Lena pushed open the double door of the large apartment easily, looking back at Kara with a smile. The woman’s face growing more and more confused with every passing minute, ever since Lena had rushed home and all but dragged her to the city for the surprise she was about to show her.

 

Lena bit her lip, before flooding the beautiful space with light, Kara taking it all in as she stepped forward over the oak floorboards. The place was incredible, marble floors in the kitchen, architectural lines, high tech fixtures, elegant modern furniture. It was striking and clean and finished and everything that Lena knew Kara deserved.

 

“Pretty incredible, isn’t it?” Lena questioned, stepping forward too and watching as Kara looked around. 

 

“It’s like a museum.”

 

Lena frowned slightly but continued to smile when Kara turned to look at her with confusion, her fingers traction over one of the beautiful couches.

 

“So what’s the big surprise? You didn’t rent this place for the weekend, did you?”

 

Lena waved around, her satisfied smile bursting with pride.

 

“Think bigger.”

 

Kara blinked.

 

“For the week?”

 

Lena chuckled.

 

“This place is a perk, Kara.”

 

Her wife snorted, eyeing the lace curtains.

 

“A perk for what?”

 

“A company called Spheerical Industries uses it to attract new executives,” Lena explained.

 

Kara was still looking at her confused, and Lena patted her chest.

 

“You’re talking to their new Vice President of Mergers and Acquisitions.”

 

Kara just stared at her.

 

“What are you talking about, Lena?”

 

Lena turned to look around the apartment, mind awash with endless possibilities.

 

“I’m going into arbitrage, darling,” she replied, turning back to her wife with a grin. "Turns out I have a knack for it.I’ll be making four hundred grand a year plus a hefty bonus, and that’s just to start. And, we can live in this apartment practically rent free for as long as we want.”

 

Lena watched Kara, waiting for the excitement to come pouring, but instead, the other woman just continued to stare at her blankly.

 

“We can finally afford to move back into the city,” Lena offered as well. “In style.

 

Kara’s eyebrow arched, and she looked over the apartment again, her expression making the words turn to ash in Lena’s mouth.

 

“Are you out of your mind?” Kara whispered, looking back at her finally.

 

Lena frowned, the air in her sails dying all too quickly.

 

"I don’t think so,” she returned, ready to paint the picture she had in her mind for Kara to also see. “This is going to be a better life for all of us, darling. We’ll put Lori and Connor in private schools-“

 

Kara scoffed suddenly, cutting her off in a furious tone.

 

“Lori goes to a great school.”

 

Lena began to frown once more.

 

“I’m talking about the best schools in the country here, Kara.”

 

The other woman just shook her head at that.

 

“Lena, what could you possibly be thinking?” She answered, pacing away and back. “What about my job?”

 

Lena felt a pang of unease, but her pride growled.

 

“This is National City; it’s like the needy people capital of the world,” she responded. “The puff pieces you can write about people and cats here are ten times as fluffy as the ones you’re writing now in Midvale-“

 

Kara cut her off with a harsh growl.

 

“I can’t believe you want to move back into the city,” she bit out. “I thought the reason we left was that we didn’t want to raise the kids here?”

 

Lena shook her head violently.

 

“No, this is the centre of the universe,” she responded flatly. “If I were living in Roman times, I would live in Rome, where else?Today, America is the Empire and National City is the new Rome.”

 

Kara rolled her eyes, running her hand down her face. 

 

“Lena….”

 

Lena was starting to struggle, panic starting the eat at her mind as the different threads she had gathered began to shudder and threatened to break.

 

“Look, I’m detecting a kind of funky tension here,” she answered quickly.

 

“We don’t have to live in this apartment!” She shouted, throwing her hands up at Kara’s sharp look. “I don’t need this...I’ll commute...I’ll drive to work…"

 

Kara made a face and Lena was set back on her heels, seeing her dream picked apart.

 

“In traffic? It’s over two hours each way! That’s almost five hours a day; when are you going to see the kids?”

 

Lena gritted her teeth, her mind scrambling for a solution that would get her everything that she wanted. All that she wanted. She paused for a moment to gather herself.

 

“Kara,” she said desperately, pleading. “You’re not understanding me. I’m talking about a great life.A perfect life.Everything we pictured when we were young. The whole package. You said it yourself, life has thrown us surprises, and so we made sacrifices.But now I can finally get us back on track!”

 

Kara let out a sad chuckle and turned away.

 

“I can do that,” Lena continued firmly. I want to do that.For all of us.”

 

Imploring, she stepped forward to speak to Kara’s turned back.

 

“Think about it. No more lousy restaurants, no more clipping coupons, no more raking leaves-“

 

With a sharp snap, Kara whirled around.

 

“Then get a goddamn leaf blower!” She shouted, Lena, taking a step back against the intensity.

 

“Don’t get a new career without even telling me!” Kara continued. “Don’t take Lori out of a school she loves. Don’t move us out of a house we’ve become a family in.”

 

Kara stood, with tears in her eyes, clearly wounded by the entire idea of what Lena wanted.

 

Lena stretched out a hand, but Kara shifted away.

 

“Midvale is just a place, Kara,” she said softly. “What’s important is us. If I take this job, I can finally give you the life you deserve. I can give all of us the lives we deserve.” 

 

Kara sighed.

 

“Lena-“

 

“Look, you’re making this into something it’s not,” Lena interrupted. “This isn’t a referendum on our lives, Kara. It’s a step forward… Kara, we could…. I love you, and I want to do this for you and the kids.”

 

Her voice filled once more with the fantasy of it.

 

“Don’t you see?I’m talking about us finally having a life other people envy.”

 

There was a long silence, and Kara looked her in the eye – a deep, piercing, soul searching look before she reached up to trace Lena’s cheek gently.

 

“They already do envy us, Lena.”

 

Kara dropped her hand after that, picking up her bag and left a frustrated and confused Lena behind as she walked out of the apartment.

 

* * *

 

The drive back to Midvale had been awkward and silent, Lena thanking Eliza with a murmur once they returned for the emergency babysitting while Kara drifted away with Connor.

 

Lena was frustrated and tired. A long day with some very mixed emotions was slowly giving her a headache, and it was all Lena could do to stop herself from cringing when she walked past Lori’s room to find her daughter in a nightgown, practising her violin and missing notes with apparently gleeful abandon.

 

Lori finished the scratchy piece, noticing her and dropped the bow.

 

“Very nice,” Lena murmured, trying to inject enthusiasm into her voice. “What is it?”

 

“Mary Had A Little Lamb,” Lori replied.

 

Lena nodded.

 

“Ah. A classic…"

 

Lori started to play again, and Lena’s eyes drifted to the dresser in the young girl's room. Full the brim with photos and trinkets and science prizes. The centrepiece now the one from this year, one that Lena could actually remember. She and Lori were standing with a now thoroughly extinct underwater model volcano between them, wide smiles on both of their faces as they stared into the camera. Lena studied it, taking in the total contentment and feeling a flicker of something light in her heart. 

 

The music stopped as Lori lowered the bow, watching her with confusion.

 

Lena turned to her, a real smile growing on her face.

 

“Please don’t stop.”

 

Lori smiled, then started playing again and Lena turned back to the pictures.

 

* * *

 

Later that night, Lena stood in front of the desk, nursing a drink while staring at the business-card Jack had given her laying flat on the counter, before looking up and around the living room, her eyes dancing along the bookshelf. Lena stood to her feet, perusing it distractedly, before catching a familiar title.She moved toward it, looking at its spine and taking in the lettering of 1984. She pulled it off the shelf gently, looking down at it reminiscently before noticing the blue bookmark that seemed to be stuck inside. Lena pulled it out, staring down at the aeroplane ticket stub in shock as she read it.

 

“From London to National City…?” She gasped, a sudden wave of realisation coming over her.

 

She had gone to London. She had gone, and then…

 

“I came back.”

 

A noise pulled her attention away from the ticket, looking up sharply to see Kara standing in the doorway. She spotted Lena holding the ticket stub, and her eyes softened suddenly.

 

“Our finest moment, right…"

 

Lena gave her a quizzical look.

 

“When you got on that plane I was sure it was over,” Kara breathed out. "I left the airport afraid I’d never see you again. And then you showed up the very next day.”

 

She gave Lena a sad, albeit exhausted, smile.

 

“That was a good surprise.”

 

Kara continued into the room, leaning against a bookshelf as she stared at the silent Lena with shimmering eyes.

 

“I think about you on that plane, about what must have been going through your mind...you sitting there imagining our life together, our life apart...I think about the decision you made…"

 

Lena watched her as she let out a small sigh.

 

“Maybe I was naive, but I believed we’d grow old together in this house,” she admitted, her voice wavering with tenderness and tears. “That we’d spend holidays here, have grandchildren visit us here. I had this image of us all grey and wrinkly, me working in the garden, you repainting the deck…"

 

Kara’s wiped at her face, the words causing the burst of images to grow in Lena’s mind as she pictured it too.

 

“Things change, right?People change,” Kara continued, composing herself, before giving Lena and loving look.

 

“I don’t want to stop you from taking this job, Lena,” she murmured. “I just need you to understand what this means for us. For all of us, and not just the version of a new reality you’re concocting in your head. You’ll be starting in a company that will demand more of your time then there are hours in the day. That’ll mean time away from the kids… and time away from me.”

 

Lena frowned and Kara let out a sigh.

  
“I’ll have to quit my job. And it won’t be easy for me to find a new one in National City… and if I do, I’ll be starting from the bottom. We’d be moving to a city where we have no support system in place. All our family, all of our friends are here. Our entire lives are entwined in this community. It’ll mean taking ourselves away from our home.”

 

Lena swallowed when Kara walked toward her, reaching out to squeeze her shoulder.

 

“But if you need this, Lena, I mean really need this, I will take these children from a life they love, and take myself from the only home we’ve ever shared, and move wherever you need to go.I’ll do that because I love you.” 

 

The words were like a warm embrace for Lena, and all she could do was stare into Kara’s clear blue eyes.

 

“I love you, Lena,” Kara said simply. “And that’s more important to me than our address.”

 

Kara smiled lovingly at Lena, and she leaned over her to kiss her gently on the forehead.

 

“I choose us,” Kara whispered, the echoed words bringing Lena right back to the moment before she had stepped on that plane to London. 

 

Lena could only stare as Kara turned and headed out of the room, leaving her there, the boarding pass still in hand, staring lovingly at her as she goes and wondering once and for all if this the choice she was left to make.

 

* * *

 

Lena walked into the darkness of the master bedroom hours later. The lights were off, and Kara was already in bed sleeping. She undressed slowly, staring down at her in silence for a few minutes softly and unable to take her eyes off her wife’s gentle face. 

 

Because that’s what she was. It was what she always would be in Lena’s heart. Truthfully, Lena didn’t need time to think or ponder or weigh up options. She didn’t quite know when it had happened, but her heart had long since decided it no longer belonged in her chest and instead in Kara’s warm embrace. And if it had to be a choice between a life lived in the old shadow of herself, or one spent with her wife and children she would choose them every single time too. 

 

Finally, she lifted the covers and climbed into bed next to Kara, moving closer to her, putting an arm around her and drawing her in. In her sleep, Kara nestled in Lena’s embrace, and she savoured the feeling, then closed her eyes as they lay there, side by side together as a single person.

 

* * *

 

Connor let out a cackle of laughter, flinging his hands wildly while Lena chased Lori around the backyard like mad. It didn’t take her long to reach out and snag the laughing girl, the two of them falling over with a thump.

 

The laughter from the kids was uncontrollable, and Lena’s joy mixed with it too. Happy beyond belief just to spend the morning playing with her children.

 

Finally, Lori stopped laughing and grabbed Lena around the neck, hugging her tight.

 

“I knew you’d come back,” she whispered in her ear.

 

Lena hugged her even tighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been astronomically sick these past few days, but I have a mission to finish this fic, so y'all might get a flood of chapters :) 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed! Let me know in the comments below, subscribe, kudos or follow me on Tumblr @assumingminds19


	11. A Perfect Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still feel like a bucket of bricks has been dropped on my head, but here we go!
> 
> Here's the playlist I listen too when I'm writing this fic :)
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1oWPq9UfepOIkqpbT1BKAO

Lena coughed violently, leaning over the handrails of her bike as she tried to prevent one of her burning lungs from escaping her chest. 

 

Alex skidded to a halt beside her on her bike, letting out a laugh and the sweat dripping off of Lena’s face and onto the ground.

 

“You ok there?” She asked humorously.

 

Lena waved the words away.

 

“Fi…nnnneeeeee,” she wheezed in reply, making Alex give her an affectionate smack on the back before taking a long sip of her water bottle. 

 

“My God,” the redheaded woman wondered, looking out over the ocean. “It’s beautiful out here, isn’t it?

 

Lena looked up from her feet, taking a few deep breaths before she joined Alex’s pondering. 

 

“Yeah…” She answered, taking in the sight. 

 

The town of Midvale sat in the near distance, sparkling under the sunlight that had finally broken through the clouds. Every passing day away from Christmas making the temperature rise even if the air remained cool and light. A day had passed since Lena had gotten her job offer, and the deadline to accept it loomed already. Truthfully, Lena’s mind was a mix of complicated emotions as always… the lines between the things she wanted not growing any less tangled. Although she knew with all her heart that if it came to choosing between her old job and Kara, she would choose Kara every time. 

 

She wouldn’t be making that mistake again. 

 

“So…” Alex’s voice suddenly interjected her thoughts, drawing her attention to the redheaded woman. “Is there any particular reason for your sudden urge to start riding again? Maybe in regards to a particular job offer in National City?

 

Lena let out a heavy breath.

 

“Of course Kara told you,” she muttered.

 

Alex arched an eyebrow at her and smirked.

 

“Would you be here talking to me about it if she hadn’t?”

 

Lena acknowledged the point and nodded.

 

“What exactly did she tell you?”

 

Alex shrugged.

 

“Just that there might be some changes happening soon,” she replied easily. “And that you seemed to suddenly get a random job offer to one of the most prestigious tech companies in America… and had made plans to move there all in the space of a minute. 

 

Lena grimaced at the disaster that had occurred yesterday when she had sprung what she thought was going to be a pleasant surprise on Kara.

 

“It wasn’t random,” she muttered. “But I see your point.”

 

Alex gave her a measuring look.

 

“It’s just weird,” she said after a long pause. “Because you never struck me as the corporate type."

 

Lena frowned at her in confusion.

 

"What are you talking about?” She questioned. “When we first met, and admittedly you did seem to loathe me at the time, I was still interning at Luthor Corp.”

 

Lena could remember it well, spending every summer of her college career walking the halls that her family had built and then subsequently bolstered by illegal activities, not that she knew that at the time. It had been a thoroughly miserable time in her life. If not for the possibility of seeing Kara once she returned to school, Lena didn’t have a single goal to get her through her work. 

 

“I did hate you back then, didn’t I?” Alex said whimsically, laughing slightly. “I was convinced you were going to break my sister’s heart.”

 

Alex looked over at her with a smile, and Lena felt a sudden pang of guilt that in reality, she had done just that.

 

“That and I was minutely jealous over the fact that you seemed to be living very happily as who you are without hating yourself over it,” Alex continued. “Apart from your family’s company and the future you seemed to have lined up for yourself.”

 

Alex’s smile widened in remembrance, even if the same memory if the time made Lena’s lip curl.

 

“You know, when all that crap went down with you losing that, I think that was one of the few times I saw you truly happy,” Alex admitted, startling Lena and confusing her. 

 

Alex seemed to sense her disbelief, rushing to explain.

 

“You and Kara just seemed to meld together in the face of it all, and I remember that I honestly thought to myself that that was the type of relationship that I wanted. Then when you made plans to go to London, I admit I did doubt it for a bit.”

 

Lena looked away, pained as Alex continued to speak.

 

“Kara was a wreck leading up to you going; I don’t think I’d ever seen her more stressed. And after she dropped you off at the airport, she just came back home and cried. Couldn’t get a word out of her. I thought you’d broken up with her at the airport. Then there you were, on our door the next day with the biggest smile on your face and the last piece of jewellery you’d managed to take before your mother had given you the boot.

 

She had proposed, Lena thought with a sharp breath. The real gift that Adam had given her was reversing the choice she had made to stay away and given her Kara back.

 

“Do you ever wonder what would have happened if I’d never came back?” Lena asked distractedly.

 

Alex glanced over at her curiously.  


 

“Do you?” She asked. 

 

Lena looked out over the horizon.

 

“I don’t have to,” she answered. “I know what my life would look like now.”

 

Rich and large and full of so many things.

 

But no family.

 

No Kara.

 

There was a long silence, broken up by the shifting wind as they both looked out over the water. 

 

“Do you want this job, Lena?” 

 

She let out a heavy breath and frowned.

 

“I thought I did,” she replied gently. “But I don’t want to take Kara away from everything that makes her happy.”

 

Lena frowned, rubbing at her chest and looking back at Alex.

 

“But I’m… I can’t help feeling like there is something in my life that’s not quite meshing. The final bridge or something.”

 

Alex nodded sympathetically.

 

“Working in the tyre shop can’t help.”

 

Lena let out a heavy breath. There wasn’t much she could say about that, but the last thing she wanted Alex to think was that she was ungrateful for the faith that Jeremiah put in her.

 

“Alex-“

 

The other woman cut her off with a gentle smile.

 

“I love you, Lena,” she said kindly. “My parents, my sister, your friends… we all love you. You know we’ll support you no matter what you decided to do. Kara was already googling schools in the city.

 

Lena blinked in surprise and arched an eyebrow.

 

“She was?”

 

Alex’s eyes sparkled.

 

“Yeah. Guess she must have meant it when she said she’d follow you there.”

 

The thought warmed Lena’s heart, and she smiled to herself.

 

Alex let out another heavy breath.

 

“But Lena, I got to ask… why do you want this?” She questioned. “Is it really because you’d prefer to live in the city? Or is it something else. Because you know that Kara doesn’t care about the money. Do you even like Mergers and Acquisitions?”

 

Lena let the words rumble in her mind before she smiled thinly.

 

“I’m really good at it.”

 

Alex nodded.

 

“I’m sure you would be,” she returned. “You’re good at everything you do… I just… Is it your dream?”

 

The words surprised Lena, and she looked at Alex with a start.

 

“My dream?” She questioned. “I…. nobody has asked me that in a while.

 

Alex huffed and stretched her back.

 

“It’s just… whenever you were working corporate stuff for your family, you never seemed…. happy,” she admitted. “Science was always your strong suit. And you, working for someone else… It’s kinda like you’re trading in one tyre shop for a bigger one.

 

Lena stared at her for a few quiet seconds, before letting out a sudden bark of laughter.

 

“An apt way of putting it.”

 

And it was, truly. For what was her role at Spheerical if not to be the biggest saleswoman there was? Brokering multibillion-dollar deals instead of hundred dollar ones was all the same. She said herself yesterday in that meeting.

 

But still…

 

"I never used to be able to imagine the possibility of something bigger than that for myself,” Lena admitted. "But now I have the kids and Kara, and everything else in my life I just… I don’t know which to choose.”

 

She looked at Alex pleadingly, begging for her to understand.

 

“If I pick the career, I could lose the life I’ve created with my family… and If I turn it down, then I feel like I’m never going to have an opportunity to move forward again.

 

Alex took her words in.

 

“Since when did it have to be one or the other?” She asked. “You can have roots and wings.”

 

Lena nodded weakly.

 

“It’s just so complicated.”

 

Alex readjusted herself on her bike, turning around so she could make her way back down the bike path they’d ridden up on. 

 

“You’re Lena Danvers,” she said with a confident grin. “If anyone can figure it out, it’s you.”

 

Lena stared at Alex for a few seconds with a softened heart. Liking Alex as much as she did certainly wasn’t something that she had expected when she first arrived. But Alex was protective, and kind with a fierce loyalty to her family that Lena new without a doubt extended to her too.

 

If she had to pick a sister in law, she didn’t think she could have chosen a better one. 

 

Lena smiled at the other woman, before turning her bike as well.

 

“Thanks, Alex.”

 

* * *

 

Lena watched from next to Kara on the picnic blanket as Lori ran after Krypto laughing, the big dog snapping and chasing after seagulls on the beach. Connor lay asleep in his stroller next to them, happily bundled up like a butterball against the still chill beach air. Lena looked over the spread of crustless sandwiches and sliced fruit she had prepared for their impromptu day out and wondered not for the millionth time, now with an air of fondness, on just how quickly domesticity had made its mark on her.

 

She turned to look at Kara, sitting beside her silently and watching as their daughter kicked up sand. A small frown creased her brow, and Lena resisted the urge to sigh. Things between them had been strange for the past couple of days now; there was a pregnant pause as if they both dreaded the other shoe dropping. But Lena couldn’t deny, even in the tenseness, there was something inexplicably calming about being within Kara’s orbit. As if every day a little more of her took Lena’s breath away as she could feel herself sinking eternally, more and more in love.

 

Kara noticed her staring, and looked over with a tilted head.

 

“What?” She asked, making Lena smile gently.

 

“You are so beautiful,” Lena responded softly, reaching out to trace a fluttering strand of Kara’s hair off her cheek and tucking it behind her ear.

 

Kara leaned into the touch slightly, making Lena’s smile widen before she rolled her eyes and looked back at Lori.

 

“Flatterer.”

 

Lena watched her for a few more minutes, her thoughts sobering before she spoke once more.

 

“I saw the resume on the computer this morning,” she said quietly, regaining Kara’s attention. “You’re updating?

 

Kara looked at her again, this time with clouded eyes, and shrugged.

 

“I figure I should send some out early,” she replied. “I doubt I’ll get too many nibbles, but you never know.”

 

Lena felt her heart melt slightly, the reassurance that Kara would be willing to move comforting.

 

“Any paper would be lucky to have you,” she mumbled.

 

Kara snorted.

 

“Me and all my ambulance chasing stories.”

 

Lena frowned at that, unsettled. Kara loved her job, of that much Lena, was confident. Sure, it may not be the White House correspondence, but it was something she took pride in every day that she went to work. And Lena never wanted her to think that her words were any less beautiful or meaningful just because they weren’t written on paper read by workers on Wall Street.

 

Lena felt the unsettling notion that she had somehow contributed to dismissing Kara’s abilities by easily brushing away the fact that Kara would have to leave her job if they moved. 

 

She looked back to Lori, running around in tide now and felt a part of her heart unclench with soft innocence that only her children managed to inspire in her. Lori now seemed thoroughly convinced that Lena, the real Lena, had returned from wherever she had been abducted and was once again walking amongst people. There had been a flood of questions about what aliens were like, but Lena couldn’t help but feel unbelievably accepted by her daughter as she’d finally reached a pinnacle of understanding on what it meant to be the mother to the little girl that had so easily left her mark on her heart.

 

Kara’s next words interrupted her thoughts, drawing her attention and bringing her back to the immediate dilemma facing her.

 

"When do you have to let them know that you’re taking the job?”

 

Lena let out a breath.

 

“End of the week.”

 

Kara nodded, the crease between her eyebrows deepening.

 

“We’re going to have to tell my Dad.”

 

Lena bit the inside of her cheek, struggling when she realises how she was supposed to handle that particular conversation. Telling Jeremiah, who had treated her as nothing less than a daughter, that she didn’t want to take over the shop when he retired. She didn’t want to run it. All in favour of moving herself, his daughter and his only grandchildren hours away to the city where he would have far less contact.

 

“If I take it,” she muttered uncertainly. 

 

Kara looked at her carefully for a few seconds, before her face softened and a small smile grew on it. Reaching out, she took Lena’s hand in her own.

 

“You know…” she began softly, squeezing Lena’s hand tightly. “In the midst of me being… frankly furious at you for springing this on me without any warning at all…. I kinda forgot to tell you how incredibly proud I am with you for getting this job in the first place. And you’re right; it is a huge opportunity.”

 

Lena blinked in surprise, a flicker of pride and happiness bursting in her chest at the words. Not realising how much it had hurt for Kara not to acknowledge that point when she had told her about the job offer. But still, there was that edge of uncertainty that existed in her eyes… 

 

“One you still don’t want to take,” Lena replied, trying not to sound too disappointed.

 

Kara let out a heavy breath and frowned.

 

“I don’t want to hold you back from your dreams, Lena,” she said earnestly. “I’ve never wanted to do that.”

 

Lena rushed to reassure her.

 

“You don’t hold me back from anything,” she protested firmly, noting the disbelief in the other woman’s eyes she pressed it further and deliberately. “Kara, you’re the reason I do everything I do. You and the kids are more important to me than any job. And in the end… it’s just a job.”

 

Kara observed her, the edges around her eyes softening.

 

“And you were right too,” she replied. “What matters is that we’re together. And we can be together in National City too. Midvale is just… it’s just a place.”

 

Lena appreciated it, and it truly meant the world to her that Kara would do what she said. But she couldn’t shake the undeniable knowledge in her mind, that she knew this wasn’t something Kara wanted.

 

“Not to you… not to them,” Lena replied softly, jutting her chin in Lori’s direction. “And you need to know, that I wouldn’t let anything come between my relationship with you and with the kids. Nothing at all is worth more than that.”

 

Kara reached out to cup her cheek, running her thumb alone Lena’s cheekbone and making Lena want to sigh at the gentle touch.

 

“I guess, I’m just having trouble understanding why you want this job so much,” Kara whispered, staring into her eyes. “Taking over companies never seemed to be something you wanted to do.”

 

Lena frowned at that, the words echoing what Alex had said on their bike ride.

 

“Why do you say that?” She asked.

 

Kara stared at her for a moment, gathering her thoughts before she replied.

 

“It’s just… remember how happy you were at Lord Tech?”

 

Lena didn’t, but she nodded anyway.

 

“Cooking up things in the labs all day, changing the world,” Kara continued. “It always made me feel terrible that you walked away from that to come here with me and manage the shop. I guess I just thought in my head that the only way we’d ever go back to the city would be if you could do something like that again. Not so you could…”

 

The words trailed off, but the implication lay hanging.

 

“Play lord of the world,” Lena finished dryly.

 

Kara gave her an uncomfortable look.

 

“I wouldn’t say that.”

 

Lena huffed. 

 

“But you were thinking it.”

 

Kara watched her for a few minutes, Lena silently running her fingers through the sand.

 

“Is this really something that you want, Lena?”

 

Lena looked over at her sharply, the words throwing on the thick pile of unsettled things that had been growing for all eternity. But before she could open her mouth to reply, Lori came running up to both of them.

 

“Mom,” she complained with a soft whine and a frown. “I don’t feel good.”

 

Lena gave her a concerned look, reaching out to take her hand.

 

“Alright then, darling,” she answered, before turning to look back at Kara. “Maybe we better head back home.”

 

Kara nodded, already moving to back up the picnic, and Lena felt herself slip easily in a complementary role.

 

Totally in sync with each other.

 

* * *

 

Lena stood silently, her hands shoved in her pockets as she stared at the back of her house. She was taking in the newly painted sheen, the completed deck and the grass that she had painstakingly mown and cared for every week. There was something beautiful about having a home the way this place had become one for her. Every other place she had lived in her life; nearly her entire life, other people had always cared for places she existed in. Never her. She had never contributed to the upkeep of her own home, and after spending and investing time in this one, she began to wonder how she never realised that she was missing out on something beautiful. Raising and caring for a place and making it entirely your own was something everyone should get a chance to do, and even though it wasn’t worth monetarily even a fraction of what her former apartment had been, inside its walls it contained something intrinsically more valuable. As if were a book whose pages had pressed and dried memories of Lena and Kara’s entire married life.

 

“Lost in your world there, are you neighbour?”

 

Lena almost jumped out of her skin, turning quickly to see Sam leaning over their shared fence with a wide grin. 

 

“Easily it would seem,” she answered with a frown, walking towards Sam broodily.

 

The other woman observed her, her eyes tracking her every movement before a kind smile replaced her sharp grin.

 

“Don’t suppose you want to come in for a cup of tea?” She asked. “Then tell me everything that has your panties in a twist.

 

Lena felt herself relax slightly at the idea and she nodded, walking towards the gate in between their yards.

 

“You always know the right things to say,” she replied, happily folding when Sam looped her arm around her shoulders.

 

* * *

 

Sam let out a long low whistle as she poured Lena’s cup of tea, after listening carefully as Lena explained the events of the past couple of day.

 

“So in the space of three days,” Sam repeated back, pulling up her stool and nursing her warm drink. “You went from selling a guy a tyre to having a job offer from Spheerical Industries.”

 

At Lena’s nod, Sam let out a low whistle.

 

"Man, I knew we were friends because you’re cool.”

 

Lena smiled at that, looking down at her cup and swirling the liquid slightly.

 

“It is pretty cool, huh?” She whispered, distracted by the thoughts of everything that was troubling her.

 

Sam took a long sip of her tea, smacking her lips before speaking.

 

“Yeah, which is why I’m finding it surprising why you seem so despondent.”

 

Lena stared down quietly at her cup for a few moments before responding.

 

“Kara doesn’t want to move,” she admitted, looking up. “I mean, she will move… she was already looking at real estate agents for the house today, but I know she doesn’t want to.”

 

Sam watched her, taking a minute to think.

 

“And what do you want?” She asked.

 

Lena let out a sigh and sat back in her chair. She looked around the room, taking in the sight of its warm features, the picture of her and Sam on the counter. The way the entire place was packed with light. And she wondered how she could ever have thought that the kind and caring woman across from her was annoying when she first arrived.

 

She had been so blind. 

 

“I thought I knew,” Lena whispered. “But now I’m not so sure. It just seems all so… It was exciting. Can you imagine that type of life? I’d finally have a purpose in my work!”

 

The words felt heavy though on the tip of her tongue.

 

"But then, I got to thinking…” She continued. “Whether it would really fulfil me either? Or would it just be something… hollow, that I needed more and more of forever. Corporate life was always so bloody. When I stop to think about it, it was never something that I thought I’d be doing as my dream.”

 

There were things she loved about it, to be sure. But now Lena had begun to wonder if the things she liked about it, might be the very things that were bad for her.

 

“I’ve spent my entire life working for other people, and I’m not entirely sure I want to do so again,” she realised, running her finger over the rim of her cup. “The only reason at the time that I start…. the only reason I considered working in the business side was that I wanted…. I wanted all the power, but none of the investment.”

 

She looked back up and gave Sam a tight smile.

 

"The idea that I could walk away and divorce myself of it all emotionally at the snap of my fingers was delightful,” she breathed out. “But now I wonder if I really want to go back to doing something that made me like I owned the world, but not necessarily like I was proud of what I left behind.”

 

Sam took in her words and nodded.

 

“Sounds like a lot to weigh up there.”

 

Lena let out a heavy sigh, taking a long sip of her tea.

 

“Understatement of the year,” she muttered.

 

Sam watched her for a few moments, her eyes suddenly filling with mirth as a large smirk grew on her face.

 

“You know, it’s a funny old thing this life… but for someone who’s so exceptionally smart, you can also be incredibly thickheaded.”

 

Lena frowned at the words, not understanding the reasoning behind them or the other woman’s happiness.

 

“How so?” She questioned.

 

Sam chuckled, placing her tea down and gestured with her hands.

 

“Your options are laid out before you-“

 

“All two of them.”

 

Sam groaned at the interjection.

 

“See? That’s your problem right there!” She cried out. “Why on earth do you think you’ve only got two options? One or the other? Both of which it sounds like won’t make you one hundred per cent happy.”

 

Lena frowned. 

 

“And your solution?” She asked.

 

Sam leaned forward and winked at her.

 

“Look for the third path.”

 

Lena opened her mouth to dispute that there wasn’t one when a light suddenly went off in her brain and she had a thought. Leaning back in her chair, it seemed to explode in her mind as a whole box of possibilities and futures blew up and covered her brain. Suddenly, Lena knew exactly what she wanted to do. 

 

Sam watched her, giving her a knowing look as if she realised what had just happened and Lena gave her a grateful smile. 

 

“You know, you wouldn’t do too bad in a corporate job in the city,” Lena said appreciatively, putting her teat down so she could stand to her feet. “Might make a killing.”

 

Sam nodded in appreciation, looking thoughtful.

 

“I can kind of see myself living it up,” she admitted with a smirk. “Fancy me driving a really nice car, with a model on each arm while attending the fancy openings. I suppose Ruby could pretend to be my sister. And don’t worry, I’d let you visit the penthouse.”

 

Lena grinned at her, stepping forward to give the other woman a tight hug. 

 

“I’d miss you too.”

 

* * *

 

Lena hadn’t been focused on work all morning, instead distractedly scribbling down project ideas and thoughts and crunching numbers as she had been for the past two days now that the third path had made itself apparent in her mind. She hadn’t felt this alive, enthused of excited for something work-related in a long time. Not even as far as she could remember, with every new thought something she had to rush to write down lest it escape with all its brilliance.

 

A knock sounded on her office door, and she looked up to see Jeremiah poking his head in.

 

“Hiya, kiddo!” The man called out, looking over her mess of a desk filled with scribblings. “Hard at work?”

 

Lena smiled at her father in law, pushing some of the paper to the side.

 

“Jeremiah! Come in, please.”

 

The man did as bid, closing the door behind him and pulling up the chair opposite her to sit down.

 

“Just wondered if you had a minute for an old man, Lena,” he questioned, handing her a manilla folder. “Need to go over some retirement plans with you.

 

Lena took it uncertainty, a sudden pang of guilt growing in her chest as Jeremiah stared at her with his usual soft and friendly eyes. Carefully, she placed the folder down between them and took a deep breath.

 

“Jeremiah… I’ve meant to talk with you about that.”

 

She paused, waiting for the man to nod before she continued.

 

“You know that I love you, and I have grown to love this place too….” She breathed out, before biting the bullet. “But I have to be honest with myself and with you.

 

Jeremiah let out a heavy breath.

 

“You don’t want it, do you?”

 

Lena gave him a pained look but shook her head.

 

“No, Jeremiah. I don’t,” she admitted. “I don’t want to sell tyres for the rest of my life. I don’t want to work here for the rest of my life.”

 

Lena watched at the man frowned and stared down at his shoes, and she rushed to explain.

 

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to turn my back on your legacy, and I’m so incredibly honoured that-

 

“I understand,” the man said, cutting her off with a grin.

 

Lena blinked in shock at his cavalier tone.

 

“I’m sorry?” She squeaked.

 

Jeremiah laughed at her expression, waving his hand around the office.

 

“I understand,” he repeated. “I do. This place is… It’s been a good home for me. It helped me look after and raise my girls in happiness and fun. I could have strived for more, it wasn’t my dream either…. I could have gone to the city and got another job, but it wasn’t what I wanted.”

 

The older man’s smile softened at his own words, eyes growing foggy with memories.

 

"All I wanted was to be in a position where I could have weekends off and get home on the dot at five every night so that I could spend every single spare minute of my time with my wife and children, and I don’t regret it at all.”

 

Lena’s heart filled at the love flowing from Jeremiah as he talked about Eliza, Kara and Alex. 

 

“You’re a fantastic father, Jeremiah,” she whispered out. “I wish you were mine.”

 

The older man’s eyes crinkled, and he reached out to pat her hand.

 

“I am your’s, kiddo. You’re definitely in the top four favourite daughters,” he said with a wink. “And you’re still going to inherit this place, or the money from the business sale anyway. I guess you’ll need it with your new start in National City.

 

Lena blinked before letting out a groan. The man laughed at her expression.

 

“Why does this family feel a need to tell each other everything?” She wondered aloud.

 

The man shrugged.

 

“News travels fast.”

 

Lena accepted it, though it still made her grumble for a few seconds before she took another deep breath and leaned forward in her seat.

 

“The thing is, Jeremiah… I’m not entirely sure that we will be going to National City.”

 

The man gave her a confused look, intelligent eyes measuring. 

 

“So I shouldn’t sell the business?” He questioned with amusement.

 

Lena smiled at that.

 

“Well… I might still need the money,” she admitted, biting her lip before pulling on one of the papers she had been scribbling on an holding it out for him to take. “I’ve had an idea… but I might need your help.

 

Jeremiah looked down at the paper, reading quickly before a broad smile graced his features and he turned back to her.

 

“Anything.”

 

* * *

 

Lena frantically whipped around, waving her finger in the air with pain after she had burnt.

 

“Lori!” She called out, searching the bench top for a spoon so she could turn the sauce that was near boiling. “Can you set the table for me, please?

 

The little girl rushed past, carrying a precariously stacked set of plates.

 

“Yes, Mom!”

 

Sam let out a laugh from her position leaning against the kitchen counter, a large glass of red wine in her hand that she swirled appreciatively.

 

“Worship them at the age they still rush to please you, Lena.”

 

Lena let out a rushed laugh, shifting to turn off the heat on the stove as she started to plate up the food she had made.  


 

“I think you an I both know that we worship them at all ages, Sam.”

 

Ruby, walking past on her way to the deck to mingle with the talking adults overheard and let out a laugh.

 

“Is that right, Mom?” She called out teasingly. “Do you worship me?”

 

Sam snorted.

 

“When you leave your stinking socks in the hall after soccer practice, I sometimes wonder if I should kill you… Does that count?” She replied snakily, making her daughter roll her eyes.

 

“Can you two stop needling and help carry this salad out for me?” Lena asked, cutting off any further one-liners.

 

Sam took the bowl from her and made her way outside with her daughter, setting it down on the table and calling for everyone to sit. Alex wondered in next, beer in hand as she looked over the large spread that Lena had slaved away most of the day to make well.

 

“Looking good, Lena,” she called with a smile, picking up the next stack of food to make her way back outside.

 

Lena nodded distractedly, looking around and wondering if she had forgotten anything.

 

“Yeah…. nothing difficult about it….” She breathed out, almost jumping out of her skin when a hand touched her lower back.

 

“Are you sure you don’t need any help?” Kara asked with a smile.

 

Lena glanced over to her, eyes softening as she leant in to press a quick kiss to the other woman’s cheek.

 

"All good here!” She said happily, pulling open a drawer to collect a stack of paper napkins. “Everyone happy out there?”

 

They both looked out the kitchen window, taking in the sight of the completed deck, strings of fairy lights hanging overhead that had taken Lena nearly two hours to erect, and all their family as they happily talked and pulled up chairs. 

 

“Sure are,” Kara replied, turning to look back at Lena with soft eyes. 

 

“I don’t think I can remember the last time we had people over for dinner,” she mused distractedly, an edge of bittersweetness in her voice.

 

Lena struggled to contain a smile and the new secret she had, hoping to god that Kara took it better than the last one.

 

She passed Kara a platter, taking the final one herself instead.

 

“Well, maybe I just wanted to do something special for my family,” she returned, stepping out from behind the counter to make her way outside. 

 

Kara followed her, both pausing as they took in their loved ones once more. 

 

“It’s nice,” she whispered, smiling at Lena before they were both called to sit down.

 

* * *

 

An hour later, while everyone sat and chatted appreciatively, enjoying each other’s company and the food, Lena sat back in her chair and looked around the table fondly. She took a minute to sit just soaking the atmosphere up before she gently pushed back her chair and stood to her feet.

 

“Excuse me, everyone,” she called out, drawing the table’s attention. “I’d like to say a few words.”

 

Maggie let out a laugh, grinning up at her while one of her hands lay on the table intertwined with Alex’s.

 

“A few words?” She called out. “Going to recite us some Hamlet?

 

Sam laughed too, calling out.

 

“A sonnet?”

 

“A poem?” Maggie shot back.

 

“A speech for the ages?” Ruby perked up cheekily.

 

“We already know you made salesperson of the year, Lena,” Jeremiah said next with a snort, sending a ripple of laughter down the table at his words.

 

Lena rolled her eyes and waved all of their nonsense away.

 

“Ha, ha… aren’t you all hilarious,” she responded sarcastically, taking a few moments to look around the table once more. 

 

The air sobered as people realised the situation had drifted into seriousness, Lena’s eyes settling on every person so she could imprint them into her memory.

 

“No, I just wanted to say a few words to… thank you all,” Lena said gently. “You see when I was growing up… I could never have possibly dreamed that I would one day have all this.”

 

She waved around the group and smiled.

 

“My parents weren’t particularly encouraging of the idea of familial bonds, but in each of you I have found something exceedingly unique and precious.”

 

Lena felt her heart quicken slightly, and she felt her heart lurch slightly at how easily and truthfully the words slipped from her lips. She looked at Maggie and Alex, Sam and Ruby, her mother and father in law, her children and her wife and felt a part of herself click.

 

“You are all, without a doubt, some of the greatest gifts I could ever have expected to receive in my life,” she breathed out.

 

Turning to face Sam, who was staring up at her with a smile, Lena tilted her head.

 

“My dear friend… Without you, I honestly don’t know how I would have made it through some days. You offered me humour and heart when I needed it most, and for that I thank you.”

 

Sam nodded at her words, and Lena could see she was touched. Pausing briefly, she turned to look at Ruby next.

 

“Ruby, you are an incredibly bright and vivacious young woman, and I know with all my heart that you’re going to do incredible things with your life.”

 

Ruby flushed, looking down at her plate in embarrassment. Her mother nudged her and gave her a one-armed hug. Lena turned to face her sister in law next. 

 

“Alex, I can honestly say that when we first met, I don’t think I ever would have expected to consider you a sister… and yet, I do.”

 

Alex let out a laugh, and Lena shot her a wink.

 

“And I think you’re one of the best I could ever have gotten.”

 

Lena turned to face her parents in law next.

 

“Eliza and Jeremiah,” she breathed out appreciatively. “The way that you open your hearts to everyone you meet… but especially the way you’ve opened your heart to me ever since you met me has been incredible. And I love you all the more every day for it.”

 

Jeremiah let out a large sniff at her words, making the entire table laugh at the older man’s sensitivities. Lena chuckled appreciatively, before turning to look at Maggie. 

 

Staring down at her, she took a few seconds to think before speaking steadily.

 

“Maggie, thank you for always being yourself,” she said quietly. “No matter what, you have been nothing but your most honest with me… sometimes when I didn’t necessarily want you to be. But I am so grateful that in the past few months we have managed to bridge the differences between us because I can honestly say my life would have been missing a lot without you in it.”

 

Maggie stared up at her for a few seconds with a blank expression, before giving her a small nod that Lena new meant the other woman had been impacted by her words.

 

Lena looked to her daughter and son next. Lori, staring up at her and swinging her feet and Connor was happily playing with his mashed peas.

 

“To my children, of course,” Lena smiled. “The lights of my life… but most of all, I’d like to say thank you to the most important person in my life and heart.”

 

Looking to her side, to Kara sitting next to her and staring up at her Lena just stared at her and took in her features. The flood of every single memory that she had involving the other woman threatened to press in and overwhelm her. She looked at her wife, and she could see the entire lifetime they had led so far and the whole life that they would and her heart soared. 

 

“Kara, you’ve given me a home and a family,” Lena said passionately. “You’ve given me happiness and laughter. You’ve taught me more about my ability to love than I ever would have thought myself capable of. You are the kindest person I know, by far the best written.”

 

Lena reached out to take Kara’s hand, trying not to smile and the other woman’s shimmering eyes.

 

“I love your heart, and your mind and I love how incredibly gentle you are with the world around you,” Lena continued. “And beyond anything, I am so incredibly thankful that I got back on a plane to come back to you.”

 

Lena swallowed, holding back her own tears.

 

“I can only imagine the life I would have had if you weren’t in it, and I wonder if that version of myself would ever know how much of life she was truly missing out on.”

 

Lena squeezed their joined hands. 

 

“You’re the love of my life, and every day I fall more for you,” Lena admitted with asmile. “If there were such a thing as destiny, I would believe with all my heart that we were meant to be together… but as it stands, I think what we have is far more precious.”

 

Lena leaned down to press a gentle kiss to Kara’s fingers.

 

“See, I choose to be with you,” she smiled. “Everyday, for the rest of my life. Because I choose us, and I wouldn’t trade what we have for anything in the world.”

 

Lena reached out to take her glass, raising it into the air, everyone moving to follow suit.

 

“So Kara, I guess my toast is to you, my beautiful, incredible, kind-hearted wife. Thank you, for picking me too.”

 

The table let out an appreciative hum, turning to whistles as Kara stood to her feet and pulled Lena in for a long and hard kiss. Lena smiled into it, letting out a laugh as they swayed slightly on their feet.

 

“Get a room!” Maggie cried out, Lena laughing and feeling like her heart was going to burst with happiness.

 

* * *

 

Lena let the slight air rock her slightly in the porch swing as she sat on the front verandah and watched as Kara thanked her sister and Maggie for coming and seeing them to their car.

 

Lena watched as Maggie held the door for Alex, the other woman giving her a goofy smile and pressing a kiss to her nose and making Lena smile. Kara waved them away, before turning to walk back up the porch steps and sank down on the swing beside Lena.

 

“Do you think they’ll be ok?” Kara suddenly asked, both of them watching as the lights form the car faded away in the distance.

 

Lena thoughts for a seconds before smiling and nodding.

 

“I have a feeling that everything is going to work out for them alright,” she answered, before turning to look at Kara with soft eyes. “They just might be endgame, just like us.”

 

Kara smiled at her, arching an eyebrow in amusement. 

 

“Endgame, huh?”

 

Lena stared at her quietly for a few seconds, tracing the lines of her face underneath the starlight.

 

“I’m not taking the job.”

 

Kara’s mouth dropped slightly, and a look of immense guilt crossed her face.

 

“Lena, please don’t think you can’t because of me-“

 

Lena smiled and waved away her concern.

 

“It’s not because of you,” she replied.

 

Kara gave her a disbelieving look and Lena shrugged.

 

“Not just because of you,” she continued with a shrug. “I don’t want it. I want something different.

 

Kara seemed confused.  


“What?” She asked.

 

Lena hesitated for a second.

 

“Do you know that observatory?” She asked.

 

Kara gave her a wary look.

 

“Yes….”

 

Lena stared at her for a beat.

 

“I want the buy it.”

 

Kara almost choked on the air.

 

“You… you what?”

 

Lena rushed to explain, unable to stop the flood of enthusiasm in her voice.

 

“I talked to your father about it, and he agreed to help us finance it,” Lena said, turning to look away lest she see a disappointed expression on her wife’s face. 

 

“I want to buy it, reopen it… run it. And not just as an observatory. I want to open my own company. A science company,” she said excitedly, picturing all that she had planned in her mind like a painting. 

 

“It would have to start small, obviously,” she continued. “But I’ve been thinking a lot about it, and this is something I really want to do.”

 

At that, she turned back to look at Kara with shining eyes.

 

“Something that is mine, that I can create and build up from the ground and do the things I love again,” she breathed out, her heart lifting as she watched the sheer emotion in her voice hit Kara and make the other woman smile. 

 

“That can help leave its mark on the world in a way that can really change it. Now, it’ll be hard. And I will have to work longer hours. And it’ll mean that we might have to tighten our belts, particularly in the first year…. But we could stay in Midvale,” she said firmly. “We could keep the house, and the kids could go to the same schools, and you wouldn’t have to leave your job.”

 

Her heart started to pound in her chest, and she reached out to take Kara’s hand.

 

“I know I can do this, Kara,” she said firmly. Strongly. “And I want to do this.

 

Kara stared at her silently for a few minutes, and Lena tried not to let her heart sink before a breathtaking smile crossed the other woman’s face and she reached up to reach Lena’s cheek.

 

“Are you sure?” She asked.

 

Lena nodded.

 

“Yes,” she said firmly. “I want everything that makes me happy. And this is my choice. I want you and the kids, and I want us here. But I also want to be fulfilled in my job.”

 

Lena smiled to herself, before reaching into her pocket to take out the business card that Jack had given her.

 

“And I could go on working a the tire shop because I am good at it… and I could take this job,” she said, looking down at the card. “Because I’d be really good at it. But the happiest part of my week is when I play science with Lori and Jeremiah.”

 

Lena stared at the card for a few more seconds, before ripping it in two.

 

"I want more of that,” she said firmly. “I can do that, and I can do that here. I can help people and earn more and look after our family.” 

 

Words spoken long ago, old ones from Kara’s lips, sprang in Lena’s mind.

 

“And I don’t know what this new life will look like,” she breathed out. "But I know it will have all of us in it. All of us.”

 

Kara observed her, her smile growing.

 

“I love you so much.”

 

Lena hesitated.

 

“Is that a yes?”

 

Kara nodded, leaning forward to hug her tightly and Lena felt like her heart was about to explode with joy.

 

“I think it’s amazing,” Kara whispered, pulling back and wiping a few tears from her eyes. “I think you’re terrific. I believe that we can do anything in our lives, as long as we do it together… But I think that this is going to make us all happy. And that’s really all I’ve ever wanted.

 

Lena felt like crying too, but instead, let out a watery laugh. 

 

Kara opened her mouth to say something else, but Connor’s piercing cry from inside sounded out. With a sympathetic look, she stood to her feet and moved to enter the house to soothe the baby.

 

Lena sat still, her happiness bursting out of her chest as she turned back in her seat to look up at the sky. She wasn’t used to this feeling; it wasn’t something she could every really remember experiencing. Everything in her life was exactly where she wanted to be. She had a beautiful wife, two children and a family and home that loved her and much as she loved them. A new career on the horizon, doing something that really excited her. 

 

Everything was perfect.

 

And that was when she heard it, the sound of a bicycle bell ringing and echoing through the air. A shudder passed through her body, and she turned to see Lori in the open garage door, sitting on her bike, ringing the bell happily and for some reason, the hair on the back on Lena’s neck stood up in the eeriness of it all.

 

“What are you doing?” Lena called out.

 

Lori gave her a curious look.

 

“Ringing my bell…”

 

Lena swallowed, hard and a yell from Kara echoed out of the door.

 

Kara yells from inside.

 

“Lena, we’ve run out of diapers!” She called. “Can you run down to the store to get some?”

 

Lena hesitated, the whole world suddenly seeming wrong once more.

 

* * *

 

Fifteen minutes later, Lena was crouched down in an aisle of the  local convenience store and inspecting the bags of nappies they had on sale. She looked at the price tag on one of the bags and let out an annoyed grunt.

 

“Fourteen ninety-nine?!” She complained in a mumble. “It’s just diapers for god’s sake.”

 

At the entrance of the store, the little bell rang as someone entered. Lena looked up to see the teenager, looking bored as she ran her fingers over a stack of magazines before picking up a packet of gum and a bottle of soda and walk towards the counter. Lena looked away, grabbing the diapers when she heard the cash register ding and the attendant begin to speak.

 

"That’ll be sixty-five cents, little angel.”

 

A sudden flash of cold crossed Lena’s chest as she recognised the voice. She rose slowly, clutching at the diapers and turned to see Adam. Dressed so differently from the first two times before, mimicking the chain store worker that he had once held up. 

 

Lena took a step forward with a pale face.

 

“You!” She gasped shocked, a part of her heart lifting with excitement before the rest of the colour drained utterly from her face as she realised what the man’s presence her must mean.

 

“What are you doing here?” She demanded harshly, walking forward and shaking her head viciously. “You’re not sending me back.”

 

The girl eyed Lena curiously, then removes a dollar bill from her pocket and slide it across the counter to Adam. The man himself glanced up at Lena and gave her a broad smile.

 

“Lena, it’s good to see you,” he responded, before reaching into the register and took out change for ten dollars, handing the girl $9.35 in change.

 

“Thank you darlin’,” he whistled out effortlessly to the teenager.

 

The girl looked at the money, realising alongside Lena that Adam has given her the wrong change.

 

Adam turned back to Lena, spotting the nappies in her hand her let out a low laugh.

 

“What do you got there, diapers?” He called out amused. “Look at you, all domestic and shit...You really figured some things out, huh?”

 

The girl looked at Adam talking to Lena, but Lena ignored her presence. Instead, she swallowed the hard lump of panic in her throat and pointed at Adam.

 

“I’m not going back,” she said once more.

 

Adam watched her silently, before turning back to the teen who was still hesitating with the too much change in her hand.

 

“Everything okay?” Adam asked.

 

She looked at him, a moment of decision passing before she nodded.

 

“Yeah…fine.”

 

Lena let out a frustrated growl.

 

“Hey! Did you hear me…?!” She shouted, her voice raising.

 

Adam ignored Lena, watching the girl as she headed to the door, hesitated a moment and then walks out. A look of disappointment crossed Adam’s face, and he reached into his pocket, pulling out a little notebook and began to scribble something down.

 

“That was a character issue,” he muttered to himself, shaking his head. “...and for nine dollars?That’s just sad…”

 

Lena stepped forward and slammed her hand down on the counter, furious and incensed.

 

“Hey, I’m talking to you! I am not going back, do you understand…?!”

 

Adam finally looked up at her, compassion on his face.

 

“You can’t do this,” Lena continued, her voice cracking as her heart started to race. “You can’t keep coming in and out of people’s lives, messing things up.”

 

Adam let out a sigh.

 

“C’mon, Lena…”

 

Lena shook her head in response, reaching into her purse and throwing a few notes down on the counter.

 

“I’ve got kids, I’ve got a wife… A family,” she spat, grabbing the nappies. “I’m going home…"

 

“You know what the word glimpse means, Lee?” Adam interjected. “It’s by nature an impermanent thing.”

 

Lena walked determinedly toward the exit, ignoring his words before she stopped and turned at the door.

 

“I love her, ok?” She exclaimed roughly, tears growing in her eyes as she pointed at the man accusingly. “I love my kids. I love them all. And I’ll fight for them. I’m staying.”

 

Adam didn’t say anything, just followed her with his eyes and a proud look on his face as Lena turned and left, climbed into her car and began to drive back home. A flood of tears now pouring down her face as the ominous press of time closed in around her.

 

It was all over. 

 

Everything was over.

 

* * *

 

The door to Connor’s room opened without a sound as Lena pushed it open. Walking in quietly, watching Connor as he slept soundly. A rush of emotions filled her heart at the sight, and she fought hard against the aching sense of loss already in her heart. The boy that she had spent months learning to love was now going to be gone, slipping from her fingers as if he had never existed at all — no more speech therapy, or mushy breakfasts or stressful drives to daycare. 

 

No more taking him to work, or driving at night to get him to fall asleep. 

 

No more reading, just them two.

 

All gone. 

 

She leaned over the cot and gently kissed Connor on the head, careful not to wake him as she pulled back and stroked his hair.

 

“I love you so much,” she whispered out. “You are going to be such an incredible person; I know you will. I’m going to miss you.”

 

Despite her efforts, Connor stirred in his sleep and woke, blinking up at her.

 

”Mommy…”

 

Lena’s heart stopped in her chest at the breathy sound.

 

It was his first word.

 

Her hands suddenly started to shake violently, and she willed them to stop with all her might.

 

“Hi there, little man,” she whispered down as his eyes fluttered closed once more. “Please don’t forget me.”

 

* * *

 

Lena spent nearly ten minutes in Lori’s room, standing over her silently as she tried to memorise every single feature of her daughter’s sleeping face and commit it to memory forever. Every conversation, every single interaction they’d had over the past few months. Lori was by far the most unexpected gift that she had gotten out of this life, and the idea of never being able to see her again… talk to her about aliens and have to little girl teach her human etiquette was heartbreaking.

 

She reached out her hand, stroking some hair back from Lori’s face and the little girl stirred groggily.

 

“Is it morning yet?” She asked.

 

Lena shook her head.

 

“No, honey,” she replied. “Go back to sleep."

 

Lori closed her eyes as Lena stood there for a moment looking at her, sadness all over her face and deep in her heart. 

 

“Take care of yourself, Lori,” she whispered. “I’m going back to the mother ship… I love you so much.”

 

Staring at her for a final few agonising seconds, Lena finally turned to go.

 

* * *

 

Lena had been leaning against the doorframe of the master bedroom for a few minutes before Kara noticed that she was there. Lena had been content to just stare at Kara silently, dressed in her pyjamas with her glasses perched on the end of her nose as she read a book. 

 

Finally looking up, she gave Lena a small smile, and the other woman took a long a shuddered breath before walking inside and sinking into the mattress as she sat next to Kara. 

 

“Hey,” Kara whispered, taking in her tense posture with soft eyes.

 

Lena stared at her for a few seconds, struggling to find the words.

 

What could she possibly say? 

 

Everything between them, all the months of adjusting around and learning to reread her. Learning to love her again. Trying to understand why she was here, and making sacrifices together as a family all to end up realising that she could have everything she wanted if only she’d fight for it.

 

But there was no fighting this. She was going to leave, none of this ever existed.

 

None of it was ever hers.

 

She already made her choice.

 

Lena reached out to take Kara’s hand in hers, giving it a gentle squeeze. 

 

“These last few months, Kara,” she whispered. “I know that I’ve done some...some unusual things.”

 

Kara nodded, letting out a laugh.

 

“It’s been interesting, that’s for sure,” she returned.

 

Lena nodded, biting her lip.

 

“But I’ve done some good things too, haven’t I?” She begged, giving Kara a pleading look.

 

The other woman stared at her for a few moments, a beautiful smile crossing her face.

 

“You’ve been Lena Danvers,” she said with a shrug. “And that’s always a good thing.”

 

Lena let out a breath, trying not to cry. She raised Kara’s hand and pressed a hard kiss to her palm. 

 

“I need you to remember me, Kara,” she pleaded. “How I am right now, right this very moment. I need you to put that image in your heart and keep it with you, no matter what happens.”

 

Kara’s gaze shifted into deep concern.

 

“Are you okay, Lena?”

 

Lena nodded, waving her fear away.

 

“Please, just promise me you’ll do that,” she insisted desperately. “You have to promise, Kara. Because if you don’t, then it’s like it never happened and I don’t think I could live with that.”

 

Kara seemed to be deeply confused, but the love rolling off her in easy waves was enough for her to accept Lena’s words.

 

“I promise, Lena.”

 

Lena nodded, leaning over slightly, before looking back up.

 

“Promise me again…”

 

Kara stared at her gently.

 

“I promise,” she whispered, before tugging on Lena’s hand. “Come to bed, honey.”

 

Lena shook her head, standing up and headed towards the door.

 

“Soon,” she whispered.

 

* * *

 

A few minutes later, Lena was leading Krypto on a leash, walking side by side. The dog pointed her around a corner towards a large open field and stopped. He looked back at Lena, then out over the grass.

 

Lena stared down at the dog with a smile, before removing the leash. The dog bounded happily out into the field, looking for just the right spot to do his business. Lena watched quietly, before she looked up at the sky, soft mist falling onto her face. It was cold, but it was beautiful. Peaceful and still and the air clean and crisp. She breathed in the fresh air and watched the dog roaming, letting her mind empty with the simplicity of it all.

 

This life was what happened when she was willing to risk it all. A new swell of happiness and contentment and pure joy that had grown in her life. The crater in her heart that nothing else had been able to fill echoed with a harsh stab, knowing that it now had been and it was going to all be ripped away. The warm glow of Kara and the kids fed her soul in a way that nothing else had and the idea of going back to a life where She didn’t risk it all for love, and where nothing was left was shattering — going back to being a lonely ghost of a woman, all alone in the entire world.

 

* * *

 

The room was dark when Lena entered and seeing Kara sleeping soundly in bed, she sat down in a chair and watched Kara softly. Like with the kids, she wanted to memorise everything about it. She was clinging to the last remaining vestige of happiness that she could just maybe lock in her own heart, to keep with her through the mornings to come of waking up completely and utterly alone. As she continued to watch her, to listen to her, her eyelids started to grow heavy. She tried to fight the sleep, opening her eyes and focusing on Kara, but it’s no use. 

 

Even the panic and fear in her heart couldn’t stop her from falling into a spell of deep sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only a few more chapters to go! Here's hoping they'll all be out by the end of the week :)
> 
> I hope you enjoyed! Let me know in the comments below, subscribe, kudos or follow me on Tumblr @assumingminds19


	12. The Old Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Type, type, type, ill, ill, ill.
> 
> Here's the playlist I listen too when I'm writing this fic :)
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1oWPq9UfepOIkqpbT1BKAO

It was the softness of the sheets that first tipped Lena off. Having grown so used to raspberry smelling sheets, wrapped in layers of warm, bunched up sheet along with the gentle weight of another body pressed tight against her side. But this morning, the natural relaxation that injected into her brain each morning by the gentle nudging presence of her wife wasn’t there.

 

Instead, she reached out her hand gently, creeping across smooth sheets like it was slipping on ice, only to find… nothing. Just empty coldness. Lena’s eyes flew open as her hand roamed the emptiness of the space. Lena sat up and looked around.

 

The light once again streamed through massive floor to ceiling windows, gleaming over the satin sheets that pooled around her naked waist and over the gleaming hardwood floors. Her eyes took in the panoramic view, then back through the apartment. Taking in the level of cleanliness and sharpness of it all. 

 

Not so much as a speck of dust out of place.

 

Everything was exactly how she remembered it, and she hated it. 

 

There was no stuffy air sitting in the air. No cluttered corners and messy workspaces. Piles of folded clothes and a pair of overstuffed dressers. Something was missing. A lived in, homey touch. This was a space that'd seen happiness and warmth and love in its stitches. A place that had never held life.

 

Lena’s eyes shifted back to the empty space beside her slowly, a deep sinking sadness in her chest.

 

Alone. Entirely alone.

 

She slipped out of bed, her bare feet hitting the cold ground and the satin sheets moved lower, bringing with it an instant panic to dress in case a small child walked in.

 

But there were no children. 

 

There was nothing.

 

Standing carefully, she collected the scattered clothes across the floor, running the expensive fabric in her fingers. Letting it drop back to the ground with profound disinterest, she made her way over to the kitchen, looking around silently over every immaculate surface and entirely expensive and totally unused kitchen appliances, all except for the coffee machine that realised a timed ding, the smell of a perfect roast hitting Lena’s nostrils.

 

No more pancakes, no more mushy oatmeal to dodge as it flew from Connor’s spoon. 

 

Turning away, she slowly moved through the rest of her large apartment. Running her fingers over her sizeable sound system, she became crashingly aware with every second just how silent this morning was compared to the ones she was now used too. She opened the door to her walk-in closet, the size of it knocking her back. With its long rows of designer clothes and shoes, tailored gowns and the case of jewellery so expensive, Lena had a separate insurance policy for it alone. Once she could easily have gotten lost in this space if the time warranted, and she felt a curl of disgust grow in her stomach with how obsessed she had been with material things in lieu of anything else. 

 

She stepped forward, walking past a strikingly green dress that reminded her sickeningly of another, she made her way to the single row that contained jeans and t-shirts. Pulling a pair on, she hesitated briefly when she eyed the safe sitting hidden. 

 

She stared at it for a few seconds, and despite herself, Lena got the sudden urge to throw every single item in her apartment on a pile and light it on fire. Instead, she picked up one of her shoes and threw it hard to the opposite side of the room and let out a roar, full of pain and anguish. 

 

Tears burned the back of her eyes, and her hands began to tremble under the wall of emotions that seemed to grow higher and higher with every second. Just yesterday, she was sitting surrounded by friends and family, everyone who cared about her — making plans for a future with Kara that she would now never have. 

 

She reached for the next item to through, when her brain suddenly halted and short-circuited, leaving only the single desire to go home. Without another second to waste, she rushed through her apartment, grabbing the flashy purse, watch and phone that she never thought she’d see again, and yanked open the door to find a fist raised to knock right in her face.

 

Lena blinked rapidly, looking past the hand to take in the person it belonged to her eyebrows raised in shock. 

 

It was…. Paula. That was her name. The woman she had met the night before Christmas Eve and had brought back to her apartment. 

 

She was wearing a long overcoat and a broad smile on her face, arching an eyebrow seductively.

 

“Waiting for me by the door, huh?”

 

Lena just looked at her, feeling a sudden wave of regret and intense annoyance at her old self.

 

“Hey…” She answered weakly unsure of what to do when Paula opened her coat – the only thing she was wearing underneath was a thin slip.

 

Lena blinked, momentarily distracted.

 

“That’s see-through…” She whispered.

 

Paula smiled at her.

 

“Merry Christmas…”

 

Lena frowned, given the other woman a sharp look.

 

“Christmas?” She questioned. “It can’t be Christmas…"

 

Lena stared at Paula, totally confused, but the other woman just shrugged slightly.

 

“It’s whatever you want it to be, Lena,” she whispered lasciviously.

 

Lena shook her head, before reaching for the coat rack near the door and grabbed a leather jacket then walked right by a shocked Paula and headed out the door, practically running down the corridor.

 

“Lena?” Paula called out behind her. “Lena!”

 

The elevator came promptly, by took far too long to reach the lobby. Lena shifting from foot to foot as she waited, the doors finally opening on the hall decorated in wreaths and trees and twinkling lights. Hector, was behind the front desk. A big, happy smile on his face as he hung up the phone and directed someone over to the elevators and spots Lena getting off.

 

“Ms Luthor!” he greeted. “Merry Christmas!”

 

Last time Lena remembered interacting with him, Hector was insisting he had no idea who she was. Wouldn’t let her come into the building Lena swore she lived in. 

 

But that was the glimpse. Or dream.

 

Lena gave him a nod in acknowledgement and just continued heading outside. Where she slips into her Ferrari -- the elegant, Italian leather almost a stranger to her now -- and began to floor it out of the city.

 

* * *

 

Lena’s Ferrari pulled up in the driveway, and she paused, her breath knocking out in relief at the site of her house was exactly the same. A broken sound forced its way out of her throat when she opens her eyes — seeing the house. The home she once dreaded and then came to love with every beat of her heart. Those inside of it. The ones who brought it to life with love and warmth and happiness. Even the fights and tears and sadness. They were a family in that house. She hopped out quickly and raced to the front door, her hand reaching out and hovering over the familiar bricks, archway and wooden door.

 

It was even the same colour. 

 

Carefully, she knocked, bracing herself to see Kara’s face and realising that during the entire drive down her she hadn’t thought of one thing to say to her once she did. In this reality, would Kara even want to talk to her?

 

The confused panic died as fast as it had sprung in her chest when a middle-aged man she didn’t recognise, wearing a Van Heusen shirt and Hagar slacks answerer. 

 

Lena stared at him in shock, even though the stupidity of her driving down her and expecting anything different sunk in her head like a brick in water.

 

The man stared at her for a few seconds, waiting for her to say something.

 

“Can I help you?” He asked instead when she just continued to stare.

 

And there was only one thing she could think to say.

 

“Is Kara here?” She demanded. “Does Kara live here?!”

 

The man shook his head, deeply confused by the frantic streak in her voice.

 

“Kara?” He answered, shaking his head and making her disappointed stick even harder in her chest. “No, there’s no one here named Kara. Is that good enough for you?”

 

Lena’s fingers began to shake, and she rapped her hand sharply against the door post, making the guy jump slightly.

 

Lena started rapping her head against the door post madly, much to the shock of the guy standing there.

 

“Damn…damn…damn..." She swore under her breath harshly.

 

“Hey,” the man asked gently, taking a step forward towards her. “Are you okay?”

 

Lena swallowed the lump in her throat, looking up at him and shook her head.

 

“No...I’m not…” She replied quietly. Lost to the world.

 

The man still seemed concerned.

 

“Is there anything I can do for you?"

 

Lena shook her head mournfully, wondering at the kindness of strangers, but turned away.

 

“I’m sorry, no…” She replied, moving and walking off, beleaguered.

 

She walked back to her car, giving the house one long and pained look, before jumping in her one of a kind vehicle and driving away. Only the take the first sharp turn and make her way directly to the street behind the one she’d been living on for months.

 

Months in a glimpse.

 

She let out a relieved breath as she watched Sam carry a bicycle box out to the garbage.The car screeched to a halt in front of the driveway, making Sam look up with a frown as Lena quickly turned the car off and jumped out.

 

“Hey!” Sam shouted at her with a scowl, shoving her box in her garage. “You can’t park that thing here.”

 

The other woman’s harsh tone halted Lena's steps forward, and she gave the woman a pleading look. 

 

“It’s me, Lena…” She whispered.

 

Sam looked at her like she was crazy and snorted.

 

“I don’t care if you’re Tim Allen with your fancy car, you still can’t park here,” she bit back.

 

Lena took a struggled breath, taking a few more steps forward, so she was within a metre of Sam. Taking her in, a small part of her relaxed noting that Sam seemed precisely the same even if she was now looking at her without any recognition and annoyance in her eyes.

 

“Tell me you recognise me, Sam,” she pleaded. “Please…”

 

Sam stared at her, shrugged and frowned.

 

“How’d you know my name?” She demanded.

 

“We bowl together,” Lena replied slowly, praying for something in her vain hopes to stay lit. “We’re bowlers ...we won achampionship...we’re winners. I helped your daughter get into Standford!”

 

Sam shook her head in deep confusion.

 

“My daughter’s going to Harvard, not Stanford, and I’ve never won anything in bowling.”

 

Lena let out a despondent sigh, though a part of herself was still delighted at hearing that Ruby was always going to a right college. Sam, still watching her, frowned and tilted her head. Something lighting up in her eyes.

 

“Wait a second…” She drifted, pausing and thinking. “Lena…Lena..."

 

Lena felt a flare of hope in her chest.

 

“Yes…Lena Luthor…”

 

The other woman began to nod, a smile finally crossing her face.

 

“Of course, Lena Luthor! I went to boarding school with you..?”

 

Lena’s heart sunk hard and fast. Sam looked at Lena’s Ferrari and arched an eyebrow. 

 

“You’re doing well… Though I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, you being a Luthor and all.”

 

Lena felt her mind flash, with her every memory she had of her an Sam. All the interactions were running fast through her mind, and she suddenly felt a bottomless mourning pit in her heart at the realisation she had just lost a dear friend.

 

“Yes, that’s it...yes, we went to school together,” Lena said despondently.

 

Sam nodded in turn, awkwardness growing between them.

 

“You never really talked to me. …” Sam replied, staring at her with renewed confusion. 

 

Lena felt part of her heart curdle and die.

 

“Yeah...I guess I just wanted you to know; we could’ve been really good friends,” Lena finished despondently, before turning to leave and praying to God that she didn’t start to cry and end up confusing the poor woman behind her even more than she already was.

 

* * *

 

Lena sat on the hood of her car, parked in the same spot that she and Maggie always used to spend every week drinking beers and shooting the shit. Talking about there fears and concerns over being wives and parenting and wondering if they would ever deserve to be members of the Danvers family that had welcomed them with open arms and hearts. All that time, all that growth and in the end nothing meant anything. She wasn’t a Danvers; she was a Luthor. And who knew where Maggie was these days. Was she still with Alex? Were they still here? Had they ever been together? Did Maggie even exist? 

 

Everything else looked the same about this place; the town of Midvale was sitting much like it always had nestled against the bay. The observatory, still abandoned, looking out over the water just as it ever had. The dreams that Lena had held tight in her heart were now completely banished because there would never be a future here for her and her family. Because she never had a family, she would never have a family with Kara. 

 

She looked out over the water and let out a heavy breath, almost jumping out of her skin when the sharp ringing of her cellphone sounded out and broke into her broody thoughts.

 

Lena blinked down at the high tech screen before answering it.

 

“Hello?” She questioned.

 

“Hey Santa, where are you? Everybody’s here.”

 

Lena shook her head, the voice sounding so strange after not hearing it for months. 

 

“Jess?” She questioned.

 

“You were supposed to be here half an hour ago!” Her assistant cried out, exasperation leaking from her voice. “The emergency strategy session?” She scoffed. “Your trip to Aspen? They’re all panicked here, boss!”

 

Lena didn’t say anything right away. Going into the office isn’t what she wanted to do right now, not at all, but this was a meeting that she called and on Christmas morning at that. She pulled all of these people away from their families on Christmas day so that they can go over things that Lena could probably have handled on his own. The clues from the way she had lived her life before, filled and packed with barking orders that seemed so incredibly complicated and important made her now want to through up in her mouth — inflicting nonsense to make more things pack her days that were empty of everything else. 

 

“Lena?” Jess’ voice questioned again, interrupting her thoughts. “Are you going through the tunnel?”

 

Finally, Lena shook her head, defeated. She jumped off the hood of her car and walked towards the drivers' side door.

 

“I’ll be there as fast as I can.”

 

* * *

 

It took over two hours to make her way back to the city and Lena could hear the commotion coming from the conference room before she even pushed through the door. It was a beehive of activity, Lena’s team, anxiously going over reports and flow charts, working the phones and drinking coffee. She stopped in her doorframe; her mind still reeling from the negative experiences of this morning and took a moment to observe the action.

 

Eve spotted her straight away, and Lena blinked with a start when she realised how different the other woman was once more — looking up at her with panic and desperation in her eyes, instead of disdain.

 

“Thank god, Lena’s here,” Eve said with a relieved laugh into her phone. “I’ll call you right back.”

 

She hung up the phone as all eyes in the room turn to Lena, immediately fixating on how dishevelled she looks as they looked her up and down.

 

“Lena,” Eve said, approaching carefully as the noise in the room died instantly at her presence. “Are you okay?”

 

Lena sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, still feeling like she was in a complete daze. Struggling, she tries to summon an inch of enthusiasm for the deal that she realised she’d put some much of her life and time in before she had been transported into the other life.

 

She didn’t have much left to give.

 

“What’s going on here?” She asked quietly.

 

Eve let out a panicked laugh.

 

“It’s not good,” Eve said with an electric vein of fear in her voice. “Oliver Queen has secretly been talking to a European company. We’re not sure which one, Julia’s on it right now.”

 

Lena’s eyes darted over to the aforementioned woman, who gave her a thumbs up. 

 

“Word is they’re willing to let him buy a minority stake and keep running the entire company,” Eve said, running her twitching fingers through her hair. “Mr Spheer is up in arms.He says we should’ve been prepared for this.We’re in trouble here, Lena.”

 

Everyone watched Lena quietly, a tense vibe running through the room as they all start at waited for Lena to whip out a charming smile, a suave chuckle and someone magically solve all the issues pressing down on them.

 

But Lena’s brain couldn’t even turn. Instead, she just looked at Eve for a minute.

 

“You know something, Eve,” she said instead gently. “There’s a much more assertive person somewhere inside of you.”

 

Eve looked at her, confused before letting out a weak chuckle. 

 

“Excuse me?” She asked.

 

Lena let out a heavy, distracted sigh as her eyes drifted over the room.

 

“But I think I like you better this way,” she answered. “Your heart hasn’t been swallowed by all of… this.”

 

Looking at her like she had sprouted a double head, Eve let out another weak chuckle.

  
“Is this another one of those Sun Tzu “Art of War” tricks?”

 

Lena laughed sadly.

 

“No,” she refuted.

 

Eve looked around the room, the rest of the team was exchanging looks, and after clearing her throat awkwardly, Eve pressed forward.

 

“So what are we gonna do, Lena?” He asked.

 

Lena wallowed for another moment in her sadness. Closing her eyes, Lena took in a deep breath and attempted to make some sense of her reality. To shake away what she wished was real and accept what was.

 

“Lena?” 

 

She snapped out of it, turning to Eve and the rest of the group before taking a deep breath.

 

“I’ll tell you exactly what we’re going to do,” she began flatly. “You’re going to do whatever you have to do to find out which European company he’s been talking to. Then I’m going to clean myself up, fly to Aspen, and drink egg nog with Oliver Queen. His wife and kids….”

 

Her stomach lurched, and her words stuttered before she took another breath.

 

“His family will be playing in the background while I spend Christmas day convincing him that the European company is the devil and Spheerical is the answer to his prayers after all…”

 

The words slipped out and sunk through the air like dead weight in water. Her eyes zoned out as any hint go life slipped out of them completely.

 

“Then I’m going to spend four hours skiing. Alone. On Christmas day. Completely and utterly alone. I’m going to do that because that is my life, that is what’s real, that is the life I chose, and there is nothing I can do to change that.”

 

Everyone was staring at her like they didn’t know what to do next, even if she’s already told them what they should be doing. Her personal crisis has nothing to do with them. Lena gestured for them to get started while she went to her office in an attempt to get some work done. Looking around at the beautiful furniture, handpicked by her meticulously and with care, and felt like crying once more.

 

It took about an hour for them all to pinpoint just which company has been trying to swoop in and make a deal with Queen without the rest of the business world knowing. And as soon as they knew, Lena sent the rest of the team home.

 

“Are you sure?” Eve asked. “I mean… we just…"

 

“Go home,” Lena assured them all, smiling tightly. “Go home and be with your families. I’m sorry I made you come in at all.

 

Lena didn’t wait for them to answer, though she was sure there was some who appreciated being let off much earlier than previously anticipated. She just went back to her office. Dropping into her chair and ran a hand over her face before turning back to her computer to keep working for a few more minutes, trying to let her mind drop from every single distracting thought when her mobile rang. 

 

She didn’t even bother looking down at it, just pressed accept. 

 

“Cancelling on Christmas, Lena. The shame of it.”

 

Lena’s mind blanked suddenly, before the chill bit at her soul from the sound of her mother’s cruel voice was sounding out over the line.

 

“Hello, Lillian,” she said dryly, leaning back in her chair slightly.

 

“Do you have no pride left?” Her mother accused, launching into her annual vomiting bile that consequently inundated Lena in feelings of self-disgust. “Already flaunting your lifestyle for anyone to see and now you refuse to see your mother on Christmas because you want to go skiing? Over your own family.”

 

Once upon a time, Lena would have let the words hurt her. Despite how much she didn’t want them too. Once upon a time, the lack of love from her truly horrifying mother would have made her want to cry and crawl into the nearest corner to die. 

 

Once upon a time.

 

But she wasn’t the same person she was yesterday, having experienced months in the passing of a dream with a wife and family and children who loved her exactly as she was. Just the way she was.

 

She didn’t have anything to prove to this women anymore, and for the first time in her life, she found herself utterly uncaring about what Lillian thought about her. 

 

“We meet once a year, mother,” she said disinterestedly. “You disinherited me, remember? I would hardly call us a family.”

 

Lillian let out a harsh laugh. 

 

“And what would you know of a family? Sitting alone in a tower and negotiating money, with the only people keeping your bed warm whores you find on the street.”

 

Lena felt her heart turn slightly at her mother’s cruel words.

 

“You’ll never understand what family means because no one will ever love you like that,” she spat out. “You will never have that. You’re incapable of loving others like that. Don’t pretend to be anything other than what you are. A Luthor, with a cold heart who knows to focus on the next deal.”

 

The words washed over her like water, not one seeping into her skin. Once she would have let them stain her soul because once she would have feared in her heart that what Lillian said was right, but now she had lived a different life, finding out things about herself that she never thought she’d be able to understand or was even capable of.

 

That she could be a good friend, to the people that needed her. 

 

That she could be a good mother, to children that brought a whole new aspect of life to her life.

 

And she could be a good wife, to a woman that she loved forever and would never stop.

 

Lena’s eyes widened in sudden realisation. 

 

Kara did call her last night. What if… what if she wanted to get in touch with Lena? What if she had some crazy thing happen, too? Unlikely, but… she called. If anything, there was a reason she wanted to talk last night. Kara called her first. It wouldn’t be… so bad if Lena contacted her now. Would it?

 

“There are more important things to me than just that…,” Lena sounded out over the phone. “Goodbye, Lillian.”

 

As quickly as she could, Lena stood to her feet and called out for Jess, who rushed into the office and took in the sight of Lena pulling on her jacket quickly with wide eyes.

 

“Boss, I-“

 

Lena cut her off.

 

“I need you to find the number and address of Kara Danvers,” she answered. “Right now.”

 

Jess frowned at her.

 

“What are you-“

 

Lena pushed past her and started to run down the hallway.

 

“Now Jess,” she answered briskly. “Text me the details.”

 

* * *

 

Lena saved the address on her phone, feeling like it was going to burn into her soul before she looked out the window at all the buildings and people passing by the car. Her mind filled and flooded with possibility and unused chances. 

 

She turned to the driver, the man called by the company to take her where she wanted.

 

“Make a right here,” she murmured gently.

 

The back of the man’s head tilted slightly.

 

“But the airport’s the other way.”

 

Lena looked back out the window.

 

“We’re not going to the airport.” 

 

When the car pulled in front of the place, Lena just sat there staring at the building. A townhouse tucked on a side block in East Creek. Where Kara lived. Where she might be, right now, so close and yet Lena felt miles away. There was a moving van out front that blocked her view of the entrance as the movers carried boxes and furniture to load up. It was almost like a sign. The access blocked as if it was telling her she shouldn’t even try. 

 

Lena looked at the building and tried to imagine the inside. Tried to picture the floor Lena lived on and how she had it decorated and the life she’d had within those walls. A life without Lena.

 

Because in this place, in this reality, Lena left and she never came back. She didn’t arrive home on Kara’s door and asked her to marry her. All that history and the love that had been built between them didn’t exist.

 

But despite the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, Lena pushed the door open and slowly made her way across the street. She needed to wait even longer to let the movers go by again, but she took the steps up to the front stoop and slipped inside the building.

 

It was a beautiful place. Charming. The heart of National City still beating through the bones. Kara lived on the second floor, and as Lena went on up, she realised with a painful twist of her heart, that the movers were going in and out of Kara’s front door. Music was sounding out from inside, Lena’s stomach fluttering as she recognised the music as some of the stuff Kara always used to sing in the shower in the morning. 

 

She needed to move out of the way a few times as people tried to get by her with their hands full. Things were packed in boxes and wrapped in styrofoam and bubble wrap. There were hooks on the walls and a few outlines of where frames used to be. And Lena looked around taking it all in. The apartment was warm and roomy, and positively radiated Kara’s spirit in every fibre of the place. 

 

A woman was walking around with a clipboard and a blue tooth in her ear as she directed the movers this way and that, telling them which things were a priority and which needed to be put into storage. The woman turned around, noticing Lena standing in the doorway awkwardly and gave her a sharp look.

 

“Are you from the shipping company?” She asked harshly, eyeing Lena up and down with enough disdain that Lena arched an eyebrow.

 

Before she could reply, the assistant turned and scowled at a pair of movers as they began to lift and carry what looked like a costly desk.

 

“Okay, I need you to be careful with that,” she instructed when they start carting it away. “That’s got a lot of sentimental value, and it’s very, very old. But you’ll probably need a few guys to carry it out.” She turned when someone asked her about a crate of paintings. “Those too! Careful! They’re important to Kara!” She sighed once as if she’d just about had enough of everything when she spotted Lena once more still lingering. “Yeah?”

 

Lena felt the spiral of uncertainty in her stomach and had to wonder what exact point her complete world view had shifted — realising that now she no longer viewed her real life with confidence and self-assurance, but instead with deep uncertainty and regret.

“I’m Lena…. Luthor,” she said, hesitating over the last name as she had slowly become unused to calling herself by anything other than Kara’s last name. “I’m an old... a friend of Kara’s.”

 

The woman’s disdainful look didn’t shift at all, contouring to look at her with a slight sneer, before she turned to walk back inside.

 

“Kara! Some girl’s here!”

 

Lena just stood there, waiting anxiously at the door. Then suddenly, her heart threatened to crack in half at the sound of Kara’s voice. 

 

“Did you call the airline like I asked, Siobhan?!”

 

Lena’s eyes came alive as Kara appears wearing jeans and a white blouse. Walking into the room carrying a box of her own, a smile grew across Lena’s face at seeing the woman she loved. 

 

She looked terrific, but the experience was still slightly aired. Everything from her hair to her glasses was the same way it had been in the glimpse, but there was something different about her too — an air of something sharper and classier. A glance confirmed the high quality of the clothes she was wearing. The expensive glasses and watch glaring out and off her tanned skin.

 

“Kara…” Lena breathed out, the desperation leaking from her voice as she struggled to resist the deep urge run straight into her arms, hold her and never let go.

 

The other woman turned at the sound of her voice, and Lena almost cried in pain at the swirl of pained emotions in her eyes as she looked her over. She had grown so used to seeing easy, undying love and now it was gone. But already that hole in her heart was being filled. Kara was right in front of her, and she was looking, and Lena was about to go over, mind lost to the desires of her heart, and plant a kiss on Kara.

 

“Lena...God, it’s been so long...You look…”

 

The words trailed off, and Lena could tell she was searching for a kind word, but Lena knew her face must look like she had been hit by a truck. And watching Kara’s blue eyes looking her overturned Lena’s legs to lead. Lena may remember Kara falling asleep at night. Every night her heart beating against her chest, the way her hair brushed against her face, her easy rhythmic breathing, but it’s been years for Kara.

 

“Yeah,” Lena breathed out. Getting the words past the rock in her throat. “You look great, Kara.”

 

Cheeks turning pink, Kara ducked her chin down. Lena honestly didn’t expect that. Not this time, not after everything she hadn’t done and everything she had. 

 

Breaking up with the love of her life over the phone…

 

But when Kara looked back up, any hint of blush in her cheeks, any sign of affection was gone in place of cool politeness.

 

“It’s good to see you,” Kara replied, her voice steady and robust watching her for a few more moments, before turning and walking back into the apartment and leaving Lena to follow her sheepishly.

 

“Siobhan! Where’s that box?!” She shouted out

 

Lena continued behind her, her mind kicking into frantic overdrive as she struggled to think of something smooth to say when her foot caught on one of the boxes stacked up on the ground. Lena tumbled to the floor, several boxes coming with her, one of which was still opened and spilled notebooks and sketchpads all around her. Some opened with their pages fanning out, some of them fell spine up - all of them dropped out of the box.

Lena rushed to her hands and knees, scrabbling to gather everything that she had spilled. 

 

“I'm sorry, Kara,” she stuttered out looking up with an embarrassed flush to realise the movers and Kara’s assistant were all giving her weird looks.

 

Her heart almost stopped as she felt Kara’s hand brush over her’s, collecting the stack of books and lifting them back into their boxes. Lena stared at her as Kara gave her a thin smile. 

 

“Don’t worry about it, Lena…”

 

Lena stood to her feet, staring into Kara’s eyes and feeling further away from her than she had ever been, even though they existed within a few feet. Lena wanted to smile at her; she wanted to scoop her up and crawl into a bed. She wanted to talk to her for hours until there was nothing left to say. She wanted to argue about laundry and breakfast and every other stupid thing they could, but so that they could always come back to the same house every night and exist in each other’s orbit.

 

Kara suddenly shifted away, walking towards the centre of the room and Lena blinked, looking around at the beehive of activity. Siobhan on the phone still, boxes stacked everywhere and movers still packing up.

 

Kara began to rummage through the heart of the living room, searching through the piles of boxes situated there.

 

Lena swallowed, placing the book she was holding back in the box and stepping forward herself.

 

“What’s going on?” She asked, throat getting tight.

 

Kara searched around, not bothering to look up at her as she continued to rummage away.

 

“I’m moving to Paris,” she muttered, more to herself than to Lena. “It was right here…”

 

Kara looked up after that, talking to Siobhan as she walked past.

 

"It’s a box marked “Lena.” I put it in the stack for the Salvation Army…”

 

Lena’s heart fell, realising at that moment that the final salvaged piece of hope that she had in her chest slipped away and died. Kara hadn’t called her because she wanted her. 

 

“Paris?” Lena breathed out weakly.

 

Siobhan gave Kara a hard look, putting the person she was talking to on hold.

 

“Do you want me to look for the box or call the airline?” She bit out snippily.

 

Lena was shocked at the annoyance that grew on Kara’s face. Striking and cool, and so unlike the Kara that Lena remembered as she stared down the other woman. 

 

“Hey, kind of under a little pressure here,” Kara bit back.

 

The assistant scoffed.

 

“Hey, giving up Christmas day for my ex-boss here.”

 

Lena watched the back and forth, getting a strange flashback to the way that she and Jess would interact on a day to day basis. A cool mixture of professional distance, and mutual fondness.

 

“You didn’t seem to mind offering to help me on Christmas day when you were unwrapping that Prada bag I gave you,” Kara replied, tilting her head and cocking an eyebrow.

 

Siobhan grumbled, rolling her eyes disdainfully before gesturing towards a stack of boxes in the corner. 

 

“Maybe it’s by the wardrobe boxes.”

 

Kara thanked her with a sarcastic smile.

 

“Thank you, Siobhan,” she drawled, watching as the other woman walked away.

 

“Yeah, yeah,” the assistant nodded, waving her off before she returned to her phone call.

 

Kara headed over to some tall boxes in the corner of the room, and Lena found her heart sinking lower in her chest. 

 

Kara was so different, so different from the old Kara and the Kara that Lena had lived within her glimpse. But it would hardly be fair to expect that the woman would somehow live up to a version of herself from thirteen years ago, when Lena hadn’t AND be the same person as the one in an imaginary, and Lena was quickly starting to believe, hallucination. This Kara seemed more aloof, harder even. As if all the softer edges of her personality had been buffed and sharpened. She was leaving behind someone severe and sophisticated.

 

Lena didn’t know what to think of this new version, but her heart still ached to see this person in front of her. But that wouldn’t be possible; she realised as she followed behind Kara, watching as she moved through the boxes. Kara was leaving. She was leaving the country, and she was going soon.

 

“You’re moving…”

 

Kara looked up finally at her words, for the first time Lena realised she was looking at her properly. Her blue eyes were staring through her as something flashed in them, knocking the wind from Lena’s lungs before Kara looked back to the boxes.

 

“Uh huh,” Kara replied. “To Paris. CatCo’s International Media Branch has an office there, and I’m going to be heading it up.”

 

Lena’s eyes widened in shock at the news, her mind having severe difficulty trying to reconcile the fact that just yesterday the woman in front of her was trying to balance their grocery budget to stretch out mince to last them the week.

 

“To Paris,” Lena answered, stunned. “Paris, France.”

 

Kara continued to search the boxes and nodded.

 

“That’s the one…”

 

Lena watched her for a few seconds, her brain still playing catch up.

 

“So you’re not writing at a community newspaper?” She asked gently.

 

The other woman let out a loud snort and shook her head violently.

 

“Not with what they pay me… I’m an editor these days besides…”

 

Lena felt a lance grow through her heart, remembering the joy in Kara’s words with every article that was published with her name on the byline. But a part of herself still glowed with pride at realising how accomplished Kara was, having achieved something incredible in her life to rival most people.

 

Achieving so much… without Lena. 

 

Lena’s eyes glanced down at Kara’s finger suddenly.

 

“You’re not married, are you? Or… are you with someone?”

 

That made Kara pause suddenly. Her spine stiffening and her head lifted from its search. She turned and looked back at Lena, uncertain emotions dancing in her eyes as if she was struggling with what to say. 

 

Lena’s heart danced in her chest, trying to brace herself for the possibility that Kara had a husband or wife in her life that had firmly taken the spot in her heart that Lena had once held. 

 

It wasn’t Lena’s right to ask anything from her.

 

“No, Lena,” Kara finally replied. “I never got married. No partner either. You?”

 

Lena should feel awful at how good that made her feel. Kara was a brilliant mother and a fantastic wife. There was nothing she dissevered more than to have that in her life. But knowing that there was a possibility, just a small chance, that something between them might exist….

 

But looking into Kara’s eyes, that hard wall still there, Lena struggled.

 

"Not exactly…” Lena replied, looking around the room before returning to Kara who was back to her rummaging. 

 

Lena hesitated briefly, before stepping forward slightly.

 

“Can we just take a minute here?” She asked gently. “Maybe get a cup of coffee or something?”

 

Siobhan suddenly yelled out, walking past.

 

“I’ll go for a cup of coffee!”

 

“Yes!” Kara suddenly said with enthusiasm, lifting Lena’s heart with sudden hope as she smiled with profound relief. 

 

“I found it!”

 

Lena’s heart sank once more, Kara reaching to pull up a cardboard box with her name on it. Siobhan walked past once more, stopping next to them both.

 

“Congratulations,” she said with a slight bow. “The stopover flight in New York cancelled, but I got you out of NAX on United at nine.Am I good or what?”

 

Kara rolled her eyes, thanking her assistant with a head tilt and Lena’s smile disappeared as Kara handed her the sealed box.

 

“Here you go,” Kara said quietly, waving a hand over it. “It’s just some old things of yours..."

 

Lena stood still, looking at the box, then up at Kara. She stared into her eyes, trying to find some recognition of the future that they had been given and then brutally ripped away once more. Still married, in Midvale, with two beautiful children and a dog. Friends and family with them through every step of the way, rooting for them to be together forever just the way Lena had come to root for them too. 

 

But it just wasn’t there.

 

“Do you ever think about us, Kara?” She whispered hoarsely, feeling near tears. “About what might have happened if…?”

 

A bemused laugh sounded out from Kara, and Lena felt a knife plunge deep in her half, twisting cruelly at the sound. Kara’s laughter died after a few seconds, noting the pain in Lena’s eyes. Instead, she frowned and gave Lena a concerned look. 

 

"You’re serious?” She asked voice coloured with disbelief.

 

Lena nodded.

 

Kara stared at her silently for a few seconds, her eyes warring with emotion before a smooth smile crossed her face and she took a step back, waving around the room.

 

“I’ll tell you what, Lena, if you’re ever in Paris, look me up.,” Kara offered as she backed away. "Maybe we’ll go for that cup of coffee.

 

One of the movers passed by Lena carrying a box, and she connoted to look at Kara, flush with the realisation that this isn’t the same woman she knew thirteen years ago or left yesterday.

 

She had to let her go.

 

Lena swallowed harshly, before taking a step back and turning away.

 

“Sure,” she whispered. “Goodbye, Kara.

 

With one final pained glance at Kara, she began to walk off and towards the door almost having to jump to the side when it opened with a lurch from the other side. The second in slammed against the wall, Lena’s eyes widened, and she almost dropped the box she was carrying in her arms.

 

A little boy rushed in first, dark hair and dimples in his cheeks, slowing down carefully to stop from running into a mover. But it was the little girl that followed him, not bothering to slow down and nearly knocking Lena off her feet that made her want to cry and scream all at once.

 

It was Lori, looking the same as she had been yesterday when Lena was leaning over her bedside. She wanted to drop to her knee, scoop up the child and cry with relief and deep, uninhibited joy. But the little girl didn’t look up at her with that familiar gap-tooth smile, just pushing past her and running deep into to the chaos of the room.

 

And what came next made Lena want to die right where she stood.

 

Maggie, pushing a stroller with little Connor inside.

 

“Lori, Jaime!” The woman called out to the children. “Don’t push people like that!

 

The little boy turned round to look at her with a sheepish grin.

 

“Sorry, Mom!”

 

Lena looked back from the boy, to Lori, to Kara walking towards them now, to Maggie herself.

 

What a cruel joke this was for Adam to play on her. Maggie, the woman she had steadfastly sat with and grown to love as family. The woman that was so terrified to have children was with Kara. And they had three children. 

 

The jealousy that filled her heart made Lena want to die, the deep need to hurt to the entire world around her nearly knocking her down in its intensity.

 

Maggie, obviously not having a clue who she was, looked up at Kara who had appeared beside her and smiled. 

 

“I’m sorry. They’re all hyper,” she said apologetically. “I got them ice-cream.”

 

Kara gave her a gentle smile, and Lena felt her heart wrench. It was the kindest and most Kara like thing that Lena had experienced, even periphery since she had arrived.

 

“That’s ok,” Kara replied, looking over her shoulder towards Lori, who was sitting broodily on a couch with two movers awkwardly standing over her. “I gather Lori still doesn’t want to talk to me?”

 

Lena looked over at the little girl too, a hint of a smile was growing on her face as she took in the stubborn line of her mouth that she recognised so well.

 

Lena looked back over at Kara and Maggie, the smile dying on her lips when she saw Maggie had a comforting hand on Kara’s shoulder.

 

“It’ll be ok,” Maggie said with a gentle smile, making Kara relax slightly under her touch. 

 

Kara opened her mouth to respond, before seemingly suddenly realising that Lena was still standing there. 

 

“Oh, I’m sorry….” She floundered, suddenly looking supremely awkward as she gestured vaguely in Lena’s direction. “This is… uh…”

 

The words trailed off, and Lena slowly let the box she was holding drop to her feet, before reaching out a hand for Maggie to take.

 

“Lena,” she replied tightly, struggling to paste a smile on her face.

 

Maggie took her hand, shaking it with surprised recognition. 

 

“Lena?” She asked with a raised eyebrow. “As in, Lena Luthor?”

 

Lena shrugged.

 

“Last time I checked…”

 

Maggie stared at her for a few seconds, looking back and forth between Kara and Lena as they all just stood there in awkward silence.

 

“It’s funny,” Maggie replied. “You don’t look like I imagined in my head.”

 

The corner of Lena’s mouth quirked slightly.

 

“I keep my horns in a safe,” she admitted a terrible attempt at humour in her voice.

 

But still, Maggie smiled, and Lena found herself struggling to hate a woman who didn’t deserve it. Before anything else could be said, there was a loud bang that sounded out through the apartment. All three woman looked over, to see the boy tearful and standing next to a crashed bowl. Maggie let out a soft breath, before muttering an apology and rushing over to the young boy to comfort him and clean up the mess.

 

Lena looked back at Kara, who was now for some reason giving her a supremely awkward and apologetic smile. Truthfully, Lena didn’t know why she had lied to her about having a partner, but Lena supposed she didn’t have a right to resent her in any way possible. 

 

Kara deserved nothing but happiness, and truthfully in comforted Lena deeply to know that even though there was no chance left for them in this reality, at least Lori and Connor existed. Two beautiful children still here to grace the world. 

 

“Maggie’s my sister’s wife.”

 

Lena blinked rapidly, knocked back in surprise as Kara seemed in a rush to explain.

 

“She’s a detective with the NCPD,” Kara said, gesturing towards the pair. "Jaime is their son.”

 

Lena looked her heart softening with renewed joy as she watched Maggie comforting her child, giving him a tight hug. Maggie had been so afraid of being a mother, and although Lena would never be one of those assholes who insisted that people would never be truly fulfilled unless they had children in their lives, it was still a sight to behold.

 

And she was married to Alex. She wasn’t with Kara.

 

Lena looked back at Kara, with a sincere and honest smile now as the blonde jutted her chin towards her daughter and then looked down at the baby in he pram with soft eyes.

 

“Lori is mine…. and Connor here,” she whispered.

 

Lena felt all the fear and resentment, panic and loss leave her heart in favour of the pure joy of Kara being able to have the real pleasure of Lori and Connor still in her life. 

 

“They’re all beautiful,” Lena whispered, looking down at the baby.

 

Connor looked up suddenly, alert as if he’s had a sudden realisation. He stared up at her for a few seconds, before a look of deep wonder filled his eyes. An excited giggle escaped his lips, and he reached his chubby fingers up an began to make grabs for her, straining against his restraints. A happy smile crossed Lena’s lips, and she crouched down low, letting the baby catch her fingers. He grabbed them happily, letting out a few more baby cackles that sent waves of joy through her heart.

 

Lena continued to smile, laughing along with him, before standing back to her feet and looking into Kara’s eyes once more. She was taken back slightly by the way Kara was now looking at her, blue eyes filled with a kind softness that sent a sprout of hope in heart.

 

“They’re fortunate to have you as a mother,” Lena whispered out gently, meaning every word.

 

Kara stared at her quietly, uncertainty flickering in her eyes before she opened her mouth to speak.

 

“Mama?”

 

The moment broken, Lena turned on instinct to respond to the sound of Lori’s voice, but the little girl who had appeared beside them both wasn’t talking or even looking at her. Instead, focusing on Kara with a slight frown.

 

“Yes, sweetie?” Kara asked gently, her eyes softening in the way that always made Lena want to smile.

 

“Did you already pack my violin?” The little girl demanded more than asked.

 

Lena frowned at the deep vein of unhappiness in the little girl’s voice and had to restrain herself from speaking.

 

“Yes, sweetheart,” Kara responded.

 

Lori let out a long sad sigh, a frown crossing her lips.

 

“Fine,” she mumbled.

 

Kara frowned slightly, and Lena felt saddened. There was a problem going on between Kara and Lori. 

 

Kara, noticing that Lena was still there once more, gave her an apologetic look.

 

“Lori,” she called out to her daughter. “This is my old… friend… Lena.”

 

Lori looked up at Lena, but there was no recognition in her eyes either, and Lena struggled not to take another deep hit in her heart at the sight. An entire relationship now went too, and in many ways, it hurt more than the one she had lost with Kara.

 

But Lori wasn’t hers. Connor wasn’t hers. They had never been hers, just like so many things. 

 

Still, Lena smiled softly and helped out her hand for the little girl to shake. Quickly remembering that there were few things in life that Lori hated more than being treated like a baby instead of the intelligent child she was.

 

“Hi, Lori,” Lena whispered. “It’s nice to meet you.”

 

Lori blinked at it for a second, before reaching out to take it. Suddenly, her soft fingers tightened against Lena’s skin, and her eyes seemed to floor with recognition. She was staring up at Lena with shock before a beautiful smile graced her face.

 

“They got you too, huh?” She whispered.

 

Lena frowned slightly, confused by the sudden change in mood.

 

“I’m sorry?” She whispered.

 

Lori let out a little laugh, positively vibrating.

 

“The aliens,” she sounded out. “They got you again.”

 

Lena’s heart skipped a beat in her chest, and her mind froze. Eyes widening, she opened her mouth to reply when Kara cut her off, giving her an apologetic look and turning to her daughter.

 

“Lori-“

 

But the little girl cut her off, still staring hard into Lena’s eyes. Suddenly, she lurched forward and wrapped a tight hug around Lena’s legs. 

 

“They don’t remember,” Lori whispered out desperately. “I remember.”

 

Pulling back, she stared up into Lena’s shining eyes.

 

“Don’t worry. It’ll be ok now.”

 

Without another word, Lori took off quickly. Running into the mess that was the movers and boxes and left Lena standing stock still, rooted to the spot with shock as she tried to reconcile what had just happened. 

 

“I’m sorry,” Kara said apologetically, probably mistaking Lena’s wide-eyed confusion and deep horror for something it wasn’t. “She’s a bit put out with this move. I’m going early tonight, and Alex is flying with the kids next week.”

 

Lena stared at Kara, her brain still unable to understand what had just happened. Faster than anything she had ever expected possible. 

 

Had Lori…?

 

No, it couldn’t be.

 

“She’s got a lot of fire,” Lena said in reply, still lost in thought.

 

Kara smiled at her words, her eyes following her daughter.

 

“Yeah, she doesn’t get that from me,” she said distractedly before a flush crossed her face and she gave Lena an apologetic look. “I’m sorry; I don’t know why I’m telling you all this.”

 

Lena looked down, back to Connor who was still staring up at her with a broad smile and eyes too full of recognition to make Lena pass it off as usual baby enthusiasm.

 

“It’s ok,” she answered breathlessly. “I don’t mind.”

 

There was a slight silence before Lena turned sharp eyes to Kara. They both stared at each other intensely, Lena searching for a vague hint of recognition, something in her eyes. And Kara stared back at her too, something flickering and making Lena’s heart lurch.

 

“You seem…”

 

Lena’s eyes widened, desperate for final words to drop out of Kara’s mouth. Recognise her. Tell her she knew who she was.

 

“Yes?” Lena asked desperately.

 

Kara continued to watch her, before shaking her head and smiling weakly.

 

“Nothing…” Kara said, trailing off as she unlocked Connor from his pram and perched the squirming boy on her hip. “It was nice to see you again Lena, but as you can see…”

 

She gestured around the room.

 

Lena felt her heart sink once more, and she nodded despondently.

 

“You’re very busy,” Lena replied gently. “I get it.”

 

Turning to look at the baby, Lena smiled gently and waved at him kindly.

 

“Goodbye, Connor,” she sounded out softly, before looking back up into Kara’s eyes. 

 

The other woman was staring at her with renewed confusion, and Lena took in a sharp shuddering breath.

 

“Kara, I-“

 

“MAMA!!!!”

 

Kara sighed, turning towards her daughter’s sharp yell.

 

“I’m coming!” She replied, before looking back at Lena and moving away. “I’ve got to go. Bye Lena.”

 

Lena stared after her despondently; her mind lost to all the things she couldn’t say right now. She hesitated for half a second, wanting to understand all that had just happened when a sudden, and cold realisation that the longer she stayed here, the crueller she was being. 

 

Kara was leaving for Paris. She had a life, a whole beautiful life without Lena, and she didn’t need Lena coming in, messing it up with her selfish actions the same way she had been doing her entire life. With a heart, full of regret, she picked up the box off the floor and resolved to walk out of Kara’s life forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TWO MORE TO GOOOOOO!!!!!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed! Let me know in the comments below, subscribe, kudos or follow me on Tumblr @assumingminds19


	13. One Last Chance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been typing a lot :D Hope y'all enjoy!!
> 
> Here's the playlist I listen too when I'm writing this fic :)
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1oWPq9UfepOIkqpbT1BKAO

Jack looked up sharply the second Lena entered his office, taking in the sight of her dishevelled appearance with concern.

 

“Lena?” He questioned. “What are you doing here?”

 

Lena stared at him for a few seconds, looking over her friend and feeling the hollow sense of loss in her chest deepen and crack.

 

“Do you ever wonder if we made the right choices in life, Jack?” Lena whispered hoarsely, her eyes rimmed red with the tears she had spent years holding back. “Did you ever have a moment in your life where everything could have changed? Like sliding doors or something…”

 

Lena let her voice drift off, before turning to look out the window. Stepping closer towards it, she reached out and let her fingers hover over the cold glass and looked out over the city and taking in the winter chill settling over the town, dressed for Christmas. And the entire city relaxing in the joy of spending time with their families. 

 

She heard a rustle behind her as Jack stood to his feet, stepping forward so he could stand beside Lena.

 

“What are you talking about?” He questioned, giving her a concerned look. “Have… have you been crying?

 

Lena shook her head, turning to look at the man. A frown was gracing his face, and she felt a small twist of levity in her heart for possibly only the person in her life who genuinely cared about her wellbeing.

 

"You remember that girlfriend I was telling you about yesterday,” Lena replied gently. “The one who called?”

 

Jack’s frown deepened, and uncertainty flickered in her eyes. Lena was sure that he had never seen her like this before and was undoubtedly disturbed by the sharp shift in her personality from yesterday to today.

 

“Yeah…?” He coaxed.

 

Lena took a deep breath, before turning to look back out of the window.

 

“It was Kara,” she admitted.

 

“Wasn’t that… wasn’t that the girl you were seeing when you moved to London?” Jack asked. “The one you dropped and then became the number one intern after?

 

Lena closed her eyes, pained by the casual way the words had dropped from Jack’s lips. Life had been so different back then when desperation to be the best she could be clawed at her heart and consumed everything that she was. Working nearly every hour of the day, and when she wasn’t, she was partying with Jack until the crack of dawn.

 

Nothing else had mattered except to be the best she could be, even over Kara.

 

Without realising that the best she could be would always involve Kara. 

 

“The love of my life,” she whispered in reply.

 

Jack left out a tense laugh, it dying quickly as he realised she wasn’t joking.

 

“That’s a little dramatic, don’t you think?” He asked.

 

Lena scoffed, a wave of exhaustion was crashing over her. What could she possibly say to make Jack understand?

 

“We had it all planned out,” she breathed out, turning to look at Jack with saddened eyes. “The whole thing.”

 

The final vestige of the fake life she had been living, and that had taken up so much of her heart slipped away — living nothing behind except empty dreams that would never come to fruition. 

 

“I was going to go to London for a year, beat the crap out of everyone for that top intern spot, then I was going to come back to the States with a resume that would make new employers overlook the Luthor name,” she whispered hollowly. “And then we were going to be together again. Move in together, married… kids…”

 

Jack watched her silently, the confusion slipping from his eyes and being replaced with a soft understanding.

 

“And then?” He asked gently.

 

Lena’s lower lip began to tremble, and she let out a soft sob. She reached up to cover her face, trying to stop herself from breaking down completely and only being bolstered by Jack reaching out to grip her shoulder tightly and squeeze it.

 

“And then I let it all slip through my fingers,” she cried through her fingers, tears slipping down her face. “In place of delusions of grandeur and because I was scared…”

 

She let her hand drop, in place of putting on top of Jack’s and comforting in his quiet presence.

 

“I was scared that she would leave me first… That I had been fooling myself all that time,” she admitted, looking at Jack. “And I was scared at the idea of never achieving anything with my life.”

 

Jack let out a heavy sigh at her words, dropping his hand and stepping back from her. He turned and walked away, leaving Lena to stand alone and stare after him with a saddened heart. 

 

“But I forgot that Kara letting me love her, and her loving me, would be one of the greatest achievements of my life,” Lena finished gently.

 

Jack stood with his back to her, shaking his head slightly.

 

“You’d give up everything we’ve built for that?”

 

Lena let out a breath, knowing that Jack finally understood exactly what she was doing here and why.

 

“What have I built here, Jack?” Lena asked, stepping forward a few steps. “I’m an attack dog. A very well paid attack dog. But I don’t do anything real.”

 

Jack turned and gave her an aghast look, but Lena refused to let the man cut in on her words. Stepping further forward, Lena gave him a gentle smile.

 

“I’m the soundest scientific mind in this place, and you know it… so why the hell am I working in M and A?”

 

Jack frowned, but Lena just shrugged.

 

“There’s nothing else in my life, Jack. Nothing,” she admitted bluntly, disgusted with herself. “When did I decide that having it all, meant not fighting for the things my heart wants most? I can be so much more than this…” 

 

Jack let out a heavy sigh and stepped forward.

 

“Listen to me, Lena,” he began forcefully. “We all have times like this. You’ve been under a lot of stress-

 

Lena laughed slightly, shaking her head and cutting off his words.

 

“Jack, it isn’t that.”

 

The man stared at her, eyes taking her in for a few seconds as if testing her for honesty. It didn’t take long for his entire body to relax. Walking forward once more, until he was only a foot away, the taller man smiled gently down at her and arched an eyebrow with amusement.

 

“Is this your way of telling me that I’ll have to be the one to fly out to Aspen and talk to Queen?” 

 

Lena felt her heart soften for her oldest friend, and for the first time since she had returned to her old life she was truly grateful to have Jack back in it.

 

Reaching out, she cupped the side of his cheek and smiled at him with watery eyes.

 

“You’re my dearest friends, Jack,” she whispered gently.  
And I love you… but it’s time for me to find my footing again and figure out who I want to be.”

 

Jack nodded, before pulling her into a tight hug.

 

“Whatever you do or end up,” he whispered into her ear. “Just know you’ll always have a friend in me and a home here if you want it.”

 

He pulled away, staring down at her fondly. 

 

“And you call me… whatever you need.”

 

Lena felt her heart start to glow, ever so softly.

 

“Thank you.”

 

 

=================

 

Lena was sitting in a mess on the middle of the floor, a beer sitting next to her half drunk while the contents of the box that Kara had returned to her were scattered around her. A scratchy Amy Winehouse CDplayed out over the sound system, the song “Back in Black,” crooning and filling the room. Lena removed a worn leather jacket from the box, and she felt the soft material with a smile. She was remembering when she had gone through her grunge phase, Kara insisting on encouraging it to the best of her ability. Next, she pulled out a “Kerry for President” button, making her laugh at the memory of Kara dragging her to that 2004 rally only for them to run out of gas on the way back. A couple of Coldplay concert ticket stubs fell out next, more memories of Kara were hitting her full in the chest. 

 

Lena took a swig of her beer, before pulling on the leather jacket on, and stuck the Kerry button on the lapel. She dug back into the box once more, pausing as her fingers brushed over the messy, dog-eared copy of “1984”. It wasn’t the one that Kara had giving her at the airport, all those years ago. This was the one she replaced.

 

The one that Lena had found the return ticket stub back to National City, back to Kara, in. Lena looked at it for a moment, lost in her sadness once more before she gently lifted it out of the box and opened it with shaking fingers. A string of photo booth pictures of them together falling out.

 

Lena picked them up gently, staring down at their younger faces and felt a rush of love fill her heart at the silly faces they were pulling and making, all until the last frame where they were making out so violently both of their heads looked blurred in the shot. 

 

Lena let out a groan at that, attempting to squish the spark of love deep down in her chest where it belonged and should stay forever. Kara was leaving, she was getting on a plane, and the only right that Lena had left anymore was to sit and wallow in the box of memories she had given back to her.

 

There was no second chance, here. There was no magical solution to this problem. Lena scowled suddenly, before throwing the book violently across the room and folding her legs up so she could brace her head in her hands and let out a shuddering breath.

 

Life wasn’t meant to be this complicated for her. A series of unfortunate events that led to more unfortunate events that Lena created, only to cover up with her attempts to shovel money and power in its place. 

 

Lena wished things could be easier; she wished that life was simpler. She wished things were the way they had been yesterday, even if they hadn’t been real. 

 

Lena let out a shuddering breath, her eyes drifting back to the box beside her and she frowned. In the bottom of the box, the final item was an old VHS tape. Lena reached in picked up the recording, reading the scrawled label on top.

 

“Lena’s First Night,” Lena read out loud, frowning with confusion before a lingering memory of recognition rang through her mind. 

 

The first day after Lena had final succumbed to Kara’s pleading, her girlfriend having yelled at her loudly about living in her car, and moved in with the other woman temporarily to bridge the gap between the next month before Lena would move to London.

 

Lena lurched to her feet unsteadily, before running to a nearby closet and tearing through it until she pulled out an old video player. Rushing to plug it into her TV, swearing violently multiple times as she spent nearly fifteen minutes attaching various cables just so she could attach it and let the old, grainy image fill the screen as she inserted the tape.

 

Lena let out a laugh, taking in the sight of Kara on the screen. Dressed just who she used to. Looking like she had just rolled out of bed and thrown on whatever she could find on the floor, long hair curly and sans glasses on her face. And Lena was there too, looking infinitely sadder and happier then Lena remembered. She was taking in her youthful face, happily accepting the glass of red wine that Kara had poured for her.

 

The pair both drank, clinking their glasses, before turning their faces toward the busted up stove that used to sit in Kara’s old apartment. Kara pulled forward a bowl full of batter, gently ladling some into a pan.  


“So this… is how you cook the perfect pancake,” Kara said happily, looking over her shoulder to make sure Lena was watching.

 

Lena in the video nodded seriously, before letting a giggle. 

 

“There’s such a thing as a perfect pancake?” She questioned, before nodding in the direction of the camera. “And we need to record it?

 

Kara gave her an affronted look.

 

“Of course there is! How can you even say that!?”

 

Lena raised her hand in surrender, laughing as Kara gave her a playful push. 

 

“Ok, ok… I’m just saying…”

 

Kara rolled her eyes, turning back to the pan and flipping the pancake gently.

 

“Well, I’m just saying,” Kara replied softly. "One day you’re going to be the one making these… maybe for our kids… and you’ll want to be able to do it perfectly.”

 

The Lena in the video eyed Kara carefully, watching her cook, before taking a deep sip of her wineglass.

 

“I’m pretty sure I’m never going to be a cook, Kara,” she muttered, before reaching over to dip her finger in the batter to taste it. “Mind you; I never thought I’d be broke and penniless.”

 

Kara dropped the cooked pancake on a plate, before turning to look down at Lena with a gentle expression. 

 

“Ah, but you’re rich in other things, aren’t you?”

 

Video Lena nodded, reaching up to tuck some of Kara’s stray hair being her ear while staring softly into her eyes. 

 

“Yeah,” she whispered out. “Rich in love…”

 

Kara smiled at her, a goofy grin that reeked every inch of her younger age. Gently, she wrapped her arms around Lena’s neck, pushing herself close so they could sway slightly on their feet.

 

“This is nice though, isn’t it?” She whispered. “Just you and me…” together.

 

Video Lena breathed out gently, before stretching slightly to press a gentle kiss to Kara’s lips. 

 

“I love you,” she replied once they broke apart. “I do.” 

 

Kara bit her lip, hesitating before she spoke again.

 

“Then maybe we could think about… I don’t know,” she swayed them together. “Looking for a bigger place together then?”

 

Video Lena out a heavy sigh, pushing out of Kara’s arms so she could take a step back. 

 

“Kara, we discussed this,” she answered blithely. “I’m grateful for you letting me stay with you but you know I’m going to take that internship in London.”

 

A small silence stretched between them, and video Lena let out another heavy breath as she watched Kara’s eyes drop to the floor.

 

“We have a plan, remember?” Lena insisted.

 

Kara mulled the words over for a few seconds, before looking back up and smiling.

 

“I know. It’s just… a year is such a long time, and I just can’t wait to start my life with you,” Kara replied, reaching out to touch Lena’s shoulder lightly. “You know… together.” 

 

Video Lena smiled at Kara’s words, reaching out to rub a gentle thumb over the other woman’s pout.

 

“Aww, babe,” she teased gently. “Don’t be like that. We’re endgame. Forever and ever.”

 

Kara rolled her eyes, but a sincere smile grew across her face at Lena’s words.

 

“You promise?” She asked gently, and the edge of uncertainty in her voice.

 

Video Lena’s smile grew soft, love flooding her face as she reached forward to take Kara’s hand in her own and gave it a gentle squeeze.

 

“When I get off that plane, coming back to find you standing there, I’m never going to let you go,” She insisted firmly, total certainty and focus in her voice. “You’re the one, babe. And I’ll always fight for you.”

 

Kara smiled wide once more, reaching out when suddenly the tape ran off into static and left the very real Lena staring into a black screen with hard tears running down her face. 

 

Lena had achieved a lot in her life; she knew that without a doubt. Not everything that she was necessarily proud of, but the achievements was still there. But Adam’s words from earlier in the day rang through her mind as she thought about the younger version of herself that she had just watched. A person that was starting from rock bottom, with nothing to hold onto except for a dream. 

 

And that dream had included Kara.

 

Lena wasn’t a great person. Some days, she wondered if she was even a good one, but she knew in her heart of hearts that what she wanted from life wasn’t some grand thing that she would never be able to experience. 

 

Lena began to feel her heart flood with feelings, everything that had been slipping away from her for the second time in her life, returned once more ten fold. Lena got up in a rush, running to the safe in her closet. She pushed past the clothes and boxes she had stacked there, throwing them away haphazardly and pressing her hand the scanner. It opened with a hiss, and Lena stared inside before determination filed her, and she reached in.

 

 

 

 

===================

 

Lena’s heart was pounding in her chest harder than it ever had before. She was in her Ferrari, racing down the highway at 120 mph, blowing past other cars dangerously as she dodged fast through the traffic. She looked at the clock, it read “8:35” and made Lena scowled. She opened up the throttle.

 

Minutes later, Lena’s car raced up to the United terminal at NAX and screeched to a halt in the drop off zone. She jumped out of the car, slamming the door behind her as she rushed towards the sliding doors. An airport security guard spotting her in her rush.

 

“Hey, you can’t leave that there!” The woman shouted. “It’s gonna be towed!”

 

Lena ran past her and into the terminal, ignoring the guard and looking up at the board. Lena noted with relief that the United flight to Paris wasn’t even boarding yet and prayed that Kara hadn’t made it through customs yet as Lena began to sprint toward the entrance gate and got there, shuddering to a stop as she stared through the crowd desperately. Lena’s eyes scanned faster and faster, her heart almost lurching when she finally spotted Kara near the front of the line, about to hand her ticket to the attendant.

 

Lena began to push past the massing crowd, through the throng of people, drawing some annoyed stares, and finally made her way over to Kara.

 

“Kara!” Lena called out, shouting over heads.

 

The back of the other woman’s head jolted slightly, turning as if she had heard something.

 

“KARA!” Lena showed once more.

 

Kara turned at that and saw Lena, and flood of relief filling the brunette’s chest even as the blonde stared at her with severe confusion and disbelief.

 

“I need to talk to you!” Lena shouted again, pushing roughly through a small pack of complaining people.

 

Kara gave her an incredulous look before it morphed into one of anger.

 

“Jesus, Lena…"

 

“Don’t get on that plane, please… not yet!” Lena shouted desperately, nearly falling over her feet as she stepped closer.

 

Kara let out a heavy groan.

“Lena-“

 

She cut her off quickly, desperate for the words she needed to be released from her heart to be said finally.

 

“Please,” Lena begged. “Let’s just go have a cup of coffee. That’s all I’m asking for. I’m sure there’s another flight to Paris tonight.”

 

Lena bit her lip, throwing caution to the wind as she tapped her chest.

 

“I’ll pay for it!” She shouted. “I’ll pay for the whole thing. I just need to talk to you now.”

 

Lena’s breath began to grow heavier as Kara continued to stare at her with a sharp expression.

 

“Or take the plane!” Lena shouted once more. “But let me come with you.”

 

Lena knew she sounded mad. She knew she must look like a lunatic, but everything was screaming at her that this is where she needed to be and was what she needed to do.

 

She couldn’t lose Kara… not again. Not without fighting for her.

 

Kara let out a harsh snort, sending Lena’s heart plummeting, but instead of turning away she began to push through the crowd herself and walk towards Lena. It was only once she was standing in front of Lena that the other woman realised the cold front from earlier in the day had dropped completely from her eyes in favour of raw and pained anger.

 

“What do you want from me?” Kara demanded furiously. “You want me to tell you everything that happened was okay?”

 

Lena just stood there, unsure and lost for words as the full heat of Kara’s words hit her. Suddenly, some of the fury dropped from Kara’s eyes as she took in Lena’s genuinely despondent look with confusion. 

 

“Well, it is,” Kara replied, the strength vanishing as she retreated once more into the cold indifference of before. “Yes, I was heartbroken … You broke up with me over to phone while you were in London… But I got over it. I moved on. I have a career, and I have two kids, Lena.”

 

Lena felt her mouth drop slightly, total loss striking her once more like the full stupidity of what she was doing hit her over the head once more. 

 

“People change, Lena,” Kara continued softly, more to herself than to Lena now it seemed. “I changed. I don’t know why you suddenly feel the need to revisit that time in our lives, but I assure you, it’s over…"

 

Kara turned at that, her back to Lena and left her standing there. Lena watching, rooted to the spot as she realised how completely right Kara was. 

 

It was over; everything that she was still clinging to was just a fantastical dream. She watched as Kara reached the podium once more, handing her ticket to the TSA agent for inspection.

 

“Kara, please-“

 

At her weak words, Kara turned back sharply and finally let out a rage-filled shout, tears swimming in the corners of her eyes. 

 

“Lena, no. I get my turn, ok?” She demanded painfully, several onlookers now looking back and forth between the pair. 

 

“This is my life!” Kara continued sharply. “You can’t just come into my life and play around with my heart again. Not when I’m on the verge of achieving something real… for my family and myself. Move on.”

 

She shook her head, before looking away, then back once more and continuing hoarsely.

 

“Move on.”

 

Lena stood stock still, her head tilting to turn away at the flood of embarrassment and shame filled her heart. The pain from Kara’s voice was making her want to crawl into a hole and die.

 

And yet…

 

“I made a promise.”

 

Kara hesitated, her feet stopping where they stood, and Lena took that as a sign to continue.

  
“I made a promise that I would come back to you,” Lena breathed out, aware of the eyes that were watching her from the crowd, drawn in by the drama. “I had a plan to come back to you. But I got scared. I was afraid of you rejecting me, so I did it first. And it was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done. And I have no right to-

 

Kara looked back over her shoulder, cutting her off.

 

  
That’s true; you have no right. None,” she said brokenly, before looking forward once more. “I’ve got to go.”

 

Lena felt like time was stopping. Everything moving slower and faster all at once as her heart pounded in her ears. What could she possibly say that Kara would want to listen too? And then, like a bolt of lightning, a sudden determination filled her as she realised the answer.

 

“We have a house in Midvale!” She shouted out.

 

Kara turned to her with a look that could kill.

 

“Don’t do this, Lena…” She said warningly.

 

But Lena didn’t care. Not this time. She needed Lena to understand.

 

“And we do have two kids, Lori and Connor…"

 

Lena hesitated, but a renewed bolt of strength shot through her as Kara continued to look at her, half-mortified and half-interested.

 

Lena took a deep breath, allowing the flood of memories she had gained from the glimpse to fill her hear as a soft smile crossed her face.

 

“...Lori’s not much of a violin player, but she tries really hard,” she said with a soft laugh, taking in the sight of interest in Kara’s eyes and pressing forward with her words. 

 

“She’s a little precocious, but that’s only because she says what’s on her mind,” Lena continued, her voice cracking slightly as the vision of Lori looking up at her and laughing filled her mind. “And when she smiles…”

 

Lena shook her head, remembering and fighting back the tears. Her family and her life, the one she wanted to have and was fighting with her last breath to keep filled her mind.

 

“And Connor...he has your eyes,” Lena continued, summoning her strength and almost hearing the sound of the boy’s first whispered word to her spoken in the dark of the night. “He doesn’t say much, but we know he’s smart…”

 

Lost in the memory, Lena stepped her hand in the air as if to paint the picture.

 

“...he’s always got his eyes open,” she continued. “He’s always watching us...sometimes you can look at him and just know that he’s learning something new...it’s like witnessing a miracle.”

 

Lena paused, taking in the shift in Kara’s expression and praying to God that she didn’t assume she was a stalker somehow. But Kara’s expression had shifted from annoyance to curiosity. Even taking half a step forward.

 

“The house is a mess, but it’s ours,” Lena continued with a chuckle. “Well, after a hundred twenty-two more payments it will be.”

 

Lena began walking slowly towards Kara, the world of the airport going on around her but Lena not caring as her eyes remind fixed on the other woman’s beautiful face.

 

“And you...you’re a community journalist,” Lena continued, happiness leaking in her voice as she continued to take slow steps forward. “You write for the Midvale Paper, and you have to edit your own stories.”

 

Lena let out a laugh at Kara’s raised eyebrow.

 

“You write about cats climbing trees and the end of year game at the high school!” She exclaimed. “It’s grassroots journalism,but that doesn’t seem to bother you… And I work for your Dad at the tyre store. It’s not what we saw for ourselves, but we love it because we love our life and each other.”

 

Kara raised an eyebrow. As if it was something she’s thought about. Lena got closer and closer, taking in Kara’s spellbound now eyes and Lena could tell she was imagining the picture Lena was painting. Lena felt her heart soar slightly.

 

“...I sing to you...not all the time but definitely on special occasions,” Lena continued, her mind pulling for all the random and essential things that had stuck to her like glue as she tried to explain the life she was feeling in her heart. 

 

“I take the kids to the things they need to do,” she explained. “I help Lori with her science, and I read books to Connor at night that are nowhere near age appropriate.”

 

Kara’s mouth quirked upwards, and Lena took another step forward.

 

“And we have this extended family that is just a mess,” Lena explained, waving her hand dramatically. “You talk to your sister every night because you just love each other so fucking much and you tell each other everything.”

 

Kara smiled to herself and Lena could feel the hope growing once more.

 

“And Maggie and I have beers on the cliff every week because that has become our thing,” she continued. “And you dad just adores me… I don’t know why, but he does. He singlehandedly organised the PRIDE festival in Midvale which consisted of two floats and four families, ours being the largest.” 

 

Lena walked into a piece of carry-on luggage sitting by a row of passengers and turned off hand to the man who owned it.

 

“Excuse me,” she whispered, before looking back at Kara afraid she would vanish.

 

“We made a lot of sacrifices,” Lena explained. “Dealt with our share of surprises, but we stayed together.”

 

Lena was nearly there, and she breathed out softly. Whatever Kara was feeling, if she wanted to flee or launch herself into Lena’s arms, she still hadn’t gotten on the plane.

 

“You see, you’re a better person than I am,” Lena admitted gently, one final step putting her within a foot of Kara as they stared at each other.

 

“And it made me a better person to be around you.”

 

Kara was perfectly still, Lena praying her words were echoing in her ears. With a soft breath, Lena tried to release all the hope and fear in her chest in favour of just feeling the love she had never stopped carrying in her heart for the woman in front of her.

 

“Maybe it was all a dream,” Lena whispered, her eyes tracing Kara’s face and absorbing every angle and line. “Maybe I went to bed one lonely night in December and imagined it all. But I swear, nothing’s ever felt more real to me.”

 

She was right in front of her. Kara couldn’t take her eyes off Lena.

 

“And if you get on that plane right now,” Lena continued. "And leave me here; it’ll disappear forever.” 

 

There was silence. As if Lena and Kara were in their little world, airport business just going on around them.

 

“I know we can both go on with our lives,” Lena admitted gently. “And we’d both be fine. And I know that you have a whole new life waiting for you, and your family that you have to put first, but I just want this one cup of coffee. Because I’ve seen what we can be like together...And I choose us.”

 

Lena’s words resonate in her ears. And she gently touched a hand to Kara’s arm.

 

"Please, Kara, one cup of coffee. You can always go to Paris. Just please.”

 

Kara stared down at her, her face and eyes warring with a sea of emotions.

 

“You broke me,” she whispered in a cracked voice. “You broke me hard.”

 

Lena dropped her hand,  her heart filled with sorrow at the pain in Kara’s voice.

 

"Why are you here?”

 

Lena let out a long breath and smiled.

 

“For the same reason I’m willing to follow you to Paris,” she admitted with a shrug. “You deserve someone, who thinks you hung the moon and the stars. You deserve someone who knows that waking up with you is the greatest thing they can experience.”

 

Lena took a deep breath, before contouring confidently.

 

“And I’m telling you that I’m here, that I’m an option to be that person.

 

Kara watched her closely.

 

“You don’t know me anymore.”

 

Lena laughed, exhaustion dripping from her voice.  


“I know everything about you,” she answered clearly. “I know that you sing so beautifully, and yet for some reason you only ever do it in the shower.”

 

Kara’s eyebrow twitched at that, and Lena pressed forward with her words.

 

“I know that when you write a grocery list, you put hearts over the ‘I’s,” Lena continued. “I know that when you see a shooting star, I know that when you see a shooting star, you cross your fingers on both hands, squinch up your nose, and you make a wish. I know that you don't like the covers wrapped around your feet, and I know that you sleep better with someone next to you because every time you close your eyes you're afraid you're gonna wake up as alone as the morning after you lost your parents.”

 

Kara looked down at her, emotion flooding her face as Lena’s voice softened.

 

“But, most importantly, Kara, I know without a shadow of a doubt that you are the greatest, kindest, most gentle woman alive… and if you give me a chance… just one chance,” she whispered out. “I’m going to spend the rest of my life treating you with nothing but the utmost respect, love and devotion you deserve.”

 

Lena pressed a hand over her own heart, meaning every word with utmost sincerity.

 

“And it’s not enough to make up for the pain and heartache I’ve caused you, nothing will ever be enough to do that,” she admitted. “And if you have to get on that plane right now, I understand. I’ll always understand. Because there’s nothing I want more than for you to be happy.”

 

Kara stared at her, newfound wonder clashing and mixing with the disbelief in her eyes.

 

“What about your job, your career?” She questioned. “Everything that made you… Everything that you wanted?”

 

Lena let out a breath, but Kara continued to speak. Defensiveness clouding her voice.

 

“Me and my kids… Lena was not a second choice,” she said firmly. “We never will be.”

 

Lena reached out to reassure her, but Kara pulled back.

 

"What you know now is a bunch of clouded romantic nonsense,” she said bitterly, all the wonder dropping from her voice as she shook her head at Lena. “I don’t know what's going on with your job, or if you’re afraid you’ll lose it all again… but we are not plan B. You just want a pillar, the person to lean on because things are falling apart? I won’t be that person, Lena.”

 

Lena relished in her strength, but she rushed to dispute her. The vulnerability in Kara’s eye still existing behind the walls.

 

“You’re not my fallback plan, Kara. How could you possibly be?” Lena asked. “I’m not here because of my work, or my job. Admittedly, I don’t currently have a job…”

 

Kara gave her a sharp look, but Lena waved it away.

 

“But that’s beside the point,” she rushed to continue. “You’re the only thing that I know for certain. If I could rewind time, and never step on that plane, I would. But right now I’ll settle for following you.”

Lena felt the last of her fire slip from her heart, and she just shrugged gently.

  
“I’ll follow you anywhere,” she admitted. “Kara, you’re the one.”

 

Kara stood there, frozen, staring into Lena’s eyes, searching for the answer. And Lena suddenly reached into her bag and brought out the old walkman she had kept for thirteen years in her safe, handing it over to her with trembling fingers. 

 

Kara let out a gasp, taking it gently.

 

“You… you still have this?” She asked quietly, disbelieving her own eyes.

 

Lena smiled and nodded.

 

“Of course… every song reminded me of you in a different way… I couldn’t forget… I could never forget you.”

 

Lena swallowed sharply, looking back up into Kara’s now intense eyes.

 

“If I gotta move to Paris, or London or anywhere I will. I will for you, because…”

 

Kara let out a breath.

 

“Because what?”

  
Everything slipped away, leaving only Kara in her eyes.

 

“Because I love you,” Lena answered. “And that’s more important to me than my address.”

 

Kara stared at her for a few seconds, eyes searching, before she looked over her shoulder. Looked at the young man standing just a few feet behind him inspecting tickets. Silence fell all around Lena, even in the loud and crowded airport as she waited for Kara’s answer. Only a few seconds ticked by, the longest few seconds of Lena’s life, before Kara looked back at her again, her face bright. Her mind made up. The air in Lena’s lungs was unmoving as she waited. Waited and hoped.

 

“I have to get on this flight, Lena.”

 

Lena tries her best not to let the heartbreak show. This was, after all, Kara’s decision, and she was already well aware that Kara owed her nothing. That didn’t stop the way her face crumpled. Or stop the quiver to her lip when she tried to nod her head in understanding… or the tears that filled her eyes.

 

 

“Ok,” she breathed out, turning to walk away. “I understand…”

 

A hand suddenly caught her elbow, stopping her and making her look back around to Kara who was staring at her with flashing eyes.

 

“Come with me,” Kara suddenly breathed out, looking panicked.” I know that’s a ridiculous thing to ask. I mean, for god’s sake I don’t even know why I just suggested that-

 

Lena cut her off, whipping out her cell phone and she pressed a button to call someone. She was watching as Kara gave her a profoundly offended look.

 

“If you’re just going to be on the phone-“

 

A deep man’s voice answered.

 

“Hello?

 

“Jack,” Lena bit out, a wide smile on her face as her eyes stayed locked on Kara’s. “I need your plane. Tonight. I’m going to Paris. Can you ask Jess to bring my passport to the airport.”

 

Before the man could even reply, Lena hung up the phone with a broad smile and stepped forward.

 

“I know a great place, right by the Seine-“

 

Kara cut her off.

 

“It’s just for coffee,” she insisted. “And for reasons, I can’t quite understand my kids really seem to like you.

 

Lena felt her heart pound with happiness, and she nodded.

 

“Ok,” she replied. “I’ll take that.”

 

Kara stared at her for a few seconds, before grabbing her carry on and walking away from the line and toward a set of chairs.

 

“And I’m getting on that plane with you…. Cat Grant didn’t pop for First Class.”

 

Lena smiled as she sat down primly, taking a seat beside her.

 

“Ok.”

 

Lena’s leg bounced nervously as she sat on the hard excuse for a seat the airport waiting terminal had to offer. In her line of sight, the slow crawl of people entering through the security doors and onto customs moved slightly. Mothers hugged their daughters' goodbye and businessmen in expensive suits strolled through with all the ease that comes from repeated air travel. Once upon a time, Lena never would have imagined herself here, but it brought her right back to another time as Kara and her sat in awkward silence. So much they needed to say, even as Lena’s head reeled from it all.

 

“This doesn’t mean that we’re in a relationship,” Kara blurted out suddenly, drawing Lena’s attention. “This is just me… inviting you to come to Paris… Just for a little while… Which I realise sounds completely insane-“

 

Lena cut her off quickly before she changed her mind.

 

“I understand.”

 

Kara bit her lower lip, still seeming uncertain.

 

“And I don’t want to mislead you into thinking that this will last longer than the week it takes me to settle in,” she continued. “And I don’t want you just randomly living with me or anything.” 

 

Lena smiled and nodded.

 

“It’s ok… I have a place in Paris.”

 

Kara let out an annoyed breath.

 

“Of course you do.”

 

Lena watched her for a few seconds, wondering quietly, before she spoke.

 

“You know… I’d be happy to look after the kids when you’re at work,” she rushed out. “If you want me too, that is. Whatever you need.”

 

Kara looked at her tightly, before nodded slowly.

 

“Thank you…. I’ll think about it.”

 

There was a short pause between them.

 

“And you’re not going to do anything ridiculous, like buy me the Louvre or something,” Kara said flatly.

 

Lena shook her head.

 

“Nope,” she replied, giving Kara a side-eyed look.

 

Kara watched her seriously, a short pause once more.

 

“Tell me more about this… other life,” she asked gently.

 

It surprised Lena, and she looked at Kara, searching in her eyes, before smiling. 

 

“We spend a lot of time with your family,” she began. “Like a ridiculous amount of time. Course, we don’t seem to mind it that much because they’re so awesome. That and the free babysitting. So much free babysitting.”

 

Kara let out a laugh at that, as if she could imagine it too. And Lena just sat and drank her in. Taking in the awe that was Kara in every life, in every version of herself.

 

“And we’re in love,” Lena said quietly. “After thirteen years of marriage, we’re still unbelievably in love…”

 

She chuckled to herself.

 

“You won’t even let me touch you until I’ve said it…”

 

Kara watched her as she spoke, a storm in her eyes before suddenly they widened and she took in a sharp breath. Reaching out, she suddenly gripped a surprised Lena’s hand tightly.

 

"Tell me about the observatory.”

 

Lena’s heart stopped, her eyes staring into Kara’s frantically.

 

“I’m sorry?” She breathed out.

 

Kara observed her.

 

“Tell me about the observatory,” she insisted. “The one we were going to buy together. The company you were about to start. Tell me about that.”

 

Lena let out a breathless laugh. 

 

“Kara-“

 

Kara cut her off, her eyes darting side to side as if she had just been flooded with memory.

 

“Tell me about that night in the city,” she demanded. “The one were you wore that dress I bought. About you choosing a life in Midvale…. with me and the kids. Tell me about drinking with Maggie, and bowling and that goddamn Christmas party that made me hate Imra Daxam even more then I could have thought possible.” 

 

Lena felt tears fill her eyes.

 

“Kara-“

 

Kara gave her a baffled look, full of hope and wonder and deep, profound love that Lena had feared might be lost to them forever.

 

“Tell me how I could know all that?”

 

Lena looked up, reaching out to trace Kara’s cheek as her eyes took her in, full of wonder. She opened her mouth when suddenly her gaze drifted. Towards a man standing by the book rack in the duty-free shop before the customs gate, studiously trying to decide between two, probably overpriced, books in his hands. As if sensing Lena’s eyes, he looked up, and Lena struggled to contain as a gasp.

 

Adam smiled, waving a hand.

 

Lena looked back at Kara who was still staring at her as is she couldn’t possibly exist.

 

“Do you ever wake up and ask yourself what if?” Lena asked.

 

Kara’s mouth opened and shut rapidly.

 

“This can’t be real,” she whispered out. “These memories in my mind."

 

Lena thought to herself for a minute, before replying with a smile.

 

“Does it matter if they’re real?” She asked. “How do they make you feel?”

 

Kara blinked slowly.

 

“They make me feel…”

 

Her voice trailed, and Lena smiled.

 

“You know what’s great about this life?” Lena asked her.

 

Kara tilted her head.

 

“What?”

 

Lena leaned forward, noting the Adam had vanished from the corner of her eye.

 

“I love you,” Lena breathed out truthfully. “And that’s definitely real.”

 

Kara let out a breath.

 

“I love you too.”

 

She looked sharply at Lena and leaned over to kiss her passionately. It took the brunette by surprise, but she was drawn into it like a starving man to food, only realised she needed to breathe once Kara broke it off. The blonde kept their foreheads pressed together, one of her hands curling up next to Lena’s cheek, tracing her ear and tucking her hair gently behind it.

 

“How is it you always manage to do that?” Kara asked breathlessly.

 

Lena felt her heart beat gently in her chest and she let out a laugh.

 

“I have my moments.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ONE MORE TO GOOOOOO!!!!!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed! Let me know in the comments below, subscribe, kudos or follow me on Tumblr @assumingminds19


	14. Fade Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final little chapter, for your reading pleasure :)
> 
> Here's the playlist I listen too when I'm writing this fic :)
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1oWPq9UfepOIkqpbT1BKAO

Kara let out a soft breath, the corner of her mouth quirking upwards as her eyes tracked the movement of her daughter playing in the quiet surf of the water. 

 

Well over a year in Paris had taught her a lot about herself, about what she was capable of achieving. But she would be lying if she said she would be as successful in her work with Lena steadfastly by her side. For all the other woman tried to explain, Kara didn’t think she would ever fully be able to understand why her brain seemed to have suddenly snapped forward to accept a series of memories of another life with Lena, that she knew for a fact never occurred. But oddly, she found herself taking it all in with relative ease. 

 

It certainly explained why when Alex turned up a week after her arrival in Paris, her sister almost having a fit when Lena had answered the door, Lori had launched herself into Lena’s arms and proceeded to babble endlessly about aliens and abductions with enough ease and familiarity for Kara to totally accept that she wasn’t going mad, and that there was indeed another version of her life where Lena had come back to her from London.

 

But still, despite all the flood of happiness and warmth towards Lena that came with the snap of memory, as Kara called it, there was still left in her mind the harsh reality of the fact that Lena hadn’t really been a part of her or her children’s lives for thirteen years. Years where Kara and learned to stand on her own, strong and firm, without needing anyone else to prop her tall. And Kara would be lying if she said that fear didn’t sit in her heart, a small flash of panic, every time that she woke up in the morning and a part of her feared that Lena would have walked out of her life once more. 

 

But there was something inexplicably different too, something that could maybe be attributed to leakage from the other life, but Lena had changed also. Even from the woman she remembered years ago. She was different than before, no longer hung up and strung along by the burden of a family name. She seemed, softer… calmer. No less intelligent, or ambitious, but it was if her heart and priorities had shifted. 

 

Kara saw it every day with her. The other woman helping her unpack, even offering to stock her fridge, all on mechanical domesticity that both unreversed Kara and charmed her. The first week alone in Paris, turning up to Kara’s apartment every day, Lena managed charm Kara enough to feel her boundaries relax. 

 

Enough indeed to allow Lena to look after her children while she was at work.

 

And Kara hadn’t realised it, but there was something infinitely relaxing about having a person in her life that she felt no guilt about asking for assistance. To rely on, and lean on. And Lena indeed was a marvel, the kids accepting her presence and authority without any difficulty.

 

Of course, the first time Kara had heard Lori call Lena her 'Mom' she nearly jumped out of her skin. Not helped at all by the fact it was Alex’s last night in Paris with them, having spent the whole week she stayed glaring moodily at Lena and giving her various shovel talks, staring at Kara like she was crazy for inviting Lena back into her life, and trying to usher the children away from the other woman whenever they naturally fell into her orbit. 

 

Kara knew it was weird, she knew that she would never be able to explain all the things she knew or felt or remembered, but once Alex left it was like she could finally let out a breath. Feeling almost natural as all four of them slipped into a relaxed dynamic once more. 

 

And it wasn’t perfect, and it certainly wasn’t easy. Moments and things that Lena didn’t know because how could she possibly… and moments where Kara felt an irrational swell of protectiveness over Connor and Lori, not wanting to see them hurt. But it just… worked.

 

And Lena was a dream, following every promise she made at the airport to the best of her ability. Being there for Kara, supporting her through her moments, struggles and triumphs. And after well over a year in Paris, Kara was left to wonder what exactly they were doing, living and acting like as a married couple except for that one piece of paper.

 

And so, here they were, standing on a beach in Midvale. Or rather, Kara was. Waiting with Alex as she adjusted her veil, clutching her own bouquet in her hands while they watched Lori and Jamie, both dressed in matching little suits as per their requests, running not quite in the ocean and waiting to be called back.

 

A small bell chimed, signalling the start, and Alex called for the kids to come rushing back. Lori stood in front of Kara, beaming as she accepted the basket of flowers and made her way again over the dune to wear the ceremony was going to start. 

 

And then, it was Kara’s turn, clutching tightly to her father’s arm as he walked them both steadily across the sand and over the slight hill. All the while, Kara’s heart hammered in her chest as they took slow, timed steps to the sound of a single floating cello that Lena insisted they had. 

 

It was only once they had turned over the dune, the aisle lined to the ocean in sight, that Kara felt her whole body relax into euphoria. Because there was Lena, standing at the front of the aisle next to the old officiant with a wobbly Connor by her side and holding his hand. Dressed in a white suit that might have looked gaudy on anyone else, but on Lena made her look like an angel stepped out of heaven. Kara felt the air leave her lungs in a sharp gasp before she all but charged down the aisle so she could take her place by Lena’s side for the rest of her life.

 

The other woman’s eyes were filled with tears watching her, taking her hand with a trembling one of her own and making Kara’s sense of deep love widen even more.

 

“Don’t worry,” Kara whispered under her breath as they both turned to look at the wizened officiant in front of them. “We’ve done this before.”

 

Lena let out a low laugh, squeezing her hand gently.

 

“At least this time I’ll remember it,” she answered quietly.

 

Kara glanced over to her, looking down at their clasped hands, then to both their children, then back to Lena’s face.

 

“In any lifetime, I’d never forget you.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, there you have it. All done and dusted! Hope you all enjoyed reading it as much as I liked writing it :) 
> 
> I'm always writing stuff, and have WIP's going all the time if you like to check them out too. As usual, I'll probably have fifty going at the same time even though I'm supposed to be pairing down...
> 
> Oh well, the written word can't be contained!!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed! Let me know in the comments below, subscribe, kudos or follow me on Tumblr @assumingminds19
> 
> I LOVE HEARING FROM YOU GUYS! So if you're a bit nervous about messaging me, please don't be worried :) I'm always happy and down for a chat.


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